Nothing like demons
to keep me up at night.
I'm so stressed,
where is the light?
My brain wishes to shut down
but my eyes put up a fight.

They're not allowed to close.
I'm forced to watch it all.

Nothing like work
that gives me anxiety.
With my mouth wide open
I scream so silently.
I rise from my bed
and I try to pace quietly.

They're not allowed to close.
I'm forced to watch it all.

Nothing like thoughts
that make me talk to myself.
Always out loud
as I pace by my shelf.
Questioning existence and loneliness,
too much trouble for oneself.

They're not allowed to close.
I'm forced to watch it all.

I know when I look in a mirror
when the world wakes in the morning.
I'll see deep, purple and black bags,
I know that's a warning.
And everyone will question,
but they'll never see me mourning.

They're not allowed to close.
I'm forced to watch it all.

As the first light
of the upcoming day,
graces me with it's presence.
I find my way
over to the now golden window.
With one deep sigh, i'll be okay.

They're not allowed to close.
I want to see it all.

I burn savagely,
and I burn alone.

Red is the only color I see,
I scorch people with my eyes,
I scar everything with my words.
When I burn,
they will burn with me,
and in the end we all die
from the strength of the flame.

I freeze silently,
and I freeze alone.

Everything has stopped working,
I can not move,
I can not rage forwards.
The ice numbs me,
my finger tips are turning black,
the frost continues to bite me
and I have no substance to burn.

Running down the hall,
with the threat on my back.
Hoping to make it safety,
because safety is what I lack.

Sitting in a room,
and everything is dark,
as I listen to the argument down the hall
that all started with a spark.

A spark of something induced by drugs
and a low life loser.
That she got caught up in,
and it's not like we can't accuse her.

She took part as much as she could
in the induced high.
But now it all came crashing down,
when she was forced to say goodbye.

Say goodbye to the loser,
who drags her life down.
He'll lead her down a path of regret,
and she will certainly drown.

The explosion of anger and fear,
has not gotten through to her yet.
And I fear that she will hurt herself,
more than we'll ever expect.

I never ever thought before in my life,
that I would want to leave home.
But nothing could push me out of the house faster,
than the addicted life she chose.

Pain is like water
increasing the pressure inside a can
with a tightly closed lid.
It keeps building and building
the force of the water is getting stronger
then it explodes.
The lid flies off and the water flows out,
but that's not the end.
The water keeps spreading
and you can't put a lid on it
or it will burst again.
You have to let the water run its course,
allow yourself to feel it wash over you.
Then when it is time,
the water will drain away
and you can finally put the lid back on the can.

A crow rested on a fence
and I wondered what this story-book fiend
with his dark, beady eyes, clever sense
and his feathers well-preened
wanted from someone as hollow as me.
I couldn't do anything but wait and see.

What did one say when faced with a crow
who had no appointments to rush to
no place he must go?
As if speaking was something I could do.
So with a wooden arm I gave him a little wave.
Pleased, he came closer, that fabled young knave.

I could not move much and I could not speak
as the crow stopped right at my rooted feet
and prodded my foot with his beak.
I'm a listless liar he deemed worthy to meet.
So I did not speak and I did not move
an inaction of which the crow did not approve.

He flew back to his fence that creaked
and shifted when the wind pressured its joints.
The forceful draft stung my eyes so they leaked
tears, I found I always disappoint.
The crow flexed his black wings
eyes closed as, for him, the gale sings.

I croaked out a question from deep in my throat
the wind became a whisper as the crow paid attention
"Are you here to jeer and gloat
over my bad decisions and poor intentions?"
He shook that dark head and said
"You're a terrible liar. I'm here to help instead."

"But are you not a portender of death
here to show me I have the illest of luck?"
Why can I not catch my breath?
Wondrous wings glide on waning wind then tuck
neatly against his back for he chose my shoulders
to better speak words that doused what smolders.

The crow rested on my shoulders and cawed
a sound soft and broken
and I thought it terribly odd
that the crow would caw when it was well-spoken.
So when the pressure of panic permeated my chest
the crow spoke again so my horrible heart could rest

"If I were just a crow residing on a fence..."
He gestured with his wing to where he was before.
"Then I'd have left you to your own offense
and not show you what you often ignore."
His black wings pushed my head 'til I saw the gate.
Hope swung at my roots freeing my feet from their hate.

