I took a deep breath, and fell right onto my pillow
I said to myself, "People leave, that's what they do."

I breathed deeply, almost panting because of the anxiety creeping on to me.
Abuse, betrayal all of it flashed in front of my eyes.

I breathed deeply, in and out, as the world stood still, right in front of me.

I breathed deeper, consoled myself, things will be fine if not better, this isn't the end.

I breathed deeply, this time holding my chest, as if trying to tell it that all was well.

I breathed deeper, while a tear flowed down my left cheek, it's alright, it's just a difficult week.

I took five more breaths, before telling myself this, "it's okay, and that people leave."

My heart almost spiralled into confusion.

Blaming myself, and then not.

People leave, that's how it's been all these years, it's like my head was in a knot.

I've been bothered by this approach people have in life, "live and forget" as if there's nothing else in sight.

In moments like these, when I can't breathe any further,
I write, and feel,
Because I know,
I'll never be like the others.

I've dreamed of dreams,
Sleeping through the nights,
Through the forest of darkness
No one in sight,
I relate my dreams to reality
Oonce I wake up the veil drops,
And I can't figure out what is what
Am I living in my fantasy
Or is all of this real
What I want to do and
What I'm forced to do
Surreal,
Living in a world of someone else
Do you feel like someone else?
Walk the road someone else was meant to
Breathe the air which belonged to someone else
Wish I could dream lucidly
Vividly
Twirling down the rabbit's hole
Be someone I want to be
In a world where money,
matters most
All these cruel people around me
Fail to understand what I want to be
I see this dream
And I dream about it
The person I am
And someone I'll never be.

As I listen to the beats of another wild song
My feet tapping on the cold hard ground
In the darkness I ascend the stairs
Sharp eyes and all spread out hairs
Under the moonlight I let my sorrows out
Drenched in loneliness
I roam around and round
I know my heart is in ruins
The ruin is fun
It gives me pleasure
To be fallen apart
I leave those pieces behind me
And dance on and on
Till those pieces cut me deep
And I frown and I laugh
I'm happy to know I've thrown away a part of me
that will never come back
Shards of memories in my vicinity
I smile I cry
Till I let it all out
And I'm all in ruins,
My body is one,
My mind's out of control
But I think I'm alright,
I'm beginning to blossom
in this silent night
I dance on and on
Till those pieces cut me deep
And I cry and I laugh
Till I transform into light
Something I've always wanted to be
I feel a void
But that's alright
Because I'm no longer in ruins
But I still remember those times...

As the days are late
And time passes by
I stand here by the door
Waiting to catch your eye
A year has passed
A thousand dreams
A realm of kindness
A jealous feat
My eyes flutter
to see you here
As days pass by
without the tears
Time has come
And I want it still
Till the time my heart fulfills
Consumes the love
That was left
Incomplete
All this time
I wait and fear
This time to hold you near
All the time I try and try
Waiting by the door
To catch your eyes!

What if we saw what reality was?
Would it still be real?
What if we said for our hearts wanted
Would there still be fear?
What if I saw
What you saw
Would you still be near?

Times of happiness,
Times like this when everything seems perfectly fine yet imperfect..
When time passes by in an instant and no one knows what might happen next…
We forget all our obsessions, tensions, problems, fears, nonsense
And focus on time...time alone which has no absolute pathway…
No course of action or reaction…
Only a measure of never or forever…
There could be a million alternatives that could take place but…
It’s you and me…
Together.
Among all the possibilities of occurrences,
The choice of the universe accounts to this…
The perfect placement of two bodies of matter,
In this chaotic yet constant time…
You chose me.
And I chose you.
Subconscious and consciously
In this place of uncertainties
There might or might not be someone watching over, controlling us like puppets
Or there might be more to it than we know it,
Or I might not know, if not for the nick of time that happened to cross my destiny,
Destiny…
Was it?
Or was it time?
Or some power wanting to lead us here,
Or was it already written, in the stars?
So many questions but the answer one needs is if we exist at all…
Do we?
Or are we just a figment of someone’s imagination?
Are we dreaming?
Awake and thinking?
Well all I can occasionally agree on is the fact that there was a want…
A want of wanting everything to happen…
The dreams we saw when we were small…
Are we both living it?
Or the thoughts you had…the imaginations…
Are we living it all unknowingly?
Maybe yes? Who knows?
This want that keeps on arising for the want of more want…
Everything wanting to happen at the same time…
The right time, and the right place.
Mornings changing into evenings and then nights
For want of rest,
Books increasing in number
For want of knowledge,
Souls colliding with each other
for want of escape..
Escaping this light of nothingness…
A place familiarly known as world.
We came, we met, we lived, we died…
All in the same place where we
in fact met to be together…
For want of continuity and want of ?
Even I do not know,
I am but a helpless being of matter and my body turns to dust…
But not so ordinary either…
as my existence and my soul does not cease to exist in this world…
I may be a mere mortal…
But when we met…
The universe wanted it,
Destiny wanted it,
You wanted it,
Our souls wanted it,
But our minds…
little did they know of this magic…
That revives dead senses and unknown feelings…
Which has led us into this pathway of love…
A mere flick of brain cells that prevent us to repel each other in all possible ways…
I love you...
You are my eternity..

