I am an angel,
Floating above the earth high up in the sky
Where no one can see my tears of happiness and grief
Yes, even angels cry

You are a spirit,
With feet stuck in the ground
Your memories latch onto your shoes and they pull you
They pull you down

Once,
My eyes met yours
And it was like a kaleidoscope of everything you’d ever regret
Your brain is an all-out war

I am an angel,
Who came down to save you
I rip your shoes from the concrete
Wanting you to save me too.

I wasn't falling asleep.
My eyes closed must have looked like  it.
I was listening to your voice
Out of pitch, graining against the original voices.

He watches me.
Dark or light.
He stands, he waits.
I feel no fright.
Last night he smiled at me.
I asked him why.
He told me the story of a girl
Who sounded awfully like I.
And still he watches me.
Dark or light.
He stands, he waits.
Eyesight locked tight.
Three years ago i asked him why.
If I ask again now he won't respond.
"Who are you?" I ask.
"Someone worth the bond."
And still he watches me.
Dark or light.
He stands, he waits,
Twelve years ago i asked him why the strange sight.
I grow weaker.
My days are numbered.
He stands.
And he waits.
I close my eyes, and realize our fate.

Love is immortal
Don't say it isn't.

All fear is unbeatable
It'll always be there.

Emotion is eternal
Forever kept.

I withheld my breath as the shameful event appeared in front of me.
3 hearts died, yet their bodies were still standing.
How?
I learned, that one of those hearts had died long before this.
If I'd known, I might have saved him.
But my heart died too.
And unlike the others, my body gave.
Heavy, as it fell.
You can't catch yourself, I learned.

I cried a fearful tear as three hearts died.
Two bodies stood firm.
Their souls left weakened.
One the weakest
Until
His body died too.

Eyes of new and old,
As deep as the sea,
Golden eyes as cold,
As eyes that watch over me.


Meet me there.
Run across the track.
I never watch you leave,
Please, come back.

I thought I was done
But I remember.
Your hand
And his spine
Almost made contact.
I remember why I hate you.

I thought I was done
But no.
Writing it down only resurfaces what happened.
You never hit me.
You never would.

But it's them you hurt
And for that you are done.
No longer mine
No longer theirs.

I remember why I hate you.

I thought I was done
But I remember.

Back and forth
She's back and forth
Never knowing which side to use
Today she's white
Tomorrow she's black
Her mind is indecisive
Like a pencil with two colors
At the bottom where it's dull edge
Back and forth
Back and forth

I remember, that quiet night.
The trees were dark but the stars lit up the sky.
The lonely sidewalk was lit by the fading street light.
I remember, you asked me to walk out to the deck.
I pulled on a sweater because I was cold.
You met me there, flower in hand.
I remember.
You swept me up and told me you had been waiting.
I said I was sorry.
You kissed me, and I tasted pure love on your lips.
Our movement, like poetry, moved me in a way I hadn't before.
I remember, that dance of joy we shared that night.

I never meant to hurt her.
But I hate to see him shake.
I had never seen him cry.
But her eyes are full of hate.

He writes sorry on his lips.
As I have tears on mine.
I know he is,
But we've all run out of time.

I never meant to hurt her.
But I hate to see him weep
Never again are the bad memories to live
Never are they to keep.

As he resides in his chair,
And I reside in mine.
She holds my hand.
As truth shines.

Always.
Always keeping my head above water.
Always feeling like I'm drowning in a sea of people.
The liberating lighthouse won't shine its light bright enough.
But maybe I just can't see it.
Always and forever.
A phrase once spoken between a flower and a ****.
Promising that they would someday soon become a beautiful bush.
Entwining their stems together knowing they both came from different roots.
It wouldn't be love they thought if they had it another way.
But weeds are already dead, and have been.
All ways.
All the ways it could have happened would have turned out the same way.
All the ways I tried I was constantly proving that I was somehow better.
I was somehow different that made me alien.
Always keeping my head above water.
Always.

You struggle so much just to talk to me. because you don't want to make me mad or upset by just disappearing. You get angry with your computer and internet just to talk to me. Or are you angry with the fact that I can't be there? So you struggle. Just for me.

I am nichts, only a memory.

Don't lay me down.
Sleep is not an option.
If you told me to be happy without my pencil,
Don't lay me down to sleep,
Lay me down to die.

I feel like a germ
An infection
A plague.
I feel like an alien
A being
A thing.
I am matter
Air
Space.
I am nothing
Non-existent
A face.

See the sorrow through tired, old eyes
A minute like a century
For I have lived a thousand times
Have died just as plenty

I could sing a song
Would they listen?

I realized something today
After months of figuring
Who am I?
I am me.

