"codependency" poems
Dear Kailey,
Polyamory was not our downfall
I changed as a person
Much quicker than I anticipated
So I can imagine it felt
Catastrophic to you
Polyamory was not our problem
But it did highlight the ones we had
The reason I left you
Primarily was due to codependency
But more than that
It was your inability to compromise
I told you I needed space
You said you needed me
And that was the end of that conversation
When we tried to create boundaries
To help our adjustment to poly
What you gave me were rules
And when I tried to alter them slightly
You told me I was not compromising
I made my own mistakes too
Neither of us are perfect
And I'm not writing this to hurt you
This is for me alone
Because I've been blaming only myself
Since that night your parents took you home
Because you were blaming me
Or too harshly blaming yourself
It's not as black-and-white as that
This is not an attempt at
Relinquishing myself of blame
This is a bare acknowledgement
For me
That I am not bad
Even if I've done bad things
And I am not responsible
Solely
For your pain
I am sorry for my part in it
But I cannot
And will not
Let this responsibility weigh me down alone
Because I matter too
And it wasn't easy for me either
But it's OK
To love and care for someone
Without being in relationship with them
Aug 3, 2018
Aug 3, 2018 at 4:11 PM UTC
"Static on the line"
I lose my senses,
destined for greatness while stuck in this place where,
intelligence is replaced with penmanship.
"Lost connection"
Getting faded,
all familiar faces turns to agents like im Neo stuck in the matrix...
"No motivation.."
To fight this war myself and get through all this **** for my freedom like shawshankredemption.
"Mind constipation.."
Caught in the web of Jezabel,
Cant think over the ring of the dinnerbell.
"Losing patience.."
Stared her dead in the eyes but all she saw was her reflection.
Sep 30, 2016
Sep 30, 2016 at 1:34 PM UTC
if we are trees
our roots are intertwined
cut one down, and the other dies
as long as we live
we'll sway in tandem
arm in arm, limb in limb
Nov 15, 2021
Nov 15, 2021 at 2:44 PM UTC
I'm damaged
Dented, torn and broken
I have wear and tear in all my places
from years of being built up...
...just to be hammered down
Years of emotional turmoil from someone that should have been a support
instead of the dynamite.
In places where I shouldn't have been hurt
I now have barbed wire up to protect
The things that were done to me,
said to me,
or put upon me by you...
...make me who I am it's true.
But some experiences are best not even told in horror movies let alone lived;
by someone who thought they were loved.
Words and phrases of endearment kept me there
Even through the pain
I thought I could fix it.
You leaving me hurt at first I admitt
Codependency is an awful thing.
But I soon realized that I don't need you, desire you or want anything to do with you.
My life is better off without you and your mind games.
I may be dented,
Hell I may even be infixable from all the crap you put me through.
But now that I don't care what you think I can live with my dents and tears.
Makes me a better person to know that while I am strong enough to deal with a hell relationship
I will never allow myself to be in one again.
I won't allow myself to be treated like that again.
I know now that I am too good for you
For where I offered you everything...
...you offered nothing except for lyes and cheating.
I moved on, something I was told you really hated.
I'm now truly loved by someone who I intend to share the rest of my life with
Someone who loves me for me and is working to repare the damage you left.
Good-bye to all your crap and pettiness
I don't miss you the way you wanted me to.
I'm happy and there's nothing you can do about it except for sulk.
You're not the one putting the smile on my face.
Never were and never will be.
May 30, 2013
May 30, 2013 at 7:28 PM UTC
Your head on my chest:
thumping hare and cerebral mess,
the electricity and disconnects
drove my rhythms out of breath.
I didn't know that this was you:
a tantalizing wit in lieu
of the neurological faculty to
feel my chest pounding for you.
You are a palpable glitch,
with a brute heart and incisive wit:
my form deflated under it,
I gasp, writhe, and then submit.
My eager sentiment waits for the sound
of your breath catching then and now
and I think that you'll come around
when you grasp at me and moan aloud.
But you are steadily in place,
I, silly hare running a race, breathless face
your backward truth, the callous fate,
the need you can't reciprocate.
Apr 14, 2012
Apr 14, 2012 at 6:15 AM UTC
i turn to face you,
having just had you
lolling in the sleeping afterglow
but you're not beside me
you're inside of me
hovering just centimeters over me
wrapping warm my body
in your silk blankets,
a heartbeat swaddled.
when did you start to love me so much?
weren't it just yesterday
you had me clinging to
ceramic tiles for any sense
of comfort while my
insides were spilling out?
i suppose i always
asked for a lover
as complicated as this.
