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55.6k · Jun 2015
Anxiety
Tatiana Jun 2015
The rustle of sheets
the pacing of feet
and the lights outside flicker
in the dark street
that is covered in sleet
the house is losing heat
shiver under blankets
to gain warmth is a feat
when the big hand meets
the little hand, there are seats
that are inanimate and cold
anxiety ain't sweet
anxiety ain't sweet
anxiety ain't sweet
© Tatiana
16.6k · Jun 2019
Burn & Breathe
Tatiana Jun 2019
I'd set fire to the air you breathe
so you can burn with every
inhale
and
exhale
©Tatiana
13.7k · Apr 2015
The Desire
Tatiana Apr 2015
The desire to be held
The desire to be left alone
The desire to be loved
The desire to be forgotten
The desire to be alive
The desire to be dead
The desire to be talkative
The desire to be silent
The desire to be home
The desire to be away
The desire for things to change

The desire is what makes me decay
because the desire to fall
is the strongest of them all
and it is just one feeling I can not change
© Tatiana
13.5k · Sep 2015
Forget-Me-Not
Tatiana Sep 2015
How silly is the little flower
to think that it has such a large impact
on anyone's life.
It's as if it says
"I know I am just a flower
and it's well past the hour
but you picked me from the rest
so I must be the best.
So when I leave,
don't forget me please."

But it's just a little flower
that was chosen for no other reason
than to bring a little bit of happiness.
Yet the flower still speaks,
"I don't understand what you understand
but I know that I am not anything grand.
But it was me that you chose.
You watered me with the hose
and I have grown to be old
but now everything I feel is cold."

Poor little flower,
how long have you been here?
Shivering and shriviling.
But bless your soul you still speak.
"I know some time has passed
since I saw you last.
But I remember your sad smile
and how you had to sit down for awhile.
Your thin white hair has become flat
and I no longer see you sit where you sat."

That small, old flower,
drooped one last time.
With one last sigh
the flower picker spoke.
"I'm sorry little flower
it is well past my hour
and you're as thin as my hair
that has become so brittle without care.
But don't you worry
he is coming in a hurry
and I will not forget you
if you will forget-me-not, too."
© Tatiana
Tatiana Jan 2015
I have a bit of a lisp.
It's not too noticeable,
but sometimes it catches my tongue
and the next thing I know
i'm linking my words together
as if I fluently speak one of the 'love' languages.
Let me tell you,
there is nothing attractive about your S's and th's
blending together as if you were a snake.
When it happens I just want to lower myself to the floor
and slither away on my belly
and go and hide.

But I will take the embarrassment
of getting tongue tied
as long as I never have to tell anyone,
a final good bye.

Because good bye's are forever.

*To be continued...
Good bye's are the most difficult things to say sometimes, aren't they? Because a final good bye would mean that you had some sort of emotional attachment to that person and now they are just gone. So yeah, I trip over my words and sometimes I lisp my way through a conversation, but I have the most trouble just saying good bye.
11.0k · Nov 2014
I Don't Need Your Help
Tatiana Nov 2014
I'm suffocating.
But I don't need your help,
I can handle my throat closing,
no don't call 911,
there's no reason to.

I'm choking.
But I don't need your help,
I can handle the mucus that blocks my throat,
I can spit it up just fine,
so just keep on walking.

I'm coughing.
But I don't need your help,
I can handle myself doubled over in pain,
with my chest hurting as I try to sit up straight,
so just ignore me hacking up a lung.

I'm breathing.
But I don't need your help,
I can handle hyperventilation without my inhaler,
I don't have to breathe properly to live,
so thanks for just leaving me on the floor.

I'm dying.
But I don't need your help,
it's not like I have no energy to get my inhaler,
you can totally just run out of the room panicking,
it's not like i'm scared too or anything.

I'm angry.
And for some reason,
you can't figure out why.
So leave me alone.
I'm fine now.
I can handle myself.
I don't need your help.
I'm changing the caption 4 years later because it was very angry and I don't carry that same level of anger anymore towards that person.
Except in reference to asthma
Then I'm quite angry
Asthma *****
Tatiana Jan 2015
Everything is so tight.
Jeans, leggings, dresses, shirts, skirts, jackets
and summer wear is even worse and more revealing with
crop tops, shorts, and even shorter skirts and dresses.
How are we all able to breathe?
Victorian fashion had corsets
and those made them faint!
So why does the fashion have to be tight?
Don't get me wrong,
I do like skinny jeans, and tight shirts and dresses
I am a girl after all,
we all give in to the status quo of fashion at times.
But, sizes are even smaller now than they were before.
I haven't gained or lost weight,
my waist size hasn't changed,
nothing has.
Except for the clothes.
Are we trying to make women smaller and thinner
by just shrinking the clothes?
It should not be ¨Survival of the fittest¨
in the dressing rooms.
That isn't cool.
Also, why are the pants so short?
I have long legs, okay,
and because my waist size matches someone who is smaller than me
then that must mean that I am short
according to clothes.
Therefore I have difficulty finding pants
that fit my waist
and my legs.
I am not blind to my surroundings.
Every single girl
Goes. Through. This.
We all have shopping woes,
some worse than others.
We all gain uncomfortable experiences
whether it be from something not fitting,
or from the attention on the streets
that we get for wearing it.
Then of course, don't forget the media!
Remember all those pictures of perfect people
being shoved down our throats
strangling us until we accept the fact
that we should be just like them.

