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250 · Aug 25
Tightrope
Kalliope Aug 25
On the verge of yes,
More likely I'll say no
Constantly increasing the distance,
Never quite letting go
Always wearing a tight lipped smile,
Even when I'm feeling blue
No sense in letting them know,
There's nothing anyone can do
Feeling my feelings
Just not too much
Is the struggle
245 · Aug 17
Too Much
Kalliope Aug 17
Too much talking
Too much noise
Too much kissing
Too much touching
Too much laughing
Too much crying
Too much fighting
Too much typing
Too much calling
Too much singing
You were never too much for me
This silence is though
241 · Mar 2018
A Thought
Kalliope Mar 2018
I'm sorry I didn't understand how to love slowly,
It's a shame you didn't have the patience to show me.
235 · Jul 29
Lighter Fluid
Kalliope Jul 29
When the spark is gone
And just a candle burns
I can't promise I'll be around

See the wax it melts,
So painfully slow
But the sparkler,
Knows how to put on a show

The wax could warm me,
And make me feel whole,
Scented with safety and patience

But the fireworks?
They make my heart race,
And for a second it's my only focus

And I know what they'll say
You can relight a candle,
A sparkler's a one time thing

But that won't stop me,
From fighting for the spark
Even if it keeps me on my knees
All good things come to an end
So they say
Or do I end all good things?
234 · Aug 13
Twisted Neck
Kalliope Aug 13
And still I look back
On the bad days
The ones with the fights
And the yelling
Cant forget the tears

And still I look back
On the good days
The ones with the love
And the affection
Can't forget the feeling

And still I look back
Before I met you
And my heart wasn't broken
Can't forget how you changed me

And still I look back
But do you?
Do you think a brace would force me to live in the present?
Kalliope Apr 2018
I fell in love with love long before I ever fell in love with you.
230 · Oct 2018
Conscience Whispers
Kalliope Oct 2018
I'm stuck in my head
Can't get out of bed
You leave me on read
You don't care what I said

I can't feel love
Not even heaven above
Your hearts I will shove
I'm someone to dispose of

It's all good and well
My hopes have all fell
My soul I will sell
I'm going to hell
Some deals are made to stop pain
227 · Sep 1
What's Today Again?
Kalliope Sep 1
Yesterday's here again
Tomorrow never comes
I lay around and daydream about old love
Yesterday seduces me
Day after day
Soon I'll see the future
But probably not til the grave
Yesterday loves me
And has a grasp on me so tight
I'd give Tomorrow a chance
But it doesn't feel right
Yesterday is unfinished
A story untold
An ending I'll rewrite
Until I'm grey and old
But tomorrow could love me
It's trying it's best
It's waiting so patiently
For me to put Yesterday to rest.
But Yesterday was certain
Tomorrow is new
Yesterday was comfort
And Today?
Well it's blue
226 · Aug 21
Limits
Kalliope Aug 21
I cannot pour myself into you,
And expect to receive myself back
I cannot pour myself into you,
If you are not there anymore
I cannot pour myself into you,
And for the next 12 hours I won't
I cannot pour myself into you,
But I want to
I love you, I'm sorry
215 · Jul 28
Morning Haze
Kalliope Jul 28
And I'll think of you
In the morning blue
While sipping my tea
Wishing we could be
The first glimpse of the sunrise over the trees is what you felt like to my heart
213 · Apr 2018
Awakening
Kalliope Apr 2018
I was familiar with rough hands but I'll never forget how gentle she was when she touched me
213 · Sep 4
Babygirl
Kalliope Sep 4
A constant reminder of the love we once shared,
That's no longer there
Personified in the form of a little person,
A little bit of me and a lot a bit of you,
I love watching her figure out what all she can do
Stubborn and curious ,
I wonder if she'll grow to be like you, always furious
So I shower her with love and affection and attention
And shield her from our past, the things we do not mention
You find fault in every role I take,
As a partner you ******, but as a dad I think you're great
A confusing place to be, to hate the man your daughter adores
But I push through and only cry behind closed doors
The greatest gift you gave me
Was our daughter for sure
But the permanent connection with you
I could've gone without
211 · Apr 2018
My Mistake
Kalliope Apr 2018
I've always been in love with who I hoped you could be, not who you are.
208 · Aug 26
Deja Vu
Kalliope Aug 26
Familiar but distant
Different yet the same
I can't believe you still have that t-shirt,
What's made you come around again?
Time has aged your face
But your eyes haven't changed
And I can't look away
205 · Apr 2018
Nice
Kalliope Apr 2018
A word used only to be polite.
You don't love her if you think she's "nice"
199 · Oct 18
Aggressive Either Way
Kalliope Oct 18
Passive aggressive, can't be too firm,
This anger inside me I've carried since birth.
I say what I mean but then laugh at the end
You don't think I'm serious, and my mind starts to bend.
Can't be too forward,
Sarcasm my favorite weapon, maybe if I said it straight I wouldn't always end up mad again.

