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He sings
And she loves him more deeply
He croons
And lulls her in peace
A bard
Who sings for his Goddess
His voice
Keeps her heart skipping beats

He speaks
In hushed tones of a lover
He watches
With love in his heart
He sees
The joy that he brings Her
He knows
That they'll never part

He can't
Understand how he moves her
He'll sing
'Til she tells him to cease
His voice
Like a choir of angels
She swoons
Inhibitions release

He sings
And she loves him more deeply
He watches
With love in his heart
A bard
Who sings for his Goddess
He knows
That they'll never part

Long black hair
That frizzes in the heat
Eyes a chocolate brown
A gaze long since lost its shine
A smile that hides no pain
A sweet tooth
That won't be outgrown
Unlike cotton attire
A heart grows dull
And cries unnoticed
Behind that unseen frown
On a good day
She looks like a woman
Like any other
Like every other
Like no other
Like no one
On her best days
She is a cool breeze on a warm day
Unseen, unrealized
Noticed after she's gone
A scent
A feeling
The absence of
Nothing

Oh how I miss you most in the morning
When the sun speaks in volumes of light
When my world is hushed
And the earth is high

Yes, I miss you most in the morning
When the day begins anew
When fresh eyes see truth
And dreams still linger

My, how I miss you most in the morning
Facing the day wrapped in the warmth
Of my dreams
Eyes open to empty arms and a full heart
Oh, how I miss you most in the morning

Not spiteful by nature
But spiteful just the same
Unrealized and unintentional
The tongue lashes out
Cleaving trust and respect
As it rends flesh from the heart
Innocent eyes and tears of pain
At war because they are the same
At odds because they cannot see
Longing for Peace
While skipping in minefields
After denial will come responsibility
Yet through it all
There is love

I haunt the shadows of your thoughts

My nails rip from their beds
clawing sanity
just trying to climb out of
my feelings

my fight leaves breadcrumbs
but light causes shadows
even in the brightest smile

and while I prefer the shade
...or used to

I churn to life in that place where
my ebb meets your flow

**

You haunt the shadows of my thoughts

You run non-stop
floating on surface tension
knowing the pit is hollow
...it just seemed easier that way

My kindness
as comforting as it is cruel
in the shadows behind a smile
that blinds me
...beautifully

It feels like magic
where your ebb meets my flow

Float on that surface tension
I'll wait in the hollow

It's hard to move when we
neither run nor chase

It's your love that reaches me first
Long before the scent of you
Or the heat of your flesh

It's your love that reaches me first
Before the soothing sound of your voice
Or your prose meant solely for me

Like distant tinkling bells
Or the scent of orange blossoms on a breeze
It's your love that reaches me first

Traces of you line every moment silver,
     even in my darkest day
Traces of you can make the empty linger,
     the second you walk away

Traces of you are my hidden treasure,
     a joy that is all my own
Traces of you are too fine to measure,
     yet brighten my darkness alone

Traces of you make life worth living,
     the birth of my very smile
Traces of you make ease of forgiving,
     though memories tend to beguile

Traces of you turn hell into glory,  
     then turn back the other way
Traces of you rewrite the story,
     every second of every day

Little boy
Little boy
Come let me be your friend

Little girl
Little girl
I do not play pretend

Little boy
Bathed in light
It is not a game to me

Little girl
In the shadows
I am not what you think you see

Little boy
I see* You
Not what you show the world

But I know you
From eons past
You are not a little girl

I am
What you make of me
Sweet angel in the sun

You will
Be the death of me
As it has since begun

Your smile
Is my very breath
Sweet gray-eyed boy of mine

And your love
Is worthy of my soul
I'm yours through all of time

Then how, pray tell,
Could I lay to rest
The purest form of light

By holding you
Sweet love of mine
You blacken all that's bright

Brighten my shadows
With your love
I promise I will learn

I will not change
The you I love
I'd rather lose a turn

A turn at what
I cannot see
I do not play this game

I'll find you
In the next life of ours
As it is all the same

Cradle me in your arms
and sing me into peace
drifting into lyrics and flat B's
love never sounded so safe

Invited into Dreamland
with love stories serenaded
in tunes familiar
connected through time

Lost in times gone by
begging another with restless moans
soothed into slumber
by music that still makes me smile

Changing minds like running water
Future plans disappear in the mist
Venting the mind can weigh down others
Yet once they're gone, they don't exist

I read your words
They speak to me
Of course they are written
To my soul
My heart leaps
At the thought of you
Caring enough to make me real
I read your words
Of want and need
Of the existence and fear of love
Concrete, in black and white
It must be me who has moved you
Thoughts betraying logic
Though, I am the one
Tip toeing near and far
I am the one
Who knows I am being missed
For I am missing you
I read your words
And it just has to be me
They are mine
They live in me
They move me
I have claimed them for my own
As they must have been written
To me
For me
In desire and love for me
I breathe them in
My heart is alive
Yes, I have claimed them for my own