"I believe you have many apologies to make."
I nodded my head and the gate opened.
The crow continued, "The right choices often take
an ax to your tree, to your roots. With hope and
desire to change, you can grow something new."
I stepped into the world beyond the fence and away the crow flew.

A large **** slashed open its side.
A collision with a boat we all think.
Though no boat has claimed its ****.
The wind whipped its scent through the crowd
a saltier tang than usual.
More concentrated; more direct.
Its chest heaved with the rhythm of the waves
as water poured into its lax mouth
expanding its chest
in a mockery of breath
before deflating again like a balloon spent.
Bites from opportunistic feeders
marred the solid gray-blue-white skin
with a pinkish hue
and gaping holes.
Its blood lingered in the dark green waves
a sandy-pink as it flowed with the current.
And people still swam in its wake!
Unperturbed by the dead still bleeding
or the funeral procession watching on
in a half-circle of grief and awe and humor too
as the largest of lives we don't normally see
lay dead on the beach.

Hands wrapped around my throat
      like a bow
A gift to the present times.

Am I pretty enough in this
      chokehold?
Squeeze my throat until I fall in line.

I saw a picture today,
of a face I recognized,
but couldn't put a name to.
It was a picture of a man,
standing next to my father,
this man was old,
his face had countless wrinkles,
and deep laugh lines,
his eyes were grey blue,
a sparkling grey blue,
full of wisdom,
and happiness.
My dads eyes matched his.
Their faces had the same shape,
and their built was the
same,
everything about them,
was the same,
except one was old,
and one was young.
And then I saw the old man's
hat,
the hat was from
being in the airforce,
and then I realized,
why their eyes were the same color,
I looked in the mirror,
and my eyes,
were grey blue,
I looked at the hat,
and ran to my closet,
I pulled out the hat,
so old,
and worn down,
with age.
I stared at it,
and my heart tore in two,
I can't believe I forgot,
it was you Grandpa,
it was you,
in the picture,
and I didn't realize it was you.
It's been so long since you passed,
but every time I think of you,
its like the wound opens up,
again,
and my tears,
are the blood,
that seeps out,
of the wound,
flowing rapidly,
with no signs of stopping.
Till I feel i'll bleed out,
and die,
and then join you,
but I know you want me,
here,
on earth,
or you would have come for me,
by now.
Oh Grandpa,
why did you have to go?

I know that this is a puzzle,
with its scattered pieces ,
spread across the floor.
But I can't find,
the pieces that fit together.
I'm stuck staring,
at the picture,
on the box.
Just looking for one piece,
one little piece,
to match,
with the piece of a flower,
that is pressing into my hand,
leaving little red indents,
in my palm.
I look at the puzzle,
just searching
for the one piece that will get me started.
But I can't find it,
it's not there at all.
Well I guess this piece of flower,
will never find its match,
because i'm so blinded
by frustration,
that I just can't see,
the little puzzle piece,
that is right under my nose.

Sing little mockingbird,
sing your heart out,
because your song is beautiful,
don't let anyone shut you down.
All you ever do is sing,
you don't cause any harm,
so don't feel bad,
don't feel like
you did something wrong,
because you didn't.
You just got caught in the middle.
Poor little mocking bird,
all you did was sing for me,
and now you don't anymore.
Please don't be sad,
please start singing again,
please little mockingbird,
sing your heart out.

Dewdrops sparkle with spiders' silk
Twinkling like stars in the sky
Sad that all of them have died
Sad that spiders live short lives
Substances seep into my skin
I don't know their ingredients
Smooth age before it sets in
Fill all my gaps with plastic
Pretty nice things are never sweet
Quiet homes thrive on busy streets
White lies kept our hearts in line
White fences hid vicious crimes

Tighten the belt around my waist
Hopefully I suffocate
Before the final hole is made
In the noose on my vanity

Quicken the pace of self decay
Rot like flowers in early May
Diseased; succumb to earthy graves
Be welcomed back from which you came

What a beautiful world,
she whispered to the sky.
The media gives us one idea,
of what us girls should be,
yet we're always told we should be ourselves.
But society prevents that doesn't it?

What a beautiful world,
she said a little louder to the clouds.
People are cruel and vicious,
they seem to sink their teeth into innocents,
and tear lives apart.
To make themselves feel better.

