The same road I've walked down a thousand times
suddenly opens up to clear blue skies
And I can practically hear it ringing in my ears
the waves of the ocean that I've been dreaming about for years
The birds, the wind, the sand between my toes
The sun on my skin, lounging around sipping mojitos
"Paradise is a place that's far from home,
and lately all I ever see is everything I've ever known"
But then the clouds roll in
reminding me, I'm in the same place I've always been

Who I am, what I say, and what I do, isnt for anyone. Its not up for debate. If my presence ****** you off ,thats great, congratulations, but stay out of my face. I dont want to hear what you have to say because its doesn't make a difference to me, im not gunna change just because you have a problem with me. Ive hardly ever talked to you, and you hate me? Okay love, whatever you say.  Please just stay out of my way.

Suddenly I feel heavy
there's a new profound weight crashing down on me
For so long I've been floating
But now gravity pulls me back
what goes up must come down

I'm free falling into oblivion

A blocked up
Jumbled mess
like a flock of birds in a cage
when you try to let one out
somehow they all find a way to escape

The candles burnt out
One by one
And I was thrown into the dark
And it was then that I felt the weight of the cold

I read and reread
So overly inspired with what others create
I cant plant the seed
I cant make these Ideas grow and blossom at any certain rate
Maybe im stuck
Stuck inside my head
Where everything sounds like junk
And I cant go to bed because its like im seeing red
I get so mad being cooped up inside my head
Why cant I get the letters to form
Its all right there and I can feel it so close
But my hand wont write and the pen wont become warm
Because I havent bothered to pick it up, I think im being a bad host
For these thoughts of mine that are clumsy
But want to be set free insted of being traped and unseen like a ghost
...sometimes I wish I were a ghost

My life's a huge joke...
Wait, wait, wait, it's funny, I swear, I'm just about to get to the punchline
... And nobody cares!

Blurry vision
And bad decisions

A rush of heat
And a bit of relief

Your hand between my thighs
God that look in your eyes

When it hits I feel like I'm flying
Part of me is probably dying

Inhaling sunshine and fresh cut grass
Man, this **** tastes like ***

Soft Kisses turn heated and sloppy
***** it, get on top of me

theirs a girl in the back of the classroom, shes always quiet.

Kid one: "whats worse than a truck load of dead babies? No? No? No one? Okay then, I'm Ann Frank, what do I smell? Its my parents burring!" and he breaks into laughter and makes a motion as if hes slashing his wrists "What kind of person am I?? EMO!" he yells and tumbles into another fit of laughter

Kid two: "That's terrible!! You shouldn't joke about that! I don't understand dark humor! Why do people joke about that stuff?"

The room goes quiet and the girl says "People always joke about things they cant comprehend, its a coping method." everyone stares at her but she just goes back to writing as if nothing had happened

I sit here with jealousy on my mind
and envy in my heart
I yearn to know
I read their words
I wonder about their thoughts
curiosity clings on my tongue
questions unasked
and questions unanswered
Jealousy leaves a wave of guilt in the air
and breathing it makes me sick
I wonder if that's what really killed the cat

You are Me
I was you
You were me
But now I am new
Even though you are still you
You are no longer me
Because now I am me
Through and through
Now we are two;
Separate.

Dee-ee-ay-tee-aych
Du-eh-thh
It roles off my tounge
Du-eh-thh
Is is this the end?
Maybe its only just begun

Just the word instills fear
Du-eh-thh*
Makes them shake
Quiver
Shiver
Even shed a few tears

Am I wrong to think its beautiful?