Aug 31, 2013
Aug 31, 2013 at 7:06 AM UTC
What's the
point of having
a life when
your every thought
is for
someone else?
Apr 20, 2014
Apr 20, 2014 at 3:12 PM UTC
though they'd not been born
as co-joined twins
a bond so close merged
in their relationship's fins
one couldn't move without
the other being alongside
always together they took
the same stepping stride
co-dependent
in everything
even of mind?
co-dependent
in everything
this their
bind
but there was a controlling
one in the pair
*it was ******* the other's*
living air
it
put
a
proviso
on
the
body
that
was
weaker
directing
it
to
be
its
spinner
speaker
the weaker one knew
that the mightier one
had its secrets hidden
away
and that it should do
what its co-joined twin
did forevermore
say
there's a sacrifice
to be made by the weaker
in codependency
Aug 28, 2016
Aug 28, 2016 at 10:15 PM UTC
You.
Too afraid to let me in.
Me.
Too insecure to walk away.
You.
Too selfish to let me go.
Me.
Too blind to love myself.
Nov 7, 2015
Nov 7, 2015 at 2:53 PM UTC
My life had got colder, seeping itself into numbness.
Coping wasn't possible or needed
because if I just slept or drank or took some sort of drug
I was okay
I thought we were both going to get stronger.
And a huge part of me bets I wasn't missed
when we pretended the other didn't exist.
I don't exist.
I wanted to feel something and at the same time
I was grateful that I couldn't.
I couldn't stand to be here
wishing you'd make another account to talk to me
seeing if you'd just try a little harder
to keep me
or to get me back
but you told me that if we argued and I left the room
You'd just let me go.
I should have kept that in mind then
you said you loved me
And I wonder what love means
I always assumed it meant the will of risking all for one another
without the need to
I lost it and threw myself
to the ground
for the tears to pour
or at least trickle
and I couldn't even make the expression.
I left because of my own attitude mixing with yours
and I was too clingy.
Codependency is a ***** I think.
Not fair like Karma.
I left because I couldn't take the feeling of not being loved
I was so used to you loving me completely
I left because I didn't think you cared
and after Justin, I thought I knew better.
Even if I didn't show it
it killed me
and it's still killing me inside and out.
Istillloveyou.
Just know I'd still take you back
I just can't stop writing
without mentioning you.
but since it's poetry, I can do whatever I want
so I'm weaving you into every word
every space
every sound and meaning
Sydney Sydney Sydney
Apr 28, 2021
Apr 28, 2021 at 1:05 PM UTC
The night you left, I slept for 3 hours and 21 minutes
Which was no use
Every hour, I woke up
Praying that it was a bad dream
Hoping that you were still there
Shutting my eyes
Accepting again and again
That you were never coming back
There was some sort of comfort in that
I wouldn't have known what to do
If we ever crossed paths
6 months have passed, and I’m still stuck
With the deafening silence you left behind
With the meaningless words you said
With the heavy secrets I swore not to tell
With the thought of who I thought you were
With the truth of who you really turned out to be
Stuck with you
You’re 1,769 miles away and yet
I can still feel you everywhere I go
A ghost trailing me, watching my every step
Waiting for me to break down
Waiting to whisper “You still need me”
-
I used to check my phone every 5 minutes
Glimpsing to see if you left me a message
Not out of concern, but out of habit
And old habits die hard
Now I only check my phone to look at the time
Someone once told me that time heals all wounds
They obviously haven’t met you
Because no matter how long it’s been
Time will never be able to heal the wound
That you left behind after you said goodbye
To me, to us
9 months, 20 days, and 1,769 miles ago
Jan 5, 2015
Jan 5, 2015 at 6:01 AM UTC
The left eye does not need
the right eye-
to be able to see.
One eye can distinguish as much
as two.
Dust that falls
in the left eye, however,
also makes the right eye
tear.
Soulmates,
similarly,
do not mean codependency.
it means existing
as one.
Nov 27, 2015
Nov 27, 2015 at 11:54 AM UTC
everything is meaningless and i
mean it. there's no point to this
there's no point to me there's no
point in existing other than to
breathe and love and make sense
of why we're here and
i'm sick of people telling me that the smart ones
are the sad ones
because i'm not smart,
i'm sick.
i'm vomiting up all the
feelings that are so overused
and overexaggerated that i cannot
tell what is normal or not
until someone informs me
that daydreaming
of slashing wrists and leaking
red when i
drop a glass of water
isn't normal. i used
to think everyone was
this way and i used to
think there'd be some
cure
to this, some magic pill
filled with stardust
and a tendency for
chemical codependency
that would make
me stop throwing up
all the feelings
bottled in the pit of
my stomach. (the
magic pill made me throw up,
just not the bad things. only
the good ones.) and
i can't stop thinking about
how everything is meaningless
and we are all here
and they are all there
and no one will ever
know one another completely
and that's not okay with me.
it's not.