The thought alone ignites the flame
That consumes me from within
Reality just fuels the fire
Composure is wearing thin

Behind the eyes lies fantasy
A dream so far away
Yet in the now, is everything
There is nothing left to say

Temperatures keep rising
Bodies stir with every glance
Passion is taking over
Led to burn by sweet romance

A brush across the skin
Reacting bodies hold no fear
Devouring piece by piece
Consuming what is held so dear

Heightened senses in the throws
As fantasy is laid to rest
When hearts are bound in love
There is nothing to contest

Traces of you line every moment silver,
     even in my darkest day
Traces of you can make the empty linger,
     the second you walk away

Traces of you are my hidden treasure,
     a joy that is all my own
Traces of you are too fine to measure,
     yet brighten my darkness alone

Traces of you make life worth living,
     the birth of my very smile
Traces of you make ease of forgiving,
     though memories tend to beguile

Traces of you turn hell into glory,  
     then turn back the other way
Traces of you rewrite the story,
     every second of every day

Chasing time results in immense frustration
Frustration that culminates in pain
The sweet sound of an angels voice
Such release to be had
Eyes closed as the music hums
Melting stress on its path to the soul
It crosses all barriers
It comforts the lonely
And it soothes the sad
It reaches through the core of emotions
Grabbing what happens to exist there
Holding fast for a ride to wherever the music will land
Accompanying melancholy through to brighter days
Smiling within
Absorbing the pain
And leaving things better than when it began

You are my truth
The only truth I've ever known,
And I cannot live without you
You are my very soul
You can never let me down
You are amazing
I've always believed in you...
My entire existence, all through time, I've believed;
And I will until the end of time and then beyond
To me, there is only you
Nothing else exists
And you are mine as I am yours
Always and Forever

Chased by the deafening echoes
Of the silent screams in my soul
The cold steel walls of my heart are rusty
Aged and oxidized from the briny ocean of tears

Endless insomnia
Rest ran off by a fantasy
Fast-footed memories cannot be reigned in
What is done cannot be undone
What you want is what you need
Visceral reaction to the very idea
Thoughts will not settle
There is no calm ocean
Only the tempestuous remains
Caught on the top of the slide
Too high to see the bottom
Too scared to take the plunge
Too happy to have made it that far
Left to hang in midair
The ride is to be continued
But the fall remains ...tonight

The gentle way you gaze upon me
Your heart upon your tears
The drop in your voice
As your breath carries my name in the moonlight
The stars are aligned leading us home
Into one another
Searching beyond imagination
Through space and time
Never understanding the emptiness
Though seeming to be full
The pain of void
Filled at the sight of my soul in you
For you are my missing piece
And I am your sun

Building a life on cotton candy dreams
smells of the circus and carnival rides
Exuberant children in tousled sheets
Doing untrained acrobatics on a highwire of hope

Melted sugar nightmares crash without a net
Eyes burn in the stench of memories and laughter
Wearing that broken wire like a decade old prom dress
Wishing pieces of that life didn't still smell so sweet
Making everything sour by comparison

Ever wary of the remote reminiscence of
laughter and the exuberance of children
Flesh torn by that highwire gown
Whenever someone smells of the circus and carnival rides

trembling

in anticipation
          in fear
                  hope
                          or desire

from cold
          or sickness

in the emptiness
          of a world without love...

...I tremble

The shades are drawn in endless daylight, begging the night to fall yet loathing the months of night that will too soon follow these endless months of days.  Sleep does not come swiftly as feet twitch restlessly under cool sheets. The mind relives peaceful mornings by the creek with fishing rods in hand ******* on lollipops and skipping stones. Stones that for others seem to float on the surface, yet, thrown by my young hand sank like the rocks that they were. click, click, click, the beads of the abacus counting time in my dreamlike wannabe state. The beep of the microwave oven jars the mind and the scent of coffee wakes the brain, only to realize it was the sound of the alarm clock and the cupboard does not hold the coffee so loved in dreams yet detested in reality. The solitude of morning, which looks like evening, which looks like night tastes like rotten onions in the mouth you struggle eat with. Remnants of equestrian dreams linger in a hazy head pounding like a basketball across the the court. The lampshade is covered in a purple scarf, giving off just enough light to not have to open the shades.  

Day begins with a gargle of mouthwash that tastes like Campho Phenique

hoping to get rid of the residue of rotten onion dreams that remind you of a life you never thought you'd live.