And who is me?
Someone to warm your cold hand
Someone to protect your battling soul
Someone to bandage your ****** heart
Someone to trust you when you can't
Someone to sing you asleep
I'll tell you a story of a girl I knew
Who couldn't fix herself quite right

I tried to write you
A simple lullaby
One to put your pain to sleep
One to sever mine
But that's too hard to do
When I can't express
How much I love you
How much I care

I tried to run from
This feeling of ours
I didn't want to know
How well it'd go
How can you love me when I can't
I don't trust myself
But I love myself
Because of you

I tried to write you
A simple lullaby
One to put your pain to sleep
One to sever mine
How can I express
How much I care
When all I have to say is
I'm in love with you

Some kind of broken heart you are
Forcing me to abide by your game
To think it's not cruel when you do the same
All the songs, poems I wrote in your name
I guess they were never engraved in your brain
Some kind of lost soul you are
Believing that we were both in love
I believed too, that we were a dove
Entwined, soaring, up above
Some kind of broken we were
Sang different parts of the same song
And for a while, we got along
Believing our love would never be gone
Believing our love could never be wrong
What kind of damage could we see?
If you were always looking for me
Instead of looking for the key
Some kind of broken, were we

One, She grew up in a nice home.
He grew up on the street.
She ran playfully across her yard.
He ran to get away from the cops.
Two, the night of the school dance her heart got broken.
The night he picked up a gun, his soul was lost.
She swore herself off of men for as long as she lived.
He swore himself off of heartbreak for the moments he had left of his.
Three, Something happened and made him stop for just a moment.
Something made her remember what her mama told her.
"Don't be afraid."
She realized that's what it was.
He noticed that's what it was.
Four, a week before graduation.
She found herself looking at a painting one of her classmates had made and she dreamed about life in the picture.
He walked down the hallway and saw a girl looking at his painting.
Five, It's the day of graduation and she's nervous as hell.
He on the other hand knows he wants to go to art school.
She sits next to a boy waiting for her diploma.
The boy glances at her and notices she was the one who saw his painting in the hallway.
Six, the two had said hello.
Her hands were shaking
His voice stuttered.
But they were both exited to finally meet one another.
"Hello."

Yet again it's that time.
Time to start anew...
Like I've done so many times
I do my best
I get so far
Then have to start over.
Do it all again...
All for her...
All for us...
Yet again it's that time.
Time to start over.
Like my previous achievements
Come down to nothing...
Comes down to you.

I repeat myself.
I write about the same thing,
Over and over.
An event, a person, a feeling.
I need something new.
A new feeling.
Something to forget what happened.
Something to forget me.
I need to be new.
So I don't repeat so much.

I mustn't cry anymore.
It's all happened.
I would love to pretend that I have a shattered heart but I don't
It's only cracked.
I mustn't pine anymore
Pine for you.
As if I needed you to breathe like I am forever underwater
I'm drowning.
I mustn't be sad anymore
You're away.
You're far away but you promise you'll come back
So I'll wait.

They say that the key to finding peace is within yourself.
They say that you can find it in your heart.
But how can you even find your heart underneath all the arrows your brain shoots at it?
Underneath the blood and bone, muscles and skin?
How can you find your heart if it hides behind fear?
Fear is not your friend.
I know, it makes you think it's an ally when really it's trying to break you down,
Snap you like a twig,
So that you will become nothing but small pieces.
Dig deep, friend.
Here is my shovel and here is my shield ready to defend.
The key to finding peace within yourself,
Is to stop, and listen.
Focus on the things you value.

When he said "I love you"
It wasn't as romantic as I hoped.
No teddy bears
No flowers
No poorly cooked dinner to show his effort.
I was riding shotgun.
He had an old car but it still worked fine.
We drove past the gas station nearest to his house
He was looking at his phone but looked up to the street
I love you, he said and smiled
His eyes averted mine
But that smile was romantic enough
Enough that I smiled, and said
*I love you too

We drove around.
With just the sound of the engine.
Sweet serenity.

Why is it so hard?
He wants to be set free.
He feels trapped.
And I,
I hold the key,
To his prison.

Only in his car
Do I feel this way
My future lies before me
Urging me to stay.
Listening to his music
Thinking about my past
Begging for value
Should I go back?

Kept at the bottom of your teeth
Harshly swallowed
I hope my words
Give you a stomachache.

Long ago you told me you might like me
Your fingers caressed my hand like you were afraid to touch fire
Your shoulder brushed mine many times, as if it were the bat signal.
Your smile reached mine as a clear welcome.
Long ago you told me you might like me.
You played songs in the car that I particularly liked.
You allowed me to fall into you
How much would you fall into me?
I laughed at your crazy dance
I sang to your crazy song
I waited for you to realize that my fire doesn't burn
But that was all, long ago.