Jan 9, 2017
Jan 9, 2017 at 11:04 PM UTC
tired of
Looking into mirrors & realizing
Death occurred long ago
Knowing that what happens
Is never my will
But theirs
See me fall down
Crush my spirit
Like I did those hands
Bind me
To the weight of my penance
Set that stone afloat
For my sins weigh heavy.
tired of
Understanding & acceptance
Tired of silent words & absolution
Wisdom and caring
Joy & happiness
If only because
These are the things
I never understood how to create
god I am tired of…
Tired of being complacent
The anxiety from looking
The thoughts of being
Trying to be cool
Acting like all is good
My life
Here I f***ing stand
tired of
Being the good one
Earning for anyone but me
Being their rock
Supporting every ones world
But mine
Codependency and hating myself for it.
May 16, 2010
May 16, 2010 at 2:09 PM UTC
"What tempature does love freeze?"
asked the five year old ice scientist.
Her character sheet read: "Mage".
She preferred "Scientist".
In the beginning we said "An Ice Scientist can freeze anything!"
So she asked "How cold?".
Google told us "-300 degrees Celcius".
The Ice Scientist spent the rest of Dungeons and Dragons
discovering the Freezing points
of
"ALL OF THE THINGS!"
"I want to stop the Bard
by freezing the Queens love"
Roll for it.
"Nat 20"
The Queens love freezes.
She refuses the bards advances.
"YES! ...Wait, What tempature?"
70 degrees.
Love may freeze at any tempature.
"At 211.5 Degrees Celsius, Adrenaline Freezes.
Did you know that?
Your heart stops racing,
No more sweat, dry mouth.
The initial fight or flight reaction slows.
you see less red."
"Mom stopped buying Epi-pens;
they're only sold in packs of two,
said she's "Boycotting epinephrines codependency"."
"Adrenaline helps your heart beat!
Did you know that?"
"At 128 degrees celcius Dopamine freezes.
Did you know that?
With desire frozen
no sense of reward
you sleep more, eat more, slip into depression.
You aren't addicted to anything anymore!
unmotivated!
upperless!"
"Mom gave up coffee,
gave up chocolate,
can't even have ***
"Dopamine makes you happy!
Did you know that?"
"At 121 degrees celsius, serotonin freezes.
Your well-being crackles on a car window.
The remaining strands of happiness, form icicles!
You can't regulate your mood,
appetite, or sleep patterns.
You are unpredictable and sick!
Serotonin heals wounds,
did you know that?
with it frozen, the scars you've collected
stay open!"
"At 0 degrees celcius water freezes!
you are made of 50-60% water!
half of your body is FROZEN
at 0 degrees!
Did you know that?"
"At -2 degrees celcius human blood freezes.
Your hands go numb,
like when you have no gloves on?
Then your toes! Arms! legs!"
"I think I would like the numb feeling
being frozen,
like Elsa.
All those tingles are the blood warming up and moving around.
Did you know that?"
I didn't know any of that.
you're very smart.
"Yeah...
...What tempature does Oxygen Freeze?"
Well, munchkin, let's google it.
Oxygen freezes At -218.8 degrees celcius.
"I bet it's hard to breath with no oxygen,
like when we get panic attacks".
Yes munchkin,
our panic attacks
are like a frozen lung.
"Do you think beautiful trees have frozen lungs?"
Do you mean winter trees?
The ones that look like glass ornaments?
"Yes!
the beautiful ones!
Like me!
You said trees breath,
When they're all beautiful
Are they having panic attacks too?"
Some of them.
There's no way to tell them apart.
Remember, Munchkin.
Trees always thaw.
Like the Queens love.
Like my love for you.
It just takes time.
Jan 15, 2017
Jan 15, 2017 at 11:29 AM UTC
I had poor sleep last night.
I tossed and turned with the light on.
The light kept me safe from the quiet darkness, but not the words that scrambled to abuse me in my mind.
I've cried till my face is dry and flaking.
I cry cause of the stupidest things....
like do I wait to finish our shows? How long would I wait?
Do I watch them without you? Can I text you if something makes me smile today? Who am I going to have Thanksgiving with? Will you think of me then? Will I be a passing thought?
I didn't think more tears could even come out of me.
I have moments where I remember being unhappy with you.
Stuck and misunderstood.
