I'll beckon the flames to rise again,
Brush off the dust that infests.
Temperature growing with my breathing,
I want every spec of darkness within.
Show me the being you hide inside,
Sadistic and thirsty for pleasure pleading.

Destroy the rage inside my soul,
Dissect what's left for you to soil.
I'll bow my head in understanding,
Lick my lips as you **** me.

This labyrinth of love inspires me,
Hide and seek in fields of flowers...
They say the itch will go away,
I'm raw from anticipation.
Come quickly into my embrace,
It's really the safest place.

Destroy the rage inside my soul,
Burn all that was ever soiled.
I'll bow my head in understanding,
Scream out loud as you **** me.

Strip of fabric folded
Darkening the day
So that you not see
Desire radiating

*** cherry red
Soft hands clapping
Flushing the cheeks
And then you smile

I want to be your teeth
So that your tongue
Is constantly touching
Feeling and licking

Black cat arched back
Fingers arachnid running
Descending and deliberate
I want to be your teeth

Flossing more often because of you
Kool-aid blue cold condensation
Wiping my brow drifting dreaming
Biting my bottom lip until bruised

Fantasies of you being used
Objectified with warm honey eyes
My popsicle melted on your lips
Elbows dug into my mattress

Give me some sugar, ******
My pixie stick sweetheart
Indulging my sweet tooth
Flossing more often because of you

At this point I am absolutely aware
Birds have nibbled the whole trail
Of crumbs scattered loosely behind me
For you to follow and for you to find me

Nothing is worth measuring time
Dusk to dawn to candles burning out
Candles being blown out surrounded
By people and laughter and nothing

A dream found damaged and gathered
In my basket while on a visit to grandma
Heart ripe red and silver spoon fed to you
Only to become the evil queen at the end

Friction of index and pointer finger
Dragging gently over lips and chin
With pupils fixated on tongue and teeth
Breath slowly exiting our soft temples
Eyelids flutter closed for quick moments
Of glimpses into grand starlit nirvana

Teeth pressed into flesh
I want my head on your chest
Fingers twirling my hair
Our particles are everywhere

Friction of hand closed over throat
Squeezing and in some time releasing
With iris's diving deep in mine glowing
Smile bursting from sinister tempting
And soon your fingers will be in my hair
Our particles spreading out everywhere

I don't feel the way I had imagined
I would feel by the time I had gotten here
Paper scraps littering a lengthy path
An ivory album half filled to the gills
Most pages just blips and blackouts
A garden of blooming disappointments

I hyped up the experience too much
Everything feels so terribly lack luster
Now I'm almost always half asleep
And the days feel like I pressed repeat

I don't feel the way I had imagined
Though times have been much worse
And I'm alright with seeing the sunrise
The boredom is better than binging
Waking in such a painful panic
But I've kept the promise this time

Swift punt to the soda pop tin
Littering the low lit path before me
Flash back to kick the can
And hopscotch jumping rope
To wittled cans from which to smoke
And losing family to knotted rope

Years pile on tense shoulders
Bearing zirconium smiling teeth
Finding diamonds in my grief
But always pacing forward

To flash back on bronze days
Glowing like bonfire embers
Finishing the last of the thirty rack
Never realizing I was drowning
Just sad and aloof and smiling
Smoking bad **** from a PBR can

There are no children laughing
Playing hopscotch in the driveway
With a manicured lawn and pretty
Flowers in boxes attached to the windows

There's no degree framed in my office
Actually there isn't an office at all here
Inside this lived in two bedroom flat
Where I spend as much time as possible

There's no sleek foreign sports car
Candy apple red glimmering in the sun
Or vacation home nestled somewhere
I can't pronounce to go once a year

There aren't six figures in my account
Or country club lunches with the girls
Black card shopping sprees in the city
Or box seat opera season tickets

There is glitter on my eyelids
And an immense feeling of gratitude
When I wake up happy and free
Unapologetic and authentically me

Don't ever let me go
We sing surrounded by roses
Candle light waltzes
But who's at fault

It fizzles away, baby
Nothing gold can stay
Winter melts to May
And candles waltz

Pricked by the roses
Picked by the boy
And then it melts away
And it just goes away

Decomposing flesh somewhere secret
Where ribs have become a latter
For the wild roses to climb
Accompanied by the ivy vines
Baby's breath and aromatic thyme

No soil covering like that of a duvet
Fully exposed yellow green and gray
Sun-dried freshly plucked from life
Crown of flowers sitting crooked
Lips curved as if they were smirking

Because I made you promise me
When oxygen escaped me forever
To drape me amongst the fauna
In the exact location that you whispered
"I wish you were ******* dead"

Waves of blue destroy the shore,
Littering particles of memory behind.
Flashes jump and fade before grasped,
Eyes closed embracing the sea breeze.