Suffocation is the latest fashion,
and we are expected to wear it well.
You know, I would very much like to have pockets in my jeans...
 © Tatiana
7.0k · Feb 2015
Stranger
Tatiana Feb 2015
Beautiful eyes
Little lies
I've tried to help you
God knows how i've tried

Strong friends
Sticking around as the river bends
But I lost you in the rapids
and I sighed for this is how it ends

I found a song
It was for you but it was too long
The words I wrote no longer apply
How could I have been so wrong

I burned it
Along with a shirt in a fire pit
I tried to save you, I really did
But you left me in a dangerous fit

I tried to save you from this danger
But my mother said "You can't change her."
And we took different paths into the dark, my friend
I gave up, and now you're a stranger
It took a very long time to express this. She was my friend and I tried so hard to help her and she hurt me in return and then never spoke to me again even though I see her all the time. We just don't know each other anymore.
 © Tatiana
6.8k · Feb 2015
Clouds
Tatiana Feb 2015
Her head is up in the clouds
and they are so soft and fluffy
as sweet as cotton candy
and she takes a bite even though
she knows it'll rot her teeth.
But of course she only tastes water,
as it was a cloud she bit
and she wonders how these fluffy cushions
even support her.
She probably shouldn't have wondered,
because she's falling now
through those soft clouds
that fade away on contact.
Free fall to the ground
where there is no candy
to sweetly rot her teeth,
where there are no clouds
to cushion her descent,
where there is nothing but
cold, solid earth
ready to break her
at the end of her fall.
4.9k · Oct 2015
Miss Melancholy
Tatiana Oct 2015
Dear Miss Melancholy,
I write constantly of how you affect me
you're like a guest
who overstays their welcome
in my head
and in my heart.
You seem to keep me all together
yet you constantly tear me apart.
And sometimes I think
that I will miss your constant presence,
but then I remember,
I will not miss Miss Melancholy
because she enjoys my sadness
and loves making me bleed
for reasons that are not clear to me.
© Tatiana
4.3k · Nov 2014
Gun Shots at Dawn
Tatiana Nov 2014
Bang*
One solitary shot
fired close to the highway,
i'm tempted to look out my window.
It was isolated,
so I can go check.
But the next sounds stop me.
Nine shots.
Nine quickly fired shots.
I couldn't sleep after that.
I paced.
My town is a good town,
there aren't any serious crimes,
there are never gun shots at dawn.
I like to see dawn sometimes,
especially on my sleepless nights.
But those gunshots.
They ruined the illusion of peace
that I feel when the sun rises.
3.8k · Sep 2015
No Roses
Tatiana Sep 2015
There will be no roses on my grave
I do not want the red to mark where I lay
No people will mourn my life gone away
All the animals will retreat to the cave

People should cry at this untimely death
But no need to make so many trips
Because I just want to part my lips
And speak all the words that I once kept

There will be no fancy funeral
The coffin will shape who I am
I want them to remember who I was when
I didn't believe the race was so futile

So there will be no roses on my grave
Instead lay down lilacs
So every spring my scent will come back
And it will remind only you to be brave
Tatiana May 2019
Don't hang out with your exes, but that's not entirely true.
Don't hang out with your exes unless they're over you.
And one more point to add to this
that would not be good to miss
unless you're over them too, don't hang out with your exes.
3.8k · Nov 2017
Autumn
Tatiana Nov 2017
These strange autumnal rains
make old wounds feel new with pain.
Yet the cold rain that haunts this weather,
falls gently to the ground like soft feathers.
© Tatiana
3.6k · Aug 2018
Forgotten Vow(el)s: No 'I'
Tatiana Aug 2018
Travel under the eastern sky
keep your eyes on the road, do not ask why
that barren landscape, the color of rye
makes the hardened townspeople cry.

Legend states that the dusty flatland
was a servant to the sun so grand
the sun demanded amusement from the land
and the land created the dance of the sand.

The sand would fly throughout the desert space
for the sun to bestow her grace.
The act would make a storm and erase
any proof of fate and leave no trace.

The townspeople never spoke of the event,
but you must know what happened to an extent
when small ones run away at the advent
of these storms, the sands erase all torment.

You must vow to not wander from the road
when the sands hear the sun's lovely ode
and feel the need for a storm to explode
to dance and bury us all, as the sun foretold.
© Tatiana
Hey hey I actually wrote this one before my concussion so with a couple of edits (and after much rest) i'm ready to post it. A part of me feels like there is an 'I' somewhere in here, but I'm fairly certain there isn't. I think my use of sounds that sound like 'I' are confusing me lol. No 'O' is next.
3.5k · Jul 2018
Forgotten Vow(el)s: No 'E'
Tatiana Jul 2018
In my thoracic cavity is a clock
that rhythmically sounds tick, tock.
Pumping blood through my body
giving my hands an opportunity
to point out a good quality
And a fault.