these days we drift apart,
more often than we know it,
these days, those days are gone,
it's no longer buds and roses.
these days, days feel longer than the are,
these days we are no longer where we were,
these days we no longer hold hands,
these days we no longer hold stance.
these days we are more sad than we appear,
these days time stops and more tears,
these days we pray to be together,not,
these days we simply drift apart..

Once there stood a Sailor,
Tall and Bold he was,
Upon the waves was his home,
Eye of the storm he was.
Some called him Charming,
Cindrella was in love,
Sindbad wanted a friend
SnowWhite could'nt succumb.
Jasmine searched the seven seas
To bring him back to ground,
And Alladin pushed him underneath
Hoping he'll fall.
But there stood a Mermaid,
Upon a stubborn rock,
Her eyes were like wet sand
Her nose a pebble soft,
She lured the hearty sailor,
Into the sea so dark,
Hoping he would see a world
Where he never had to stop,
Hoping he would call it home,
His home upon the rocks.
He wore his mighty hat aboard,
Underneath he was at flight,
Fought the world of challenges,
With his awe-some sight,
To all he was a Sailor,
A person in disguise,
Wid arms like boulders
And chest fierce
But light..
You would ask
What's their story,
Well here goes,
It might be right,
But Sailor met the Mermaid,
Mermaid fell in love,
Love is what sailed along,
Under the waves of lust,
In a world so arid
It turned hearts dry,
He searched for a place to swim
Where he could also fly,
He swam with the mermaid
Into the glassy ****,
Glossy waters
And coral reefs,
After years of gliding by
He decided to stop,
Not to make him stop,
the Mermaid cried a lot..
The sailor found a new place,
A place called a 'Road',
She thought their adventure was over,
And the Sailor was lost,
She tried to tell him,
Asked him to stop,
For she was no longer she,
Plural now she was,
She cudnt tell him
For he was in a hurry,
And about everything
He forgot..
But alas!
Was she happy
She saw the Sailor pray,
The prayer wasnt an ordinary one
He wanted for her to stay,
He'd seen Her world
For years together,
He now wanted her to see,
His own world of wonders
Above the choppy sea..
He prayed that She could
Join him
With no other blocks,
The only thing he wanted..*
"If only she could walk",
She cried and cried
In the sea of course
She knew that wasn't possible,
She knew He was lost..
One morning she woke up
Washed up on the shore,
The sea no longer wanted her
She was thrown.
She'd seen the seas too much,

Now it was time for her to go,

To Walk with the Sailor
With new legs, aboard.
Happiness got the best of her,Tears would'nt stop,
He caught her arms,
Pulled her up,
And showed her how to walk.
*She told him he had to love her,
And two other people too,
The Sailor was astonished
He dint know what to do!
A few days later
He did understand,
They were now four,
A bundle of all,
Joy had at last rejoiced!
He gave her a pearl,
From the very sea she came from,
To remind her of That world,
She accepted and
Now they were one mind,
A family,
One of a kind..

can you see what you have done to me?
can't you see you got my head in a whirl?
my heart in a twist and
my tongue in wish,
a wish of being with you always,
you can travel afar,
but travel with me,
over the oceans
and over the seas
I'll hold on to you
if you hold on to me
can't you see what you've done to me?

a journey of love,
a journey of ***,
a journey so pure,
you never regret..
a journey of wildness,
a journey of happiness,
a journey of sadness
you never forget..
special times we spent together,
times of fights and war,
times of pleasure combined with pain,
times which never can be lost..
its time for you,
to say goodbyes,
time to cry
and to smile,
time to be apart..
time to bear the pain,
time to promise to stay,
time to love always,
for now,
It's time for you to sail..

sometimes I want to die.
I want to die to see if anyone
would care
would remember me
for what I was,
what I did,
not for what they knew
about me,
I know my mother would,
but would you?

