It's 10 pm, Saturday night. I'm down in Jessie's place, just to join her in a lust filled night of sorts. Her blonde hair radiating from the lamp on the night stand. I carry her in my arms, both arms out resembling a father carrying a newborn baby except she wasn't my baby, not in that sense anyways. The tension in the air was so thick that even a butter knife couldn't spread the tension, but me and jessie had spread on our mind.

I could smell her alluring scent as I lay her down onto the bed, it must have been the thrill of daring to step into a boundary we had no knowledge existed. Love thy neighbour as heavenly quoted by men and women all around the world, I guess I was abiding by what I have been taught.

A little bit about Jessie, Jessie had these mesmerising blue eyes and had a husband, John,a fine husband, a brave husband who was filled with love.  John wasn't ever one to toot his own horns but he had the right to refer to himself in the third person, why wouldn't John be given the right? He's awesome and extremely brilliant at that. Nothing short of Superman or Einstein is what John has been told.

Jessie has been my neighbour for years, ever since I could remember. I drink a lot, so I haven't exactly the best memory of when or wheres. It was how we met, she was my neighbour and I was hers. Now we were closer, so close to the point that I could see her blue eyes staring into mine.

"Jess, I hope it's Ok, I wrote you ... a little poem. That's not...umm too weird right ?"

"Sure, as long as it's not something too eerie. Don't be too...what's that word?... Sappy" Jessie nodding in agreeance.

The words glided out of my lips like a gold medalist ice skater, with elegance and soft subtle seductive intentions.

'Love is like an ocean,
The sounds of crashing waves against rocks,
That mimic the sound of my heartbeat,
Love is more than an emotion,
Love is the echo of water dripping in a cave,
Love is a poison and a potion,
It is the pollen that fills the spring air,
Love can cause chaos and beauty
It holds onto your hearts and never lets go'.

I ended my recital by looking into Jessie's direction for affirmation of its quality, I couldn't actually pinpoint her ****** response but I'll try my best to capture it. Her eyes, rolled to one side in a condescending and demeaning manner but her smile was filled with some sort of ...actual craving for more.

My lips shot forward similar to the teens 'duck-face selfie poses', and I asked "So... do you ... like?".

Silence...

I waited for a little longer, or what felt like an eternity in my mind's timeframe.

Silence again...

I expressed my regret "Sorry, I'll recite another one?... Yes? "

"The sun and the moon,
You see they were friends,
But not everything twist and bends,
And even though the sun loved the moon,
He had loved her since yesterday's noon,
When she wasn't even around, he loved her.
Somewhere far away in the horizons,
It clearly never seemed to occur,
In her mind that he was thinking of her.
So every night, while birds and bees went to sleep
He died.
Just so her light could shine above his.
He died.
Just so her close friends, the stars could visit.
He died.
Just so the world appreciated her beauty,
Rather than his necessity."

Jessie still dressed in her singlet and underwear, quickly rose on two feet as a Chevrolet pulls up her driveway. A man with a neanderthal-like figure burst through the door yelling, ' I leave for business... and ya'll ******* in my house? ON MY ******* BED!!'

I tried my best to get past his door, because it was the only way I knew I would be able to keep my current state, the state of being still alive.
...

Jessie trying to explain everything with words, yes ...trying to use words with what clearly is a caveman.

'Darlin' we didn't do anything, he's just here yappin' on about something with moons and suns. I swear, I didn't do anything indecent'.

The caveman spoke again, in proper non-swearing, non-screaming English.
     'Sons? He was tryin' to put a baby in you? THAT'S IT!!.. Imma **** him!!'

That was the day I met John.

Let my feet sink into the softness of the sand
As I see the brilliant sun
rising quietly from the bed of dawn
And the silky surface of the calm sea
Reflecting the saffron-tinted beauty
Like a sprinkle of mesmerising glitters
of a fairy's wand

Then there is the ivory moon
revealing its royal-like beauty
Soaring upon the night throne
like a mighty king
And the guarding silvery stars
as its faithful companion
Casting the night's magical wonder
through their every wink

Of all God's countless creations
that are far more dazzling
Such little beauty
Could bestow me  
numerous inspiration
and purest satisfaction
to my heart and to my soul....

