twenty one frets
for my six stretched strings
I learned the words to covers,
but I never learned to sing

but when I’m sitting in my room
my hands on my guitar
my heart beats like a metronome
and I feel like a star

n o t  s u r e

if I should take

another  t o k e ,

or if I have

a r r i v e d

at that point

I fill my head with emptiness
myself to help me empty this
just so, although the words come out,
the picture’s only static now

I light this flame to dim the spark
that makes this monochrome seem dark
and add some color to the days
that shimmer as they dissipate


where’s my phone?

The Arctic Monkeys rattle my brain
nearly into a trance
while the lyrics cut
into my subconscious,
leaving me just a hint of sober

while she's sleeping, I slave
bleed my brain into this blank screen,
into this ******* machine,
so my feelings can be made public,
yet for the most part, unseen

it's odd, you know, I feel
further isolated, yet somehow,
part of something bigger, something,
I don't know, eternal,
when I feed this dysfunctional family

I wake up every morning
and try to be fruitful
do something, say something
try to be useful
but I realize at the end of the day
that I’m just filling time
with these meaningless things

I play games,
I write things,
exercise,
get some sleep

feel the burn,
toss and turn,
then I rinse and repeat

and if, for some reason
I didn’t get up
then it’d all be the same
‘cos no one gives a ****

my love says I need help,
and that ****** me off
‘cos I know there’s no pill
that can make this all stop

when you have no desire
too tired to live
those antidepressants
aren’t gonna do ****

sometimes, I'll still smoke
out of a **** soda can
just to remind me

I feel just like a bucket

full of **** this Friday morn

i'm feeling old, my feet are cold,

my muscles badly torn



but if I take a break, a day to stop,

and just recoup

that all the work I've done this year

will turn back into ****

losing layers

shedding skin

I'm

dying to be born again

your passion erupts
the neighbors all know my name
I'll flip the mattress

into my head, these thoughts still creep
the sun shines far too bright to sleep
so here I lie, in our Queen-sized bed
as Shadow rests beside my head

a small, black pup
that is her name
she helps me smile
through my pain
she’s with me
everywhere I go
that’s how she got her name,
you know


through speakers Indie music blares
to hide me from the world downstairs
sometimes it helps, I don’t know why
to keep from feeling dead inside

a guilty pleasure that I’ve found
I play with no one else around
when I need time, I need some help
but need to do it by myself

I toss and turn as things I’ve said
play on repeat inside my head
and feel the burning sting of shame
that shows no signs of going away

these past few days I’ve been a *****
to think about it makes me sick
instead of showing gratitude
I’ve had a ****** attitude

I don’t know how I could forget
that lately I have been so blessed
most every night, I fall asleep
beside someone who cares for me

and every morning, I wake up
she makes a *** and brings a cup
and she reminds me with a smile
that she’ll be there for quite awhile

in life, I never thought I’d have
somebody that could love like that
she truly treats me like a King
I don’t do much of anything

I have to show my gratitude
and change my ****** attitude
I have to treat her like the Queen
that she has always been to me

nothing you can do
'cos when I touch myself, I
always think of you

hey, do ya
think ya
could break me
off a piece
of that

Kit-Kat?

real quick

is a cigarette
and I'm naked in the dark
looking for a light

took a lot

of searching,

but

I

think

I

finally found

myself

this ****'s not funny
I'm down to 4 cigarettes
and 0 money

but I don't know how to
in a world where
not having money
is just another way to be dead

it's been a strange trip
trying to get to the point
where I know myself

little ball of fur
claws and sandpaper kisses
too pure for this world

I'lL hAvE
nO mOrE
iN tHe MoRnInG,
bUt I'm NoT
gOnNa SleEp
TiL iT's GoNe

what's it about?

the daily grind

evolving one day

at a time

and sacrifices

large and small

to leave my legend

standing tall

not quite divine,

exonerated

and failure is not

tolerated

stay out of my way

I'm here to grab

the things they said I couldn't have

a buffet table
endless combinations
but I'm not hungry

when
it
comes
to
lighting smokes,
I gotta dig Bic

like a good wood stove
if you can keep the fire lit
you'll always be warm

take one giant hit
hold as long as possible
repeat as needed

people come and go
leaving impressions behind
but does it matter?

