As close 2u as close can be
w/o a thought of u and me
unspoken it was always "we"
now it's just what used to be

In the dark of night
When you're out of sight
But never out of mind
There is a silence
The kind of quiet that
Causes the fissures
In my mind
To swell and widen
Just enough for sanity
To disappear into the abyss
Into the labyrinth
Of a cracked and shattered psyche
In the silence of nothing
Where the world could have ended
As I lay here oblivious
To the truth, the reality
Of the outside world
This place, in the deepest recesses
Of my twisted mind
This is where the waiting
Breeds nightmares
Steeped in the real possibilities
That cause my heart to break
In real time
In the midst of unknowing
Somehow I know
I know something is amiss
The world, my world is off kilter
Just enough to barely notice
To wonder if it is my reality or my shadows
Traversing the cracks in my facade of sanity
Trying to find a way back to peace
Leaves me drained of the desire to breathe
As every breath breaks my ribs
The panting, painful, dry, and useless
As there is no living in this place
That ***** the life out of my eyes
And the stagnant air of what-if out of my lungs
Gasping in vain to **** it in
Because what-if is all there is
In the dark of night
When you're out of sight
But never out of mind

I can't drown the noise that fills the gap between breaths
Everything has a voice tied to a heartbeat
that bludgeons sanity unrecognizable

The soil once tilled for the garden last Spring
is the perfect patch of defiance
in the form of ragweed and allergies that mask fruitless tears

Places yet unseen carry life in the air
Breathing in impossible memories of tomorrows unseen
of dreams that haunt each breath with a beauty unsurpassed

Time was silent once, in your arms
Now, I can't drown the noise that fills the gap between breaths
that feel like razorblades to the eyes of what's left of my soul
And the only hint of peace I find is in the clothes that still smell like you

It doesn't hurt because I love you
It hurts because I believed you

Right or Wrong?
Wrong or Right?
Black or White?
Moral Turpitude?
That question only lives in shades of gray
What is pure of heart anyway?
Is EVERYTHING open to personal interpretation?
Does logic walk with morality or does morality defy logic?
If it helps you get what you want, then is it not logical?
Yet, it will seldom be moral
The high road is often a lonely place
Why is it that others always seem to come before you?
Are others always more important?
How is that logical?
Black or White?
Right or Wrong?
Shade is only useful as shelter from the sun

A lesson learned for all to know
The greenest grass lies under toe
It's eyes that ever-wander so
The hues allure
And thoughts that run away, could grow
Contempt, for sure

For darker green across the way
Could lure the tempted heart astray
Down broken streets lined with decay
To awaken
In fields of weeds in brown and gray
Perception shaken

The running, has let greed abound
Now from that field of weeds is found
The deepest green is on the ground
That once seemed vile
Back where contempt had made a frown
Now breeds a smile

Before a twist of fate can lead
A want must grow into a need
But be aware, this warning heed
Wear rosy glasses
Don't live a life that's lead by greed
Temptation passes

How old is too old

To let your dreams be your guide

To allow yourself the freedom to soar

How old is too old

To change your own direction

To put your eggs in a different basket

How old is too old

To hold on to possibilities

To run toward the good

How old is too old

To trust in yourself

And let go of fear

How old is too old?

Awakened by a zipper
As you packed that old black bag
I sit and stare in silence
You close your eyes in shame
As you turn to walk away
And said, "I never meant to hurt you"

But you said you'd never leave me
Yet, you're walking out the door
You said you'll always love me
But you don't need me anymore
So when you see my broken heart
Don't pay me any mind
It's only what your lies left behind

I asked what I could do
To make you wanna stay
You stop and slowly shake your head
You said it's nothing that I've done
You almost put your arms around me
As you walk on out the door
"I never meant to lie to you"

But you said you'd never leave me
Yet, you're walking out the door
You said you'll always love me
But you don't need me anymore
So when you see my broken heart
Don't pay me any mind
It's only what your lies left behind

If it was all untrue
That means that I was never beautiful
My eyes don't hold the stars
My heart is full of icicles
And my lips are poison wine
That's what your lies left behind

