Burning candle snuffed
Smoke trail rising
Wick's heat dissipating
Wax cooling slowly
Solidifying the candle again
No sparks
No flames
No heat
Just candle
Just wax
Just wick
Except
The wick is burnt
Shorter than it used to be
The wax's mass decreased
Transformed and floating away
The heat travelling elsewhere
Away from the candle's reach

Flames light
Flames flicker
Flames fade out
Flames swirl with energy
Candles don't

White noise
Brown noise
Pink
Grey
Absorbing my voice
My soul
Ringing
Heart beating
Fridge whirring
Train tracks humming
Bed sheets warming my legs beneath me
Squishy pillow overheating me
Lights on
Lights on

And just like the escalation of pleasure
The release of pain works based on a dual model
As I enter my only semblance of safety
The model comes into effect
I come to learn more about myself
About the way I thought I felt so much cold already
When really subconsciously there was so much more
Almost as if the insults I'd received as a teenager about being too sensitive were close to baseless
That is, compared to the emotions that swam inside me, away from the hawk-like eyes of humanity
Even if the more I learn about everything makes me more tangible
Everything becomes more intangible
And I struggle to hold on
Because even my insides seem to want to claw out
Even in the one place that has little safety
And I would open my mouth to call for more safety
But when I try to I lose my sense of safety
When I try to, anything that comes out of my mouth is displaced from me
As if my body knows that its no longer safe existing in the body that is calling for help
And I'm stuck clawing back for my body but even when my mouth shuts
My body feels hazy
My mind buzzing
And my breathing unfamiliar
My stomach unsettled
Even if I hug my pillow when I feel at a low
Its not enough
My organs clench uncomfortably
And I want to feel comfort so badly
But my subconscious is like swimming to the bottom of an ocean without oxygen
And I'm left on my own like I have all the other times that have passed, the only thing I gain is experience
And I try to gain more awareness of my surroundings but its all so cold
That I can only be numb even to my own self
I can only hear the roar of brown noise even if my heart is beating so strongly inside me

The more I pass through life, the more I learn about duality
Like developing realisations that I can reach for so much, and yet understanding more and more that I might not be able reach much at all

Flames hungrily licking
Feeding
Off of twisted ornaments
Creations
Objects
Furniture
All of that which I'd bought from you
Paid every coin
Desired with heart and mind
Gone
Burnt to ashes
Nothing left in this room
But grey ash and my hardened eyes
There's no space left in my room
All is burnt, the cremated contents to be removed
The me of then to be removed
All that remains, glaring into my soul
Is the warning of my past
Passing on the message through her eyes

Even if she was none the wiser
Even if she shone brighter than ever
Even if her warmth contrasts her intent
I see her and she sees me
Words passed through soul,
Soul still living,
And there is only one soul that I know
Only one soul that keeps pulling me forward
Even if by nothing but the breath that passes my lips;
No thread for my fingers to grasp onto-
Fiery eyes
For the fire has died
But my gaze passes its heat into the soles of my feet,
Guiding me as I live on

And some strings feel more beautiful
Under a night sky
Just like some strings feel more beautiful
Reflecting the sun's rays
So that when the sun passes through the sky
And the earth continues on its path
The string loses its beauty
And it is still beautiful
But to the passing of time,
And under a different light
The string almost dances a different tune,
Even if really, a string never changes when untouched.
And if the time has passed
And beauty fades away
Should one part ways
With a string that once shone warm and peaceful

Strings interwoven
Surrounding me
Spacious yet brushing
Against my torso and thighs
Suspended on spun strands years old
I can only
Gently glide my finger tips
Along strings floating by
I cannot hate
Only hurt
An unconditional detachment towards
The way they surround me
I am careful not to cut the intricate plaits, even if I have subconsciously done and continue to do so
For a cut in the lines that hold together
My reality are delicate,
Best understood when each small length is given its value and attention
But I worry;
If my world is strung
Then a lifetime may not be enough
To untwist each weave
To its barest of selfs
And then twist together
A new piece that surrounds me
Warmly and peacefully

It all makes sense
Sense that I knew but
Never really delved into
My staying up at night
My hollow heart
And my lonesome
It all makes sense
Almost as if to rub it in my face
And maybe its too much
The way it all fits together
The way it makes me me
The way I know I don't want it but I can't find it in me to care
And I'm sat latching onto the little warmth I feel in this cold
It was supposed to be warm, but what is supposed to be?
And it hurts that the more realisations I have, the more I realise that maybe
There are things in the world that
I can never have
I would want want want, but I wouldn't find it within me
What am I supposed to be
To do