What a beautiful world,
she yelled to the darkening sky.
The lives we lead are full of choices and challenges,
and people and notions go out of their way to ruin us,
and we are expected to pull through and make a life for ourselves.
But it isn't easy.

What a beautiful world,
her voice screamed with the wind.
This torrent of emotions,
can make or break a person,
and when someone plays to hurt someone.
The emotions shut them down.

What a beautiful world,
she cried with the rain.
The tears she cries,
will go unseen for they mix with the rain,
and the rain is the bigger problem.
Not the damage done to the girl's mind.

I bit my tongue so hard that it bled,
but I never said a single word
and there's a heavy weight that's on my neck
it rolls lifelessly from the thoughts in my mind.
I carry the burden of my aching head,
full of thoughts that my mouth has not conquered
and I don't have anyone to check
to see if my mind is something they could find.
My lips stay sealed completely
locking my words in my own head,
and I think I may have thrown away the key,
for my words refuse to escape me.

I can rest easier now.
My head hurts less than it did before,
my thoughts slow down
when it's time to sleep.
I can allow the world to just shut down
and be at rest.

For once in my life
I can sleep in peace.

What is that which looms on the horizon?
My own response so carefully crafted.
Designs that I have embroidered eyes in
to see my own hand-sewn chaos drafted.

Your stitch-in, flowery language lacks work
and your seams seem to lack proper binding.
My dear, I can't accept mangled patchwork,
it's clear that you needle more reminding.

It's funny how you tailored your response,
yet you didn't know of the fabric's face
that laughed as you fabricate and ensconce
yourself in lies as delicate as lace.

You have barely weaved a good running stitch
Don't curse the seamstress who seems less stressed, witch.

Things fall apart
and here I am, sitting in the dark.
Alone, alone, alone.
I just need something to create a spark
of life.

But you're alright, everything is fine,
keep your wits sharp,
be quick,
and don't forget to laugh.

Other's words can't hurt me,
for I am strong, I am not weak.
Liar, liar, liar.
I can't tell anyone why I gaze into
the distance.

Why aren't you laughing?
They can't hurt you if you laugh.
Laughing is power.
LAUGH.

I let a giggle slip past my lips
that I have tried so desperately to keep shut.
Laugh, laugh, laugh.
Maybe it's a good thing that I am alone and
i'm laughing

You are not broken,
You are happy!
So laugh! and don't you ever stop!
But I want to stop... Do. Not. Stop.

I laugh until my stomach hurts and
tears roll down my face.
Stop, stop, stop.
No, just let me descend into
insane laughter.

For if I don't laugh, I will most definitely be torn apart.

I really wanted to say to everyone that reads my poems,
that I really appreciate the fact that you do.
In all honesty,
I never really have been recognized for anything.
Whenever I showed someone a poem in person,
it has always been,
"Oh you wrote another poem... that's nice."
Then of course they wouldn't actually read it.
It was too much like putting my heart on my sleeve,
only to get it ripped up,
stomped on,
and buried in the dirt.
But all of you have dug my heart back up,
and in a sense,
you all have resurrected it.
I know that I can go missing for a little bit,
and then randomly appear again.
I sometimes feel like that one friend
that you only see once in a blue moon.
I also know that I can get depressed from time to time,
and you all have to deal with my strange bouts of sadness.
Anyways,
I wanted to say thank you
and that I love you all
and I love all of your poems as well.

I feel it mounting,
slowly, steadily building,
every little thing adds to the heat,
I feel,
that slowly rises,
to my head,
creating an ever growing red mist,
that clouds my vision.
That mist is hard to clear away,
once it comes,
and luckily I rarely see it,
but when it's there,
my rage becomes,
uncontrolled.
My fuse is long,
but once it's lit,
it can not be stopped,
i'm like a ticking time bomb,
ready to explode,
at any given moment,
and when I do explode,
I cause an impressive amount,
of damage.
But now I know I will explode soon,
I can feel the adrenaline,
rush through my veins,
and my blood,
roaring in my ears,
my body is shaking with
the anticipation,
of finally letting go,
of my anger,
and releasing all of my stress,
and feelings,
so I can start fresh again,
but until that happens,
my anger will be,
uncontrolled,
and never stopped,
until I can calm myself down.