I catch myself thinking about your lips, again.
And one particular smile; I find it mesmerising.
Wryness and sadness and resolute strength,
That gentle smile, that almost smile, that 'shall I...?' smile.
There's a no-surrender steel to your stare, a hardness
In the set of your shoulders, the tension in your neck,
But your lips are all softness and so, so sweet
I imagine them to be; a piquant sweetness,
Mixed spice, vanilla and burnt sugar.
I catch myself thinking about your lips, again,
And wishing I could taste them.
My fingers to my own, I gently ****,
And lose myself in a cinnamon dream.

Eyes grey like the clouds of a rainy day
Hard with your anger
Soft with your smile
Your eyes were grey changing shades with the light
Mesmerising
Beautiful in such an odd way
I always thought it was such a dull color
Until you looked at me that night in the dark
And I got lost in your shifting grey eyes

She sat slumped against the wall
Red knuckles begging to be soaked in salt water
Fingernails seeping red like faded nail varnish
Skin a mesmerising galaxy
Shades of blue
Purple marks
Half moons shadowed beneath her hauntingly piercing eyes
She watched me like she's been here before
Her poker face unsurprised of my presence
Like she was discovered and left to be found again
By someone else
She didn't ask nor beg
Pride or shame
I couldn't tell
The cogs in my mind whirred
It's too late
I could give her a new world
A new start
But I could see in her eyes her world was gone
Her heart was buried deep within the bloodied soil beneath her hands
Her soul was tied to the past
The good and the bad
I could give her food
And clothes
And shelter
But I can't free her mind
From the prison she's been in
I can't chase away the nightmares
It's too late

she didn't know..
until she knew
what a curve of learning!


1.
both college-students and real good-friends
he was a science-and-botany buff
            *and the mountain would get a taste of his cells
and she, student of philosophy and languages
            would hear the latent-message from a dozen sources


2.
they shared confidences to the other
things they never told a soul
            he also discussed his theories and science-experiments and projects and stuff
            she told him how slightly-uphill her lectures in Russian proved to be
they'd meet there every Monday.. under the campus-trees
with two hellish-strong espressos
        he remembered her chewy-doughnuts without any snow-sprinkles
        'cause she was given to these silly coughing-fits
        when eating peanuts and pulses
he teased her endless and ragged all her idiosyncrasies
they seemed closer than kin

yet he seemed to remain aloof when she tried to get closer
      he brushed off her advances
      and told her to get lost
then ran off with Lilian on Tuesday
then Zita next Tuesday
then Sumaya the following Wednesday
and Tarryn on Thursday after that
and so it went on for a whole while
the whole academic-year, in fact

yet still
      they studied together
      and swore in debates
      and met every Monday
oh, that was the one day he never dated


3.
on the first day of each month
he'd give her a beautiful clutch-pencil
its casing bled entirely in translucent-fuchsin
and told her to guard well context over content
she never understood this cryptic-crap
       but smilingly accepted each one
she thought them too pretty to use
       and kept them in a special-box
       yet her heart broke each time
he took out a new flavour-of-girl
and shared his tongue with
     Sally and Margaret and Lisbeth and Anne..
     some lasted days, others short-weeks
but they all fizzled out
like the pop that they swallowed
and she wondered if he would ever
              favour her with affection
              give to her what those lucky-gals got
              look into her eyes like that
              whisper sweet-nothings to her
why didn't he want her?

but he was brusque with her and abrupt as discordant-chords
he scolded her like uneven-bricks tumbling down
and yet, it was to her that he played
               his own alternate-ballads on his banjo
               i n t r i c a t e - b e a u t y like living-pearls on those strings
      he couldn't look at her, then
      too caught-up in sweet-delivery of song
and with his eyes closed, her imagination took high-flight
as she was able to stare at him, without fear
                           in wonder
                           in enchantment
and marvel at the mesmerising co-ordination of those busy-fingers..

others passed by, but he did not care.. so giving
she felt so unique
'cause she got what they did not
           unbreakable-bond of
            music and.. talk and.. those clutch-pencil gifts
and for his birthday, she gave him a two-tone pelargonium, potted in cream
left him wordless..