I'm trying but what point is there in trying if the end result is the same

I only want wings when the winds are strong
I only feel cold when the turmoil in my mind and heart are overwhelming
I only lay in the non-newtonian black substance so that I don't have to
Deal with everything
I'm sick of these beliefs that remain rooted in my mind
So deeply rooted they've upheaved whatever parts that used to rest in my heart,
Wasted away any comfort my heart had left in it

And maybe I'd want wings to see the skies
And feel the cold because I genuinely miss it's sensation
And lay in non-newtonian substances to explore the feeling of it
But I question where the drive of my curiousity left to;
If it had escaped before it was forcibly ripped from my heart or
If it decayed and it's rot continues to fester in my heart

These feelings of mine I want to respect...
How do you respect the body you only know how to leave

I stand facing my reflection
Gaze acting as a barrier
I would reach forward to reach you
But I hesitate lest you withdraw from my touch
My heart clenched and my eyes hold back
And if I could comfort you, if the warmth of my heart could reach you
We would be one
And yet whisps and words trace their fingers along my mind
Humming a tune my mind and heart fall into step with uneasily
And she strokes my face to will my heart and mind out of the tune
But the tune is continuous, seeded and unwavering

Before waltzing together
To the melody of the
Blue moon
I danced alone.
Independent and yet feeling.
And then a gap developed
And grew
Large enough for
The space of two
And so I filled it with
The shine of
The Blue moon.

The Blue moon is my
Melody, love and solace
Whilst my body halts
To disallow the hole to
Grow larger.
To feel is to rip the hole
Wider.
And so feel,
I cannot.
The waltz was always
Mellow,
Almost melancholic;
And so it so easily
Unstrung - snapped.

Frozen over

The dance paused for
A few months.
Then the music began to play
So did the light
And I
Saw him
In the distance
Flitting in and out,
But remained
A dance partner.

While I swayed along with
The fluctuating notes
Others danced close by
And once I realised they'd left
And would not again
Dance close by
I shrunk back
Once again
Dancing alone

Frozen - crack.

And then he stepped back and
She came.
The water still dripping
Along her arms
We waltzed.
All too familiar
And yet she
Still withdrew
My hands unmoving,
Floating in the air
Where she would be.

And whilst neither left
Our synergy left me
And so my waltz -
In the rays that filter through
The cracks in the roof -
Is steady even when
The light flickers.

The gentle caress of your fingers
I won't forget
For your essence is still there
Even if only in
The Blue Moon

"Whatever tickles your pickles"
"Whatever helps you sleep at night"
Words that dance with the
Clenching of my heart as I choose my actions
Engage to disengage
And yet each hover of my finger,
Each moment spent amongst the heavy swirling in my heart and stomach;
Thoughts clinging to what can't be
Hoping
Thoughts cutting deeper to sever what I can never have

This time instead breathe in
As my finger hovers, that is all that happens
If it was meant to be it would be
They are not what matters in the moment,
Not more than you

Smile for the you that exists
Smile for the you that smiles
Smile for the life that you live
Smile for the warmth that you share
Smile for your heart
Smile
There isn't a smile that matters if it isn't yours
Your happiness matters
Your wholeness matters
Smile
No one can take that away from you

I want to scream it out
The words that push and scrape at
The insides of my skin and heart
Let us out
But I shouldn't
I can't
They probably already look down on me
I shouldn't let their thoughts put me down
I can't
Let me out
I can't...

A choice is a capability
A small part of a person's
Best efforts to continue to survive
I can't But I can I won't be able to handle it
They don't share my thoughts and feelings

She holds my face between her hands
Tears threatening to fall
"I can't"
"I know" she whispers to my closed eyes
Stroking my cheekbones
Her hands' warmth stark against the
Cold darkness that surrounded us

Words fly on the whims
Of the tongue that speaks them
Like the flow of the wind that
Sways air to and fro
The air itself not as harmful as the
Wind that guides it and yet
The combination is the what carries
The perpetrators' knife through its victim

And there is no fault to the air
For the air did not create itself
And there is no fault to the winds
For the winds did not create itself
And their is no fault at all
Merely cause and effect;
The heart feels as it does
And morals sway with the wind.

