Recalling things that are better off forgotten
So much for moving forward,
If the darkness of the past
Clings like wet cloth,
and drags one to the bottom

I did not foresee
Trust sometimes being a source of blindness
What has this all brought?
With each stab, the pain numbs a little.
An important portion crumbles.

Don't have a clue
When it comes to expressing emotions
Gotten so used to bottling-
everything up
So much so, that the senses are-
nearly bland

Can't you see?
You were supposed to support; to care!
But instead you blankly stare
And tear me down
Whoever said words don't hurt, lied.

You are the only friend to me
But I always seem to hurt you
The wrong thing is simply stated
Just never seem to learn
Can't act properly
If I push you away
I can let go

Hate to see pain in your eyes
But I subconsciously pretend not to see
Because I'm afraid of the truth
I'm a coward behind this mask

Deep within me
Is a dark desire
To turn to the black
And walk away

It feels like I don't belong
I want to let go
A foolish vision,
for the so-called future.

Will it keep in tack?
Or just utterly fall apart?
What will it take-
to keep this together?!

These fake hopes
Should never come to mind
They should have never evolved.

I knew all along,
it would not last
Yet, I idiotically held on
I want to feel something too

Sorry just won't cut it this time
But I will state it to you again
Because I mean it.

With all my withered being
You are my only friend
And I thank you,
but you can't save me

Panicable misery
Affects boldly
In a massive dosage
N**ever to lose strength and simple to cycle

Confusion stems from infatuation
Depression spills over happiness sometimes
Ponder over said events
Why am I so disconsolate?

A chill makes one tremble and my hand refuses to write
Should one put up a fight?
This being is aching
From within breaking
Emotional bonds-block all?
Let everything fall.
This pitch black crippled the good in me.
Can't you see?

Too consumed in tears, shrieking and bleeding
The ones who surround vanish from sight
Life is a gift-I cannot obtain
Pain is the punishment I gain

The history of mankind
Is a history full of repeated injuries
Without a soul
Some of us stopping living
Quite a time ago

Even if you despise society
Perhaps your own generation as well
Time cannot help but to glorify the past

All of us should know
While waiting for the right moment
The world doesn't pause

Nor should we
Life progresses forward
With or without us

Careless teeth shred the facade that safeguarded this being

Glaring at this human loudspeaker

It only knows how to HURT

It doesn't know of LOVE

But, it cannot become NUMB

For HATE only reflects back

Just Pretend to Smile.

Being ruled by emotions,
is a shaky foundation-
crumbling away from one's feet.
How does one cling to positivity-
when self-doubt fragments all?

Hear the sound
Of a simple voice
What will unfold?
Will I have a choice-
in the matter at hand?
In the echo of my own footsteps,
I lose what I thought I had.

Made myself sick with pain,
living a life desperate for answers.
I cannot help but to ponder my existence.

Let the blue sky

fill your vision

of dreams

of candy clouds

Oh, paper moon

Afraid to lose composure

But, not even sad

that is

all over

Never meant to know

the answer

to dreams

Whispering affliction follows closely
Silent and still,
Wonder what is left to ****?

Hysteria blocks the normal senses
I doubt you will bother to save
And will instead dig a grave

Find a way to assuage
Your eager thoughts
You should have gave it all and fought
or at release the cold emotional hold

The pangs of your heart try to warn you
But you simply allowed it to be a view
Is it mercy truly a curse?
Or is it something in reverse?

Tonight, your carelessness will result in the ultimate downfall
So,you better try and crawl
For the contempt in you shall begrudge your mind
Quickly, let it confine
Because despicable hate,
will be *mine

You can be alone in a crowded room

For people do not care

No hand in hand

Only in lust and greed

No small tender touch

Or a whisper of encouragement

Society is held in cold structure

Under all the fake smiles

Just beneath the skin

Is the real nature

I can feel it
Running through my veins,
like fire
A fury that can't be held on to
It escapes through the cracks
And rattles the ground below them
All this time, I couldn't help to think-
Were we all that blinded by dreams?
Hope is a wonderful feeling-
if it's made solid
by reason.

Blues, blacks and purples
Soft sobs and falling rain
The taste of salt
Is it someone's fault?
The soft scent of fresh water-droplets
Beautiful, silent dying roses
The heart is in painful agony

I pushed everyone away
'Cause I didn't want to stay
This can't be the only thing left

Inside of me
I failed myself
Feeding the negative thoughts,
with harsh put downs.

Trusted lies, because facing the truth,
desires bold courage
I tire of being stepped on-
However wanting no existence,
is the same as labeling one's self,
as a doormat.
Just because  you aren't alone-
does not mean you can't feel lonely

I'm used to everything being thrown back at me.
Who are you to point the blaming finger?
I now know full fault does not lie solely with me.