But you said you'd never leave me
Yet, you're walking out the door
You said you'll always love me
But you don't need me anymore
So when you see my broken heart
Don't pay me any mind
It's only what your lies left behind

Pandering for untruths
Like for like
Follow for follow
A thousand people who don't read
A thousand people who don't care
The occasional polite word
There is no satisfaction in falsehoods
One heart given out in truth
A word to show connection
One real follow over thousand barters
To touch another in honesty
To help another feel
That is the beauty of poetry
It breathes in those who read
A gift from soul to soul
Yes, that is
The beauty of poetry

+One year
+One month
+One day
We share one soul eternally

Cracked, depleted and downright broken
Left in the lurch by sweet, sweet lies
Knowing one can't, but must...still
Shadowed thoughts and twisted memories
Alone together and together alone
Days in shades of a bruised ego
Nights in darkened yesterdays
Remembered only in the mind's eye
By letting go, it will cease to exist
Longing to continue where the beauty is laid to rest

The darkness called me, needing me
Wanting me to follow and cover myself
And I slipped away, silently
Lost in the shadows that beckoned so sweetly
I took refuge in the fog
Whose dappled light was just enough
To lead me deeper into you

A storm is brewing in the air
A tempest on the horizon
Misery is up on end
Anchoring itself to fight
Pins and needles
In the eye of the storm
Calm is all but fleeting
Black skies ensue
As fear climbs over barricades
What to do? What to do?
Preparations are useless
Barreling through walls
Ripping through the strongest will
Reduced to children
Clutching at the breast of mother earth
Vying for position
Afraid to give up the easy
Is there one right path?
There never is just one right answer
Lightning strikes again and again
Same place, same place
Melted souls of hopeful doubt
All or nothing
Black or white
Right or wrong
If only life was like a sunny shore

Blistered by acrid words
that swathe the air in impotence
I breathe the rancid syrup
that once begged to be lapped in carnivorous need

As verbal warfare turns disdain into silent art
Sickening orange blossom undercurrents
return deserts to waterfalls
in a futile battle of willpower and desire

Hunger breeds contempt in savage instincts
that brew both lust and loathing
Lurid fire burns the forest leaving ashen shame
that swathes the air in *impotence

This poem has been submitted for possible publication.  It will be reposted as soon as possible upon final determination.  Please feel free to peruse my poesy at your leisure.

Thank you so much,
PrttyBrd

The day will come
When the earth stands still
The world will shrink to two
The past will be, never was
And the future will be irrelevant
For in your arms, a galaxy
In your eyes, a universe
And in your heart
Beats only my own

Time      runs        stagnant        in        wait*


*Yet/races/in/your/embrace

And he said he was my friend
Beside me he would stand forever
Confused and alone, I was abandoned
Dared to trust and broke in pieces
Eternally marred with experience
Forever altered, just a bit
Giving my all to those I love
Has proven to be, less than perfect
Ideal would be that caring is equal
Jaded and hardened by
Knowledge and fear
Love is not limited to romance
Melancholy taints entirely
New friendships form more slowly
Omnipresent, the past hovers
Pandering specks of my soul
Quietly I wait
Resolving to remain true
Sensitive and sentimental
Trust, is unforgiving
Ubiquitous skepticism, underlies all
Voraciously I hunger freedom
Wanting to be who I was before the pain
Xeric hearts don't bleed
Yet, I wish on the nights first star, on a
Zillion stars I wish to face my fear and trust once more

Because there is no reason
Because things change
Because i knew better
Because i want so much to believe
Because I care too much
Because I'm scared
Because trusting hurts
Because it's easier to deny
Because it was undeniable
Because romance seduces the heart
Because you are wanted
Because avoidance equals pain
Because I am empty
Because I am left to wonder
Because things changed
Because I am still afraid
Because there were promises
Because  I believed
Because they were broken
Because I see you
Because I know who you are
Because you are scared
Because I am real
Because I feel...everything
Because lies of omission are still lies
Because you disappeared
Because I want too much
Because I gave my heart upon request
Because you never thought I would
Because I am too honest
Because pain beats joy into submission
Because I know the truth
Because I knew better
Because you are loved
Because I am still afraid

