Why am I living a life like I have a dead brother?
Why do I have to live up to the expectations of our mother?
You have no idea how much  love i have for you.
But I hate all the things you choose to do.
In an out of jail like it's a motel.
Drinkin and druggin
Without a care
So hard to bare.
Wheres my brother he's the one I miss.
Deep down in side I know you don't care about any of  this.
At first I thought maybe you were just having a bad day.
But no mom and dad didn't raise you this way.
You continued to do wrong.
Waiting over 10 years for you to change is way too long.
Always saying you wanna die.
Leaving for days without saying goodbye.
Tattoos on your face.
They say youre a disgrace.

No I know my brother is still in there.
But I just don't know where.
Momma's crying
You're always lieing
Why do you live a life this way?
But you been doing this for years so what can I say??
Holding up a sign.
Right on loop 289.
Asking for change
You're so out of my range.
Living life like I never thought you could.
You can change or at least I hoped you would.
I'm trying not to lose hope.
But youre smoking things worse than   dope.
You're trying to **** that kid I once knew.
The one kid that would never think to
My brothers still there but he's not the guy he used to be.
He's nothing  but  a stranger to me.

Panic attacks are like the wind.
You can't see the wind but you can surely feel it.
Panic attacks are like a boomerang.
You throw it away thinking you're fine.  But it comes right back to you.
Panic attacks are like setting off a firework.
You know it's going to go off.  But when it does it scares you.

These chains get heavier and heavier.
They get harder and harder to carry .
As I fall to the ground I cry and cry.
So much pain, so much pain.
A light shines down on me.
So bright it breaks every chain.
That light was Jesus. He broke every chain.

My light
Is no longer bright.
My heart
Has fallen apart.
My mind
Is always on rewind.

Slowly I see the sun go down, and I know what's coming . As I sit at the foot of my bed,  I hold my head.  I scream internally.
"LET ME SLEEP! ""LET ME SLEEP! ""LET ME SLEEP! "  I lie down and close my eyes, trying to sleep.  My mind won't let me,  my mind won't let me.  I try my hardest to not think of anything, but my mind continues running around.  I scream internally again
"LET ME SLEEP! ""LET ME SLEEP! ""LET ME SLEEP! "   But my mind don't let me.

Do you ever feel your silence screaming loudly?
Do you ever feel your heart beating out of your chest?
Do you ever feel your mind take off without you?
Do you ever feel yourself slip away?

I am my own shrink.
Ya i know it might sound a little  crazy,
But some times it helps me think.
Don't think of me as someone lazy,
Because anxiety  is a while lotta  work,
Don't worry  I'm trying.
If you  give me confidence I'll give you a smirk.
It may help me from  feeling like I'm dieing.
Sometimes I feel alone,
But certain things makes me feel alive.
Most of the time I feel like the unknown.
Thank God I have music to survive.

I can't handle my emotion.
With all of this commotion.
Deep inside I wanna hide.
I'm sorry but  I just lied.
You don't have to dig deep.
To see I wanna  weep.

Silence is what screams at me.
Silence is what I've become.
Silence is what I am.
Silence is what ruined me.

You may think I'm  rude.
You may think I'm stuck up.
But deep inside I really want to talk to you.
I might not look like I'm in a good mood.
I'm Just hoping you tell me what's up?
But you don't so you just sit there and judge me like you always do

My imagination leads me far from this world.
My imagination shows me what I need
My imagination shows me what I truly want in my life.
My imagination makes my expectations go through the roof.
I hate my imagination mostly because its imaginary.

I'm just a misfit.
I just don't fit in.
I'm just a outcast.
I'm just missing my past.

I wouldn't be ALIVE if it wasn't for him.
They hung him up on the cross limb by limb.
He DIED for all of my sins.
Now I'm going through life nothing but wins.

It hurts not hearing you call my name anymore.
The day you died I just wondered who is going to call me by that name now?
But when other people call me by that name it hurts and I do not like being called that no longer.
Mostly because I'm your baby doll and nobody else's.

