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Cutezeni Jun 20
Today I wake up to feel
Today was two days ago
And two is still two days
Too more.

Two days feels like a blink of an eye ,
But when each eye blinks
Just once a while,
Two days feel here almost
Within reach of this slumber
This deep hunger
Grumbles for an end almost.

But time is relative
It isn’t anybody’s relative
It comes at your good day
And changes it to your worst day
Until all days feel like
A beautiful dance of different
Shades of gray.

Haze. There will always
Be this daze.
Some days it will just be dew
On your face ,
Rest days it’ll be the warm hues
That bake your face.

A little here, a little there,
These two days will show
All its grays
Until they’re out of grays.

That day, the third day
Will be the day of love and light
That is lit up into the night.
Unnatural colours so vast
And anew; so beautiful
Pretty, marvellous and cute.

Life is colourful in the way
It is supposed to be;
With ranges of feelings, believings,
Noise and calm.
No more shall we struggle and strife,
To find our balance in plight,
Third day we shall stand tall in our
Goddess given right.
For my beloved M
Cutezeni Jul 2019
Say
Had so much to say
But words refused to obey
My tongue and its lisp
I faltered back
With silence on my lips.

Had so much to say
With emotions that drove me
I found the voice to share
The rights that wronged me.

But cat caught my tongue
And I left saying none
Felt  its weight shatter my heart
But I sat mum.

Numb.
Feeling of it engulfed me in an
Embrace
Felt confused, abandoned and a waste of
Space.
Tried hard to rush, to make haste
But you had decided not to show your
Face.

Didn't understand your trials
Or your tribulations
Didn't understand my part
In their emanations
Your follies had a lesson to teach
Don't know why I was the one impeached.

You fell down without a single scratch
Without a tear or even a crack
So easily dusted off and walked away
Didn't look twice
At the maiden who lay broken and stray.

You say your truth comes with a baggage
That communication is foreign
And you don't understand this language.
I was willing to understand and untangle
Your mess
But you found a dagger at the slightest
Distress
And planted one directly in my chest.

Reasons and answers and apologies
Seem meek
When I look back on the time and effort
I lost in making you complete
Everything I did was for you and us
All I wanted was to grow and trust
To forget a life of sorrow and pain
To start a new chapter in glee and rain.

My voice found me alas
Spoke aloud in courage
And even grew my tongue out at last.
You can stay with me or stay away
You can grow with me or go away
Make up your mind or leave me be
Carefree and gay.
"Trust and you'll be trusted said the liar to the fool"
Cutezeni Jun 2018
It is time,
It is time of my season
To bask in light
And scream joyously
Without reason.

It is time alas,
When the sun meets me halfway
Kisses me gently
And pulls me astray.

I love to love him from a distince
For his light is enough,
To burn me out
In an instance.

Too afraid to get any closer
Too afraid to be any bolder,
I just want to hold him
For a minute too longer,
Till I can feel his strength
Making me stronger.

He is my sun
His disposition is his sunshine,
He brightens my days
With enlightened thoughts of ways
From his beautiful mind.

Wish it were always tropical,
Wish it were always this magical.
Wish he didn't have to go away for so long,
Wish it were the tropics
From where I belonged.

I can rest easy with knowing,
That he is never too far
From me glowing.
For he meets me halfway
Every half a day.

One day I shall
Be brave to touch the sky
Hold his hand
And away with him
Will I fly.
"He's my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds"
Cutezeni Mar 2018
I need to pick a season
A season that I like,
Need to stick with it
And stay with it,
The choice that I arrive.

It's hard to have a favourite
When all seasons are sweet,
Snow-fall, sunny rays and rainy days,
All are trying to compete.

But monsoon never comes too soon,
Winter stays for four full moons
And summer is always unpredictable;
Shines bright to burn me down
Or never enough to blind me out.

With summer comes he
With blasting A/C and an LIT,
Bronze skin and bright smile,
Bottomless pitchers and endless miles.

Monsoon is an affair
With books and solitude;
Too much black coffee
And burnt-out candles,
And an independent attitude.

Alas, winter brings with it a longing
for someone who is never corresponding,
Craving him to keep me warm
But he was never mine to belong.

These seasons have a preference instead
They chose their people with actions unsaid.
It's fine I didn't get to pick my favourite season,
I guess I would never know,
Some things happen for a reason.
Cutezeni Nov 2017
Come sweet fairy
Come to me
Sing that sweet summer song to me
Kiss those golden rays onto me
Engulf me in your fairy light
Which sparkles and burns
Oh so bright!
Take me with you far and away
Take me with you
To the light of day
Where summer lays
In the hazy days.

Bring your fruit and your punch
Bring also a snack to munch
Bring your games and your toys
Let's find our summer joys.
Oh sweet fairy hear my cries
See the pain in my eyes
Take me with you
Let's fly away
Let's go live
The summer days.

My sweet fairy
We can dance
In the summer nights
All night long
Or run miles in the warm sand
Where we belong.
We can go left or right
Every direction leads to fun
In these endless summer nights.

Feel the warm breeze
Kiss your face
Feel the salty air
Graze you when you race
Let's run till we can't look back
Let's run against time and space.

Come sweet fairy
Take me away at last
It's getting too cold
And I want to reach there fast
Where I can be happy and gay
Living each moment
Like the beginning of summer days.
Cutezeni Jul 2017
Life is colourful
But not in the way I'd like,
Its shades keep changing
From lemon to blue to burgundy,
Feels like I'm living
In a constant state of melancholy.

Tried hard not to stare
At the melody that kept swirling
In front of my eyes
And through my ears,
Sometimes I forgot breathing.
And it trapped me into the deep
Clawed hard to come up from beneath,
But it was hard to hold on
The walls were too steep.

Never thought I'd wish
For a colourless life of black and white,
Of boring creatures and ordinary sight..
Never thought I'd be the one
To want my seeds to sow,
To want my roots to dig deep and grow.

Maybe flowing with the wind
Is not for me,
Free-falling is not the same as flying,
Peter should leave me alone now,
I don't want to end up dying.

Thought I almost saw
Heaven from where I was,
But it lay barren
With no gates or guards,
Or even angels or gods,
Either the books or my mind are lying,
It is overrated to wish for dying.

But I made it through
Somehow I swam back ashore,
Fought the muddied waters that blinded me,
Somehow I found my door.
And to sanity I return,
With lessons and scars that still burn
It's good to look ahead with clarity,
It's good to be back to reality.
  May 2017 Cutezeni
Diary of the Damned
I’ve made it through the darkest days
Through long and lonely nights
But not without both tears and scars
Which dimmed my blinding light
I’ve lost myself within myself
Each time I think I’m found
I sink back to the bottom
As in open air, I drown

Surrounded by the ones I love
I still feel all alone
Each time I feel I’m healing
I’m cut right back to the bone
The only things I’ve wanted
Are what matter most of all
But every time I venture close
Much farther do I fall

“I’ll be fine”
“I’ll be OK”
“One day, all will be well”
It feels like lies
But still I fight my way through mental hell
Even as I wonder if some day will ever be
Sometimes, I feel I only hope
For what can never be
Diary of the ****** - Chapter 2
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