It is good that you know I am with you
but a fault is found in this sad room
as sounds of this hospital's gloom
absorb into my aching brain
I almost miss your words full of pain
what you said will always stay.

"I think of days of old
days of gold
days that told
us to cling and hold
onto occasions
that you and I had.
Days I thought could not go bad
  Days I thought could not go bad."

Your clock ticks, but it would not tock
arrhythmic palpitations hold your body in lock
arms turn into stiff, limp imitations of parts
your body can find out how to start
its own trip into that forlorn dark
with no comfort from a singing lark.

I'm no lark, I bring no comfort of dawn
but I'll stay up with you as you yawn.
Your soul's windows full of worry
build up this notion your light will go in a hurry.

I vow to you as your light grows old
that you and I had days of gold
that you and I had days of gold.
© Tatiana
This is sad and trying to avoid the letter 'e' is extremely challenging.
No 'I' is next
3.5k · Dec 2014
Melting in Reverse
Tatiana Dec 2014
Strike the match!
Light the candles!
Conspirators gather 'round!
For we have come to eradicate,
the world of the old,
the useless,
the weary,
and the crowned.

Watch the wax!
Drip down so fast!
Let this drop seal our order,
the world of the chaotic,
the frantic,
the paranoid,
and the crying soldier.

See the flames!
Light the faces!
Of all who gathered today,
the world of the noble,
the sinner,
the suspicious,
and the people stuck in dismay.

The wax stops!
It drips, no more!
The infamous clock strikes twelve,
the world of the lights,
the candles,
the flames,
and watch as they drip the other way.

Look, those candles!
They melt in reverse!
All that work was sent backward,
the world of destruction,
the pain,
the confusion,
and the candles never burn downward.

The candle has melted!
It's just wax!
It had cooled on the table,
the world of the conspirators,
the liars,
the cheaters,
but the flames were always stable.
Tatiana May 2020
I stumbled across a letter from an old friend,
its contents were long and wordy but they had their end.
It was just her way of saying she appreciated our friendship.
A friendship unanchored, blew away with the wind
with paper sails that have only thinned.

Birthdays used to be a grand affair; a day to celebrate
but each year the wishes dwindle down so I reciprocate.
Radio meets silence while we're both aware of the days
until it becomes a memory of the song that no longer plays.
Too busy trying to navigate channels that changed.

Then an invitation to a graduation came to me one year
a wedge of uninterrupted distance bridged by a, "Dear."
I don't know if olive branches can hold my weighted heart
but I sent my response to expect me there
before I decided to not care.

When the day came you said, "I didn't think you would come!"
I kept quiet how I cried in my car a block from
your home. I hid my face in your arms and squeezed you tight
because the wedge between us was five-years wide.
"I said I would," is all I replied.

And we asked each other questions that friends don't ask.
What did you study? Where do you live? What do you do?
We joke around but do not laugh as hard as we used to.
My past brought to my present like a nostalgic gift.
A chance to heal over our ocean-wide rift.

And there were no known reasons! I can't turn back the clock!
I just drifted like a small boat barely tethered to its dock
until a storm came and everyone forgot to tie me down.
Or maybe it was on purpose, or maybe I couldn't secure me.
I was the fourth in a unit of three, send me out to sea.

But there is a positive to all of this turmoil
there is a reason the invitation made it to my door.
I rowed myself through the five-year waves back to shore
and tethered my boat and checked the knots times ten.
When friends become strangers we get to meet again.
©Tatiana
I've been trying to vocalize these feelings for almost a year now. Facing down silence and distance is the hardest thing for me. I felt very alone, very lost, and like no one knew where I was or what I was doing or even cared. And then I got an invitation from an old friend to her graduation. It was terrifying, I almost didn't go even after I said I would. I was so close to just turning my car around and not showing my face. because this was my past. My old friends I hadn't spoken with in years, my own failure with college and dropping out early when for years graduating college was my goal. But I did it. And though I'm not best friends with my old friends again, I feel like I'm meeting them and I'm choosing to look at that as a good thing in this sea of turbulent emotions. I'm meeting my friends again and they won't be strangers anymore.
3.4k · Aug 2013
Dear Diary
Tatiana Aug 2013
Dear diary,
can you help me,
reveal myself slowly.

Dear diary,
can I write on you,
words left unspoken.

Dear diary,
can I make plans,
with your paper as my blueprints.

Dear diary,
can I use you,
to help the me deep inside.

Dear diary,
i'm glad I have you,
who knows where i'd be without you.

Dear diary,
you know my biggest secrets,
and my darkest fears.

Dear diary,
I know you won't betray me,
like the enemies I have.

Dear diary,
thank you for being there,
when there was no one else.

Dear diary,
thank you for letting me,
make my mark on you.