Aggressively passive, I've given up hope, no point in giving a **** when you're taken as a joke.
Why argue my point when you're blind to my mind?
I get better and better at keeping the anger inside.
Go with the flow is too gentle a phrase, for the ***** I don't give the more that I age.
People will come and those people will go, no longer will I cry and let my soul feel hope.
And I'm ****** if I do
Definitely ****** if I don't,
But I can handle being ******
Simply because I won't
199 · Aug 17
Chai Latte
Kalliope Aug 17
I poured out my heart
But your cup was gone
Now I'm left all over the floor
I'm always too late
198 · Aug 20
Still
Kalliope Aug 20
If I linger in our favorite spots,
One day you'll find me.
The longer I stay,
I realize you're not coming.
But what if you show up just as I round the corner?
196 · Sep 6
Not Hungry
Kalliope Sep 6
You ask me to get dinner
So casually I almost didn't hear it
And the chemistry is there
And you're waiting for my yes
But all I do is stare
In my head he tells me to go
But my heart is screaming no

You asked me to get dinner
So casually I chose not to hear it
And the chemistry is there
And yeah we could be a match
But I wouldn't dare
In my head he tells me to go
But his heart is all I want to know
I can't open this door with you
The previous door isn't closed
And maybe that door will slam in my face
But the decision to wait is mine to make
And at the end of the day
You're not him
190 · Oct 28
Mr. December
Kalliope Oct 28
One man today, another man tomorrow
To have been mixed up with you
Gave me everlasting sorrow
For the time that I spent and the tears that I wept
Always making sure your heart and house were well kept
The mean you that I hated, the goofy you that I loved
I'm not sure how the two coincide or if you were ever in love
Compassion for you I still carry but the anger never goes away, I wonder if I'll ever heal from you, this pain likes to stay.
And I picked you apart,
Incessantly studied your brain,
But all of my effort was made in vain
187 · Sep 3
Maybe
Kalliope Sep 3
Somewhere between yes and no
Where the sky is purple
And the water so still
The grass grows tall
And it sways in the wind
I could stay here forever
My dress flowing in the breeze
Your gaze holding mine
But I can't build a life on maybe
And neither can you
But who's going to
Look away first
Maybe we grow old together
And preach forgiveness to our grandchildren
But maybe I never see you again
And you're just a story I tell my daughters
Kalliope Apr 2018
You can't find love in the arms of someone who doesn't love you,

That didn't stop me from searching  
 all night.
184 · Aug 26
Morning Misery
Kalliope Aug 26
The world is awake
My eyelids are heavy
I make my coffee
But don't want to get ready
Another day without you
24 hours I'm dreading
I miss your sleepy good morning
But I know it's not happening
Well it is
Just without me
184 · Sep 5
Kindling
Kalliope Sep 5
I don't give up
It's not in my nature
Even when it burns to hold

I don't give up
I ponder and wonder
If you're supposed to feel like home

I don't give up
I tend my wounds carefully
And return to fire once more

I don't give up
I wait around and prepare
For them to come back through the door

I don't give up
But maybe I should
It seems like they always do

I don't give up
Delusions fill my head
And my heart really still loves you
So I'll tend to this fire
And burn with desire
With hopes you'll come around
And try my best to love you without sound
183 · Aug 2
Untitled
Kalliope Aug 2
A green light
On a cold phone
Is the only way
I'll ever feel your presence
I'll never feel your arms wrapped around me
182 · Aug 21
3bfe
Kalliope Aug 21
Everywhere I look for you
I find you
Pull you out of thin air
Bringing you back to me
In all my activities
I find you
A username on a screen
A fleck of purple where it shouldn't be
Your phrases through strangers lips
In and out my heart while it beats
And worst part of it all,
I'm not even searching anymore
181 · Aug 21
Sit with It
Kalliope Aug 21
What if the bad thing didn't happen?
If we erased that day,
Forgot the feelings too
Would I be this sad right now?

