how do you **** love?
how do you slice clean its hopeful flesh
drain pounding tenderness from its vulnerable throat
watch the warmth fade from its eyes
and carry on as if it never was?

how do you **** love
when it has become part of you?

how do I **** the part of myself
which lives for you?

how did you **** the love
where I was of you

how did you

everywhere I go I always haunt me
to each place I carry my torment in tow
and though I try a desperate change of scenery
the stain of my shame is always sure to follow

her eyes are the universe
and her smile is heaven
if I could wrap myself in her laugh
i would

i just feel like all i am is fragments
mismatched pieces to a puzzle I didn't design
vapor fears and jagged, painful habits
an ephemeral form with limits undefined

loveless child am i
isolated soul among the heavy
cold shard amid embers
i am island surrounded by suns.

i wish to be held and comforted,
loved and known
but rather
i am alone

in the noise
and clutter
and dishonesty of it all

I am so happy to come to your love again.

With hollowed heart I sought your grace
In vague friendships and lusterless affairs,
Each time left with the tender image of your face
To fill my listless, late-night stares.

It is you,
It is always you--
Any other is a fruitless attempt
To mimic your essential magic
And our irreplaceable, shared content.


No one is you.
We start anew, but nonetheless--
Again.

It’s not your job to fulfill my hopes
But how do I stop myself from wanting you to?

How do I look at you,
So precious and divine,
And keep myself from wanting to
Enact my mind's design?
Wanting your skin on my skin,
Your lips on mine,
Your laugh on my laugh,
Adorations intertwined?

I’ve spent far longer
Than I care to admit,
Pining and wishing
For a moment kismet
In which your eyes glow
With soft and tender curiosity,
When you reach for my touch
And make real my fantasy.

I pray that with time
This torment will dissolve,
And give way to peace
Unto desire absolved.
Now, I stave off optimism
That my love will be returned
And hope I will not sorrow
As deeply as I have yearned.