Dear diary,
*thank you.
3.3k · Nov 2014
Scissors
Tatiana Nov 2014
I have a scary image in my head
every time I glance in the mirror now.
Days have gone by and I don't stop staring.
I mumble, forming my thoughts into words
as I glare at the image before me.
Then my words become louder, and I keep
slowly leaning forwards, but I won't bow.
I inspect my hair, piece by piece, I pull
at the split ends that look really awful.
I used to like my hair, it was pretty,
but those scissors there, that rest on the sink,
have never looked so inviting before.
How easy it would be to cut my hair,
the long strands that they all claim to be fair,
just take the scissors and cut your **** hair!
Just take the scissors and cut your **** hair!
But there is something that still keeps me here,
I won't cut it, because I think I'd care.
*Just take the scissors and cut your **** hair.
3.0k · Feb 2015
DARLING
Tatiana Feb 2015
Dying
Always
Ruins
Love
Youth
Is
Now
Gone

Didn't you know that, Darling?
I don't know...
© Tatiana
2.9k · Jan 2013
Sunrise
Tatiana Jan 2013
She sat on the edge,
quietly waiting,
for the sun to rise,
and chase away the darkness.

She looked to the east,
calmly calculating,
the amount of time,
till she hears birds sing.

She saw a glimpse of light,
slowly brightening,
with every single second,
the world held its breath.

She watched the light grow,
beautifully round,
and it rose above the hill,
not seeming to stop.

She felt the kind heat,
quietly warming,
her tired body,
till she felt alive again.

She knew why she was here,
calmly understanding,
that fate brought her,
and she could change that.

She sat on the edge,
tensely waiting,
she got up rigidly,
this will not be her last sunrise.
2.8k · Dec 2014
Fight It
Tatiana Dec 2014
Just put your head down,
just keep moving forwards.
Ignore everything
except yourself.
Remember who you are.
Fight it.

The restraints are there,
like this is some sick game.
You beat yourself up,
you strap yourself down,
unable to move
Fight it.

That blank wall isn't very nice looking,
I don't know why you continue to stare.
I mean I do the same thing,
when I become...
Oh. I get it.
Fight it.

Eyes glazed over.
Lips sown shut.
Limbs tied down.
Mind locked up.
The dark is so inviting.
Fight it.

But I'm not too sure I want to leave.
Oh, how easy it would be,
to stay in these waters
and fall asleep.
Just stay asleep
Fight it.

Don't forget me anymore.
Such a sad plea that comes from me.
Myself where did you go?
Who are you anymore?
I'm losing my mind.
Fight it.

What is there to fight?
I'm drowning in the tidal waves
of my own emotions.
There isn't a clear enemy.
Who could it be?
...
Oh, I think I see.
The enemy is me.
Fight it.
But I can't.
Fight it.
I.
Fight it.
Can't.
Fight it.

Yes you can.
*Fight it.
Tatiana Jan 2015
When the life you live is a lie,
could you ever look up to the sky
and apologize?
But you can't and you know why.

You speak as if you are better than all.
But how could you possibly stand tall
when you are only trying to maul
many people so they will fall?

I did not like meeting you in my light,
for you're making it as dark as night.
But maybe you believe it to be your right,
to act rudely and cruelly and fight.

Have you ever considered being nice?
I heard that it was good advice.
But hey, maybe you like your vice
and i'm watching it grow out of control like lice.

I don't like watching others endure your cruelty
for they do not deserve your foolery,
or was it your lunacy?
either way, stay away from my community.
In my community there is someone who is just so rude and mean to everyone. I have not known this person for a long time but they are seriously annoying me and many other people and I would prefer it if they stayed away from the people that I know and care about.
It's honestly like dealing with a real life troll and i'm trying to ignore them but hey, I just had to vent about it somewhere.

Apply this to whomever you wish.;)
2.6k · Apr 2013
We All Need A Pick Me Up
Tatiana Apr 2013
We all need a pick me up,
every now and again.

We all need the little light inside,
to glow once more.

We all need a little peace in life,
to realize what we need.

We all need our own moment,
to feel better.

We all just need a break,
from this crazy world.

We all need the time,
to make things better.