Du-eh-thhhh
Peace and Freedom
"freedom from what?"
  Life my friend
Life and all its fake 'happily ever afters'
  How can you possibly expect us to mend?
To pick up the shity peices and put them back together again
  Were like bats who have frogotten how to hang in the rafters
We dont no how to cope
  We will be the end
How can there be any happily ever afters
  Im afraid ive lost all hope

Am I going insain?
Or am just reaching clarity

Du-eh-thh
Dark
Quiet
Nonexistance
gone

They see it as the end
You see, but even just the word roles off your tounge
Ah, yes myfriend
Its all just begun
Dont you see?
Death is the only way to go
Its The only way to truely be free
Im done with society

Top floor window
                              rope around a cealing fan
                                                             blade to wrist
                                                           ­                  Or a loaded gun
Why not all of thee above
                                   Lets have some fun

"Ohana means family and family means nobody gets left behind, but if you wanna leave, you can, ill remember you tho. I remember everyone that leaves."  -lilo and stitch

When your little you think its just a movie but then your grow up and you watch it again and you relize its has so much more meaning behind it than you thought.  I mean its real lilo and stitch is about to sisters who lost thier parents and are just trying to get by when they adopt a 'dog' and everything goes wrong and lilo almost gets taken away.. thats deep.

What I wouldnt give
for just a minute with you
im sure it wouldn't go anywhere tho
You wouldnt say much
Because you dont know me
and thats the natural thing to do
But your writtings make me think
Opens my eyes to things unseen
yeah it like speaks to me man
Hey, shut up thats not what I mean
but thats exactly what you mean
So what if it is
I dont mean to sound odd
but I find you quite intriguing
Im sure you're just a normal person
anything but normal
But your kind of my idol
I wonder what id do,
if I had a minute with you
Id probably just stand there,
not knowing what to say
youd Think im weird
you are weird
Because id draw a blank
Id have a million things on my mind
But if you ever said hi
Id be instantly shy

At the end of the day,
There's so much left to say,
But I don't have the words to explain..
So I hope you don't think I'm insane
When I don't say anything.

Many thoughts in my head,
That will always be left unsaid.
I sware I care,
And that the thought is there,
But I don't know how to explain.
Oh please don't look at me like I'm insane.

I don't know how to explain,
Because truth is I might not be all 'right' in the brain.
I want you to stay,
at the end of the day.
But I'm not sure how to say,
Don't go,
Because I'm afraid to be left alone,
But I'm afraid you'll want to go home,
And I'll feel like I should have known.
Every time you leave, in my head, I'm begging, please don't.
But to ask, to say something, I know I won't,
Because as much as I'm afraid to be left alone,
I'm more afraid you'll want to go

I thought this was a painting I hadn't started
but its a collage with sections like open water
With territories left uncharted

Let's start a new chapter*
Where he's kneeling and she sits
Slowly he'd lick his lips
And make a trail with his finger tips
It'd move into vauge sentences
Simple movements
Feelings
Shapes and colors
Imaginations thrown into overdrive
filling in the blanks
Thought up
All cought up, in some girls daydream

One window
one door
but no where to go
Seems I can't run from the thought of him
I can't hide from the happy memories
And I can't trick myself into believing
that this feeling has gone away

Im not sure what im doing tonight I have far to much on my mind and nothings sounding right, really im just trying to sort through my thoughts all the while wondering if im really alright.  You see, I go back and forth about that, im good untill I get stuck in my head. My head can be a scary thing, filled with harsh veiws of myself and the world mixed with odd hellish dreams. I feel if I tried to explain my thoughts to some, I mean to really explain and try sort through it all, that they'd probably just laugh at me n say im crazy. And crazy as I may or may not be.. I lost my train of thought

The road seems to flow like the ocean reflecting the midnight sky
Wind sways the limbs of an oak tree near by
Light from a street lamp casts there shadows down
They shift and sway and flow when no ones around
But shh...
Not many know
That at night, there's an ocean just up the road

Good morning darling
Good morning darling
Wake up
wake up the stars falling
And the sunshine is calling
A new day is upon us so wake up my darling
Good morning

Honestly, The thought of you still takes my breath away

It was flaccid on my tongue.
Tie dye design fading,
Tightly pressed fibers dissipating,
A paper spitball soon to be dissolved.