I lived in a castle made of sand,
I gazed through sea glass windows.
I swam in a bucket of bliss,
I buried my woes with a shovel.

Ocean storms destroyed my home,
Brewed by rage buried beneath me.
Photographs covered the shore,
And my shovel was misplaced.

Butterfly kisses
Sun licked
Salt brined
Soft sand
Scorched

Two hands
Twenty fingers
Light gust
Waves crash
Delicately

Soft spoken
Silly smirk
Beach towel
Wet saliva
Fornication

Butterfly kisses
Sparkling water
Sweat tresses
Held secure
Sensational

He's a cosmopolitan queen,
He's content on his knees,
He feeds from the screams,
and the souls he redeems.

He's got a complex mind,
He appreciates the grind,
He always takes his time,
A master of his crimes.

He's simple but complex,
He's an incredible wreck,
He whispers on your neck,
And answers to your beck.

He's a cosmopolitan queen,
He'll bring you to your knees,
He'll infiltrate with ease,
and he'll take what he needs.

Red dot adjacent the center star
Accelerating towards my hands
Outreached as if expecting rainfall
To be decorated in charred debris
As consciousness ascends somewhere

Cradled in slumbers warm embrace
Blowing kisses unto my face
Visions of a dim lit peaceful place
Where I did once forget my grace
But took it back with a hasty pace

In time to witness obliteration
As that dot did decimate
Crashing into the blue and green
Orbiting rock around the center star
Now finding himself much more lonesome

Loneliness tastes like pavement,
Licked that time I fell,
Hard onto my face.

That time I tried to pretend,
That I was exactly the same,
As those sad boys around me.

I was the saddest of them all,
Angry and eager to fall,
With no one to help me.

Bandages removed with haste,
Love quickly turned to waste,
I took notes and grew.

I've gotten too old for this angst
Paint on my smile alongside
My contour and eyelashes
My pain is a personal serving

I'd like to think time served here
Means something for later on
When I collapse in my grand finale
Curtains close and the symphony stops

You have no idea the lengths I go
To keep this silly old show on the road
Pointless battles on bathroom floors
The shadows kept behind closed doors

But, I've gotten too old for this angst
So I stay grateful and wide awake
Never biting the hand that feeds
Wiping crumbs and dirt from my knees

Several deep breaths
Exhale slow and smooth
To find the center
To find you

Saddest eyes I've ever seen
I made them twinkle and
I made them gleam
To find you

Several deep breaths
Exhale softly sigh
You were the spider
I was the fly

In an alternative universe
Two glasses clink together
Sauvignon Blanc paired with
Delicious garden picked
Raw ******* in moonlight
Smile stretching from
Sea all the way to sky

Arms wrap my expanse
Twinkle in your glance
As our eyes sleepily together
Watch the sun claim the sky
With birds lightly singing
A lullaby to drift away into
Champagne bubble dreaming

In an alternate universe
My dreams did bear fruit
Sweet from green lush vines
Aging with finesse like wine
Sometimes I go back to visit
Where sky collides with sea
To scribble letters into bottles

Letters you will never read

An appetite for the unobtainable
Red light glowing from your exit sign
Dark honey licked eyes overpowering
My ocean salt brined tear drops smiling

Skin cells on my skin cells
Lips enveloping my lips

An appetite for the untouchable
Her perfume dances around your aura
Those sweet honey brown iris's
Gazing far off away from me

Skin cells on her skin cells
Lips enveloping her lips

An appetite for the unavailable
Hazy bar lights flicker to darkness
Your eyes no where to be found
My oceans are filling and spilling

Skin cells on my skin cells
Lips enveloped in honey bourbon

The worst memories are the cleanest,
Visited so regularly no dust collects,
No spiders crawl in to spin their webs.

The walls are yellowed with smoke,
And the table's water damaged with rings,
From all the hours spent there pondering.

The worst memories are the cleanest,
Organized daily to keep them clear,
Polished and treated like a shrine.

The curtains are heavy and allow no light,
The air is heavy and tastes like the sea,
Once you're there it's hard to leave.

Furniture wrapped in plastic,
Clocks and crosses hug the walls.
Pastel colored trinkets on the shelves,
Silence fills each corner of the room.

Flowers on the kitchen table,
Falling one petal at a time,
She dives into the blue,
With a cozy glass of wine.

Coffee with one sugar,
English muffin dry,
Bird watch til nine, then
Days of our lives.

Tunafish on toast,
Water with fresh lime,
A passage from the Bible,
To forgive her of her crimes.