We all need to realize,
that with the little time we have,
we should be happy,
Because who knows when our time will end.
2.5k · Aug 2018
Concussion 2.0
Tatiana Aug 2018
The drums' pounding sounds
echo deep in my chest
rattling my rib cage
a new heart beat is found.
I surge with the crowd
dealing with the push and pull
like it was the ocean.
Well we were on Ocean Avenue
So it sort of was.
People are being held above the surging waters
like boats floating on treacherous seas.
One boat emerges from the depths behind me
One that I did not see.
The next thing I knew
the head of the boat had hit me
connecting with the back of my head.
I turned around quickly
and pushed the boat along,
but by then the damage was already done.
I sang and danced to every song
Unaware until later of my new concussion.
I'm putting my "Forgotten Vow(el)s" series on hold as I am now concussed. I was at a punk rock concert, seeing bands such as Against Me and the Bouncing Souls. A girl was lifted up behind me, and started to fall onto me, hitting the back of my head with her head and that did it. This is my second concussion and I'm very annoyed to have gotten another one. So if you are going to punk rock shows, be aware of the risks mates. But also, go to punk rock shows because they are a blast.
Also I'm realizing now I could have said surfers instead of boats (bc crowd surfers lol), have I mentioned I'm concussed?
Also please excuse any obvious mistakes for obvious reasons.
2.5k · Jul 2018
Forgotten Vow(el)s: No 'A'
Tatiana Jul 2018
Follow the odd northern winds
with just some sense of indifference.
Do not become glued to the ground
its toxicity will weigh you down.
So push yourself up, fly with the wind
twist, turn, spin with the debris.
Twirl with those stuck in the breeze
enjoy the feeling of weightlessness
the kind the ground never could give.
Fly through the sky, throughout the night
do not stop even when it becomes light.
It is best to ignore the ground below
since it is not good for you, trust me, I know.
I just need you to vow to me right now
don't look down
don't look down
don't look down
© Tatiana
oh boy oh boy this is difficult
No 'E' is next.
2.5k · Nov 2012
Concussion
Tatiana Nov 2012
Never have i felt
So much pain
Explosion after explosion
Of pain
My head feels too heavy
For my weary neck
My stomach churns
And i cant eat
or sleep
I cant think
without my mind hurting
Every light now
even at its dmmest
Is too bright
And it hurts
and noise now
Kills me inside
Theres just too much noise
Im so scatter brained
Nothing makes sense
I cant remember anything
And it scares me
I cant do anything
And i hate it
I cant move
Or ill hurt
But i hurt
If i dont move
Torture pure torture
Thats what this is
God help me please
I just dont know
How i will get through this
If im alone
Laying in the darkness and silence
That has become
My only friend
2.4k · Jan 2014
Welcome Home
Tatiana Jan 2014
"Welcome Home."
...
Now just imagine what those words could mean.
Can you picture yourself as a returning war Veteran,
stepping into your house that you haven't seen in years.
Picture it.
The overwhelming sense of home
makes you want to break down and cry
cause you knew you missed home,
but once you got there you realized just how much you missed it.
...
Now picture this instead.
You're a runaway teenager
about 17 years old.
Could you imagine that you were gone for a year.
You left because you felt misunderstood,
and throughout your travels
you realized just how much you needed your home,
because there was nothing wrong with it in the first place.
Sitting on your front steps crying
not being able to knock on the door
not thinking you'll be welcomed
and then your parents open the door
and all they say is
"Welcome Home"
...
Can you feel the emotions behind those words,
and not just the speaker's emotions,
but who is being spoken too.
Could you think of their story?
If they were wearing a nice suit,
and taking a long deep breath.
Would you think that person has been distant for some time due to their job,
and is trying to make up for it?
Or, if it was a teenager whose clothes were in tatters
and they seemed to be in bad shape
just sitting on the steps crying.
Could you imagine his story?
Would you think about him being a runaway,
and not thinking he would be accepted home again.
Now imagine that,
the pain of being shut out of your home,
how you could be so close,
or you could live in a house,
and it's just not a home.
What makes a home a home anyways?
...
What makes a home,
are the people who will always say
"Welcome home,"
no matter how long you were away,
no matter what you have done.
...
*Welcome Home.
2.4k · Oct 2021
Maybe Tomorrow
Tatiana Oct 2021
I wanted to see the sunrise.
Instead I laid in bed and watched
as my windows slowly let in
more and more light. Maybe tomorrow,
I'll watch the sunrise. Maybe tomorrow,
I'll crawl out my window. Maybe tomorrow,
I'll take pictures of the sunrise and
it'll be worth it.
I'll always want to see tomorrow
even if I dread every second of today.
I want to see tomorrow
and capture it.
©Tatiana
Sometimes tomorrow is the only reason I get through today.
2.3k · Jan 2015
Back-Handed Compliments
Tatiana Jan 2015
"Would you like some cake"
A women asked me politely as she was exiting the door holding a tray of cake.
"No thank you, i'm not a fan of cake."
I respond, laughing politely because the situation was a little bizarre.
"That's probably why you're so skinny and not fat."
I didn't respond after that and here's why:
repeat her last line, except with the nastiest tone you could imagine.
Then imagine her glaring at me as she left.
...
What did I do? Why did that escalate so quickly?
What just happened....
I don't understand why that was at all necessary.
2.3k · Feb 2013
Finally
Tatiana Feb 2013
It's over,
Well almost over.
Bug-a-boo is safe,
We have full custody.
It's a huge weight,
That's been taken off my shoulders,
But im still worried,
About my niece.
I don't know if we will ever,
Gain custody of her as well.
But I guess you have to win the battles,
Before you win the war,
and were closer than ever,
To making these kid's lives,
Better.
2.3k · Jan 2015
Breathing
Tatiana Jan 2015
Air gets dragged painfully through my throat
as my body spasms from my violent coughs.
Now my throat is constricted
and my airways are inflamed,
there is hardly any room
for the oxygen to get through.

It's like breathing through a straw,
except there are little tiny knives inside of it
that dig into my airways as I inhale
and it hurts
it hurts so badly.

Then I feel it in my chest
as my lungs fill up with oxygen
they expand and this pain spreads like cold fire
burning me with each breath
and then leaving this icy feeling behind.

Then as I start to exhale
the fire burns stronger
and my heart is pounding
and my throat is closing
and the world starts to spin,
then the air finally leaves my body and I can relax.