Out of sight out of mind,
Until the wood grain on his dresser started to shift,
Move together then apart
Like a kaleidoscope in tones of brown

I stumbled out,
Thin socks met frozen wooden planks,
Then black jeans were introduced
As I took a seat criss-crossed: perched.

Snow fell from above
Like shooting stars abandoning the sky.
They landed on my lashes,
So I blinked a Big Bang and galaxies were born.

Frostbite should’ve crept into my fingertips,
But I was all tingles: pins and needles,
My nerve endings firing like new year’s sparklers at midnight.

Music filled my ears without a sound in the air.
Northern lights were waves emitted from trees
And the waves in the sky danced in time to my imaginary melody.

He snuck up behind me,
Seemed to appear beside me,
So I laid my head on his knees,
But his leg hair started to crawl,
Each strand a pink and green gradient
Like a **** carpet come to life,
A 1970’s nightmare

He looked down at me
His pupils like black holes: ******* me in
Shivers crawled up my spine:
A thousand spiders carrying snowflakes.

He wasn't talking but his face was moving: morphing,
It wasn't gloopy as you'd expect morphing to be,
But sharp, Jagged:
Stained glass mismatched.

Can't stand to think
So take a seat
Hanging on to...I don't know

Losing the battle, between okay and not
Mourning the loss of clarity
Memories are fading... or are they
disintegrating

Screaming for help even though
you don't want to be saved
at least not by someone else


*give it time and youll be fine they said

It's like a flutter in my heart
A sudden rush of gravity
As it falls out of its place that was once behind my rib cage

It's a flutter in my chest of the worst kind
Not one of butterfly wings or hummingbirds
Not one of shy smiles and blushing cheeks
Its One of less than beautiful misery

No this isn't a flutter of wonder
This is one of dark corners where the unknown lurks
This is one of dead trees in an unkept desolate cemetery

Maybe one day I'll look on the bright side

Maybe one day this flutter of sudden gravity pulling my heart though my chest
Will subside

He calls himself a man
but he dosent deserve the title
I call him an it
For he has no right to the stick between his hips
Castration
Maybe thats the key
is it crude to say I'd do it slowly?
Id take joy in listening to his every Shrill scream
I need to stop,  before I really start to scheme
Maybe its mean
but I never claimed to be nice
And honest
If you knew
I think youd think he deserves it to

I read and reread
Again and a again
Each time finding something new
Each time wondering about somthing different
When I can't think
When I can't clear my head
When I'm bored
When I need inspiration
When I'm haveing a bad day
Or when I'm in an awkward social situation
I scroll down as far as it will load
Then I start to read
I could read almost anything you've written a thousand times and never get bored
I wish I could write them all down and make a book
I'd call it the The Golden One and take it with me where ever I go
There's somthing more comforting about pulling out a book instead of a phone

He sits all alone
Watching people walk by
Into the buildings that came from his mind
No one knows
And they wouldn't understand
Why he sits all alone now by the trash cans
He'll work all day for no pay at all
With no place to go home to
And no place to shower
He'll walk the rail rode tracks at the midnight hour
When the stars start to dim and there's a glimpse of mornings first light
He'll rest his aching feet and ponder his life
A routine now becoming one of comfort
He works all day
and wonders all night
Unable to silence his longing inside
This has become his life

I'm not making much sence these day's
Someone will say somthing and my mind gose off
Down the street-up the stairs-across the hall-out the window-through the tree
scrape, cutt ... oops
to the clouds-through the sky
Hmm, down below it all the people look so small
I wonder if ... wait, who said what again?
That doesn't make any sence
Am I making Sence?
I haven't said anything?
oh... right, ya, that was all in my head
Sorry, it seems these days im not making any sence at all

As the skys fade to dark
My demonds come out to play
I would cry out
But its already to late
They're here
They've come to take me away

But with the beautiful stars above me
maybe its not so bad
With the moon shining bright
Reminding me the suns still there
And caressing me with its soft white light
Maybe im going to be alright tonight

i whisper it over and over as im dripping blood just trying to fight
I know one day that statement will be true
So ill scream alone at night
untill the time comes when the darkness creeps up behind me but no longer hold me tight
So when you kiss me goodbye and ask if ill be alright
ill no longer be lieing to you