In a dim-lit room
words left unspoken
our lips are sealed
our hearts wide open
without a word
a lot is said
when we both share
this Queen sized bed

Another day, another ache
my mind is just a total blank
I punch these keys, to no avail
but won’t allow myself to fail
I feel so useless, feel so dumb
I struggle, but the words won’t come
a waste of space, a waste of time
I lost that spark I had inside

I used to have so much to write
sometimes it’d keep me up at night
now where it was, there’s just an ache
my mind is still a total blank
still punching keys, to no avail
another try, another fail
I’m such a failure, i’m so dumb
these ******* words won’t seem to come

a waste of time, a waste of space
my failure stares me in the face
or maybe at another time
I can put something in these lines
or maybe some good tunes would help
no, i’m just lying to myself
I lost that spark I had inside
my life is just a waste of time

a quiet room,
a calming light
is all I really need
to write

a couple tokes
to ease the mind
it helps the words
flow out, I find

and my poems reek
of desperation
when I can't find
the inspiration
can't just turn it
on and off
or sometimes I'd just
make it stop

oh, and uhh,
yeah

a couple tokes,
to ease the mind
to force my work
is crap, I find

but most importantly

a calming room,
a calming light
is all I really need
to write

my dog has manners
unlike what I've found in friends
and intelligence

guess it all started
exactly a year ago
with my Instagram

I faked what I saw
just the simple asanas
like handstands and planks

but before too long
I realized the potential
for getting stronger

went from there to apps
High-Intensity workouts
designed for building

I was skeptical,
but in a few weeks I saw
a bit of a change

found new appetite
and a lot more energy
in every morning

but I soon got sore
so it was back to the 'gram
for a solution

found meditation
along with a bunch of quotes
that got me started

and next thing I knew,
it all became natural
headphones really helped

fully invested
I went all in, went *****-deep
and got rewarded

and I stopped posting
didn't matter anymore
I was addicted

work once avoided
became opportunities
to become stronger

for an hour a day
at the very least, I trained
even on off-days

for 20 minutes
I also meditated
to relax myself

I found contentment
and although i'm sore as hell,
I'm way happier

at twenty seven,
I have reached the very peak
and i'm still climbing

I think

I've

spilled enough

blood

to last

a while

in an old notebook
I found something disturbing
on every page

got up this morning
after staying up late
I took a couple tokes and I
could swear that **** was laced

something was trippy
in that ****
but I still took a few more hits

i'm always wanting just one more
without it, life is such a bore
more coffee, sugar, this and that
of course, just one more cigarette

it *****, I had a couple nugs
and now i'm almost out of bud
I've never felt this way before
everything leaves me wanting more

I try not to escape too long
but then it's always one more song
just one more work out, one more game
lately it all ends the same

I think I'm gonna disappear
just for a while, to get things clear
and try to change my attitude
so I can have some gratitude

I don't appreciate this life
this lovely dog, my loving wife
I'm far too busy in my chase
to see what's right there in my face

train every day to be my best
take measurements of my success
watch how I eat and meditate
but does that help with anything?

your petals fragrant, drip with dew
I can't wait to devour you

I've learned a little
that was enough to make me
appreciate dogs

I used to find the subject scary
but now I plan on getting married
but it’s not such a big deal, now
the day we met, we sealed our vows

her hand in mine was all it took
before I knew it, I was hooked
we’re such a perfect fit, besides
already licked it, so it’s mine

I forget their names
and I din't visit them, but
they're like my children

howling, screeching, slinging poo
the monkey's me, the monkey's you
regurgitation, repetition
it seems to be how we're conditioned