I seen you and your memory of me was no more.
So I just left and cried out the door.
Next time I seen you your body was no more.
So I just left and cried out the door.
I hung your picture up on my wall knowing you will not be there for me no more.
So I just cry on my floor .

Sometimes all I have is silence
Because there is nothing but violence
Sometimes all I have is  tears
Because there so many  fears  
Sometimes all I have is sadness
Because there is so much **madness

You broke my butterfly.
You stole my lullaby.
You stang like a bee.
Do you even want me?
You ripped my soul.
You gave me coal.
You threw my key.
Do you even want me?

What is LOVE?
Is it a noun?
Is it a verb?
Is it just a word?
Is it something you say ?
Is it something you do?
Is it Something you feel?
Do you know what love is?
You can Physically Love someone.
You can mentally Love someone.
Love can mean many things.
But its all up to you on how you want to truly define LOVE.

Memories are wonderful.
but they are also painful.
A time of happiness.
Or a time of sadness.
Memories never die.
They live on forever sometimes making you cry.
Memories leave a scar.
Even if they are so very far.

How am I suppose to live.
If I don't know what to give?

How am I suppose to believe?
If I cannot achieve.

How am I suppose to try?
If all I do is cry.

How am I suppose to go?
If I don't even know.

How am I suppose to be glad?
If all I am is sad.

No more years.
To cry those  tears.
No more beers
To drowned  my Fears.
Its time to kick it into gear.
Now say cheers.
With  your fellow peers.

Living a sheltered life.
Nothing but strife.
Fighting my own war.
Don't know what for.
Feel like I'm drowning.
Tired of frowning.
Scared of the outside.
But all I wanna do is hide.
Don't have a clue.
I just  don't know what to do.

You may not know it all.
But I won't let you fall.
You may not be a ten.
But your beauty comes from within.
You may not be perfect.
But you sure are worth it.

I walk down the broken path.
No shoes and no clue.
My feet get cut as I continue on.
With every step I take I begin to crumble and fall.
I Pick up myself and notice another person beside me falling and crying.
I walk over to him a lend my hand.
He takes it and we hold hands and continue On.
As we approach the gates we look back and see all of what we once were.

I used to look into your eyes and get butterflies.
Now your eyes tell lies.
It's too late you already ran out of tries.
Now I avoid the pain and  hide in my disguise.

I feel the light run through my soul.
I see the light shine as bright as it can be.
The darkness grabbed me and pulled me back and held me down.
I see your light and I stand up and try to touch it.
But the darkness pulls me down and drags me  deeper and deeper.
Then I suddenly see your light slowly fade away.

I close my eyes and listen to your sweet tune. It makes me get lost in my own world.
My body sways like a tree being blown by the wind.
My heart beats fast  like a basketball being dribbled.
Your lyrics touch me deep inside as if I wrote them.
As the song ends I open my eyes and come back to reality. Leaving a place that is truly wonderful Like a dream you do not wanna wake up from.

Purity runs through me.
Modesty covers me.
Morals stay in me.
The world is full of evil and that scares me.
Where are all the good people like me?

Sadness is loud.
I see it Everyday and everywhere.
When I see sadness it hurts me.
It yells into my ears and pulls me by the collar of my shirt.
It tries to drag me down.
As I fall into the pit of sadness I see fake smiles being handed out.
Everyone I see wears a fake smile.
I may have a fake smile that I wear but I slowly crawl and try to find the light in this darkness. Not just for me but for everyone.

I am a snail I like to go slow and stay behind.
I wish I was a video tape so I could hit rewind.
I'm not the person I used to be.
I hate that I feel like it's just me.
I am a turtle and I hide in my shell.
I do not like it when people yell.
I do not like the outside.
I just stay home and say at least I tried?
I am  a rat you may not even know I'm there.
It's okay I know you don't even care.
I know all I do is fear it .
But I haven't lost all of my spirit.