Sailor,
You asked me what a promise means to me..
Maybe it means that I have seen and heard people break a lot of promises
and maybe this time
I do not expect that to happen..
And
That I've had enough of ******* in life
And maybe its time everything bad came to an end
And maybe
Its time I got something good out of life
And maybe that good is the result
Of having you in my life
And
I might not be mature enough
Or old enough
To maybe understand the meaning of
maintaining a relationship long enough
And I might be too young
To know
I love you so,
And u love me.
And too young
That everyone might think
My heart might flutter around a bit,
But what everyone does not know
Is that my heart has made a home,
And as it always is
You always feel,
Peace when u come back home..
And the distress my soul would feel
Without peace
Would be immeasurable
So I made a promise to myself to always be peaceful,
AND that would only
BE possible if i came back home..
YOU are my home sailor..
Forever longing,
Your Mermaid..

Sailor,
And my heart still remains
In the unknown depths of the ocean
Deep within the treasures of the sailors
Burried fathoms deep
Sunk with the weight of the past pain
Come on sailor help me please
Help me loosen it from all the coral
And see me swim all over the ocean
Explore the seas with my emotions
And
I'll take you with me
Dont worry about that
For I only said
To free my heart
I didn't tell you to give it back to me..
your Mermaid..

Sailor,
I never met a man of your valor,
You held my hand through everything
Even though its only been a month..
I love you and appreciate everything you do,
In a month I found someone
Worth persuading
So much as to,
you were so captivating
I don't care about your past
But I do care about your future
And I hope you will remember
to include me in it!
And I want it to be good
And I want us to be travelers,
And wanderers,
But a thing to remember would be that
We will always be home to see each other..
And I want you to know that I will not make promises that I cannot keep but
do things for you that you will not regret...
so I want you to be with me in everything and always..
I love you and these are not just words and I want you to be happy as much as I want to be happy in life..
So smile and I'll smile and make your day like you make mine..
Longing in anticipation,
Your Mermaid..

nothing is devoid of Art.
the stars,
the constellations,
the sky,
the Earth..
all are aspects of Art,
the result of creativity..

my
thoughts
fathom
into
a
thousand
stars
like
salt
scattered
across
the
universe..
beyond
the
sun
my
soul
lies
across
the
ocean
my
h­eart..

I
live
the
poetry
that
I
cannot
write..

My feelings are
like leaves on
the tree of life,
my life,
filled with
colours of momentum
and  of placidity...

{English}
love that binds us,
truly pure,
love holds us together,
even though blind,
in love you will see all,
but hear none other..
{French}
l'amour qui nous lie,
vraiment pur,
l'amour qui
nous unit,
même si aveugle,
dans l'amour, vous
verrez tout,
mais entendre rien d'autre..

(English)
many days have passed since I saw your face,
Maybe its better this way,
since every time I see you I get a strong feeling,
Of carefully,
slapping or hitting and even killing!

(French)
nombreux jours se sont écoulés depuis que j'ai vu votre visage,
Peut-être son meilleur de cette façon,
car chaque fois que je vous vois je obtenez un sentiment fort,
De soin,
*gifles et même tuer!

(French)
luminosité tout autour,
rien ne peut vous voir,
la seule chose responsable,
C'est l'obscurité dans
vous et moi ..