Dinner is a Xanax,
To give her that soft glow.
Her eyelids start to flutter,
Her dreams start to flow.

She's lived like this for years,
Probably always will.
Pills, prayer, and trinkets,
And Jesus as her thrill.

Feeling somewhat lost,
Understanding myself,
Control is necessary,
Kindling my desire.

Make art with me,
Everything must go.

Heart in your hand,
Aching for the squeeze,
Reaching for the kiss,
Deprived and prepared.

Branches reach out gently,
To stoke the moons cheek;
And to remind her she is lovely.

In return she shines brighter,
And his leaves vibrantly glow;
And she reminds him he is strong.

Her phases constantly change,
And seasons steal his leaves,
And they drift apart for a while.

They do this dance each year,
And the circle goes around,
They are lovely and in love.

Poseidon crush those pearls to powder
I get high on tidal tears that cascade
Crashing down from blushed cheek to chin
Dive right into those pools and wade

I'll willingly catch your undertow
So long as those tears ebb and flow
There's something so sweetly enchanting
Seeing a man with warm tears welling

Poseidon sink his ships and treasures
Then conjure only gloomy weather
So I might be able to fully savor
My salty seamans tearful endeavors

Comfortable rectangle
Entanglements
Stranger sleeping
Feeling, breathing
Mostly dreaming

Self exploration
Starlit sobbing
Skin cells
Sweat beads
Strands of hair

Morning whispers
Morning breath
Laughing, touching
Alarm clocks
Departures

Ice cubes melt and evaporate,
In a salt rimmed glass.
Shaken and garnished with lime,
Denied and left there to dry.

Time moves slower at night,
The bar looks at me in lust.
Strength is found at sunrise,
Another battle is won.

Memories are loud sometimes,
Crying out to be fed.
Terrified to be dealt with,
Screaming in rage when wet.

Desire is only funny,
When it's gone.
Diluted to only water,
Where when tasted,
You feel refreshed,
and not disgusted.

My desires remain,
and when rage boiled,
They didn't evaporate,
But turned into syrup...
Concentrated,
And gross to taste.

Gross to talk about,
***** to remember,
And painful to the tongue,
Where once you were,
Essence sitting,
And I swallowed...

More than once.

It's truly exhausting to fear this way,
To face each day and feel this way.
A terrible nagging that won't go away,
To struggle and fight and have no say.

I'm afraid to wake up and live,
I'm afraid to sleep and die.

There's a race inside of my mind,
But no one ever gets ahead,
Nor ever do they fall behind.
A limbo if you will.

I'm afraid to sleep at night,
I'm afraid to face the day.

It's truly exhausting to fear this way,
And I'll never not feel this way,
But I make progress every day,
So I think I'll go to sleep.

Desire,
Twisting vines
Intertwined
In my mind

Bound,
Wrists writhing
Eyes sultry
Sweet smirking

Licked,
Navel to nose
Curled toes
Breath grows

Fantasies,
B-roll spinning
****** ensuing
A new beginning

Bright light attracts the bugs at night,
So I got smart and dimmed my glow.
Barely noticeable to untrained eyes,
I just simply glide through the day.
A little less unimpressed at sunset,
Watching all my circles shrink.  

It can get a little lonely here,
But the past comes to remind me;

Sleeping with dogs can give you fleas,
So I adopted a no animal policy.
I haven't had an itch in ages,
But I miss the companionship.
It can get a little lonely here,
but at least I have no bugs.

Mouth agape
Wisps billowing
Drunk howling
Running man
Two step
Electronic pulsation

Eyes fixated
Silver glamour
Wet pout
Hands reaching
Hands grasped
Lights flashing

Hands dropping
Lower back
Smooth talking
Expensive cologne
Neck kisses
Uber ordered

Sprawled out in my skin
Hair cascading softly
Over black silk pillows
Gazing off into and through
The ceiling flickering from
The candles waltzing
To Chet Baker singing

Fantasies compiling
Eyes slowly closing
To reopen transported
Champagne and petals
Vintage leather jackets
And black boxer briefs
With air dark and sweet

Fingers caressing
Lips tasting and exploring
Bliss in a California king
A variety of beautiful men
Adoring and pleasuring
Lounging in a sea of lust
Forever playing make believe

To drift
Be taken far out
Brought further into
Subconscious
Slew of symbols
Color coded
Neurons colliding

Sever
To untether
Physical form
From spiritual
Deep inhales
Counting down
Vibrations

Hey,
I'll see you
Out there
In shadows and
Swirling cosmos
With three eyes
And bright aura

Feet first into the cosmic sea
Swelling and crashing over
All our buildings and dreams
Forever is a children's fable
Sit and watch me start to fade

Green spec on the wonder bread
And totally unnoticed she'll spread
Until every slice is perfectly saturated
And eventually tossed into the trash
And eventually tossed into a landfill

Feet first into the cosmic sea
Where we do go when breathing ceases
Deceased and tossed into the trash
And eventually tossed into a landfill
With all the other promises of forever

Limbs intertwined isn't enough,
For this kind of twisting vine.
Where substance is the water,
To this fertilized soil.