Until I have to breathe in again,
and this cycle starts all over.
I'm okay, I am just kind of really sick though.
2.2k · Feb 2013
Revenge
Tatiana Feb 2013
Hateful eyes stare down,
a sinister lumbering figure,
that stalked through the darkness,
using the shadows for cover.
Stealthily he followed,
this dark figure,
through the dense undergrowth,
walking on thorns,
and not noticing,
as they dug deep into his feet,
red painting his footprints.
The sinister man in front of him stopped,
and turned to look behind him,
a sick twisted smile,
lighted the sinister man's face.
The man breathed in,
the scents of the bushes,
and pulled the trigger,
there was a soft thump,
of a body hitting the earth,
and a pool of blood,
soaked into the grass.
Laying in that pool,
was the sinister man,
the life gone from his eyes,
the man walked away,
feeling the rage disappear
and be replaced,
with guilt,
until he pulled the trigger once more,
and his mind went blank,
and there was another thump,
as another body,
hit the ground,
in the darkest hour,
just before dawn.
2.2k · Nov 2014
Remember Why You Write
Tatiana Nov 2014
There is going to come a time,
where life will drag you down.
You can't sleep,
can't eat,
can't live peacefully,
without dying on the inside.
So how do we all cope.

We write.

I know how difficult
it can be to write.
Especially when it's a problem,
that torments us,
and the evil power of our demons,
whether real or imagined,
takes control of our lives
and the next thing we know
is that we're empty
and we need
to write.

But that can't be the only reason,
right?

Who do you write for?
Yourself? Others?
Is it a specific group of people?
Or no one in particular?

What do you write?
Do you write about daily moments?
Or more abstract themes?

When do you write?
Just when you have the time?
In the early hours as dawn breaks?
Or when the darkness settles over the land?

Where do you write?
Outside? In your room?
Anywhere you can?

Why do you write?
Are you searching for hope?
Or just looking for comfort in your own words?
Or in the words of others?

Remember why you write,
and that will keep you going.
2.0k · Oct 2017
Hydration for the Hydrangeas
Tatiana Oct 2017
See those plots of earth where roses once grew?
I planted them when I was 18 and my sister was 22.
Her's blossomed nicely every year,
While mine turned brown and stark
Like winter-borne deer.

See those bushes with fragile twigs and no leaves?
They were lilacs whose bright green leaves danced in the breeze.
My favorite flower of them all
I let fall victim to decay,
With the ruthless mindset of fall.

See the tree that has split in half?
It once stopped the sun from beating down on the path.
A storm blew through 5 years ago,
And I haven't had the strength to take care of it.
Even though it's broken, I can't let it go.

See those flowers that are still intact?
The hydrangeas survived because I made a pact.
I promised to watch over those special flowers
Offering hydration for the hydrangeas
With tears from my loneliest hours.
© Tatiana
2.0k · Nov 2014
Sucking Wind
Tatiana Nov 2014
To an asthmatic like me,
who feels pain in her chest,
has shortness of breath,
and can't stop wheezing,
when her asthma is triggered.
To puff her inhaler,
begging for the medication to work.
Only to hear two empty puffs.
And just like me,
the inhaler is ******* wind too.
If I am ever gone for a long time, or I visit infrequently, it's safe to assume that my asthma is acting up and that I don't have the energy to do anything else.
1.8k · Jul 2016
Earring
Tatiana Jul 2016
You lost it
...
The pre-dawn sky still held stars
and she shivered beneath their cold light.
Arms crossed against the weather
eyes darting, yet her posture is held tight.
The stars light up the sidewalk
and her darting eyes look tired.
She sighs glancing at the ground once more
then checks how much time transpired.
Her hand touches her ear
checking to see if she missed it.
It's still not there and the night is fading,
yet she doesn't want a replacement.
Her hand falls to her side with a thud
and her heels clack loudly.
She's done what she could
yet there's a risk paid for acting proudly.
She didn't look back to the grass
where a small object reflected the starlight.
The earring was there
but it was fading away with the night.
...
It isn't the only thing I lost.
.
Tatiana Feb 2014
Flowing down the river of attention,
a young boy cries.
Begging for a home.
Screaming for help.

Soaring on the wind that is greedy,
an old man lies.
He's so charismatic.
Scamming every life.

Falling from the skies of beauty,
a woman races.
She has deadly speed.
The impact is coming.

Floating in the ocean that is empty,
is a mind that can no longer think.
It can not connect.
It can not find its self.

Living on the ground that is wary,
is a now tired teenage boy.
He looks tough, he's weathered the pain.
But he is not okay.
1.7k · Jun 2018
Reprieve
Tatiana Jun 2018
................................
Reprieve
            Reprieve­
Reprieve
           Reprieve
................................
Life is so precious
when you're the one who's taking it.
I took the life of your friend
Again, again, again.
I'm contracted to take the hit
I know that makes no difference.
The lives you hold so very near
I'll take them from you dear.
................................
Why can't
            my mind
find its
     ease?
................................
I know the position you're in.
I was not born into this.
A hit was placed on my family and friends
to recruit my obedience.
I pretend to be normal
until my contract is signed
and the clever, chaotic side
unleashes on its next sacrifice.
................................
Reprieve
      Rep­rieve
Reprieve
      Reprieve
..............................­..
There is no way to say this
I'm a killer who warps the meaning of justice.
I'll die alone in a ditch
and laugh at my own hopelessness.
................................
I laugh
   at my
own mind's
     unease
................................
Reprieve!
­Reprieve?
There's no reprieve!
................................
Laugh!
Laugh!
Lau­gh with me!
................................
© Tatiana
I got bored and started writing a character who works as a hitman and is losing their mind, ya know, the normal stuff. And this poem is from that character's perspective.
1.7k · Feb 2015
Poison
Tatiana Feb 2015
Don't you understand that I am a poison?
I will take you down too.
So I dare you to bite me,
fight me,
I dare you,
because when you're enjoying your sweet victory,
i'll be swimming in your veins
slowly killing you
like you have killed me.
For I am your poison
and you are mine.
1.7k · Aug 2014
Hello Sadness
Tatiana Aug 2014
Hello sadness,
that comes and flows
like dark waters
full of rip tides.

