the poem i wrote, i titled 'insecurity'
it's funny that it was dedicated to someone else, but now i'm writing about me
it's something consuming the person that i soon will be

i'm beyond stressed.
i can't help but wonder when the good lord will let me rest.
the pressure is building upon my shoulders.
like the ocean swells that crash upon the cliffside boulders.
all of these tiresome, daily meddles.
i'm waiting for the moment it all comes crashing down and the dust finally settles.

picture this
growing old with someone you love
that you look across the table every morning and thank the heavens above
picture this
someone who is willing to give up their time
because they like interpreting all your riddles and rhymes
picture this
someone who holds your hand as they drive
someone isn't afraid of being vulnerable and ready to take the dive
picture this
all the hopeless-romantic love songs suddenly mean something
because you've finally found the one who has everything

a few months ago i was without someone and lonely,
but now he's become my first and could someday be my only.
i feel scared because i'm used to him
and someday what we have, could dim.
in all honesty i hope it never will
or else i don't know how i'll deal,
because the happiness i've found
is truthfully, all that profound.

as these roots grow deeper,
the seeds of love grow eager,
they want to strive
for a deeper thirst in which they dive.

boom, a sprout begins to bloom.

someday very soon,
under the sun, not the moon,
our petals blossom and display,
our feelings at which we kept at bay.

i don't want to run into you
because i'm afraid that if i do
my feelings for you are what i'll want to pursue

i decided to drop in and say hello, expecting that my nervous feelings would soon mellow.

he said hey in return,
my heart set on fire and i could feel it burn.

but i'll let him in and go after that beautiful face,
and hope that somewhere in his heart i'll find a place.

i think you ought to know

about my first memories in the snow

the cold icicles were held by a tree

while inside grandma was brewing a kettle of tea

because outside the frost was out to bite

the powder-covered trees were a sight

mr. snowman was built

while my young knees were on the ground, knelt

something about that snow

it is an ode to a time that was far from so-so

on the dotted line, sign the lease;
it's a deal for your inner peace.
where you sell your soul for a sum
in a hope that they tell no one.
you pray that the paper doesn't sell,
the fact that you have a one way ticket to hell.

tell me what it's like to fall in love...
is it messy, scary, all you ever imagined it to be?
or does it make your heart flutter and fill you with glee?
tell me what it's like to fall in love...
having never felt it before, let me see your point of view,
just in case i can never experience those same feelings that ensue within you.

this life is not always about our dreams that are expected

instead the reality of our life becomes merely accepted

it's not wonderful nor is it bad

something about realization is sad

we just accept the mediocrities

when we wish to attain our wildest abilities

she was freezing cold
life without him though, would be so much colder
she was afraid of growing old
but with him, she wouldn't mind getting older
for he was always quite bold
and that passion is making her become someone bolder

the last time you held my hand was a decade ago
for a long time afterwards, life was at an all time low
but i recovered and i healed
because i learned that when life throws you a curveball, it doesn't mean your fate is sealed
i lost you and it hurt
your love for me should have been natural, like in the morning when one puts on a shirt
so yah i'm in pain staring at you now, as the tears roll down my face
i now rest my case
reality has set in, i'm no longer angry at you for leaving
i'm just sad that you decided to go, and that i have to live without you and i'm reminded of that through my breathing

i'm in too deep
so maybe i should just take a leap,
a leap of faith in which i let go.
and maybe take control,
speak through my heart and soul.
speak through my heart and soul to say three words back to you,
i want you.

we are moving so fast, and i can't seem to stop the spell that's been cast.
fear grips onto me, yet nonetheless he's the only one i want to see.
we have a fifty percent chance that we'll crash and burn, but i'm okay with that despite my concern.
he says he like me too, but what if he isn't truly wanting to pursue.
in the end though that's a relationship, we have to trust that we won't let the other slip.

what do you do when you're ashamed?
do you cower with fear because you're the only one to be blamed?
the hardest part of admitting failure is knowing you're going to have to restart.
you finally realize that this time you have to play the part.
it means you must be responsible and willing,
instead of not studying, and staring at your bedroom ceiling.
i've learned this now, it only took two years.
but i swear this time around i'm all ears.
if i don't keep this promise to myself, then who am i.
because everything i say will be a lie.

i want to write about seeing your eyes in the stars
but all i can see is this ****** city's highway full of cars
i'm miles away from california
but i can still feel the euphoria
the euphoria of speeding along a trail
while the skies poured open with hail
we were young, wild, and free
you were the man who taught me what it was to see
without you i would not be the half of me today
there's so much more that i had planned to say
time was short with you though,
there was still these same thoughts that i wanted you to know

all i ever want to do
is to kiss you
that's a little white lie
because i'm kind of shy
admitting that the real show
your soul is what i want to know
i'm afraid that the me that is real
is something you'll have to peel
and see that underneath
i'm sharp and foreign and bite like teeth
so to keep this sort of brief
i'll still turn over a new leaf
and hope you'll love all of me
and still be the only girl you see

before i knew it was all too good to be true,
i genuinely cared so much for you.
you put all this trust into a person,
but they let you walk away while they're there *******' and cursin'.
see, the thing is that we all want to see the person's best,
even though their hurtful words never give you a rest.
we want to see these people grow,
so that one day their love for us will maybe someday show.
that though, isn't love at all,
it's your eyes that are covered by a shawl.
it is good to have hope in the face of the worse,
but that viewpoint is also a curse.
truth be told, toxicity isn't always easy to leave,
this is a thought that's worth to conceive.
before i knew it was too good to be true,
i genuinely cared so much for you.

i've been waiting for someone like you for my whole life.
and i hope that someday, a few years from now, if things keep going well, i get to be your wife.
because looking in your eyes, i feel like i'm safe and sound.
and when i'm feeling lost and alone, i know that with you, i would be found.
i sometimes feel crazy admitting that i'm absolutely in love.
but i know that every day i thank whoever is up in the sky above.
because they led me to you by some shallow-started state.
but maybe just maybe, i'm beginning to believe that you are my fate.

why is it that poetry?
is the one thing that lets me work through my anxiety...
why is it that poetry?
gives me one of the only chances i get to feel alright and free...
why is it that poetry?
sometimes no longer makes my mind feel more calm put together to a t...

words, you reap and sow them,
so with words i am writing a poem.
words are harsh at times,
just like ugly, janky rhymes.
sometimes we use them to plot,
and it turns out those feelings churn in our stomach as a knot.
to believe words is an inclination to trust,
but without trust a relationship can decay and rust.
how is it that i can't articulate,
the words that get mechanical and perpetuate.
honesty with words is something new,
but you don't see that my honesty is something you already have seen and knew.
if we are our words then who are our actions,
and why do we act with different reactions?