Coursing through are strange pangs.
Stating that not all can be closed-
without effort and inner will.

A smile can break through

Once in awhile

But at least it is genuine and true.

A happy laugh

Sometimes

Can give hope

Even if it is just a little

It's still just enough

To make it through

Maybe it isn't time

To let go

And to give in

R E A C H  out

Pull through

Because being strong

Is sometimes all

we can do.

The warmth of its glow slowly follows
Sleepy birds start their wondrous chirps
The sweet morning rises with clean fresh water
Morning with this sunrise shall
become a day of pure bliss

Drowning in old sorrow
Yet ignoring the extended hands
Utterly selfish to dare expose vulnerability
A deep rooted want to become a-
part of the bleak sky
But, truthfully known the earth-
would be a final resting place

Why does one chose the walkway-
that caresses a personal netherworld?
Each portion of forced effort falls short
Especially in the eyes of the inner perfectionist
My closest friend is a crippling emotion
It sends consistent reminders-
in my dreams-
of my broken
aspirations.

Nightmares are a lingering-
background in my head
Why must detest my own blood?
For it is brimming with the corruption of loathing.
The engraved disappointment-
I grew to be-
Is even repulsed
by the soul within.

*Plaster a grin
and keep it all in.

Ever since we parted ways,
My body didn't know how to feel,
my heart lost beats
Now I'm filled with chills and creeps


When I was alone and broken
You took my hand and I awoken
When the chains of torment wrapped around me-
you deserted me,
in fact-
You could only flee
You were a coward to all
But I pretended you would never let me fall

I should have known better
Three steps from life
I could only clutch to a knife
I bled, needing only you
Shinning nobility-that was you

The cancer of hatred, took hold
Once again I'm alone in this cold
My trust wasted, now dust
I don't think I can be relieved
There's no reason to ever have believed

Thanks to you,
Whenever I spot the rain
I'm reminded of all this pain
This dismantled being-
has no faith
Thank to you,
I've lost all there is to *gain

I look through the window and saw nothing
What I used to see was the world as it was, free.
The bleeding of the heart, wanting..desiring.
Through the horrid abuse-screams and confusion echoed.
Left standing defenseless, shadows choked me 'till I was senseless.
Lied to self, preaching that I was strong, but it fact I was wrong.
My insecure reflection shows the pecking tension
Rage is no longer bound in a cage.
Vengeance-in a sea of despair, awoken
Forever broken
Delicate ceramic figurines shattered, blood is splattered.
Dimming of glee, waltz into the darkness
Here's your token into the window,
whom's frame remains cracked and unmendable

The darkness, as well as the drying roses

The quiet and sad moaning,

of people and lost souls

Fresh graveyard dirt and the fading scent of lilies.

Salty tears, as they cascade down faces

The heart aches and throbs.

Encountering suffering in a multitude of events,
does not soften the blow,
for the future
Numbness in this case becomes,
a coping mechanism.
Without much realization,
the same barriers crumble
and faulty shells,
attempt to stand.
The cloudy filled bottle,
has more then a few cracks
Leaks sprung, unprepared-
because issues,
lacked in solutions.

When I look into the mirror, what shall I see?
Do I see the truth...or the convoluted lies?
Haven't I already stated goodbye?

Do I follow that winding path?
Or do I remain a hollow being brimming with wrath?
What is left? Even the numbing effect conceals suffering.
Conflict is exposed in my reflection
Oh woe to fleeting affection.

Grief has a lingering bitter taste
Can it show even in my eyes?
As individual dreams fall, they cry out and call
Stay calm through the panic,
but things will not work out well

Shame is hanging like a noose.
Yet hatred seeps through-
like blood from a wound
Guilt infects and spreads

Do I follow that winding path?
Or do I remain a hollow being brimming with wrath?
What is left? Even the numbing effect conceals suffering.
Conflict is exposed in my reflection
Oh woe to fleeting affection.

Oh, my own suffering was by my own hands.
This being was at fault.

A thousand lies, don't deny it
A million screams taunting inside
The impulses of blood shed
The feeling of total dread
Fake smiles I give,
real tears you let live

Oh, the consuming of pain
The suffering leaves nothing to gain
Poison reacts; sins slash
Fading affection is grasping all tension

My heart beats and we are in defeat
I am faithless, yet oddly not defenseless.
Why should I crawl?
**** it, I don't wanna fall!

Please don't leave me here.
Is this freakin' prison?
Oh please-just listen.

A thousand lies, a million screams
I hope you can go it alone
Since there is no home
Forever broken, so they might die.
Why,
should we all lie?