I'm worlds away
drowning in the waters,
that are deep and churning,
i'm struggling to come back up.

I see the light that is the surface,
the only thing that keeps me swimming,
instead of sinking to the bottom,
like a rock.

A rock that has been carelessly thrown into the water,
never looked at,
never discovering the crystals within,
for they wouldn't rub away the dirt.

It's the light that's inside that pushes me upwards,
it prevents me from drowning.
It's the light on the surface that is my goal.
It's the light that gives me hope.

And hope makes me float.

I break free of the waters that held me back
and I want to join the light
as it dances on the surface,
asking me to dance with it.

Now I dance above the waters
that wanted to drown me.
But they are still there,
never leaving.

The waters won't leave me,
they're just waiting for me
to fall into their grip.
Their cold, tight grip.

But to me, it's okay.

For if there is one thing I learned,
is that if there is light dancing above the water,
I should swim upwards,
and join it.

For hope will always keep me afloat,
*even in the darkest waters.
I started this poem in the month of May. The only thing I had was the very first line, "Hello sadness" I have been reading through some poems lately and I noticed Timothy's poem "Depression" and I went straight to these two words and I just wrote. It's interesting what inspires you sometimes... Anyways, here is the poem that inspired me, http://hellopoetry.com/poem/816288/depression/ and I would like to say this to Timothy: Thank you for being an inspiration and a wonderful person to talk to whether it be about poetry or about problems. I hope that you're bout of depression passes quickly and I hope that maybe this poem shines a little bit of light on you and encourages you to dance with the light again. :) I also would like to say to the rest of you're little family: Hilda and Marian, you are wonderful people and I wish the same for the both of you, that you always continue to dance in the light and hang on to the hope and the happiness that is in your lives. :) For all three of you are a huge inspiration to me.
And to everyone else that reads my poems: You are all inspirations too, for if it wasn't for any of you, I wouldn't have kept writing, and on that note... You all will have to get used to me again because I'm back and I don't plan on going anywhere soon. :p <3
1.6k · May 2015
Disappearance
Tatiana May 2015
I am just a little blip on the radar of life
not entirely certain why i'm there
but yet I made enough of an impact
for the radar to pick me up.

But then i'm gone.

Gone as quickly as I came,
all promises broken,
all ties severed,
all hope destroyed,
as I am no more.

I am nothing more than the lines I used to draw on my wrist.
I am nothing more than the words that bleed onto my page.
Not to be shared with anyone
except my own tortured self.

But yet I come back,
I always come back
with desperate hope that
things will be different.
They have to be.

But i'm always a mess
a girl in her best dress
that hates with a passion
the amount of times I change.
Down down down I go,
falling endlessly.

I will leave
and i'll be back.
Spinning in this endless dance
of confused passions,
and all these little lights on the radar
mark my disappearance.
1.6k · Feb 2013
Shocking Ends
Tatiana Feb 2013
Shocking ends,
and brand new lies,
sit behind,
covered eyes.

Little tips,
and discolored lips,
strangely there,
in a discreet air.

Ticking clocks,
and mismatched socks,
unique ideas,
wrapped in tears.

Shaking hands,
and disheveled strands,
of long thin hair,
you're without an heir.

Strangled air,
and you're without a care,
that this lack of support,
is all you'll report.

