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stillhuman Sep 23
There's a tightness
in my throat
when I look to you.

I wanted to keep you special,
tied  you up in that tiny space,
all your memories kept like treasure,
but you became mundane,
engraved with gold in my days and life,
a part of the morning sky.

You painted my days in a lilac shade,
throwing red and blue my way
so that I could feel close to you
and find distance all the same.

There are storm clouds in this purple sky
ready to fall heavy with rain
as it drips from my eyes
that feel this indifference in disguise,
tries to hide this part of me
that cries from the inside
to be seen and be freed from these lies.

There's no peace in this demise
'cause the clock is ticking with time
moving quickly to divide
what is ours into what is mine.

You're a purple lover
always been on my mind
and still only a stranger
that I felt was too kind
but your presence is like wine,
gets me drunk, makes it sublime.
You'll still be my purple lover, even when it's no longer our time
stillhuman Aug 28
A writer's hands
are soiled in ink
and I know it
'cause I've written your name
over and over
and the black covers my skin
while I write of all your love
and all your pain and heartache
stillhuman Jul 15
Nothing feels solid
and I can't see anymore.
Just faces faded
in old pictures on the wall.

There's just nothing
at all.

Nothing feels solid
or at least,
I can't feel it anymore.

There's scratch marks on my body
and they will surely go away
or at least
that's what I've been told.

I don't feel at home in myself anymore.
There's not enough space for change
nor to grow.

I feel it's all so slippery
and I can't figure out a way to keep hold
of all those things
that would make my heart bold,
thumping loud in my chest,
not so scared of getting old.

I'll remember you forever
and forget you all the same,
same way you'll do with me,
I guess time will be to blame.

Promise me you'll be getting older,
'cause we're young now
but the chiming will be getting stronger.

I love you now that I don't know you,
so love me then
when you don't see me anymore.
did it always feel so cold?
stillhuman Jul 15
There's this empty void
when I look to you

It's all those things I don't know
about you

All the times you got your heart broken
and the ones you spinned that too.

I remember your laughter
when it was real and it was not
and your eyes after disaster
when they would be downcast
and filled with plaster.

So hard to reach you at times,
it made it all the worse
when all I wanted was for you to look
and see me whole.

There's not enough words
to explain what we would receive
if I could be honest with you
and you with me.

Either way,
I wish you only the best
while I have you
in my dreams.
Only so much i can say to you like this
stillhuman Jul 2022
Crimson clouds cloud my vision
I see red all over
My reflection's blurry in the mirror
and its eyes look for cover
They're ashamed of what they see
as I dream of redemption
of wrongs rectified and apologies made
of certainty in my being
but spiders keep on crawling
in the shadows they build webs
of guilt and of me, missing you
while the sun is out
and the flowers sing with their colours
It is bright
so bright it hurts my dark eyes
they're not used to this light
of your hand touching petals
in a  different kind of summer
stillhuman Apr 2022
It's poisonous claws
scratching up from the inside
of my chest, they open
a path of lurid squalor
festering the internal wounds
with rotting meat
that spreads from within
to the skin that crawls
and dies, cell by cell
into the empty stale air
surrounding our conversation

The words float
from one breath to another
without ever really landing
to a precise spot
of connection
They just mimic meanings
and thoughtfulness
when they are void of any feelings

There is no spark of life
no life itself
denied to us
by the putrid scent
we ignore the existence of
No knowledge of pain
or reality
just a dull sense
of immortality
as we still
like the dust suspended
motion our lips without sense
nor sense of self
Corroding second by second
by second 'til we
become dust ourselves
"Natura Morta" is the artistic genre of painting still life
It resembles us so much at times
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