(English)
**brightness all around,
nothing can you see,
the only thing responsible,
is the darkness within
you and me..

the loneliest place is where you stand alone,
with your own heart in your hands,
in the middle of a chirping crowd,
with no one to hold
the loneliest place is where you stand alone,
with nothing to think about,
With a mind so empty
that emptiness, you think, can eat you whole,
when you live in silence
and when you walk the world,
with nothing but a bottomless soul,
the loneliest place is where you stand alone..

eyelashes laden with snowflakes,
heavy already with tear drops,
frozen stains of red around,
heavy breath, still and sound,
whistling breeze,
no summer trees,
where waters freeze,
and cold are keys,
no bumble bees
over humble pies,
everything dry,
everything white,
frozen and still
her dainty eyes,
don't look at her,
for she might smile,
at your hopelessness,
your untidiness,
at your fate
of dire unrest,
and when you look into her eyes,
you'll feel the pain she went through,
and your hand might tremble before you
break her into pieces,
with that axe in your hands,
why are you scared now that you've already killed her?
yes I know,the regret,
and her soulful stare
that might end up taking away your entire life..

everyday my eyes go fluttering,
here and there, everywhere,
every hour seems like a year,
waiting for a person in despair,
not a person I would love,
but someone I long to see,
every minute of the day,
I may sound confusing,
but pay attention,
'cause I do.
Attentively watch, await,long,
for that one envelope,
inside which would be a page,
a white but unblank paper,
with words and exclaimations
About your explainations,
and your whereabout,
as I wait for that person
To bring me a letter from my beloved,
my dear love, my craving,
* my sole purpose of living,
I convince myself by saying,
the post man must be lost!
or perhaps just lazy and late,
for he never comes,
and makes me wait in vain,
Sometimes I loose hope,
the only thing I've got,
but recall your face,
and remake my mind,
saying, maybe times are rough,
reason why you can't write to me,
these days,
perhaps just the work
that keeps you busy all day,
but yes I do wish you could just take time out,
to write three words on a card,
i love you.
send it to me,end my vacant wait..
It's been five years now,
you never wrote or even called,
ah! yes I received a telegram today,
Right now I opened it,
and as I opened it,
tears kissed my cheeks,
of happines that you did care!
but soon my tears of joy
turned into blood sobs,
when I read in the letter that you were gone,
passed away five years ago,
while saving someone at war,
sorrow could not leave my side
knowing it was all I had,
and my heart wept,
my eyes went numb,
at the letters on that little note,
but at the end were the three words
I had longed to hear,rather see,
"he loved you."
Was all I could bear to see,
my brain stopped working,
my limbs went void,
now, I still don't know why,
I wait for you..
I'm old now you know?
I wish you could see me,
wrinkled and stupid,
for I still wait for that day,
when I would get to see you at last,
with a letter saying those three little words,
"come with me"
tonight and forever,
we would make up for lost time,
and spend once more our lives,
but for now my longing is still not over,
for I still wait for the postman,
behind my window,
and I need no doors or even locks,
*as my gaze still remains fixed on my post box..

I would rather draw awkwardly
than have a sleep without dreams..

Hahaha,
Round and round
I spin in
And I spin out,
Up and down
Upon the ground,
Your love makes
Me love the cold ground,
Faulterring speech
With an infernal smell
hugging me everywhere
Atrocious hell,
No it's not them pills
That work
Nor the smoke
or the dirt,
Not even ecstacy
Just a little twirk,
of smiles
And hugs,
that makes me drunk,
I'm not a wobbly child,
But an adult in love,
Toddling around
In the spell of your love!
Glittering stars I see at
daytime,
while the sun shines brightly
For me at night,
the rainy season now
makes me feel good,
No need of umberellas or even hoods,
Hahaha!
indeed I'm mad,
Not psychopathically
But in real minds,
"Truely,Madly,Deeply"
In love,
Yours,that binds
Me to the sky,
Gravity can no longer
keep me in sight,
Up and above the hills
I swim,
Yes I'm addicted to this
Little thing,
It's complicated
but mystical,
Yes it's love
That makes me blurred
And a little absurd!

My charming heaven,
a basket of mess,
A casket of happiness,
Made me overwhelmed,
A peaceful sleep
A dire rest,
A day one
Hardly could regret,
A night one
Would surely redress,
Never forgotten,
Such unrest,
Clinging smoke
Daring darkness,
lonesome stress
In my little sun-dress,
No,I'm not a baby!
A grown woman,
Not even a lady!
But somewhere in 30's
My desire
could not be suppressed
Of being alone
in my loneliness,
In screaming silence
Shouting noise,
I really need to
run away tonight,
beyond the moon
Beyond this sunset,
a safe night
Gaga might,
Dream and let me dream tonight,
come with me with all
your light,
Between the stars,
In the sparkling night,
You,me
Myself and I