The wind sweeps away all
Sweeps away sadness
Sweeps away pain
Leaves traces remnant in its wake
Cools over surfaces and skin
Cleanses

Where what once simply was
Becomes unreachable unless by
Force
Come here, my love
The wind has left its trail
A trail I cannot fathom
And so I let the wind cleanse
Cleanse
Soak through the layers of my heart
And leave a trail of remembrance
And nostalgia...

Bitter is the trail no more,
Just what once was
And what can no longer be

Body submerged
Black ink swirls into clear water
For every inhale
The world recedes slowly
A price paid
Purchased unknowingly
Used unthinkingly
Moments of awareness
Feel unaware
Movements sluggish
I'm tired
More than not wanting to live
More so not knowing what living means
What living feels like
The air that I inhaled
Feels unsatisfying
The need for more becomes
A question of worth

On my bed of rocks I lay
Under a roof
Surrounded by walls
I've made myself comfortable
In where I lay
Under covers that warm my body
I live
I breathe
I feel safe
I don't

Awake at night
Under the cover of night
In the warmth of my blankets
And whether I wish to see the moon
"What for?"
It's difficult to leave the warmth
Of the blankets that night after night
Provide me with what my body needs
With what my soul needs
And what it doesn't need

Surrounded by the silent static of my room
Encased in residual superpositioning noise
Wasting away in the lull of audio that is
Always there,
Draining away,
******* at your will to reach forward
Slowing you down...
The silence that I need at night
The comfort of it as it guides me to sleep
Intoxicating

I close my eyes to sleep
In the
Safety of my home
In
My bed
Under a roof
Surrounded by walls
I think to smile
But it doesn't feel pleasurable
Just painful

That fire
I built it
I built it and I didn't even
Know
This ice palace I
Built it and
I didn't even realise
This tar that's draining me
It's me
It's all me

My heart's deepest core
Isn't empty
Like I thought it was
It was frozen
Now that it's thawing
It's starting to hurt again
Like it did five or
Six years ago
It's not empty but
Like frostbite my heart is
Trying to regain its proper self
Animalistic
Live
Call me by your vein
Your blood
Let it run unimpeded
Your heart needs to thaw
Before it can begin to
Thrive again

How do you come to accept
What you thought was the sun
Was really just a distant flame?
The warmth you felt
The light you saw
Wasn't real
Had you even felt warmth to begin with?
Seen light to come to such a conclusion?

I'd always used to prance in that light
Waltz and lay in its warmth
But when I realised it wasn't what I wanted
It wouldn't satisfy me like it used to

What is it like to stand in the sun's rays?
Have it pierce the deepest core of your heart?
Would the world around you need to change?
Or would you need to be out of it...

Floating, sinking
Reaching, receding
Closing my eyes
Wishing for
The warmth of the Sun
To reach the depths of my heart and
Emit a glow from within

"If you weren't, you wouldn't be
Our friend."
Blinking
Friend
Silence...
I don't have a response
And maybe that was said
For the lack of a better statement
But I'm not sure if
That sits well with me.

Life is an acquaintance
And everyone lives their own
Truths.
Whether living in isolation or
Going about life
I rarely see you anyways
Barely know you anyways;
That is my truth.

And even if I knew you,
As long as I continue to live
In this ice palace
In this intemperate tar
You're either too far
Or displaced.
I find it hard to feel if
There is an in-between.

And if I still can't seem to
Feel an in-between,
Still feel a hollowness in my
Heart's core
What then?

Touch and wither
Your presence bitter
Nothing said yet
Nothing spoken changed.

Beauty once loved
Beauty now tainted
Warmth once thoughtless
Warmth now questionable.

Life is given
Life isn't free
Existence is given
Will isn't free

I'm comfortable
In the dimness of
My room
I'm warm
Under layers smooth
I'm relaxed
In the silence
Of solitude.

My room small and yet
Large enough
Slightly cramped and yet
Spacious enough
Almost a world away
Nothing urgent
And yet

It all comes crashing down as
I open the door
Let it all in
I don't want to
I know I'll have to
I'll want to
And yet
I don't.

Surreal
Is the voice that
Is speaking
Mine but not
Mine
I can hear it
Too clearly as if I'm
Listening to a recording
What am I saying?
What's the point

I hear my voice
The voice I speak
Are my words meaningful?
What am I saying?
I speak to be understood
And yet it's always about
Winning.

From speaking
To almost losing the end
Of my words to
Resigning myself
To what is,
My voice is always lost
Lost to their ears
Lost to my will
Lost to the body I was given.