4.
it was near the end of November
(just like now:)
and he casually mentioned of going away
            a week-long hike in December
            with a girl in a group that he'd met, some Sarah or other
and something in her flared and she broke down..
                                                                ­went off the rails

he looked on aghast, in total silence.. half-perplexed, half-squinting
     which disquietened her far more than any outburst could have
he stood there before her, on that Monday
       in the beautiful mid-morning sun
she remembered, to the moment.. how the light caught his eyes
       seemed to be looking right t-h-r-o-u-g-h her
       and almost, she saw the tiniest-trace of something...
       struck by a touch of liquid-vulnerability in his being
but hooded-eyes quick again, typical-hider!

he reached into his backpack
****** her a clutch-pencil
which she almost rejected
but she calmed herself down
and he looked at her once
            turned on heel
and walked to his Beetle
rode off the campus
without looking back

and she kept on wondering what it was all about
       that silent intense-look


5.
news came of a group of hikers who succumbed
from high up
some slipped and
her acrid-tears were not the only to fall
upon learning......


6.
she ran back to her dorm
reached for his gifts.. in full-remorse
and clutching a pencil in each hand
she squeezed and accidentally pressed on the flick-top
and then...............
               (it came out)
i t . . . c a m e . . . o u t . . . ! !

never in her life would she be as stunned
as they repeated their message
     over and over
     in tandem audio-confusion
in all the tongues she had studied
she learns now
of the time he took to delve into her crap to relay his truth through his amazing-invention!


7.
at the interment, she couldn't speak
displacement dipped too deep
she took up one clutch-pencil
      and pressed on the top
      message loud and clear
custom-made brilliance direct from heaven's fingertips

the pall-bearers lifted him up
                 and
out of her life

now this roundabout-present lies in the velours-box
like he does in his



students of learning..
in book.. and in heart








S T - 25 nov 2013

Like hope hidden in a cynic,
Like belief hidden in an atheist,
The pain hidden in your smile
Is what makes it so mesmerising

In their Garden of Love,
She,the beautiful queen,
Champak, with her
Intoxicating scent
He,the handsome King,
Gandharva, with his
Mesmerising scent
Hypnotising two hearts
With love and romance
Taking them to Heaven !

The sun breaks to countless stars to your reflection,

Almost like you're the source of light,

Your breeze swifts slowly in motion to your movement,

Captivating me every single time we crossed eyes,

So mesmerising yet none actually knows you,

What you've shown are calmness and grace,

At times you may be vigorous and impulsive,

Ramming down whoever tries to approach you,

To touch you is to feel both calamity and calmness,

You seem to show every bits of you,

But you've only shown your surface,

Yourself, is full of unnoticed wonders,

Even unknown dangers,

You are the ocean, and I find beauty in you.


-HIY

He was as bright as the sparks
dancing above the flames,
He burnt amidst the darkness,
Singeing those who were caught
In a trance,
He was mesmerising and magical,
Exciting and ephemeral.

I daren’t breathe, or,
I could ***** out his light.

I

You are a drop of ocean
A tip of sky
A pinch of cyclone
A colorful night.

You are my eyelid
I craved for you.

You reached like a wave
Pulled me like a sea.

II

If you tunes
Birds will talk.

I'm the riddle
Fill me up.

III

In the banks of a river
I'm waiting.

****** water
Splashed on my face.

The moon brought
All the stars in the sky.

Sheet of dew
Fell on the grass.

Time chokes in my heart.

IV

I'm in a cloud
Night engulfs.

Death stalks
At my feet.

You are dawn
Just vanished.

V

Discussions

Something has
Missed out.

Lightning.

Shadows of yellow and green.

Suddenly drenched in rain.

VI

Where were you
All these days?

Where were you hiding?

Something is burning.

VII

Bits of love
Gentle breeze
seductive nature
Nameless fragrance.

Exiled in unknown.

VIII

I reach the sky
Sans effort.

To bring the moon
As carpet for you.

Then turned to pieces.

IX

With swaying hands
A flower came.

Lips made
Melody inside.

Mesmerising dance
Twinkling stars.

A tide in my heart
Sweetness in roots.

X

I died gradually
Lost everything.

Earth and space in you.

Shower me
Quench my thirst.

Regained verses.

XI

Silence.
Silence.

Why there is silence?

Your eyes says it all.

XII

Love soars
Wings infinite.

See you in earth
Forgotten by god.

Whole world slumbers.