What if the good thing didn't happen?
If we erased that night,
Forgot those feelings too
Would I be this sad right now?
I want the pain to go away
But without this hurt
Then how would I know
What we felt was real?
179 · Aug 14
Rot
Kalliope Aug 14
Rot
There's an ache in my chest
That travels through my bones
I can't get any rest
I feel so alone

I feel like I could split open
Even bleed out on the floor
Would my eyes finally close then
Not feeling this pain anymore

I know it'll go away
I've felt this before
But it brings me so much shame
When I can't get off of the floor
I'll feel nothing next week
Until the cycle repeats
176 · Aug 19
0000
Kalliope Aug 19
You're an hour behind
And I'm an hour ahead
We never could meet at the right time
I'll bust my clock to wait for you tho
168 · 7d
August
If it's not you, it's definitely me
I'll take the blame, I'll be the bee
You brought a flame, I stung your knee

You started to glow, I watched where you went
I got scared, my anger spent
Now you're injured, and I can't vent
If I was a bee
You were a firefly
You showed me your light
And I showed you the rage inside
167 · Jul 28
Spotify Daylist
Kalliope Jul 28
And sometimes
When I place my earbuds in
I don't hit play right away
I hesitate
Because in the silence
If I close my eyes
I swear I hear your laughter
There's comfort in missing you
160 · Oct 2
7x7=49
Kalliope Oct 2
It's the first snow during the last year you believe in Christmas magic,
It's the desire to watch the tornado form even though the storm is heavy,
It's 9 am on the first fall morning of your freshman year of high-school,
It's your favorite sweater fresh out of the dryer,
It's the warmth from your mug of coffee radiating to your palms at 5 am,
It's the last laugh at your first slumber party before you fall asleep,
It's the sun creeping over the trees,
It's the sound of your Playstation starting up after a 3 month hiatus,
It's Thursday,
It's orange sun rays warming my skin,
It's a thick navy blue university that you never went to sweater,
It's fuzzy slippers,
It's Holiday themed squishmallows,
It's potato soup that your mom makes on Sunday,
It's cookie dough ice cream at midnight,
It's a warm cinnamon roll in the morning,
It's the number 22,
It's the way that when I close my eyes all I think of is you.
My feelings for you I can't describe,
But reading these instances you'll get the vibe,
It's just too simple to say I feel safe,
But in your arms I've found my place.
160 · Sep 2
Visionary
Kalliope Sep 2
I see brown eyes when I close mine
And messy dark hair,
Your hand in mine while the sun rises,
Tired from 3 am deep dives into eachothers minds,
Kept awake only by the desire of your presence,
And the electricity from your touch,
A touch not felt but so soft just the same,
But my eyes will open,
As the sun creeps over the trees,
Right when you're about to kiss me
And my brain will curse my heart for allowing such tantalizing visions
To creep in again
I'm more of a sunset girl
But you make me want to watch
The sun rise
158 · Aug 3
Trimming
Kalliope Aug 3
A rose without thorns
Would not be a rose
But I tried to trim mine
Before you left me to wilt
Watering myself down
Drowned us
157 · Aug 25
Backwards
Kalliope Aug 25
I grab a brush,
Just to ruin the painting

And with my pen,
I'll disrupt the flow

When I open my mouth,
I butcher the chorus

And I only spew facts,
Everyone already knows

A walking disaster,
Filled with good intent

Busting through walls,
Instead of being let in

Happy to be here,
Not knowing when to leave

Mistake after mistake,
Never stopping to just breathe
I wouldn't hold my hand either
155 · May 15
Blue Roses are Forever
Kalliope May 15
I found a seashell next to your picture today.
I'm not sure how it got out of its jar
I'd like to think you moved it there.
That was your way of letting me know everything's okay
And that it's been a while since I talked to you last
152 · Aug 17
Grip
Kalliope Aug 17
Did you bleed because you ache for me
Or because I wouldn't let go?
I'd be holding on still if my nails didn't break
150 · Aug 17
327 Characters
Kalliope Aug 17
I'm restless
I'm aching
I want you to text me