I hear my voice and I
Don't want to.
I don't want to hear it
Not when the people
Around me also hear it
And yet refuse to
Think about my voice
My words.
I don't want to hear it

I don't want to hear my voice
Because it is what I don't want
I don't want to hear that I've
Given up

White eagle
bird
vertebrae
sitting on my knee
the only colour
in the circle protruding
around its iris
Eyes intense
Claw certain
Clasping its target
Gaze not on me
My gaze not on it
But a shared attention
In presence

The call of the white bird
Is silent, beak
Never opening
All in the light
Passing between pupils
Shaping the energy
In the surrounding
atmosphere
Gaze not on me
Gaze not on me

Who is it on then?

Red leaves on vines
Curling waves peaking high
Mountain cliff crevasse seemingly
Bottomless
Crack

    Gentle sway against the air
   Falling rolling into itself
  End unknown
The fall seemingly
Uninterrupted
Darkness

Grasp grasp onto the tree
Roll roll into the sea
  Gape gape around the emptiness
   Keep keep your mind at ease
    Sleep

Stay awake stay awake
'What else should I do?'
Stay awake stay awake
Take a picture of the view

Don't fall asleep

Sitting by the lakeside
Legs dangling in its waters
Kicking lightly
As the cool night air
Settles under the skin
Mind wandering
Subconscious fluctuating.

Mind wandering
Subconscious fluctuating
Heart clenching
The waters suddenly thicken
Almost pulling
And yet it hasn't thickened
Still lapping beneath the knees
Heart uneasy
Thoughts attempting to solidify
Like ice at room temperature
Melting
Drowning out the voice of reason

Was there a voice of reason to begin with?

Unsettled heart keeping me up at night
Emotions leaving me raw, overcome
What was once okay lost its security
Who am I and what have I become?

What sacrifices am I making and
Where will these sacrifices take me next?
I'm afraid that they won't understand
I'm afraid of the judgement they'll project

And so the words remain hidden inside.
Whilst people abide by what they should see
The words free to roam, wreak havoc on my mind.
And agree to expel what shouldn't be.

Never afraid of what would never happen
Until I saw what was not to be seen again

~ ~~
Keys tipping
Under my fingers
Notes resounding
Around me
Playing,
Laying
Layer over layer
Of tones
Emitting
And drawing forth
The sighs that
Do not escape my mouth
And instead trace back
Down my tensed throat
Along my collar bones
Arms
Twisting around my wrists
And zipping at my finger tips.
My mind knows
And so my fingers follow.

And yet my mind also knows
It's searching.
Not for something missing
But
For something that could be there.
And yet it continues to progress,
Fingers relaying,
Notes sounding,
Fading.
Continuously

~~ ~

In the distance
And yet
Flowing through every medium
Surrounding me,
A voice flows alongside
These notes,
These feelings.
A voice that enriches
And pairs with the notes
That continue
To resound around me

Shadows dance...
Until they stop.
And they continue
To frolic before
Darkness strikes and
Suddenly they disappear
One, two, three
Five...
I've lost count
Cascading
All at once,
Night falls and
Come dawn
Light shines on
The missing shadows...

My heart beats against
The walls of my chest
My throat reaching upwards
My brainwaves spiking
My eyes focused on the
Aging golden ****
Locked or unlocked,
There was no difference
It existed
And that made all the difference
Mocked from behind
Closed doors
Questioned from inside
Opened walls and
Sitting submerged in
The darkness
Made from broken
Doors, walls and the
Soul of my being.

I don't ask you to
Do anything
Or say anything
Or hear anything
Just... let me be.
Let me see the value in
My doors and walls and
The soul of my being
Let me fortify them
Let me open, close and replace it.
Just let me
Please.
Over-dramatic, unknowing or weak;
Just let me be.

I hate that
In the departure of
My sorrow
My last words are
Thank you
That my end
Is in sorrow
And that sorrow
Is what brings my thank you
Why?
Why can't it be happiness
Why can't I smile while
Saying thank you
Without the tears of pain
Why can't I remove the layers
That have been painted over me
Layer over layer
Settling and drying
Sitting
Layering again
Obstructing my inner depths
My empty open untainted
Curiosity
Appreciation
...

Walking along the waterside
Fingers sliding over long grass
I slump and sit in the grass
The sun just having set
You were once familiar

I gaze into the waters
My fingers tracing the ripples
Wandering along the direction
It flows
Wondering, why my fingers
Never seem to grasp
And fall into flow with
The waters that reflect the
Light I always like to see

There's always a depth to familiarity
That has the mind at it's
Beck and call
Just a scent and the mind is
Overwhelmed with history
Spinning
Spinning spinning
Release
A rush of emotions spill
In consistency with the nerve synapses
Connecting
Nostalgic or regretful,
Content or melancholy;
Always a constant reminder
Of the difference you can
Never return to.

