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Nov 2017 · 405
X: Yes you
Nathan Nov 2017
Her haunting presence lingers
Ethereal energy surrounds my tormented soul
Why can't she leave me alone
She follows me
Everywhere
I see her in everything
She's sadistic
Feeds on my misery

PLEASE
JUST
LEAVE ME ALONE
Nov 2017 · 484
Blank cracked paper
Nathan Nov 2017
My mind is blank
My heart is cracked
And like this paper
I am empty
Oct 2017 · 314
Simplistic sorrow (haiku)
Nathan Oct 2017
Simplistic sorrow
Caused by weather being poor
Rain on the window
Oct 2017 · 309
My reality
Nathan Oct 2017
Vacant eyes and soon to be scars as blood is dripping from wounds self inflicted. Short breaths and relief.

*I can feel again
Aug 2017 · 251
Reminder
Nathan Aug 2017
Remind yourself it's okay
To smile even though your broken
Aug 2017 · 2.0k
It didn't..
Nathan Aug 2017
It didn't hurt when you drove the dagger into my heart.

Only did it hurt when you left me to pull it out by myself.
Jul 2017 · 306
These last 11 days.
Nathan Jul 2017
These last 11 days.
I lost 2 people I love.

She was the object of my desires and it seems she's still seeks an old flame that's already burnt out. He was my main inspiration, he suffered with his own personal demons and tragically took his own life.

I've made a huge *** of myself before to both of you, I am sorry for that.

Blaming you for seeing in them what I see in myself and being petulant about the outcome, Blaming you for your demons and not being by your side.
I'm so sorry  

These last 11 days.
I lost two people I love
Jul 2017 · 848
Dejection (haiku)
Nathan Jul 2017
Unrelenting Pain
A blood red waterfall
From my broken heart
Jul 2017 · 357
Anguish
Nathan Jul 2017
Just tell me
What is it you want
Do you want me to leave
Do you want me to stay
Because I know you don't want to be alone
It eats you alive
It makes you sick
If pain is what you want
Then I'll go

*I thought looking into a mirror would help reveal what I truly want, but it's just echoing my compounding misery.
Jul 2017 · 522
Inferno
Nathan Jul 2017
My desire is raging like an inferno
It's roaring like a caged lion it's ready too pounce
Your body being the object of desire
Gripping your waist, kissing your neck

But I can't tell if you're fires burning
Or have you smouldered out
Did you ever even begin to start
Did you ever feel

That desire deep inside.
Jul 2017 · 609
Crescendo
Nathan Jul 2017
Intrusive abusive thoughts shower me under my own personal rain cloud.

Tormenting me, Unrelenting and sadistic they seek my misery.
If given a sound they would be as intense as an orchestra is reaching it's crescendo.

I'm powerless to react, the rain cloud is now a storm cloud, thunder claps and lightning replaced with the brutality of self inflicted slashes. Now what lingers is overcast.

My shell of the man I once was sits cowering in the corner.

Waiting for the cycle to begin again
Nathan Jun 2017
Wilted
Heartbroken
Yearning to be loved

All I see is couples
Must be nice...

It's killing me

Understand I'm not jealous
Not even close
Love is just something I desire
Only I can't seem to obtain it
Viable alternatives aren't existent
All I'm asking for is love
But I'm growing impatient
Love will come to you I've been told
Except that's not true.... is it.
Jun 2017 · 527
Laughing on the outside
Nathan Jun 2017
I'm laughing on the outside
(You're talking about your date again)
But crying on the inside
(Oh how I wish it was me)

My heart yearns for you
But your obliviousness pains me
So when you go on your date tonight
Have fun, be happy, you deserve it

It's gonna be another night for me
Hugging my pillow, just wishing...




Wishing it was you
Jun 2017 · 827
Topical
Nathan Jun 2017
Happy fathers day
For the memories we've shared
To the ones we will go onto create

You're my idol due to:
Your persistent positive attitude
Despite all you've gone through

Perfection doesn't exist
But you're pretty **** close
It's due to you I strive to be happy
It's due to you I'm not fully broken

Thanks for everything
Jun 2017 · 333
Those hazel eyes
Nathan Jun 2017
She took my hands
Looked deep into my eyes
In four words broke my heart

*You're my best friend
Jun 2017 · 351
Heartache
Nathan Jun 2017
Heartache hurts
You taught me that
When you tore my heart in half
Now your heart is breaking


What a shame
May 2017 · 305
Dark cloud
Nathan May 2017
Once again.
That dark cloud is back.
Larger than ever.


