I tried to disappear a few times,
You always found me.
I don't know if that makes me
Love or hate you.

Yesterday's here again
Tomorrow never comes
I lay around and daydream about old love
Yesterday seduces me
Day after day
Soon I'll see the future
But probably not til the grave
Yesterday loves me
And has a grasp on me so tight
I'd give Tomorrow a chance
But it doesn't feel right
Yesterday is unfinished
A story untold
An ending I'll rewrite
Until I'm grey and old
But tomorrow could love me
It's trying it's best
It's waiting so patiently
For me to put Yesterday to rest.

Whenever I flip my lucky cigarette
I always wish for you.

I grab a brush,
Just to ruin the painting

And with my pen,
I'll disrupt the flow

When I open my mouth,
I butcher the chorus

And I only spew facts,
Everyone already knows

A walking disaster,
Filled with good intent

Busting through walls,
Instead of being let in

Happy to be here,
Not knowing when to leave

Mistake after mistake,
Never stopping to just breathe

Only worth what I can give, never allowed to be seen,
I tend their wounds and clean their rooms, but no one's concerned about me.
Money to borrow, chores to be done, tears to be wiped, words to be sung.
And I like to do it, but I'm all worn out
I can't keep on giving when I'm left out.
But I'm talked over, my words not worth your ears,
And my hands are unseen, unless alleviating others fears.
I've asked for help, and patience, and time, but I'm told that's life and I should step back in line.

Everything is blue,
There's no air left in my lungs,
The weight has crept out of my soul,
It's seeped into my bones,
Now I'm sinking faster,
There's nothing near to grasp,
I don't have it in me to make a life saving decision fast

You asked me to jump in the river,
Last I was here I nearly drowned,
You assure me it's safe, like a dip in the lake
But I just stand here and stare at the ground
You're tugging and pulling and teasing and mocking, it's all such good fun for you
But Im stuck in a daze, reliving the ways the current swirled and looped
You're starting to get impatient, we're hand in hand,
My feet stuck firm in the sand
You're disappointed I couldn't follow through

I never fully understood why you felt the need to beat me into submission when I'd already surrendered myself to you after you said you loved me.

I broke my own heart dreaming I could deserve someone as perfect as you are.

I was familiar with rough hands but I'll never forget how gentle she was when she touched me

Forty three patients, forty three lives, all counting on me under a license thats mine,
There's medicine to pass and treatments to be done, I'm trying to be fast but I am only one,
Her blood pressures low but his blood pressure is high, bed 36 is in so much pain now that they've begun to cry,
I don't mean to be so in and out, I want to take my time and ease your doubts,
a listening ear,
a reassuring touch,
But its hard to manage when corporate doesn't care about patient care so much,
To me you are person, to them you are dollar signs, I want to hear about the life you've lived but if I don't chart we'll be fined,
I'm trying so hard to get everything done, I want to be there for you,
But if I fall behind on this paperwork, they'll just replace me with someone new.
So I'll brush your hair and bring your favorite snack, after I pass all these pills I'll try to come back,
I want to take the time to listen to you
While I can't chat for 45 minutes, even when I'd really like to, I remember which pudding you prefer your medicine in, and your sons and daughters names too
I know what time you'll likely be in bed, and the time you'd like to get dressed, I know it's not enough, and I know you get depressed,
But I hope you can feel I care for you

Familiar but distant
Different yet the same
I can't believe you still have that t-shirt,
What's made you come around again?

They always think I'm dumb
That I don't understand,
I don't know what I'm talking about- I don't have a plan
I ask questions if I don't have a clue, so why is it assumed I don't know what to do?
I'm educated, I always got good grades
Why does everyone treat me like I live in a daze?
They double check me- every word that leaves my mouth, I'm never met with equal standing only others doubts

I day dream you know,
Of better days and other ways conversations should have went. I say words with passion that will never leave my lips, spend money I'll never make, experience a life I'll never live, all from my head. I've built the same house since I was 14 looking out rainy windows, so real I can smell the fresh coat of paint on the living room walls. I've planned the same wedding since I was 16 at midnight staring up at my ceiling, so real I can feel the tears on my cheek while reciting my vows. But I'm 26 and I'm scared of failure so I don't try, the fear so real I can feel myself daydreaming my life away.