Sometimes, the people who have the most to live for, are the ones who don't want anything to do with life.

unable to think
unable to focus
all to aware that you're there
unforced and undeniable
the connection between us is eleteric
or maybe its just my attraction to you that paulsing
maybe my interest,
maybe this electricity,
is one sided
making my desion to just play it cool, relax, fight it
fight the overwhelming yearn to talk to you
fight the titlewave of over exagerated feelings
every erg
every thought thats telling me to spill my guts
play it cool
i dont even really know you
but as bad as it may be,
in my head i already do
your quiet and to yourself
and i want to know if theres sombody els
that youre hidding beneith the surface
tell me
spill your guts
im not afraid
be that titlewave
let everything youve never said wash over me
and know ill still be there in the end
When the wave has cleared
And debre is scattered
I'll help you pick up the peices

I hurt all over, physically sick
Stuck with the haunting memory of his words
you can trust me, im here for you
I can still hear his voice so clear
So kind
So careing
I miss you babygurl
What once was comforting now only instills fear
How could he fake somthing like that?
How could he have lived with himself?
He was never real
Turning somthing thats supposed to be gental; Someone who trusted you with everything
Into a game

I wont be part of it.

Painted
Pointed
Plastic
Tube

Holding
Squid
Excretions

Glide
Across
Dead
Trees

You don't know if you're inlove or just want to be loved

I have a groan inside
It's manifested itself somewhere between my chest and back
A little lower than my heart
It feels like anticipation
The dreadful kind
When you know the other shoe is about to drop
And then it does
It lingers and plucks the stings of my internal organs
It plays me like an out of tune guitar
My heart races
My stomach churns
I sweat
I get the itches and the chills and the shakes
I think this interment would rather have been left in its case

Anyone can be someone for a short period of time

It's not even dark*
But it's horribly dark
Don't you see?
How the walls inch closer
And the shadows jump out at me
How the floor creeks
And the breeze creeps
Through the window past the currents
It's terribly dark
But you can't see...
Your blind to what lurks
What jumps, creeks, and what creeps
The street light shines in
So no.. I guess It's not dark

I'm drowning in the pounding of my own heartbeat

I look up to the sky
As my heart takes flight
Being with you just feels right

One look into your grey eyes
With your hand in mine
I don't want to think about goodbyes
I image were capable of stopping time

As the sun sets on another day with you
I sit here
Gazing at the now bright stars not sure what to do
I relize i have but one fear
And that's losing you

I image your like my own glowing star
I may not always be able to see you
But I know your never that far

I've given you my heart, and i know you wont break it
You mean more to me than I can really show
In my world a flame you have lit
Take my hand and don't let go
You may not realize yet, it may take a bit
But I love you more than you'll ever know

I sit here quietly
As the sun rises again, orange, pink and blue
I wonder idly
What to do with so many thoughts about you

Hmmm
                                                           ­               Whats so wrong with giveing in
Maybe a little*                  
                                       ­                                   and whats so wrong with giveing up
Just enough to make it okay

Just enough to silence the itch          
                                                 ­                          who wants to fight all the time anyways

*This time

Eyes grey like the clouds of a rainy day
Hard with your anger
Soft with your smile
Your eyes were grey changing shades with the light
Mesmerising
Beautiful in such an odd way
I always thought it was such a dull color
Until you looked at me that night in the dark
And I got lost in your shifting grey eyes

“I took
the sweatshirt
from the chair
in your room

Your favorite
Philadelphia Eagles
Sweatshirt

I send my regrets
You’re probably cold
It’s kept me warm
And it still
Smells like you”

It's not his fault I know its true
I love him
I love him
I sware I do
It's not his fault I know its true
He just doesn't know me like some others do
He just doesn't know me like Some others
He just doesn't know me like you do