A dog for you.
A cat for me.
A fog of dew.
I sat with you.
Is one better than two?
Am I who you knew?
Dream of floating clouds.
Or nightmares where you scream.
And get loud.
Control my mind, my thoughts, my voice,
my vision, my body, & my feelings.
Where is the cure for what made me unpure?
My childhood was lured.
My past a blur.
Your words a slur.
The wind blows across the hillside.
The irish civilization is so enchanting to me.
The accents, their manners, their luck of the Irish.
Dark brown eyes.
So many reasons why.
I need a change.
A new life, new friends, some pets,
puppies and kitties.
Rain storms. Country life or city life?
Sunrise sunset.
Rainbows with pots of gold.
Mesmerising eyes, hypnotic stares.
Flirting glares.
Unspoken words of lust.
Find some people I can trust.
Do what I must.
Bad people to bust.
Should I die & turn to dust?
Their cars to rust.
Do what's just.
Sour flower
withers within the hour
has no power.
I throw it from the highest tower.
For death to devour.
The trees blow in the night breeze.
Without a coat you will freeze.
Or catch a cold & sneeze.
Can I get a blanket please?
Does your dog has fleas?
I am not broken.
You think I'm easy you must be joking.
Your license needs to be revoken.
My life you keep choking.
My daughter needs a cup of water.
She didn't want the food I bought her.
she doesn't listen to anything I taught her.
You want me not her.
The stream looks green.
Is the weather not what it seems?
Don't leave me that would be mean.
Do you want your coffee with sugar & cream?
Or is this just a dream?

I love you ...
With every thought that resides in my overthinking mind
With every beat that races against my anxious heart
With every tear that falls insignificant amongst my waves of sadness

But I also love you ...
With every smile that visits my face
With every song that I sing
With every moment of silence that I spend gazing upon you

I love you in my lows -
When I choose to pull down the curtains and pull up my covers

I love you in my highs -
When I dance around my kitchen alone to the echoing sounds of your voice in my head

I love you in my weakness;
It's when I feel your arms picking me up

I love you in my strength;
It's when I hear you clapping in the distance

I love you when I'm afraid;
It's when I feel you enveloping my being

I love you when I'm brave;
It's when you tell me "I told you so"

I love you when all the words of love choose to die away
I love you when I'm digging up graves to express
I love you when love silences me

And as I'm sitting here looking back at you, staring into your mesmerising yet confused eyes I realise ... there must be more to you that I haven't loved yet

It is not enough

Or so you've said ...

An pleasant night...Amore mild ,than wild.
You..zoomin,stumbling,moving alright
for my most,minimised sets of vision insights.
Made in...moved in for meeting without no consciences of moonshine.
We Smiled..it shined,tough to deny the uprise..the valued climb.
Where everything seems to rhyme.
Or was i at the center of meltdown on my melting point.And you kept mesmerising.
It took a'while to memorise..you were too mazed to measurise,to my surprise.
Or was it you,on the monocyclic ride in &off; my mind.And i'd still moo down like an moonbeam ,my way.
Morphed down,above some waves...moss hags, mrches across our way,the muted disguise.
Dis-mantling apart my motor cortex and hers as well.
Motoring,defflexing us far away
Misprized off,what we hold of
we were misplaced...mislayed so cruel,the perfect mishap.
Waving off,from the monstrance of our  retraction
irreticulating without no demise
Avowed i stood by..Upon those marks,beyond the maze of multiplicated edges
'Hope they'll know..Coz we knw weGA

You stare at me from where you lay,
From the darkest corner of my room.
Your porcelain face so fragile, so bleak,
Not so perfectly sculpted.
Cracked all down one side
With your creepy broken eye,
Nothing left but a black hole like hell.

You sit and wait so silently until nightfall,
You stir and come to life.
Mesmerising yet dangerous with a melodic haunting laugh.
Your gaze so intense, your motions so forceful
Beckoning my broken soul to your hell.
Day light comes and your charade starts over,
This seeming nothing more then a dream.