Can a heart really shatter?
Can you physically drop it and watch it break into a million pieces?
We use hearts as metaphors
We unite the words "heart and soul"
When ancient Egyptians believed any "feeling" belonged to the liver
Because the liver is closer to the hormones

Can a heart really shatter?
Is it that fragile that we have to put a sign spelled out in our eyes that says "handle with care"
A heart is a metaphor for all the years my heart has palpitated
All the times my heart just drops in exhaustion

I can't tell you if a heart really shatters.
But I know what it feels like when it beats so hard and it hurts
It aches
It throbs
It breaks

Somewhere out there there's somebody.
Somewhere out there is another world.
A world where there is a reason to love.
A world where the sun always outlives the dark.
A world where the cold never adds discomfort.
Somewhere out there is a house, three floors and strong.
It has a place for tea and a place for rest.
It adds protection from the fears that come from the other world.
The other world, that uses lies and hatred as a blanket like snow.
Somewhere out there is you and me under an apple tree.
You kiss my life with a single word.
Somewhere out there you look at me with hands full of desire and eyes full of passion.
I can't wait to meet you in that world.

She watched him sleep just for a moment before she turned over in the bed. She noted how peaceful he looked; his eye lids fluttered and his breathing steady. His limp body told her he wasn’t going to wake up soon. So she lay there, contemplating getting up and making the both of them coffee. Her fingers reached up and touched the necklace he had given her. She loved him, but she dare not say it. That was a phrase none of them had uttered to each other before. Even after this past month, she dare not ruin his peace.

She came out at night
Past the pond she'd stir
She fell upon a grave
And prayed it would be her.
But prayer doesn't work for her
For she is still alive
Go home and scar herself
Reminders of time.
She looks at the grave
Time moves slow
But she's dead still, she is sure.
Past the trees she'd stir
She found a new grave
And hoped that it'd be her.

I knew we both hurt but I couldn’t be this way without him.
He gave me the kind of attention that I craved for.
And yet, that was not all he was capable of.

I knew we were both hurt but that didn’t matter.
It was fun to start over, and learn all over again.
I don’t know if that’s how it was for him, but it was for me.

When my skin decays and my blood dries out
You will be the one to bring me back to life
In some other form.

When she told me how she felt,
I felt the same.
I don't know if we'll be friends forever.
But I know because of you I'm not afraid to keep going.
Because of you, I'm not afraid to keep singing to the birds.
Because I know, that when I'm with you,
You'll gladly sing along.

As if a piece of wire,
He had cut me on the finger
His touch had gave me a new pain
One I had never felt.
But when he held me longer
My pain dissipated.
It wasn't pain at all.
It was unknown to me
But it left me in a bliss every time.
Like a piece of wire,
He had straightened me out
But there are always little curves
Unable to ever be fixed.
He molded me
Into a necklace
Into a ring
that said
Forever yours.

They geared up,
And flew away.
They fought.
They fell.
And they'll be remembered.

What if I was beautiful?
The sun would kiss my face
And so would he.
I would be attractive
Like the snow wolf with its blue eyes
Everyone would want to pick me
Like a natural flower growing from the ground.
If I was beautiful
You would want to get to know me.
Are you sure you want to?
If I was beautiful
I would be no different.
Because I am.

She stayed outside with the falling petals.
He stayed in burying himself with a game controller
Years past and the two finally met.
This time, she took him outside with her.
And he discovered how beautiful the world was.

Do you think I'm good at it?
Being myself?
Being the opposite of you?
Do you think I'm good at it?
Managing my life?
Managing you?
Am I at least okay at it?
Letting flowers die?
Loving you?
Is it right for me to say?
That I hate him?
But never you?
Do you think I'm doing well?
Filling the holes
That he left
Is it okay?
To think you'll love me?
Forever kept?

I didn't know.
I didn't know that she believed in God as much as I did.
I didn't see.
I didn't see her gain 150 pounds of pure stress.
I didn't hear.
I didn't hear the doctor talk about her grandfather's new-found Cancer.
I didn't feel.
I didn't feel the pain of losing a brother who was half deaf.
The lump in her throat when she cried every night.
She was battling her demons while I was too busy battling my own.
I didn't know.

She saw shadows when she walked.
They moved underneath the darkness.
She was the only one who saw them.

She heard ringing in her ears.
A monotone an octave higher than the voices around her.
She was the only one who could hear it.

I can't explain it.
I tried.
But he won't listen,
I guess I'll say goodbye.
For now,
For good.
I can't explain it,
Not to  him.
He won't accept my truth,
The truth,
Our wrongs.

She never knew.
She never knew the hand that man touched me with.
She never saw.
She never saw the eyes of my father glistening with alcohol.
She never heard.
She never heard the names my brother would call me when I got home.
She never felt.
She never felt the shattering of my heart.
The thundering pain of a thousand words like bullets through my spine.
The weight of expectations just ready to crush me.
She never knew.