And when you die,
you'll hear a lullaby,
of when lives tend,
to reach a shocking end.
1.6k · Feb 2013
Unbreakable
Tatiana Feb 2013
Little glass vase,
rests quietly on the table,
sitting there,
it hasn't been used in years,
but yet it remains,
a center piece,
for an old little table.
Glass will always break,
it is far too delicate,
it will hit the floor,
and shatter,
and someone else will have to pick up,
the tiny sparkling pieces.
But no worries,
no one lives in that house,
it has been empty for years,
it used to hold,
a little family,
that loved that little vase,
the daughter would put,
many wildflowers inside,
creating a beautiful array,
of color.
The mother would organize them,
and add flowers of her own,
sometimes her and her daughter,
worked together,
carefully placing,
each little flower,
in the perfect little vase,
the father watched on,
with a gentle smile,
caressing his face,
as his wife placed,
a flower,
on his daughter's,
small nose.
It was a time,
where everything was perfect,
nothing was wrong,
it was beautiful,
but now the house is empty,
and no one knows why,
the shutters are closed,
and  no light shines through,
and that vase is alone,
with no flowers to be put inside,
and it sits there,
collecting dust,
of wasted time.
And that little vase,
it will never break,
unless some unseen force,
shatters it.
And then,
the earth rumbled beneath,
and the vase fell,
off the old table,
crashing in the dark house,
on the hard floor,
it should have shattered,
but it stayed there,
in one piece,
unbreakable.
1.5k · Dec 2014
Die Young
Tatiana Dec 2014
Cars crashing,
seatbelts couldn't hold them back
as they flew through the windshield,
waterfalls of glass
cascaded over the smashed front,
the ground sparkled coldly,
red glinted off of the glass
that was embedded into the flying figures.
Bodies hit the ground,
they made a hollow sound,
blood pooled out around them.
They were young souls,
gasping out their final breaths,
their chests heaved as they screamed.
People gathered around
crying hopeless tears.
Nothing could change their fate.
As the ambulance finally came,
and the cars were towed away,
only one thing remained,
it was the young blood that stained
the grey pavement.
No tears,
and no rain,
could ever wash away this blood
that now tinted the hearts of the people who saw
just exactly how violent it is
to die young.
1.5k · Dec 2013
A Catastrophe of Rhymes
Tatiana Dec 2013
Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
The little dog laughed,
"Jack, jump over the candlestick."
Along came a spider,
the cat and the fiddle,
who sat down beside her
and frightened Miss Muffet away.

"Hey, ******, ******!"
"Yes sir, yes sir."

Jack be nimble
Who lives down the lane.

Baa, baa, black sheep,
Mama's going to buy you a diamond ring,
and one for the little boy
who lives in Drury Lane.
All the king's horses and all the king's men;
To see such sport,
don't say a word.

"Have you any wool?"
"Do you know the Muffin Man?"
"Three bags full."

And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Jack, be quick,
Mama's going to buy you a looking glass.

One for the master,
Mama's going to buy you a mockingbird.  
One for the dame,
Mama's going to buy you a billy goat.

Jack jumped high
The cow jumped over the moon.
Jack jumped low
And the dish ran away with the spoon.
Jack be nimble,
Mama's going to buy you a cart and bull.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Jack jumped over and burned his toe.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
And if that horse and cart fall down,
Hush, little baby,
one little Indian boy
couldn't put Humpty together again.

And if that mockingbird won't sing,
ring a ring o' roses,
and if that looking glass gets broke,
you'll still be the sweetest.

Tom, Tom, the piper's son,
did you ever see such a sight in your life,
as three blind mice
stole a pig, and away did run.

And if that billy goat won't pull
a dog named Rover,
see how they run,
they all ran after the farmer's wife,
and Tom was beat.

And if that cart and bull turn over,
and the pig was eat,
and Tom went crying,
Mama's going to buy you
A pocketful of posies.
And if that dog named Rover won't bark
down the street,
One little, two little, three little Indians,
Mama's going to buy you a horse and cart.
Much wants more, and loses all,
little baby in town.
Three blind mice,
who cut off their tails with a carving knife,
see how they run.
We all fall down.
All are lines from Nursery Rhymes:
Little Miss Muffet
Hey, ******, ******
Jack Be Nimble
Baa, Baa, Black Sheep
Do You Know The Muffin Man
Humpty Dumpty
Hush Little Baby
Ring a Ring O'Roses
Ten Little Indians
Tom, Tom, The Piper's Son
Three Blind Mice
The Man and the Golden Eggs
1.5k · Jan 2018
The Silencer
Tatiana Jan 2018
I'm young and I shouldn't preach
but at least listen to me speak.
I have dreams about
what this world could be.
I have ideas
on how we could be
and to discredit me
based solely on my youth
tells me more about you
than you could ever tell me.
Who silenced you
when you were young?
Who taught you that
the younger generation is dumb?
Who taught you it was okay
to silence those youthful tongues?

Who silenced you
you silencer?
Inexperience is a thing, and i acknowledge that. But don't shut down what a person says just because they're young. Because discussion is also a thing and a much better learning tool than telling people to shut up.
1.5k · Nov 2014
Insomnia
Tatiana Nov 2014
Nothing like demons
to keep me up at night.
I'm so stressed,
where is the light?
My brain wishes to shut down
but my eyes put up a fight.

They're not allowed to close.
I'm forced to watch it all.

Nothing like work
that gives me anxiety.
With my mouth wide open
I scream so silently.
I rise from my bed
and I try to pace quietly.

They're not allowed to close.
I'm forced to watch it all.

Nothing like thoughts
that make me talk to myself.
Always out loud
as I pace by my shelf.
Questioning existence and loneliness,
too much trouble for oneself.

They're not allowed to close.
I'm forced to watch it all.

I know when I look in a mirror
when the world wakes in the morning.
I'll see deep, purple and black bags,
I know that's a warning.
And everyone will question,
but they'll never see me mourning.

They're not allowed to close.
I'm forced to watch it all.

As the first light
of the upcoming day,
graces me with it's presence.
I find my way
over to the now golden window.
With one deep sigh, i'll be okay.

They're not allowed to close.
I want to see it all.
Good morning Insomnia.
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