Together we lay down, your tiny hand in mine,
Your icy cold grip, so frightening, so soothing.
Enchanting, entrancing, torturing my mind;
Your broken eyes leading to he'll
Draws my broken heart, mind and soul to you.
The words you spoke to me the last night I live
So captivating, like a deathly glorious spell:

            "Come into the night with me,
              Your scars will bleed but
              No one around you cares.
              Come into the darkness with me,
              Open your eyes upto meet mine
              I'll take you away, miles away
              From everyone you've ever known.
              Come into the night with me,
              I will guide you through this the easy way
              Both of our hearts won't beat any longer.
              No more emptiness inside.
              Open your eyes to this hell we share:
                        Death!!"

You stare at me from where you lay,
From the darkest corner of the room.
Left thinking, should I follow you?
My little porcelain doll.

I don't know who's at fault-

whether its the insane heart in me
or is it your mesmerising beauty?
whether its my heart playing game
or is it you wanted the same?

I don't know whom to blame-

the heart which I believed
or my sanity which deceived?
I dreamt of something impossible
so I think its my luck plausible!

I don't know what to do-

whether to cry out loud
and shed all those grey cloud?
or to hold it for long
and with her departure;
I let it flow along?

I don't know what I want-

though I know its you, you and you
but I kept silent at all your view...

I know my answers pretty well-

yet I keep repeating my question
but believe me its not out of confusion
its out of the hope that you may
reply the answer I want you to say!

I'm a humble little Monkey
I can't help it if I'm cute
I just do my little Monkey things all day
It may be that I'm amazing
I wouldn't really know
If it happens that things just turn out that way
I never asked to be this clever
So sleek and smart and trim
I don't know why fate has blessed me with so much
I can't help it if the ladies
Melt when e'er they hear me speak
And I don't know why they shiver at my touch
I'm a humble little Monkey
Please don't hate me for my looks
Please don't blame me for my mesmerising voice
It's not as if I made myself as amazing as I am
I really didn't ever have a choice.

Woven patches of grey,
hues slow in momentum.
Tattered gaps letting through
              gleams of radiance.

But in motion do the faults
get sewn in silver linings.
And this blanket  
             mesmerising below.

Then the lonely flower opens
       its petals, reaching towards
the patch work of loving greys
                 yearning for a touch.

A singular drop falls, taking its
                   time to meet below.
So far has it descended to gently
              caress her wilting petals.

Replenished dew drops hang from
                         now pristine colours.
It waves in the subtle breeze,
      swaying in a dance of gratitude.

Dust flits gently on its arm; slowly & lazily.

As if not to cut, tear the patiently sewed seams.

Cotton against yellowing white thread.

*The sanctuary for reminiscing about mesmerising scenes

The throne for Kings and Queens without crowns to be seen

I'm overwhelm by ecstasy as I bask in this endless elation of delectation.

I'm floating and I'm free
In my attic between the stars
Watching the universe,
The mesmerising universe,
Moving slowly, and alone
Like me.

I am alone, hope has left me
He stepped on the flame that kept me warm
After he'd thought my love was light
Light to his darkness

Why am I alone ?

Maybe I gave too much
Maybe he wanted more
Maybe I loved too hard
Maybe he never knew enough

Now I wonder

If love calls after him
If he realizes it's mine
If its my name that moves him
If the guilt washes over his peace

Is it love I feel for him,
Or the need to be held at night ?
Was it love he felt for me,
Or a charm seeing me lit so bright ?

But I am not him
It's why I am a lonely one
My heart the lavish ocean
My soul the opulent sky

So, floating and free
And I've given you a key
To my attic between the stars
Come watch the Universe,
The mesmerising universe,
As it moves slowly, but not alone
It's got us now

There are three types of heartaches

Heartache #1
The heartache where you were never loved back.
He’d look at you and smile but you know the sparkle in his eyes isn’t because of you.
He’ll hug you goodbye but you can smell the scent of her perfume as you snuggle your head into his neck.
He would turn away and you’d look at him as if he was the most celestial being you’ll ever see and you’ll remember, the way you look at him, is the way he looks at her.

Heartache #2
The heartache where you strive to make their life a living hell.
You’ll break his heart and realise when it’s too late that you’ve broken yours in the process as well.
So while he is sitting next to you because he has no other choice, you hum the song that he dedicated to you just loud enough for him to hear, and you’ll know it’s driving him mad.
And you’ll wear the shirt he said he loved on you as you pretend to run into him, whether it’s walking casually in the hallway or chatting with someone who happens to be right near his locker.
You’ll find a new boy to smile and laugh with and you’ll know he is in the distance watching, remembering how he used to be the one that got that smile out of you.