Planets in their orbit
Each with their own moons
The pull of gravity
Guiding us
But we are in different
Galaxies
No force acting between
Me and you

And I've seen plenty of moons
Stars and galaxies
Pass me by
Pull on my path
And then leave me
And whether they leave
Space junk, darkness or
Pull me out of my orbit
It all leads to the same thing
Me losing something that was
Once familiar.

And yet to orbit,
Two bodies must have mass
And each time, I fell into their pace
Willingly.
A force requires two and yet
I...

I don't want to go back to
The familiar which left me
Not for what I have lost but
Rather what I could not find

I do still wonder whether
My weight is not enough
While I try to calculate
What forces work for
Me
And yet I also wonder
If there is a force
That will
Not crash, share light and
Balance the space-time dimensions
That surround me

Claw at my chest
Raw flesh in my breath
Scream in the pressure of my tongue
Leave me be
For I am one.

Skin under my nails
Shrieking wails echo against
The walls of my brain
Leave me be
For I can barely handle one.

Dark room
Silent room
Empty room
With the exception of me
For I am one.

I am one;
So why is human nature
Burdened by the need for more?

Curving fingers
Tear streaks
Toned words,
Tracing around
The curve of my heart

Seeping words
And the thoughts
Attached...
Tracing the
Unique troughs
And crevices:
Modelling the
Sensation of
Clenching

Swirling..
.

These sensations
Aren't foreign
To my mind
Even if the
Feeling is
Or isn't;
Almost tangible

And
Yet
I
Clench
Stop
Freeze
I am
Stuck in place

I'll tell you
The story of the circle
Stuck in its path
Slowly turning
Moving forward and yet
Slowly turns back
And although the circle
Tries to pull
Away from its path
The curve is set,
The beginning is its end
Nothing changes;
Not it's knowledge,
It's perspective
Or prosperity.
Full circle,
No beginning
No end.

I'm sorry but I'm
Thankful all the same
I wanted and yet
You weren't above
The values that I hold dear
And as these values
Continue to slip away
Along with
Everything else
I do not regret
The choices I've made

I am not a creature who regrets
And yet I know when that day comes
I will

Like always, droplets slid down her skin
Stilling my mind and replacing any thoughts
With a rush of yearning
And as she slid in
Tears immediately sprang forth
For her warmth was oh so welcome
As I lay in a room almost lightless and foreign

Her fingers curved around
The angles of my face
As she lay in the warm covers
Of my bed with me.
Our foreheads joining
And our eyelids slowly closing,
The haunting light of the
Unknown shining through
Curtained windows
Were forgotten.

I want to be treated gently
And yet valuably at the same time.
I want to be in your embrace
And yet sharing my hugs when you're not fine.
I'd give.... To build that value,
A value I cannot find...
For love is a construct
In a society that views construct as wine;
Bought, spent, intoxicating...
Not a feeling developed over time,
Not a feeling of mutual respect,
Not a feeling learning and value...

And I do want love,
But not in a society like mine...

No conversations to be overheard
The irregular ticking of the character keys on a laptop
Carrying through the carriage
The sound of metal water bottles opening
The warmth... In this usually cool atmosphere
Is almost all encompassing

Whispers...

Whispers of danger
Creeping closer
Slowly...
Chaotically...
And one by one
A sneeze
A request to be excused
The escaping vibrating pitches from earphones
The instinct to protect oneself
Almost overwhelming
Instead
Conversations dim
And thoughts halter
The body preparing itself...
Or maybe it's just me

I who have a hollow shaft
I,
Who lilts with the barest surge of wind,
I... who has fallen from the
Grace of my comfort
And has nothing to lean back on... I...

I see the ink of many
Vibrant, loud and subtle
Colours that fly around
Colours that I reach out for
And write with.
And yet where
Is my ink?
Am I doomed to
Nonexistence?
And yet I
In my own essence
Gurgle, fluctuate,
Still finding my flow
Against the turbulence of
My mind fraught with
Dissociated thoughts.

