you can cast shadows
on bedroom walls
it's all You know.
            i know.

it doesn't excuse
my chasing
as you are all i know.
                        **You know.

so i wound
whats left of my feeling
in copper wire.
The idea being;
any regretful shocks will
jumpstart-my heart-healing.

i haven't seen you stay in one place for more than a few days,
like laying some roots will result in some catastrophic meltdown
like being noticed will cause sirens to scream out
"i want to be wanted, i want to be wanted, i want to be wanted".

isnt this the point, to pop up shop and take what little charity those
who know what being loveless is like can provide. in short bursts a heart can be mended, the wounds sewn up and put up for sale like a clean bill of emotional health.

till the view begins to stagnate and the bones of all the half-healed ex-lovers begin to ache inside, the embers of a burnt out husk in the chest smoulders with the promise of "it'll be better elsewhere."

"they might want me elsewhere." "someone will love you elsewhere."

-bitten love;
tasting someone else
just to spit them
out.

Now where is there to go?*
                                         \\
                                           *No where is there to go.

The Night
sparkles somewhere....far
lit only by
the tail of some falling star.
and under it
Two hearts expend,
all that they thought....
they thought their hearts could send.
and between them
The oaken child
who stares up at the sky
wishing to be wild.
and in his hand
a pen tightly held.
a caligraphical cage
another passion quelled
And Above Them All
     Snow.............. Slowly..... begins..... to.... fall.

we measured the time
by what infatuation took us
that year.
Year 7 was flittering
8 was unfounded
9 was groundbreaking but
10 was changing
Year 11’s love might still be reigning.

you never forget those 5 years.
even if you'd like too.

Distances uncovered by slow fingertips tracing arches of ligaments
rivers of veins
through mountains of bone
across lakes of pain.

Your body is a continent
and something compels me to explore,
(and as long as you allow it)
I'll keep searching till we're sore.

Cute.
Big man,
but bigger ego.
Stop grinning, cause soon-
All those pretty white teeth will
bend and bow
for me.

Today, you didn't appear.
For the life of me,
or death
I could not stand the fear.

You had staggered away.
Even after I may, or may not
have wanted you to stay.
Did my words wind up lost in translation,
still- I begged for swift emancipation.

Perhaps I fret too much.
"I" lacking your loving touch.
for we are not "We"
Just You an'                                                               Just me.

Today you didn't appear.

the emptiness of the ribcage after picking up a weight that was too heavy to hold  
                        like bullet-shells in arteries
                        tearing up from the inside out
                        coughing up wounds that never close properly
entropic love consumes the sky     cloudwatching emotions
sitting alone                                       to make heads or tails of them
begging to be swallowed too          the winds had nothing to say

of course healing takes time  takes time  to  pay  back

each suture like silk each pin ***** a waymark

to be the song you play for others to listen too
                  to be listened to

was discovered
prematurely.

all the careful punctuality
consciously conceal within this
carelessly
placed note,
has allowed it to                         resonate
by
flushing the pain

out of organs

like they wanted donated once
                                                      they were gone.

this is a small mercy.
to sit in darkened rooms,
plugged into a sad song
clutching at concerns midst a haze of distraction

waiting

for You to pierce it.

tear right through the walls
the pillows
the headphones
straight to the skull.

this is a small mercy.
the only one left.
so I wait.

Evil starts
"with every little lie" they said.
Yet here your heart lingers
neither truly alive or dead.

I remember
even if I don't want too.
Seeing you climb over
obstacles of your own making
and jumping from post to post
with no other feeling
but a smile.

Its a still image

repeating again but different;
like waves that break
or waves that smother
or waves that never rise at all.
But it's better to break beautifully
than stagnate.

I didn't belong in someone else's heart

**That's what I believe.

sitting on the roof tiles
stretching out tonight
i see our city blind itself in moonlight
i hear its call for someone to love it
like a newborn.
we should break its heart again.
                                                           it builds character
                                                           it should learn to mourn.

Who am i kidding
no friendship
should taste this bitter.

Who am i kidding?
no poetry
can change this pain.

Who am i kidding!
no smile, shared suddenly
can make you love me!

No number of late nights
no number of long days
or number of friendly fights.

When we met you told me
your heart is non-reaching
and
i said mine's over reaching.

Who am i kidding..
this gap'll never be bridged
we're a lost cause.
                                                       so  I left my heart to die
                                                       when i spluttered out my goodbye.

Return. Light, not blinding
Dispel my fear, my terror
of
loneliness (in hiding)
I. I. I.
Taste, nothing but ashes.
The hard fought flame called:
Us.
But as all fires die out
And all hope. All trust.
We must forgive (or at least forget)
We must return to dust.

there is nothing more to do but let the rain pour. it is pointless to try but we all try pointless things in the hope that they won't be for us. we throw umbrellas to the sky in anger and stamp in puddles out of frustration.

"IT JUST NEVER LISTENS!"
"IT JUST NEVER TRIES!"

from throats that are filled with apathy but momentarily outraged.
we think it will be different.
we try to make be different.
we start begging it to be different.
yet

It still rains.
(and we are at a loss.)

the name I’m calling in the night
is the ghost of yours.
an apparition
wraith-like, transparent
against my lips.
whispered in the witching hour
alone in the dark,
to summon something
or you.

i spoke back into the echo
of an earlier cry
an
outburst of comfort
attempting
to heal the older me.

blue eyes deep enough to get lost in
i made them caverns to get lost in
and filled with light you couldn't turn without blinding yourself
so i sit in the dark and stare at my ceiling
wishing for respite
in this very long night.

perhaps you're hell-sent.
these false feelings
words never truly meant.
                                                                                with bruises
your hands may intend.
because you're precious
you're my friend.

Be not afraid
of loneliness
as
Streetlights must be unlit
to sometimes see the stars.

are we defined
by tragedy?
only thing tying us together
is my desire to be called
we.