Heartache #3
The heartache that never goes away.
The one with the mesmerising blue eyes and smug smile that could devour your soul in a heartbeat.
It’s the restless nights of talking about all your fears, dreams, insecurities; everything that makes you, you.
It’s the way you let yourself be vulnerable as he touched your naked skin.
He’ll hold your hand and make promises he never intended to keep.
He’ll make you believe every word he says is true.
He’ll make you see that planting flowers in your lungs is so much better than destroying yourself.
But he’ll fail to tell you that once those flowers die, you wont be able to breathe.

I wasn’t born to write
With every bent petal,
and every fallen leaf,
my ma’s sweet kisses
And papa’s gentle smile
I learned to write

A five year old me was once fascinated
by the loop of an ‘e’
and the playful swing of an ‘m’,
The wide smile of a ‘d’ delighted me
Words were powerful and mesmerising,
now they lie discarded and ignored
in broken stanzas of self proclaimed irrelevance

I watch the black ugly marks
That taints countless sheets of paper
They surround me in a sea of ink
That once flowed carefully and slowly
A thousand thoughts with each single word
Drained lies my mind, my breath’s not a whisper but a plea
My heart pumps blood not ink, I’m not a poet, it says
Incoherent scribblings mock me with their existence

As a child, confined spaces scared me
But now, a confined mind petrifies me with just a glimpse
A pen stays gripped in my hand
I wonder what it fears more
My inability to let the ink flow coherently
Or my arrogant ramblings, regardless
And fearless of consequences
While I stumble on disjointed verses

A paper aeroplane is my best accomplishment
In my two hour search for freedom and thought
Who cares for pretty words and mystifying couplets?
When the idea of a paper boat seems much more exciting

-പ്രിയാന്ഷി ദാസ്‌

He saw me like an art enthusiast would see his favourite painting,
complex but mesmerising. He didn't see the darker strokes as insipid,
he looked at them as real, he loved the truth, as ****** up and nauseating as it can be. i lay next to him every night, covered in a pool of my insecurities gnawing at me, a constant reminder '' you will never be enough''. i loved him in the kind of way in which i loved to get high, he made me stop thinking, he made me numb to all my demons but eventually i come down and when i do i hate him. i hate the way he looks at me eager too see how i'll **** up next so he has something to write about. i need him, because he sees me naked in my flaws and he stays.   he needs me because he's an artist and i'm his ******* masterpiece.    
so i take a hit and another and another, lay there motionless with aching bones and scarred skin and he loves me, so i spiral out and he lets me, he keeps me going going going.....

I loathe to appear boring
but I am.

Mesmerising reflections
Sordid depths pried
for a sliver of truth.
Geometric shells
Fenestrative awakening
enrapt you non-somnambulant.

Suddenly
I find attraction no longer active.
It must be an affirmation
I’m unsure of what
Perhaps never to know.

Full of wonders is the land of pure
Offers which to all a dose of cure

Mesmerising colours, the white and Green
Came into being, for destined to be clean

To all which spreads, love and joy
Overfilled love for my country oh boy

Yehi surzameen meri jaan o abroo
Mushtamil hai jissay ye mah e roo

Showing the potential all in one wag
Followers and the others, all in one flag

Will I sit on the dirt of the pure, my lifespan
The one which I love to call, my Pakistan<3

On a bright summer day,
A small boy and a man
Sat on a bench in a park

They knew not one another
Yet the tiny tot smiled into his eyes and asked, 'Do you believe in miracles'?

The man, amused,
Looked up at the heavens in the sky
Gazing at the endless, mesmerising blue
At the sun he squinted; the glowing ball of fire that warmed the soil
A bird chirped,
He turned and spotted her vibrant feathers
The hills behind him stood tall
While the trees danced to the tune of the wind

The man then looked at the boy
He shook his head; uttered the abrasive syllable
The child, filled with disbelief
Smirked at the man

Then the sky laughed
And the sun smiled
The bird giggled
The earth grinned
And the hills guffawed

As the man watched on gravely
Trapped in his clouded mind
That blinded him,
Unable to see the blatant miraculous world
that stared and mocked