Sweet sleep,
Oh dear beloved,
Safe keep,
My honor beloved,
Dance free,
Hail to thy loved,
March,stomp,
Run, beloved..
Stand tall,
No better no worse,
Keep calm,
Till the hours are coarse,
Nights haunt,
Days are blunt,
Weather coaxes,
My soul grunts..
Caress me hard,
Let me loose,
And you will fall,
Hold me close,
You'll come around,
See I'll lead you
Out and about,
up and around
Now you've grown,
Not too tall,
Yet you let me,
make you fall,
Not like an angel,
But like a doll,
Frail and senseless,
Numb and null..
May your soul
not rest in peace,
'Cause the light inside's not bleak,
burning candles,
Burning sun,
with all your might,
May your spirit,
Blindingly burn bright!

Vérité ..
Un peu de charme,
A pas de mal.
C'est l'amour
ça fait mal comme une bombe ..

Truth ..
A little charm,
Is no harm.
It's the love
that hurts like a bomb ..

Réchauffez pas plus,
il fait froid,
Jamais si mal,
Jamais vif ..

Listen to yourself,
listen how you roar,
like thundering winds,
Hurricanes galore,
The choppy sea,
The rough road,
An entanglement
Of intricacy,
A stairwell of
Pain
And gain,
Lessons learnt,
A head of pride,
Heart of gold,
Priceless ruby red eyes
never showing off,
Roses sit on your lips,
Honour you with
Their colour,
As you stomp,
Fight
And roar
to the sound,
Of your brave heart!

What a day!
Oh what a tiresome day!
A guesome hurdle
A dire way,
As afternoon embraced,
The lights all fade,
So does the sparkle in her
little eyes..
oh how pretty *she were
How her tiny feet ran all over the place,
Made me smile
A little gay,
Her nose so tiny,
it fit in as my thumb,
Her tongue so pink
Even strawberries
Looked shy..
But oh! Her jibber jabbering,
Her questions,
Her answers!
Her shouting,
Her cry!
What a sly thing she was,
You know?
she hid behind sofas,
Scared me to death,
So I thought of giving her
a taste of lifelessness..
but, she,
she,
Was my princess,
My beauty in petals,
Her funny giggling,
Made everyone laugh!
Oh such a cherry
Skin like honey,
Her hair amber,
Like wings of burterflies
Flying across the sun..
Oh! But she ****** the life
out of me,
Everyone praised her,
But me,
they said what a lovely
Little thing she is!
The irritation!
The moral dissatisfaction!
She made me look old!
and ragged,and torn,
Frustration!
but how could I cut her
Feeble hands?
Hold her so tight,
That she couldn't breath,
how could I?
How?
after all I was her mommy,
The most beautiful
She considered..
How could I not think about her once?
I gave her life and in
3years I took it back!?
Forgive me lord
For I have sinned,
no how can you forgive someone
So heartless,
so mean,
Such a hippocrit!
such a ***** person?
But who cares?
when I  have my life back,
To start anew,
Never look back,
Yes I hit her,
Hard and numb,
Made her blood,
Come till my feet,
but she was the one who wanted forgiveness,
yes she,
So I gave her
What she wanted,
freedom was my forgiveness,
Stains of her,
still stick to my life story,
but I don't care..
you,fair little fragile thing,
You made me do that to you,
Had you not come,
I never would have been,
An inhuman,
A mother,
A disastrous
Murderer..

The foamy waterfall,
reminds me of her floral dress,
The stones floating,
Of her helpfulness
And those precious ones,down under
Of her beautiful dead eyes
On her death bed..
I know I should be sad,
But I need not cry,
it's her everlasting beauty
Not her body to die..
but I felt with that immense a treasure,
One could not help keeping it same forever,
But she was too pretty,
the one too fragile to be broken,
this cruel world would make her old,
old, and with no charm like before,
Yes! She won't be able to handle it,
she's too weak a goddess,
I kept that in mind,
and wanted her safety,
Something she could handle,
Her death in front of eyes,
So now her beauty would forever remain,
The same forever and ever..

no matter how stong you are,
Or you act,
There will always be a time,
When you'll think and say,
"When did I become such a
fragile
little
broken
thing? "

ever thine,
ever mine,
ever ours..