The words fall out of my heart and will ever remain unspoken...
Because I am still afraid

You're all i want,
and i want all of you

My wings have been broken repeatedly
Though healed
I remain on a golden perch
Afraid to flap my wings
Afraid of the pain of trying
Afraid to fail
Afraid that someone might see
I'm completely defective
So, I sit pretty on my golden perch
Flightless
Without a cage

I lick my lips

they still taste like you
and I bask in the remnants of a dream
that seems
close enough to smell
through laundered sheets
blood at the surface of yesterday leeches
into tomorrow

on badges of honor that hold no shame
igniting the flame
each in the shape of animal love
primal feasts of flesh
and I run moist in remembrance
a response I have yet to control

the thought of your voice or your breath on my skin
burns fire within
without ever being near
I feel your longing
chasing my own

my body screams in liquid silence
your voice walking the line
entwined in the root
of my evil
vibrating a symphony in prelude
carried on a laugh that growls
to the beast that howls
begging to be beaten into submission
...again

I lick my lips
...they still taste like you

Words flow easily
No nervous laughter
No fear
A smile becomes a rainbow in a still gray sky
Laughter is life's liquor
Relaxing inhibitions with comfort
Making the seemingly impossible, less so
Your smile is everything
Shining like the stars in a navy sky
That twinkle in your eye, for me alone
Is brighter than a thousand full moons
So we laugh,
Do I dare believe
Feeling drunk in the moment
Blissful where happiness once eluded
May these moments link together
In an endless string of perfect pearls
I live to make you laugh,
To laugh together
I am life's alcoholic

it is there
in the eyes of the soul
in the emotion conveyed
in the words unspoken
in the shared breath of a warm kiss

it is there
in the chill of absence
in the dawn of day
in the shadow of darkness
in the heart that bleeds

it is there
in every moment
in every thought
in every subtle nuance
in the fabric of time itself

Hand-carved wooden frame
Longing for artful beauty
All I see, is you

There you are in a picture of joy
The smile in your eyes giving birth to my own
There you are in the hole in my heart
Filling the void and sealing the fissures
There you are in my archives of pain
Burning the pages of those useless emotions
There you are in the doubt in my mind
Pointing out all the reasons i can
There you are in my eyes in the mirror
Showing me there is beauty to be seen
There you are in the cracks in my soul
Giving me light to guide my path
And I open my eyes to see you are here
The reality of a dream I never dreamt
For I could not fathom the existence of an angel of my very own

I can feel you, restless, in my dreams, or mind, or heart.   tortured by thoughts of nothing in blackness in the noise of a crowded room.  There is no peace tonight, in my very being I feel it,  There are no meds to remove the screams, no drugs to escape the torture.  The numbness of self medication keeps your sanity hanging by the strongest of all threads.  Can't think too much, or ponder on what ifs.  But music looks beautiful dancing in the air, and time is a concept of man that serves no purpose other than to **** joy and draw boxes of conformity in thick black lines.

the color of sound
permeates cracks in the void
tolerable life

Existence without reason,  alone in an ever-present crowd, there are no rainbows in nighttime storms, I can feel your quick breaths as you are dragged into sleep unwillingly, though in desperate need. the trepidation runs deep, silenced by normality, fear of separation of mind tethered to others by soul alone.  Pretense in surface honesty, which is perceived as truth.  But the core of it, the fear of it, the whole of it cannot be hidden, for I feel you to the depths of who you are afraid to be.  There is no loss of sanity in being who you are,  Those colors sound beautiful as they dance in the smokey air, and the math is art incarnate, science is the symphony around which all things are born and oh the music.  Yes the music that dances through it all is the very air in all it's swirling hues of blissful perfection

two halves of self dance
tangos of darkness and light
beauty in all things

                    *in wait of nightmares
                    there need not be loneliness
                    joy in one who knows

The voices
          In my head
                    Aren't always
                              The best company

With utter apathy
Atrocities spewed forth
Cauterizing the heart closed