They said I divested Saturn of his rings
and asked if he would dance with me.
He squeezed my fingers so heat lingered.
I knew he was told I'm a danger;
that I don't feel, that I don't kneel,
that I'm a terror, but that isn't fair.
Just say he can't make his own choices.
Say he can't control his impulses.
Why would I tempt a planet to ruin?
Why would I tempt a god to consuming
each breath before it disappears?
Confined him to my strong atmosphere.
Then call my heart weak as it beats in threes
how convenient, toes tap to odd melodies.
For my body's from Venus, how divine.
Yet I was a borne sinner, so keep me in line.
He said good evening as I said goodnight,
atoms were buzzing in the sunlight.
He grinned like I was a prize to be won
It was almost as bright as the starry sun.
So I lead him a bit further and took great care,
Saturn broke his orbit for an affair
and threw himself into the fire.
He was burning desire as I played the lyre.
Strum a gentle song for the end of love,
call me a heartless, winged-rat dove.
Say this is how I feel; this is who I am.
Say I sent an innocent to be ******.
Call me a fiend, a demon, a liar,
when I'm just a woman who played a lyre.

It's 1:32 am
and I show no signs of sleeping
There's just this heavy weight on my chest
and I feel choked up.
There's pressure behind my eyes
and the tears are starting to come
and I don't know why.
But the more I sit here,
the more sad I become,
but when I pace I become angry
and then even more sad.
I don't understand why.
Everything is okay right now,
but i'm sad,
and it's stupid because I have no reason to be upset,
I just am.
The thing is
this has been happening for about a week
and I have been trying to be happy,
I have been forcing myself to smile
be optimistic
to laugh
to enjoy myself.
But for some reason,
it's just been so **** hard
as this inexplicable sadness is smothering me.

I create while under the influence
   of my mind's imbalance.
Equilibrium is not found
within me.

Ask me to walk the line you'll find
   I can do it just fine
But on the inside I've fallen off the line,
which was well above the ground.

Touching the clouds I shout
    I'm falling! I'm falling!
Down from the sky my head was in
I've fallen into a garden.

The first thing I see upon waking up
    is a sunflower facing the sun.
The most surreal flower I've ever seen
is what I'm greeted with after a dream.

Sunflowers don't look real to me.

Let us all rise,
and fight our inner demons,
ones that threaten to smother us completely.

Let us all fight,
and finish our wars,
and become survivors.

Let us all live,
our own lives,
shared with others we care about.

I'm calling all you out,
who are fighting your own battles,
and I'm saying to come join me,
and fight,
and survive.

Rise to this call of action,
and help others who are struggling.
We will all fight,
and,
We will all win.

Every emotion is clearly displayed
No matter how hard you try to mask it.
You don’t understand,
You can’t lie, and if you do,
Then why should I trust you.
Tell me why!
How long do you plan,
To lie to me?
keep secrets?
Play games?
How long will I put up with it all.
No more!
I’m done!
Please just leave me alone
Take your overwhelming force away.
If you come back, I swear,
There won’t be a cliff high enough for you to fall from,
To amount to the pain you have caused me.
Oh God help me,
I can’t stand her anymore!
She is the Devil,
That chose to hurt me.
Her secrets ****.
And I have never felt so betrayed
In my entire life.
In this web of lies
that encases this very companionship
that I have once felt,
and turns it into
a smoldering mess,
of secrets.
in their piles,
and piles,
of lies.

Swallows get caught in your throat
trying to escape the cat.
Feathers are ticklish,
the cat's grip is vicious,
is this how we've come to say that
the cat got your tongue,
the cat got your tongue,
because you thought
you could swallow winged lies.
The hunter inside
always finds its pride
in the throat where the swallow choked.

I will disappear
I will feel fear
I will lose control
I will let things go
I will smile everyday
I will cry in my own way
I will sink like a stone
I will ignore the phone
I will call myself a coward
I will never give myself an award
I will forget how to speak
I will see the ceiling leak
I will take comments to personally
I will whisper my responses silently
I will not know what it's like to be golden
I will not know what it's like to be chosen
I will remember every moment I spent
I will dream of the one present
I will win many battles that open up doors
I will fight more unnecessary wars
I will find myself one day, I was told
I will look back on life fondly when I'm old
I will be happy on most days
I will be sad always
I will just say one more thing
I will remember how to sing