Andrew Durst Mar 12
Some people live purgatory lives;
they dance with the invitation
of death
just long enough
for the moment
to become romantic
then they usher the
entire idea
right out the door
as if being
with the end
is an easy way
to pretend

they cannot
         go at any moment.

Some people chase
   the idea of death
so much
they forget to
do something
as simple
yet profound
as live.

We spend every day
repeating cycles
and trying to make
our routines
then remain
frustrated at

     everyone and ourselves

for not being able to get this fluctuating life right


I am learning that getting it right
takes doing it wrong
more than
quite a few


that is simply something neither you or I can be ashamed of.

We cannot substitute the lessons
that failure and patience bring us-
all we really can do is
face our hardships
with limited understanding
and obtain what we can
from our moments of misery.

I am finding more and more
         that myself
  lingers in those moments
and I am beginning to appreciate
the days
I spend
          & subtle
           of what I can


You see,
I used to fear my own presence.
Shake my head at my own sight.
Be disgusted with my thoughts
and ruin my existence.

I used to do all of these things because I felt
I was not the person taking charge
      for my life.
I was not the person owning responsibility
for their actions.
I was not the person acting on their decisions
although the choices were petrifying.
I was not that kid because


I had yet to find the opportunity in my failures.
I had yet to see the potential in my flaws.
I had yet to understand that there are twenty-four hours
in a single day
and we can own every single one of them
when we are not focused on defeat.

And that sounds a little extreme at first,
I know,
but if I can convince you of anything today-

please do not be afraid of change.

Welcome it with open arms and be prepared for
your entire life to get uncomfortable
when you start being honest with the world
and most importantly-

I have let go of so much heartache
from no longer pretending I am okay.

I have let go of so much anxiety
from not allowing others to hold
their expectations over me.

I have let go of so much depression
from standing up for myself
because I was sick of the world
telling me NO.

I have let go of so much
useless negativity
and have said goodbye
to so many friends
and relatives
choosing compassion
over what they took from me
always kept me on
the better course;

a step ahead
when they were looking behind
and reflecting
by the time
they could realize
intuition wins.

but I guess depending on which way you are looking at it-
all of this is just bragging of course.

So I will never mind you
if you are not listening.

I will forgive you
when you come around.


know that I am too.

And for every dream you are chasing-

    it is chasing after you.

Thank you.
Kudos if you read this all. I hope it helped. Even though some might find this appalling- I just hope it get's to at least one of you.
Andrew Durst Feb 18
Forever was just
an excuse
to be
close to you.
Not a poem.
Andrew Durst Jan 6
They try to silence me
when my passion sings
for I am not like you
caged birds
with clipped wings.

I have crawled,
and taken flight.

So it will take
more than
a wish
to end me
-Andrew Durst.
Andrew Durst Dec 2017
I think I'll fall asleep in an hour
I think I'll be dead in a week
I'm sick of bitter arrogance-
it isn't something unique.
In fact it's kind of grotesque
the way I choose to progress
it's like i'm slowly
cutting from my
and stopping
at my chest.
Do you get it yet?
Do you find it hard to understand?
Am I not what you were looking for
or do I need to be better than I am?
I'm only asking.
I think that's fair.
But then again I'm getting acquainted with
I tell myself it isn't real.
I try to believe that you care.
But all that goes out the window when
I see you are not there.
It's unusual;
the way I trip
over myself.
Therapists and teachers
always said I needed help.
But I didn't believe them.
Ignorant was how I felt.
Trapped, corner,
I was pissed with what was dealt.
Just know that I didn't keep it.
I just walked right on out.
And for every moment
I've been defeated-
at least I wasn't

someone else.
Full of stupid errors but it felt good to let this all go.
So enjoy for what it is. Thank you.
Andrew Durst Dec 2017
I was high on LSD when we first met.
And there is nothing poetic in that statement.
Just honesty.
And you can take that for what it is
but I want you to know this
because even when my skin
was crawling-
you made me feel comfortable.

You were an abrupt kind of bliss
and I could not have been happier
with the light I had suddenly found.

You guessed I was a cancer
and I did not answer
because you saw in my eyes
you knew you were right.

And it was in that moment
I felt a connection
with the kind of
that was sure to

leave me every night.

I guess it was foolish of me to think
you would stay.

High hopes
and low expectations
is what they say
but I just cannot accept that
these days.

It is getting hard to hold my head up
when all I do is think of you
but my friends keep telling me
that I will make it through
even though

you don't miss me anymore.
I guess you win some and you lose some.
Andrew Durst Dec 2017
In the 3 o'clock hour
before the rising sun
staring at my ceiling
whilst wondering
where to begin
and end
I came
to the conclusion
that the world
is full of


   not broken,                    

Andrew Durst Nov 2017
If someone wanted you
in their life
they would
make the effort
to see that you are.

That old cliché term
"actions speak
louder than words"
holds true
and I am just here
to warn you
that not every

is a friend

and they
do not care
the way they
say they do.

Eight times
out of Ten
you probably
face your hardships
and even though
it is not always

you survive-

and it takes about
   twenty something years
to realize

                 most humans will never be good to you.

-Andrew Durst.
Take care of that.
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