Forming cracks from the lick,
Of dry desert sunlight.
Where once a great lake roamed,
But was used up in his youth.

Orange warmth felt nice,
Until it turned everything brown.
The lush vine died without the lake,
And the sun had no one to entertain.

Mesmerized by your dark eyes
Under gas station florescent lights
Rummaging through deep pockets
Demanding money be put in the bag
Emphasis on the curse words with
Ripe and rosey dried cracked lips

Malevolent spirit doing a danger dance
Enticing me into your territory

Decadence in your worldly hatred
A bitter sweet flavor on my teeth
Demanding and forever ******
Dismal with a soft sweet center
Yes. I'll see you on the other side.

Dry assumptions,
You know what they say.
Ridicule without wonder.
Just a scratchy throat,
A hollow cough,
and a request for water.

A slew of basic questions,
Like a prepared selection,
A magic uninterested eight ball.
A scratchy throat,
A hollow cough,
an excuse to focus elsewhere.

Dry assumptions,
You know what they say.
A slew of basic questions,
Ridicule without wonder.
A magic uninterested eight ball,
Is asking for some water.

Amber eyes glisten
Tall drink of water,
Serial killer smile,
Wind ****** hair.

Confident grin,
Red intense stare,
Charming laugh,
Machine gun quirk.

Deep thoughts,
Brooding pose,
Bigger nose,
Tall bones.

Terribly funny,
Awfully lovely,
Incredibly loving,
Serial killer smile.

You replaced the sun many years ago
An ideal apparition of you floating
My central perfection to dance around
A love that one could only dream about
Now I can only see you when I dream

The claws of fate play the harp beautifully
Leaving me often in shambles and unruly
To fantasies over adoration so wasted
The candles in my shrine now dust
The mechanics inside of me all rust

You brush the hair from her eyes
And lines grow and I go grey
This wound doesn't seem to heal
No matter how many times I've spun
Around you with your arms crossed

Saccharine manic pixie dancer
Holes in her nose and in her teeth
Hands outstretched above her head
Reaching for stars and relief

Saccharine disassociated baby doll
Spending days declining asleep
Whispering about her pain and dreams
Until she can stand tall just to fall again

Saccharine neon party princess
Well rested and preparing for the chase
Lips on lips and nose pretty powdered
Dosed eyes close heavy after sunrise

Overtaken by an opaque fog,
I conjured for protective purposes.
Spreading further than was casted,
I tried to grow in the darkness.

Years collected like fireflies,
Shaken and angry in a jar.
Lost and hungry for vengeance,
Rage fizzled into longing.

The fog is starting to subside,
The shock is briskly setting in.
Wasted years dancing behind me,
And I can see the sun rising.

A part of me is ready,
To find a great adventure,
And live fully in the 'now'.
But I can't do that right now,
And it gives me anxiety.

To think too far ahead,
I get lost and uncomfortable,
And I don't return the same.
The 'now' is here and present,
And I'm so scared of change.

Tomorrow doesn't often come,
Because I never let go of today,
And yesterday is just repeating,
and 'now' is not okay,
I can't plan that far ahead...

But,
A part of me is ready.

Two rooms,
One is sea foam green,
And the other is burnt orange,
And they are always full,
Of ****** and guitar.

Aggressive strumming echos,
Over ambulance sirens,
And flashes of red and blue,
Accustics bounce around,
As ****** does ensue.

Singing from the seafoam room,
Screaming from the orange,
And they harmonize together,
Delivering a bizarre comfort,
Listening to ****** and guitar.

Can't shake this dismal dreary feeling
That finally everything is crumbling
Not sweet like a fruity baked confection
But asphalt angrily shaking beneath me
To split wide open and fully swallow
Like my eager younger wild years
Looking for a chest to rest my head
To kiss lips and caress confessions
Descending to look up at and into
A plethora of changing angles and eyes
Lips bitten and smitten quickly departing
Leaving me even more so anxious
Glaring at the swinging arms of clocks
A paradox I've fallen in obsession with
To someday clean this filthy slate
And I feel the Earth start to quake
I'm ready to drink the Kool aid
Ascend beyond the shards of glass
That resembled the twinkle of stars
Knowing that I'll drift to sleep
To foolishly repeat the cycle
Until it's not a false alarm