I will sing for you a love song with words that ring so true
And I will forge the perfect melody to make the love shine through
There'll be thanks for all you've done for me & thanks for all you do
And I will give to you my heart in words that I will sing to you

And I'll be there, when you need a friend
And I'll be there, when you need a shoulder
I'll be there when the weight of the world
Seems less a chip and more a boulder

I'll sing to you of roses and fields of wildflowers
I'll tell you how the sound of your voice can make me smile for hours
I'll sing happy of the day you saved me from that tower
With declarations of how our love is never going to sour

And I'll be there, when you need a friend
And I'll be there, when you need a shoulder
I'll be there when the weight of the world
Seems less a chip and more a boulder

I'll be there

Time ticks on
Second by second
Ego too thick to cave
Wanting it
Wanting more
Not willing to surrender
Not willing to lose
Match met
Standoff

Here lies a lonely heart
And here it was besought
Too acquiescent to question
Too obstinate to acquiesce
Neither foolish, nor naive
The heart endeavors
Tattered in the process
Tentative in its gifts
With but one request
Yet, in its stead
was found thoughtless untruths
Holding fast to words spoken
Despite the fact the truth remains unhidden
Prefer honest consequences to deceit
Regardless how pale in color

Millenia a moment
wishes on all the starfish in the ocean
wouldn't make Wilcox happy in love

Indivisible divisions
infinite wisdom where math and science
will never meet God

Did science create a universe or simply define it?
Where beginning meets end in pinpoints of minutia
that by definition and design will never actually meet

Cradle me in your arms for nanoseconds
each holding an eternity
If only time could be held by more than mere memory

Maybe, everything until the now that is never the now
can touch a moment
that can never be broken into its smallest parts

Yawn and stretch
Mid-morning nap, check
Time to scent the premises to ward off predators
Keeping watch over the pack
A century's job is never done
Scenting, check
Lost in the smell of love
Oh how they leave me piles of love
I find them by chance and roll myself in them
It's almost like they are with me
Back to work keeping watch over the world
How am I supposed to protect things
If I'm not supposed to be perched on the lookout tower
I must do, what I must do
Warning the passersby that this place is safe, protected,  check
'tis my job
Back to basking in the love
The piles of scented coverings left behind
I believe they scent them just for me
Surely they must know I need them when they are off and away
Yes, piles of love.  
Back to work
Waiting to be rewarded for a successful day of guarding the premises
Waiting for the belly rubs that signify a job well done
The sun is low as I lay perched upon the tower

I found my grandmother the night she died
The room filled with mourning tears
My mother slapped me
because I hadn't cried in two days
At 18 how do you emotionally process a body that once held a life?

Disconnected from my thoughts
I felt neither pain nor love nor loss
How could I say that, without feeling defective
but I couldn't get past that shell with empty eyes
that stared at me until I noticed they weren't smiling

When the body turned to flesh
she was gone and I was lost
in those empty eyes that seemed to
hold a universe of nothing
and if I stared too long I'd disappear in that void
where her light used to shine

**

Too soon, I held my mother's hand as she passed
and watched the life leech out of her skin
The eyes were the last part of her to fade
I stared at her
Willing with all that I am that they would
spark and reignite the fire of who she was
But her skin ran cold the second the light ceased
So cold, yet so very soft.

Two days, and a blended family to hold up
Even with makeup, dressed to the nines
It didn't feel less... wrong
She was beautiful, but she wasn't my mother

I couldn't escape the knowledge
of invisible sutures
As I held her face and fixed her hair
I cursed those television shows I once watched with her
The ones that taught us how things worked
The ones that burned the knowledge of
the sutures into my memory
a memory I couldn't escape

Four days and two shoulders heavy with tears
Too busy with paperwork and wishes
to bleed tears of my own
Thankful for things to do
So I wouldn't get lost in her empty eyes
that stared at me whenever I closed my own

I sit here, grown, wondering how to
emotionally process a body that once held a life?
Praying that she will slap me for not being able to cry
Just so I could feel her

Sneaking in from the shadows
It fills the spaces too small to see
The heart feels full, masked by joy
Yet, the mind is subtly, subconsciously aware
It lurks in the background
Still, the joy expands like hot air
It lifts the spirit and blinds the soul
Then, it begins to surface
It remains unnoticed for a time, then ignored for longer
It is nothing new, as it has always been there...in the distance
Now, as it pushes through the perceived joy
It darkens the heart,
Choking out pleasure with pain
And joy with sadness
Smoke filled lungs and watery eyes
Yet, nothing has changed.
There is no difference between today and yesterday,
There will be no difference between today and tomorrow
Nothing to do
No one to blame
Unable to force the heart to feel what it used to
Unable to see the good over all else
The change weighs heavily on the soul
And though it is not what is wanted,
It is what must be done, ...
As it is time.

And so i sit here in the darkness
Feeling my heart beat slow and hard
Wondering why salt stings
And finding comfort in the feeling
Of cooling salt tracks on my skin
Trying to figure out how much time passes
Between the stale tears and the fresh ones
Without looking at the clock

Greatful for the reprieve from actual thought
Hating myself for needing release
Weak in spirit and strong in heart
Or vice versa
The fan dries the water
That leaves the salt
To dry in lines on my face

Silently i contemplate life
The intricate complexities
The subtle nuances in a smile or a glance
The way emotion runs too close to the surface
How the heart is both fragile and resilient
And how because we love we cry