I'm texting
I'm pacing
I want you to text me

I'm staring
I'm crying
I want you to text me

I'm shaking
I'm numb
You're not gonna text me
Yet I keep texting you
146 · Aug 22
Whisper Me
Kalliope Aug 22
Can you say my name one more time?
Softly, like the fog in the early morning
I just want to see if it still gives me goosebumps
Can you tell me my favorite color?
Quietly, like nighttime rain
I just want to remember how it felt to be remembered
I can only speak of you in whispers
Full volume, saying your name, gives me shivers
I hope that if you do think about me
You'll remember me in whispers
137 · Aug 29
Starlight
Kalliope Aug 29
Only good enough to be spoken to in the dark, I try not to think about it.
You consume all of my daylight hours,
Always present in my mind, how long will that last? If I'm only thought of when the stars come out, at least I'm thought of at all.
I'll play my music loud
But nothing drowns out the sound
Of missing you.
128 · Oct 28
Caregiver
Kalliope Oct 28
Only worth what I can give, never allowed to be seen,
I tend their wounds and clean their rooms, but no one's concerned about me.
Money to borrow, chores to be done, tears to be wiped, words to be sung.
And I like to do it, but I'm all worn out
I can't keep on giving when I'm left out.
But I'm talked over, my words not worth your ears,
And my hands are unseen, unless alleviating others fears.
I've asked for help, and patience, and time, but I'm told that's life and I should step back in line.
If your cup was empty I'd give you half,
But I've filled so many cups,
And no one's filled mine back
126 · Sep 8
27 Temporal Lane
Kalliope Sep 8
I day dream you know,
Of better days and other ways conversations should have went. I say words with passion that will never leave my lips, spend money I'll never make, experience a life I'll never live, all from my head. I've built the same house since I was 14 looking out rainy windows, so real I can smell the fresh coat of paint on the living room walls. I've planned the same wedding since I was 16 at midnight staring up at my ceiling, so real I can feel the tears on my cheek while reciting my vows. But I'm 26 and I'm scared of failure so I don't try, the fear so real I can feel myself daydreaming my life away.
And everything goes right in my head
And I don't make mistakes
My front door's painted red
And I succeed at every risk I take
121 · Aug 12
Surface Level
Kalliope Aug 12
Everything's on the surface
Any deeper I start getting nervous
But your voice is so calming,
Your vulnerability enthralling

NO, I can't let you know me
I can't let you see
I can't let you find out
I'm 95% self doubt

My favorite color is green
At times I can be mean
I still watch Disney movies
-why does it feel like you're looking right through me?

And I'll preach I'm an open book
Lay it out, have a look
But the more you flip my pages
And start to see where the rage is-

The book will be snatched
The relationship crashed
You'll wonder why,
You might even cry

It's nothing to mourn
Don't be forlorn
Let's not get disheveled
Baby I'm just surface level
I can't believe you got past chapter two
121 · Nov 4
Snakeskin Reflections
Kalliope Nov 4
A ghost or a shell
I never can tell
When I look in the mirror
And everything's weird
The smile I miss
Now a thin line so crisp
The glaze in my eyes
Since the glow died
This skin isn't mine
This body feels like a crime
I don't recognize what I see
I just want to feel like me
Holding onto the past
But wanting to be new
How long does this transition last
I'm ready to shed this shade of blue
111 · Aug 21
Words and Phrases
Kalliope Aug 21
You don't want me
But hush now don't say it
I don't know if the words ache
Because I know it's true
Or because you won't admit it
You don't want me
The phrase that beats me black and blue,
Pours out of my eyes like summer rain,
Aches my bones like a cold winter morning,
And I let it
You don't want me entirely, just nearby
110 · 6d
Better Off Alone
When I hold your hand
For a second I'm complete
And talking comes so easy
But to listen is defeat.

I need it all at my pace
And it's not fair to you
I know that you'll keep trying
But there's not much you can do.

Trust is a fickle thing
And I didn't realize I had an issue
I'm damaged more than I ever thought
You're a gentle soul and I will miss you.

The patience I require
Is an amount I can't even give
You're better off going elsewhere
You have a whole life to live.
And I can't be your one great love
When I'm not great at love at all
You'll find someone who makes you laugh
And you'll forget me while you fall
102 · Aug 16
Honeybun
Kalliope Aug 16
His love was,
Soft like the rain on a foggy morning,
Mesmerizing like a summertime sunrise,
Calming like a cool breeze through the autumn trees,
Safe like your favorite blanket after a scary movie,
Warm like holding your favorite mug full of tea in your hands,
And it was mine,
Until it wasn't.
And the absence of it has left a crater I don't know how to fill

— The End —