my pull towards you
was instant
and all-encompassing,
as if i'd been
living in darkness
and you were the first
splashes of colour
i'd ever seen.
i wondered how someone
could be so beautiful,
how i could be so lucky
to wake up and see
the ocean
dancing in your eyes.
in those moments i knew
my heart would never
burn for anyone,
the way it ached for you.

you were that laying back
sipping coffee,
sunday morning kind of love.

the hardest part
of this whole mess
was realizing
that you had let us
get so far,
all the while knowing
that we couldn't continue
without you
breaking us apart.

each beat of my heart
is for you alone
i see nothing else,
but the shape of your hands
and heaven in your eyes.

eden is hands
covered in ink stains
from my soul escaping
onto the pages
of tattered notebooks,
listening to the rain
fall softly on the window
like a lover's kiss
upon my shoulder
while the amber haze
of candlelight
burns slowly,
gently dancing
in golden celebration
across the darkness
just like the flames
that swallow me at your touch.

i know these words
never need to leave my lips,
i know you feel
the same void
in the pit of your stomach
tearing you inside out
but i'll still say them
for only you to hear;

i miss you
more than words
could ever express.

you've been on my mind
for so long now
that i've forgotten completely
what it was like
to not have you entangled
in every corner.
every dust filled crevice
has been infused
with thoughts of you,
that i have enough
to fill the night sky
a million times over.
i only hope
these finespun webs
and their protective embrace
are strong enough
to keep you safe.

you feel like
soft autumn rain
underneath
amber streetlights,
while stormclouds
dance above
bringing the promise
of m a g i c.

in you i saw forever,
in me you seen an escape.

i often wonder
if you still feel my kisses
burning your skin
terrified of the moment
where you no longer
remember how i taste
sweeter than honey
dripping down your fingertips.

love me in the darkness
i want to feel
your breath on mine,
our demons dancing
under the sweet moonlight.
only you have the power
to peform an exorcism
so beautiful,
even fate herself
can't help but watch.

i crave a love
that is other worldly,
extraterrestrial
you are the cosmos
i long to explore.

in the darkness
my heart calls for you
your face,
is forever the first i see
when i close my eyes
and let the shadows take over.

my soul
remembered you
and that isn't
easy to forget.

if there is one thing
that meeting you
has taught me,
it's that love doesn't wait
for you to catch up.

i couldn't be human
so i made a home
in the woods
i danced with the mist
and ran with the wolves.
i lay on the pine needles
wove leaves into my hair,
perhaps if you come looking
you will find me there.

to put it simply,
i would've gave it all up
for you.

even now
i am haunted by you still
i see you everywhere,
i hear you every time
the waves crash into the shore
and feel you each time
the wind caresses my skin.
our songs play
and my day comes to hault
i'm back to those summer nights,
wrapped inside your arms
honey and clementines
bleeding from our lips.

in those moments i realise
how deeply you are buried
into my being,
as if my bones are made
from magnets
searching just for you.

you were the first snowfall in winter
your fragile soul
broken from a haunted past
like a rose amongst thorns,
teaching me how beautiful
it can be to bloom after the frost.

maybe you liked the thrill
of chasing
what wasn't yours.
maybe the forbidden fruit
forever tasted
the sweetest to you.
these are all sugar coatings,
lies i tell myself
to get some sleep at night.
but when my hands
find the pages of spilled ink,
hushed notes in
chicken scratch writing
hopelessly trying
to make sense of us.
of you.
sentences upon sentences
forming the carcas of our love,
picking the bones apart
until there is nothing left

i realise;
we were magic
in a world of ordinary.

more than every drop of water
in every ocean
more than every grain of sand
in every desert
more than every single star
in the night sky

i'm going to miss you
just as much as i would've loved you.

like an unforgiving earthquake,
you shattered my existence
and left me to crumble like dust in the wind

but darling,
there's beauty in being rebuilt

a great man said
that to love,
is to allow yourself
to free fall helplessly
into another
falling for you
wasn't soft and quiet
like autumn leaves
dancing in the wind,
it was closing my eyes
and diving
into the unknown
like a baby bird
finding my wings,
unsure if the jump
would **** me
or set me free.