To desire the golden path of life,

Is rather difficult when lost in a sea of despair

Exiled in a bleak hole,

Suffocating in only rage and regret

The heart screeches, begging to heal

Shunned, no longer able to cope,

with its inner turmoil

Feeble and confused, it is simple to brainwash-

obscurity creates darkness that creeps in.

Feeling nothing but the jabs of torment

The loneliness enjoys taunting me so.

Why do I let myself drown thousands of times?

Yet I still attempt to climb

Rottenness scrapes away the good, crushing my hope.

My heart falls to ashes and madness seeps in.

Intense failure decides to mock and cackle hideously-

because my soul was dragged away.

We made a special pact,

for friendship forever

Always stand with me

I asked

I swore myself

to never leave behind

to never forget

Bit by bit,

we  f  e   l   l

Distanced in mere steps

Gone with the wind,

vanished.

Despair bloomed within the

icy shock

No plans of coming back

You glanced away

This is where I draw the line

Shattered secrets cannot

Sympathize with my heart

Nor can a faded memoir

of what used to be...

A fake promise was

all it was in the end.

I won't let this hope shatter
I won't let this life break
You just won't leave me breathe
The shadows of the night
They embrace the darkness you fight

You and I, won't stay long, but
by the end of this song,
your soul will be gone.

Please don't let this be our last goodbye

I don't want this all to be a lie
Memories are lost, what is the cost?
Is there more, left of this rattled core?

I won't let this be.
This is not me.

Where is your heart?
Or has it all fallen apart?
The world has lost its way
The light has long faded away

Lies have been forsaken-but nothing has been taken.
Everything vanished in the veins,
only your battered core still remains.

We all cried, but
the you we knew
has DIED.

Is it over?
This time
Don't smash this to the ground
There won't be a sound
Things can change,
in a matter of seconds
You're lost in front of me

(chorus)
This isn't love
An emotion, a choice
There is a final voice
Stuck in this moment
Left with a sad smile
You pretend you know how to feel
This isn't love

Push on and on
This time
Is it that simple,
to step forward?
I'd rather walk away
There isn't a connection left
You're lost in front of me

(chorus)

I wasted myself-
thinking of you
Fake yourself away
Nothing to hide behind
All love is forgiving
Your hate rots this core
You're lost in front of me

(chorus)

I'd rather walk away

This isn't love... (2x)

Bittersweet and diabolical is fate
A selfish want for a little bit more
Hands are trembling
Tensions are flaring,
but refuse to beg for the rest of life

Will this be the conclusion?
Truth was known
Morals have vanished
What was the error made?

No promises that the past,
won't keep biting
Fight back
With all one's might
Let go of the things known,
If they don't mean anything
Don't return to where you come from

Hate cannot create
One's ticket home

Wallow in self pity
Eats away at any ounce of strength
Able to consume in time
K**nowledge heeds no help

Lacking the will to carry on...

Yes, We've been through a LOT. (Underline a LOT)

Some of us have fought

Together, we still stand

United as a band

Living isn't for eternity

But, allow this journey

Room for friendship and free thought.

It can make one bend over backwards
Lost little words spin around in haze
What one says may differ from what one does

These strange new emotion are simply-
Something you don't mess with!

"This" and "That". How can an outsider comprehend?
Unusual events follow through.
Is this bizarre-ness worth fighting for?

Rose petals float gentle with the breeze.
A warm passion shared between two.
Heart racing, palms sweating-
How can one think properly?

Love. A single and final word that can mean so much.
Yet another love poem quietly drips on this page...

How should I go?
Will I crash and fall?
Left with nothing, but it all
Let this pain grow

What should I do?
Blood on the walls
Slowly-the creature, it crawls
Somehow, he knew
Your heart has betrayed
Gradually, he lost his mind
Softly, I lost what was inside
My soul has been erased

(Chorus)
How should I go?
Will I crash and fall
Left with nothing, but it all
Let this pain grow

What would you say?
Lies all remain
Crying with the rain
Slowly pass away

How can you stay?
You don't even care
How much more to bare?
It never was okay...

What else did you cloud?
Where is your way down?
How should I find the sun?
Will I crash and fall?
Which way will you run?
Tuck away your call

(Chorus)

I've said my goodbyes
Now let's lay here-
with our lies.

The look of disappointment in your eyes,
Watch as the time goes on; bye.
The shedding of tears, feeling of fears
The misery of broken hope, begging to find a method to cope.

You may try to place the blame,
Walls crash, unhidden shame
The rain cries, as my heart slowly dies
Internally torn from the thinking in my mind
There isn’t a thing to find.

All that is left is one’s sorrow
What more could one even borrow?
Drown in blood, nothing for it to flood

Only seen as a simple tool.
Guess this would mean I am the lonely fool
Don’t come my way.
Don’t dare to stay.
The last part of hell, fell.
You never leave me be, in fact;
You only used me.