Just as I could see the sun.
May 2017 · 716
When you're proven right
Nathan May 2017
Laughed at for seeing through the facade
When I scoffed at the ideology
Now I see my premonition
Has come to fruition

How for all those years I was so "wrong"
An idiot for thinking that way
Your realisation is bittersweet

Hate to say it.. but I told you so.
Apr 2017 · 802
Looking back....
Nathan Apr 2017
We once where closer
Spoke for hours on end
I'd tell her I loved her
Something she didn't comprehend

How can I love her she would ask
We hadn't met before...
The truth is I don't know either
But my heart wanted more


Her soul was golden like sunshine
Her words simply poetic
Her beauty unparalleled
Our chemistry magnetic

I found out about her more
Turns out she was a married lady
Had a crush on her professor
I was but a "friend" that upset me greatly

My heart began to crumble
So I knew all too well
That if I saw her again
I'd remember how hard I fell

So my heart continues to beat
Despite it's many faults
As I walk through life
It continues the lonely waltz
Apr 2017 · 905
What now?
Nathan Apr 2017
As I lie in bed writing this I feel an overbearing sense of nothingness, emptiness.. void of any emotion when normally I would.

Writing to me was therapeutic, calming progressive for me. But now..it's lost it's edge. I no longer feel creative, the desire to pick up the pen is gone and I'm back to square one. This was the one thing I was good at.

My fix wasn't taking drugs or getting drunk. It was pouring my soul into my work...and now....

It's gone...I don't know what to do.

I'm literally at a

loss

for....
Nathan Mar 2017
My eloquence left me long ago
My patience left me too
My irreverence took over me
My hatred then shone through

I'm dying on the inside
It's becoming a disgrace
It's taking all my will power
Not to punch you in the face
Mar 2017 · 5.1k
Origami (Haiku)
Nathan Mar 2017
Origami cranes
Fly towards the crescent moon
Amongst paper clouds
Mar 2017 · 674
A writers pen
Nathan Mar 2017
From a writers pen
Honest blood bleeds
Filled with desires and stories
Heartache... needs
Mar 2017 · 342
Emotional addcition
Nathan Mar 2017
They say feelings stop with time.
But with something so intense....

do they really?

You never forget love....
It's addicting, we all crave it...
You never forget

Because one day you won't have it
One day you will crave it...
For me that "day" is 5 years old.
Jan 2017 · 746
My heart
Nathan Jan 2017
She pulled out my heart.
She kept it warm and beating.
She smiled and I smiled back

My heart pulsated in her hand....

She stopped....
Took a look at my beating heart...
She smiled as she threw it too the floor
Stomping on it, till it was broken


Leaving me.

Alone....

Again
Dec 2016 · 1.3k
My Christmas
Nathan Dec 2016
2 hours 10 minutes to Christmas.
I couldn't care less.

The magic died in my childhood.

Now its a way for emotional sentiment
That pushes mass consumerism

"Buy your gifts and buy your toys
From here its the best"

Christmas is coming

But I...

Couldn't care less.
Dec 2016 · 448
A simple tragedy
Nathan Dec 2016
Point me too the person who can't break my heart.

Simple, but tragically

I'm afraid you can't
Dec 2016 · 755
Bittersweet Symphony
Nathan Dec 2016
Brutality in symphony
As the blade slices skin
Like a violinists bow
Across the strings
Dec 2016 · 7.0k
A crushed heart
Nathan Dec 2016
A crushed heart
Continues to beat
To the dance....


Of it's lonely waltz
Dec 2016 · 296
K.I.A
Nathan Dec 2016
As cold as a winter breeze
The pale face took it's last breath
Pain left their now frozen face
Only to be replaced with sadness
Another soul gone without good reason
Another solider soon to be in a casket
Dec 2016 · 518
Abandoned Library
Nathan Dec 2016
In 2006 I ventured into an old abandoned libary, being an urban explorer I wanted to see first hand the haunting tales of what occured inside one's of occultism, satanic rituals and the paranormal.