isn't it strange
how we can go
from star crossed lovers
fighting fate,
drowning
in stolen moments
to strangers
before the sun
ever met the morning.

despite fighting fate
despite time
luck or chance
never being on our side,
our memories still dance
wrapped tightly
in a ghostly waltz
like dead stars
in a cosmic boneyard
their light shining brightly
illuminating
even the darkest of nights.

once again
i'm falling alone
there's no hands to catch me,
only a foolish heart
with a glutton
for p u n i s h m e n t.

i've always been told
that i am a greedy lover
allowing love
to eat me whole,
devoting myself entirely
and expecting
the same in return.

i let you swim in my veins,
before burying yourself
inside my bones.

my kisses
will burn your skin,
and leave pathways
of where i've been.

i will breathe you in
forsaking all oxygen
injecting you into my blood,
desperate for another fix
so completely addicted
so completely yours.

i long for a love
that will break me,
eat me whole
and spit me out aching.
i want to love
as achilles loved patroclus,
with a burning in my heart
and a madness
that would tear
even the fates apart.

i'm drowning
under the weight of our goodbye,
knowing i'll never
catch my breath again.

one look from you
and my body
softens and bends
in response.
i see nothing else,
and i know
i couldn't fight it
even if i wanted to
- you are my gravity.

in spite of the failed attempts
in spite of time
never being on our side,
you are my sweetest hallelujah.

worshipping you
is the only religion i know;
being alone with you
is the only heaven i want to be sent to.

stolen amber nights
wrapped in your arms
underneath
the midsummer moon,
our greedy hands
looking for more.
worshipping each other
like sinners
searching for a god
we don't believe in,
now your sweet moans
will always be
my greatest hallelujah.

i see you everywhere
i miss what we had
who we were,
so lost
yet we found eden
in each other.
your arms
became my sanctuary,
now i ache
for their familiar warmth
and your lips on mine.
yours is a void that never fills
nor do i want it to
self sabotage
in the sweetest way.
you are my church,
my holy ground.

i woke to your eyes again
the deepest blue
like gazing into the ocean,
seconds before the storm comes in.

the truth is
i find your ghost at every turn
and still feel the cool waters
of your touch
with every whisper of the wind,
each memory a living phantom.

now i know
not even the holiest exorcism
could pull the threads of you
from my mind
you are the bread and wine
the iron in your blood
pulling me in
sweeter than any nectar.

perhaps it is true
that i deserve someone else,
but it was always you
that i wanted.

soft summer rain
gently falls
as morning candlelight
dances against the window
the scent of amber
and thunderstorms
hang in the air
while my memories of you
play like a vintage film
sweeter than cherry wine
and sun kissed honeydew.

we came crashing down
before we even begun
yet i can still remember
satin nights underneath
that hot july moon
and how your smile tasted
between each sacred kiss,
leaving the taste
of honey and oranges
lingering on my lips.

i wish you gave me
just a little more time
to be in love with you.

i don't think you understand
just how hungry i am for you
my lips water
at the very thought
of your skin against mine
all teeth and claws
and hands in my hair
eyes alive with starvation
fork and knife ready
begging you
to let me eat you whole.

i guess you thought
our love
was an april shower
but lover,
when i rain
i pour.
i let you consume me
and soak me
to the bone.
i guess you thought
our love
was an april shower,
when it hit me
like a hurricane.

each kiss had me soaring higher
blinded by the sweetness of the sun
my name on your lips
just as holy as any sermon
they say falling feels alot like flying
until you hit the ground
but as the wax from my wings melted
sticky and red
i decided it was worth it
to be close to you
c l o s e s t  to you
for even a moment.

i want to love you
like a lazy sunday morning
staying in bed
taking our time
sipping coffee
memorising every freckle
like the constellations in the sky
white sheets
and tangled limbs
with the scent of a memory
fresh on our lips.

sometimes
there are no other words
that will do
no embellishment worthy,
no outpouring of devotion.
sometimes
all i can say is,
i miss you
more than i ever knew
my bones could take.