If I go to the left I miss out on the right,
And I'll never know what's right for me.
But I sit and feel doom, and plead with the moon to illuminate what I need to see.

The path was a fork, cut black and white
A simple 50/50 decision.
But under moon light, it's more than I thought, with unpaved paths through the grass that have risen.

A beautiful maze, all of these ways I could get to my destination,
But each road I turn too, the next one I yearn for, so I'm stuck here in purgatory station.

There's an ache in my chest
That travels through my bones
I can't get any rest
I feel so alone

I feel like I could split open
Even bleed out on the floor
Would my eyes finally close then
Not feeling this pain anymore

I know it'll go away
I've felt this before
But it brings me so much shame
When I can't get off of the floor

She'll nail the audition, she always does
She even gets the lead more often than not,
But like clock work, her performance declines with each rehearsal
She can't hit the notes,
Her costume begins fitting funny,
Don't get me started on her choreography,
But she'll pursue, until she's booed
Off the stage on opening night.

And this is her curse,
She'll nail the first verse,
And have seemingly no control as she gets worse

He sent me flowers

I told him I loved you

I could have just said thank you

A word used only to be polite.
You don't love her if you think she's "nice"

Maybe it's time to go,
But I don't know how to leave.
There's always something to say, you never just let me be,
This house raised me with anger but also made me, me.
How can I walk away when it's all I've ever seen?
The children here I protected, the adults I witnessed fall
I can't relive this past anymore, I'm almost 30 after all.
This room holds so many memories, there's secrets in these walls.
How can some place be so comforting, yet keep my life on pause?
There's hatred in the air, masked by family dinners and decor, nothing can be out of place, you may only cry behind closed doors.
To feel sadness is to show weakness, and these people are out for blood, I've learned survival all these years, but sometimes I let the feelings flood.
Use your hands to be helpful, and your mouth only to smile, don't show your cracks, the answers no so don't ask or be prepared to be shunned for awhile.

My days are all purple,
Not yellow, not green,
But a lavender, orchid, and lilac
shaded screen

When the days are long and the laughter is loud, I never remember to write it all down.

I can't write the happy thoughts,
The good days,
The calm.

I only feel poetic when everything goes wrong

What's the price on sanity these days?
Could I doordash it?

You look so pretty when you're talking to me,
and just for a second, I want to see what you see.
'Cause if you saw yourself in the way that I do,
you'd realize your worth-
and maybe I'd realize mine too

The worst they can say is no
The worst that can happen is I'm wrong
The worst that can happen,
isn't the worst at all
The world will still turn,
the sun will still shine,
the moon will still listen when
I'm not feeling fine
I can move on or learn something new,
I don't have to fear the unknown,
I can be me-
not what's wanted from you

I'll know when I've healed,
For I'll be able to
reach out my hand
and not fear no one grabs it

He'll hold his cup close while she

drips
          drips
                   drips

Impatiently he'll warm her,
filling his cup

Faster
          Faster
                    Faster

Back into the ocean she goes,
He is already gone.

You're quiet thunder
I hold storms behind my teeth
Still you heard the rain

Two tattoos, 10 years, many moons
No one could have told me I'd spend my life without you
You saw it all, my rise and my fall
Every girl that I was,
And the woman that I am
Saved a special place next to me
Where always you could stand
You held me when I cried
Cleaned my room when I couldn't move
Came to me from hours away
When I faced my darkest doom
Without you, I'd never be me
So I'll always love you from here
Even if you never see

Maybe if I let people in
I wouldn't be so lonely like this
No one to turn to, no where to cry,
I just lay here and fester while the days go slowly by

I really don't have real friends, none that I can talk to everyday
Almost thirty years of people pleasing and they all watch me decay