And as the feather flows against
The winds
Swaying
Gently
My ink is of air
And world
And nature

Static
------
A mixture of
Coloured pixels
Combining to make
Grey
--Uncertainty--
Vibrating from ear
To ear
Pulsing through
My mind and heart
        -- why--
A colourful mess
That I both comprehend
Yet
Yet....
It's still a mess to
--Compreh  -end--
Each pixel seemingly
Jagged
-- No -
.
.

Stillness
Just the usual static
Except
In the wrong place
At the wrong time...

Don't come closer

I'm freezing
At a temperature that's okay -
Just at the brink of chaos
Having pulled together
After my fray -
In a tower smoothly
Frozen over
A settling cold
No need to race towards
The warmth of the sun

I'm anxious

Eyes almost closed,
Ear, cheek, temple
Resting on the comforting
Frozen wall,
Tears comfortably swimming
In my eyes and
Flowing through my mind
I'm hurt
My fingers twitch by my side
I am no longer comfortable in
My clothes
And I
As I lay in this pool of moving
Unmoving darkness
I am drained
What--
I am comfortable

.
.
.

Days pass into weeks
And weeks pass into years
And my sentience has
Sharpened the blade of
Misery
I stare at my shaking fingers
My empty landscape
The tall ceilings of the foreboding
Ice palace
And it the world begins to
Make sense

Eyes lidded

There's a fire
Rekindling in my heart
Having been diminished to
Decay
Little fires licking and leaping
Only to be drenched in water
Frozen and
Laid bare again

A passage through my eyes

I can't help it
I desire
And yet I want to respect
A you that won't
Always pass me again.
And I want and I want
Please give me this
But I'll hold back
...

"There's this dance
That I've memorised"
Whispers a voice by my side
Pulling me along
Twirling me to her foreside

"Should I show you it?"
Fingers smoothing
The crease between my brows,
Fingers tracing my cheek
Down to my hand

Eyes closed, she pulls me forward
Steps not unfamiliar,
"~~~"
~~~

The warmth on my skin
Slowly fades, no more than
A distant memory

"Of course,

The words echo in my ears
Dimming to a loud buzz

Wavering,
"Thank you for the dance."

My Past and I
Walk hand in hand
Every day
That I come to stand,
Grip adjusting
From a gentle caress
To a tugging demand.

And in
Laying in molten tar
And stroking frozen walls
I forget that hand; to mar
My skin invisibly to the core.

I am yet to understand
The warmth of that hand
How to hold it and
Be gentle without reprimand-
For the crumbling
It causes and the
Constant fluctuating
Pushes and pulls
A lull-
Laying me down to sleep.

I like it when you
Call out to me
Catch up with me
So casually gentle

I like it when you
Smile at me
And redirect my focus
An aura of gentle
Ambiguous clarity

I like it when you
Take your time with me
Talk to me
Even when you're
Running late

Thanks for listening to me
Even when my words
Are exaggeratedly outspoken

It's not all the time,
But in the moments that
You do
I cherish
And I appreciate
You

Running my fingers
Along the frozen walls,
A feeling that lingers;
To a house, its doors.
I stare out at the melting
Burning Sun
A fire too intense;
At its distance,
On my skin, a warmth almost a hum.

The Sun is too close, too close

Foreign is the feeling of the hum,
Dancing on my skin,
Never delving deeper some.
My mind can only wonder,
Sunlust echoing in my gaze as I
Cross my legs and enjoy
The cold while basking in the Sun.
Neither overly warm
Nor am I frozen to the touch;
I have faded into the cold
And currently, I have no plan
Nor rush.

Ruffled,
Just like life,
Always a mess.
A pleasant mess

Eyes like the moon,
The light reflected off of
Its surface
Always reaching my eyes
When the world allows.
And the light of the moon
At night
Is possibly the most pleasant
Had I had the chance...

And the darkness
Always evident,
Because, void of light,
The moon still exists
And the veil of emptiness
Speaks volumes.

A mess partly smoothed
Down
Is still a mess;
Why not just
Throw your head back
Into the wind like usual?

Another person to thank,
Thank you
For making me smile.
Thank you
Really
For the genuine gazes.
That's all I need.

Push
And there's a
Pull
A smile
After you
Cry
Tears
Always evaporating, cheeks
Dry

Gaze
Unreturned
Conversations
Undiscerned
Value
Unlea­rned
Forgotten



A yell,

No turn
Words churned
In the instability
I am floating in
Unable to earn
The desires that I
Yearn
Locked in my frozen
Urn


Floating in
Uncontrollable colour changing tar
The one thing I expected
To remain constant
Was the lack of equilibrium
And I .... Why is it you're looking...
Looking at me?