I want to ride off those thoughts and use it as fuel to become whole.
But its not true... I still love you, and I feel so broken that you left like this.
I still can't eat. I can't focus on my work. I just feel so empty, and I know thats the codepedence in me, but it hurts like you ripped a part of my soul deep from me.
Last time I lay in bed with you.
You said you would come back and we would marry, and start a family.
Then you left, and said I should get a roommate.
Who does that in the same day?
I'm so tired as I write this, just jumbled nonsense I need to leave my mind.
You left to clear your mind, but you cleared me out too.
and now i'm stuck in an apartment full of memories of you and our 7 years together. I'm stuck because you said it's a find, and that it would be a shame to let go. Before you said it's cause you're coming back. I feel let on, and so ******* confused.
I wish you'd come and take the rest.
I wish you'd come and take me to.
Oct 31, 2019
Oct 31, 2019 at 12:54 PM UTC
I've seen the debate of leaving
And the pain of being left,
I will not love like you have loved
I've seen the torment in the others eyes
The guilt in your tears,
I will not leave like you have left
I've seen the all night partying
And all the desperate men,
I will not betray as you have betrayed
I've witnessed the days in bed
And the nagging duties,
I will not die as you have died
You exposed me to the truths
While all the same lying to my face,
I will not deceive as you have deceived
It might be your childhood
Your codependency that kills
I try not to be bitter,
I will not hide anger as you have exploded
You've left broken hearts in your wake,
Forgotten faces at your feet..
And then there's me,
I will not destroy as you have destroyed
Sep 27, 2012
Sep 27, 2012 at 8:55 PM UTC
I look at the screen and see this perfect bride,
she is his ride or die, she is his wife. He loves her yet gives me the side eye,
I don’t know why I think she’s the other guy? I want love and security,
I want independence and non-codependency.
I want trinkets and tchotchkes but not a ring on the finger,
yes a finger but not that kind of finger,
I am not ready and he isn’t the one,
will I ever be the other woman looking in at the other one?
She struts away up and down,
gives me this glare while she drops a timid hand on her hubby,
possessing him and making him be her property,
smirks at satisfaction with the way my face is painted,
she doesn’t see it,
but love’s not a competition.
I don’t love him, nor do I lust,
he is just eye candy that I like to **** with my eyes,
he isn’t my type of guy.
Jealousy is funny cause I was where she stood.
Told him to block her and remove her as he should.
But I didn’t get it then and she doesn’t get it now,
if he’s looking at me,
she’s the other woman now.
Cause she is ‘othered’ by him,
she is replaced as the apple of his eye by me in his vision,
it is a revision.
Competing with me will do you no good,
cause I’m a class apart, a classy bossy b
and you just live in the neighbourhood.
I have visions and goal and options, you just him to be understood.
You chose to settle it’s not my fault,
you’re average at best,
it’s what I can recall.
We don’t even live in the same dimension,
you’re looking at me, but I’m looking at you and laughing
how you’re so green with envy,
I didn’t even speak to him even then you still think,
that I will steal him from you,
whoever you think are you two?
I got a better life to live than live in jealousy,
bless your heart but you’re not my enemy.
I am the only woman in this world, none of you ******* are in my caliber,
go cry to your daddy,
cause you are not me, you’re not an Insta baddie x.
Jan 1, 2023
Jan 1, 2023 at 3:23 PM UTC
I don’t want to be locked into our relationship,
and neither do you.
I don’t want to ever feel trapped by our relationship,
and neither do you.
I don’t want to be smothered by our relationship,
and neither do you.
In our relationship I feel unrestrained,
and I pray you are.
In our relationship I know release.
and I sense you do.
In our relationship I breath free.
and I believe you do.
I am my own person, but I choose to depend on you.
You are your own person, but you choose to depend on me.
Let us never again fall into the prison of codependency.
Let us celebrate the freedom of our interdependency.
Let the only chains that bind us be the constraints of our love.
©1998 Michael S. Davis
Feb 18, 2013
Feb 18, 2013 at 2:09 PM UTC
My older sister once told me
that if you aren't making
sacrifices for someone,
it isn't love.
So I wondered if she
would be proud of the way
I'd sacrificed parts of myself
to make it easier for you
to hold me. The way
I'd cut off friends due to
your paranoia of being left
before you were able to
do the leaving. Or how
I gave up my dream job
so you would never have to
face up to your problem
of codependency.
I swore to her I would
be giving. It's funny
how ironic life loves to be,
isn't it?
Because while I was sharing
everything with you,
you were desperately
clinging to your only child
mentality. A little boy,
still scared of sharing toys
and feelings. The problem is,
I'm not a little girl anymore.
