Cut
Not the slicing of my arms
Or the deep flesh wouds i draw
But the cutting of relationships
Gone.
I was cut of
As cold as a winters night in the middle of a snow storm
There was no more -
Big sis, and baby girl.
There was nothing
But the odor of the burnt ashes that sat buried beneath our tongues.
Words that were yelled
Like the fire flys lighting the nigh sky, appearing rapidly and disappearing with only a small resemblance from the past.
Once free from our greedy and angered mouths
Nothing can be taken back
Nothing can be undone.
With those words you said
And my actions
You had cut me off
Telling me u loved me, but we were no more.
I yelled and cried
But you weren't coming back.
3 years.
We missed so much of each other's lives.
I, peering into yours through the gaps of the curtins you hung up.
And you looking down from your castle, only for a time wondering who i was.
Finally we had something.
But everyone pulled us down.
No one trusted you or believed you
No one loved u like i did.
I was the only one who stood there with you
Yes unable to help
But I was there.
3 years we had.
Now no more.

Looking in the mirror is like a death wish
A glimor of hope before the horrid thoughts cime floading in
Screaming at the top of their lungs.
And the tears rush to the surface as I pinch my skin
Grabbing it tight
Pulling at it with all my might
Wishing
Wanting for it all to dissapear just like myself
As i slowly turn and turn that small glimor of hope gone
Flushed away by the rotton words that captivate my body
Screamimg for me to

                     "STOP EATING"

I walk away woth a heavy heart sinking down to the lowest part of me
Hiding away frim anyone
Ignoring every word spoken to me.

My mind
My body
My whole being has been captured by those fithly words and throughts which are tormenting me and eating me alive
Without a word
Or
A thought i move on frim the plate of fruit and the bowl of chocolates
Swinging with a heart heavy,
Yet filled with nothing

I act like it has no effect on me
Like it doesnt hurt at all

I return to the cold hallways i once remained.    
I swallowed the tasteless pill of depression
And sunck deep with her warm embrace.
So far into the wasteland
Diving into the stark blinded sight i now see though.
I don't know how to get though my sadness
My pain
My unplaced love.

My ears cannot hear
My eyes can't see
My mouth cannot speak
And my mind cannot tell the truth.
How am i ment to continue on?
How can anyone.
But i do not chose death
Nor do i chose life.

I know you're there.
Lurking in the darkness of the night,
Cowering in the shadows, avoiding the light,
Crouched behind the curtain or hid beneath the bed,
Awaiting the chance to dive into my head.

I know you're there.
With your bloodshot eyes glowing, never showing,
Watching me with a hunger, all the while knowing
I fear you most when the daylight's gone,
With seemingly endless hours til morning's dawn.

I know you're there.
With your black heart pounding in your leathery chest,
Knowing too well I'll get no rest
As you prowl my room like a ghostly haunt,
I know it's my soul that you need and want.

I know you're there.
You demon from Hell. I know you can tell
My fears are growing and beginning to swell
Like a ticking time bomb about to explode.
You sit patiently with your evils to unload.

I know you're there.
You pitiless beast, ready to feed
On my every thought, on my every deed
I can feel you staring, glaring, carrying out your scheme
To enter my mind through an open dream.

I know you're there.
No noise you make as you devise a plan for my soul to take
Back to the land of the living dead before I awake.
I won't sleep, I won't close an eye
As soon as I do I know I'll die.

I know you're there.

No one can love you no more.
No one could ever love you.
Just end the pain your in.
You've already ruined everything.
Every relationship.
Your family doesn't even love you.
Your friends won't care.
You'll finally for-fill your destiny.
There's no repairing the damaged.
There is no savior to love you.
Nor to save you.
Say GOODBYE.

YOUR A **** UP

Disappointed.
Failure.
Hatred.
Unlovable.
Stupid.
Immature.
D­isgraceful.
**** UP.

There isn't any way around it. You are such a **** UP.
You ruined everything. Nothing is savable.
Where did you go so wrong?
How did you get caught?
******* it you stupid girl. Wake Up.
YOUR NOTHING.

You obliterate my central sun
And i hate and fear you for it
Every moment with you is fraught with my anxiety
Of failure and disappointment
To be who you want me to be
To say what you want me to say

You don't remember you have a daughter.
You never see my pain.
You see yourself.

Round and round we go
Like a cat chasing a mouse
But neither knowing who's who
Round and round we go
*** for tat on words that rapidly fire
No thought no worry in the heat of the moment
Hurtful harming words that can never be unspoken
Words that can **** dangling from our egear mouths
Both with our guard up
And gun ready to attack
We wait breathlessly for the other to slip up
Jumping at any opportunity at any cost we never stop.
Our petty minds don't stop till the other is dead.
On the floor barley breathing.
Thats when we all be remorseful.
When we will finally see the damage coursed.
But until then we continue our war
Waving the white flag
For only moments at a time. Screaming we're sorry
But never are we.
Begging the other to change.
And
For us to continue the way one wants.
But with both against any form for reconcile
Neither will change
Not even for a time.
Our heats and minds are set.
To a goal
To something either one of us doesn't know.
But we are concrete in our way,
our beliefs, and our 'goal.'

I will watch my ways
and keep my tongue from the delights of this world.
I will put a muzzle on my mouth
as long as she dwells within.
Show me, my life's end
and the number of my days.
Each mans life is but a breath
man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro;
He bustles about, but only in vain.
Your invasion consumes me
You rebuke and discipline me
You **** every last breath out of me.
Slowly trapping me, until i become  no more.
Look away from me, that i may rejoice again
before i depart and am no more.

You were doing so well
Better then before.
You could feel the pounds falling from your body.
-----------------------------------------------------------­
U ****** it up again!
Did you seriously think that your childish brain would let you eat whatever?
Not without regret!
Not without punishment.
Don't be such a foul.
U know better.
Don't let your wild imagination out,
Reality is were you live,
Not belong.
Get a grip girl.
You are nothing without me.
You feel nothing without me.
You can't live without me.
Remember that.
Now walk.
And don't stop.