I don't remember much of the trip but I can recall I heard a scream that sounded very familiar.

The year is 2016 and I have decided to return. This place so beautiful on my first visit now appears like the tales I was told those years ago. I open the main door now screeching due to the rust that covered the metal.

I make my way through a darkened hall, dimmly lit bulbs blinking providing the limited light. Bleak and the sudden pungent smell of decay, the brick walls once filled with warmth are now wet and cold.

Something is here.

The overbearing smell of rot and death lingers in the already thin air. Gulping....I stop....then proceed forwards. I feel the warmth of a stagnant breath on my back and turn a quick 90 degrees.

Nothing

Turning back to the direction I was originally heading, goosebumps adorn my being. Shaking and saying to myself. GET THE **** OUT GET THE **** OUT GET. THE. ****. OUT... I ignore my better judgement, I'm here to stay.

So I press on determined. I hear the buzzing of flies and I know I'm at the epicentre of the stench.

Bookshelves thrown askew, pentagrams and other ****** graffiti adorn the walls. I look around the room and then I see it...

A foot, I glide over to the foot and proceed from the blooded body stabbed in several places multiple times from the torso all the way to the face.

I stop...frozen in shock

I gasp...

It's not just any face

**It is mine.
Nov 2016 · 1.9k
My Tattoo
Nathan Nov 2016
I have a permanent tattoo
But it's not visible on flesh
It's a scar on my heart
The place you cut best
Oct 2016 · 488
Imagination
Nathan Oct 2016
Imagination
The realisation
That fantasy
Is much better than reality
Oct 2016 · 690
Bittersweet release
Nathan Oct 2016
When I die...
I'm not expecting a heaven.
I'm not expecting a hell.
I'm not expecting anything, just peace.
Maybe if I took my life I would find out.
There's nothing I crave more than peace.
I'm the soul blame of every problem.
Or that's the way it's seen.
Can that be the answer?
Bittersweet release
Oct 2016 · 1.2k
Day 79: Relapse
Nathan Oct 2016
A Glistened blade with the serrated edge. Lays down on the floor christened with crimson. The limp but clinging to life hand dangles over the edge of the single bed.

Sobbing is heard from the bed, laying face down is our victim of self disgust and loathing.


Our victim

**ME.
I wish I could lie to you guys and say this was fantasy some messed up image of my imagination but this is real my friends. I hope you don't have to suffer with what I do. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Oct 2016 · 563
Bragging rights
Nathan Oct 2016
We live in a world of egocentric maniacs
Whose only desire is to shout the loudest
Point the large foam finger at themselves
LOOK AT ME, LOOK WHAT I HAVE

I see it between friends, sharing exploits
How ***** their girlfriends are...
How much money they have...
What car they drive...

*I wonder what it's like having those things
Oct 2016 · 688
Midnight Exhibition
Nathan Oct 2016
The vast midnight sky
Littered with stars that shine so bright
Forming beautiful patterns
As far as the eye can see

The light reflected from The Moon
Cascades down lighting up the night
Nature's art is the most beautiful
This being the main piece in the gallery
Oct 2016 · 1.2k
Current politics
Nathan Oct 2016
Politics is a group of "respected" adults
Arguing...
Whining...
Insulting each other

Like children in a park

And yet......

We let them run our countries
This isn't to do with the US Election as I was born in the UK and believe the political system is messed up everywhere.
Oct 2016 · 1.3k
Cupids bow
Nathan Oct 2016
He shoots his bow of love
Through the air the arrow arcs
It misses me completely
So my heart begins to break
As everyone around me falls in love
I see people hugging and kissing
Oh how I envy them
I look around at pairs of two

*Me....I stand alone
Oct 2016 · 1.7k
Invisible (Acrostic)
Nathan Oct 2016
I'm good at hiding it.
Not only do you think I'm good.
Very often you believe I'm happy.
I'm sorry to disappoint you.
Sadness is the only thing I'm feeling.
Believe me it's there but invisible
Loneliness Is my companion
Even though I hate it
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