I've outgrown the myth
that boys hit you because
they like you.
Boys hit you because
you learn how great the
word no feels rolling
off your tongue.
Boys hit you because
alcohol turns smart
men stupid.
Boys hit you because
they are terrified
that you will realize
your worth.
And I finally have.
I do love you,
but I love myself more.
And now I finally
understand what
my sister meant.
Jul 20, 2015
Jul 20, 2015 at 12:48 AM UTC
I shed a skin
a simple man's skin
with freckles kissed onto tan skin
full of codependency
lust
unhealthy obsessions.
I parted ways with my girlfriend
I didn't deserve the things that she made me feel
I didn't deserve to hurt that way that she made me hurt
I thought about suicide,
Almost attempted a few times
Got into the habit of vaping
of smoking
Wrote on bathroom walls about suicide,
got caught,
the mental hospital was threatened three times, and
I should have gone
but it's senior year,
I need to be able to get through this year
and then it will all be better
right?
Band contest, Prom, Senior trip, graduation.
I have to go.
So
Now I'm taking medicine for my depression/anxiety, bpd/bipolarity, and insomnia
I'm going to get better, I'm going to get through this.
I'm going to be happy.
I'm going to be better.
Apr 27, 2021
Apr 27, 2021 at 4:12 PM UTC
Why did you feel like you had to prove something to everyone? Innocence isn't bad you know. You were going to wait. But you were just so **** eager to prove your point. Perhaps a bit of it was spite. You felt over sheltered, so you overcompensated.
You have bad hair and bad taste in boys.
Still you shouldn't have broken up with him via text. Twice.
Making the third time by phone call wasn't a bad idea.
You have small ***** Get over it.
Stop being so insecure. Do things by yourself. You’re prone to codependency and neediness is not a good look for you
Invest in a pair of cute thigh highs. Delete your ****** blog. Get your eyebrows waxed (it doesn't hurt that bad).
While I have your attention - **DON'T ******* FAIL CHEM!!!** You end up retaking it with the same teacher whose face resembles that of a rat.
Enjoy being a social butterfly because it'll get old quick. Also beer is gross so you didn't miss much at parties.
You'll grow into your skin.
Mar 5, 2014
Mar 5, 2014 at 9:12 PM UTC
A beauty that’s rarely seen,
only reserved for the May queen.
Dancing under her midsommarstang
when the time speeds up but it still seems so long.
We can share some codependency
we can share some trauma and blood.
If you were to leave it would be the end of me,
is this the type of story we tell of love?
Sadly there’s some poetic irony
of the horror when you witnessed the elders jumping,
still human enough but too lost to see
you were in the line; one day to be waiting.
Confuse possession with protection
mistake bare empathy for tender caring.
When’s the last time you felt needed affection
except for the wrong type others are sharing?
And at the very end of it all
you’ll have a face full of tears,
‘cause even a May Queen has to fall
within the changing of season in the years.
And you won’t even care
if it’s freedom or a new type of prison,
‘cause atleast someone will be there
to cry with, to hold you and listen.
May 18, 2025
May 18, 2025 at 5:47 PM UTC
Have you considered the way Jill felt for Jack
Every time Jack fell down; Jill took up the slack
Her tumble was actually caused by fears of being abandoned
Jack hit rock bottom long ago, Jill still hasn't landed
...
Illuminating these words of the wise
That expose such issues that we'd rather hide
Words like enabler, codependency, resentments and denial
All of which place our addictive tendencies on trial
The addict strives to fill the void of a disease ever pending
The therapist with all their degrees are far from comprehending
Powerlessness, a self-prophecy of what you can't control
Higher Power, an interpretation of the superstitions we hold
The religious may disagree but the only power is in our mind
Believing in something strong enough work on these same lines
If a higher power fails you, you only have yourself to blame
We feed these demons inside of us or we keep them on a chain
It's simple!
Jan 31, 2017
Jan 31, 2017 at 10:13 PM UTC
I feel empty when you go.
Even cooking is lonely when you are not here. What’s the point?
How can I be an entire human being?
I blast music in my headphones-
When they scream-
I can still hear the silence
(I can’t drown it).
I miss you.
Please stay with me.
Please do not leave.
My anxiety hurts.
My hands are shaking as I write this, it’s almost unreadable, and the page is wet
And the words disappear a little.
I’m still cooking.
What do you do yourself when you’re done?
It hurts.
I want to cry.
I think I will.
-Jesse Haydn
Jan 4, 2021
Jan 4, 2021 at 9:37 AM UTC