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newpoetica Jul 22
as the sun rises, a california poppy blooms...

awake, face-to-face, in a dream haze i  see you.
blue body, your body is blue.
still, i can see your body still.
waiting for the final release, we both broke free.
chains, chains that held us both onto each other.
there's nothing like a bond between daughter and mother.
when, when we found your body pale and blue.
prayed we did, in hopes that we would still get to see you.
pumping into lifeless veins, so little oxygen remained.
cold, still, and dead you were.
the only conclusion is that you were gone, it was what was left to concur.

but,
i still see you, hear you, and breathe you.

because,

as the sun rises, a california poppy blooms...

they remind me of you mom,
i can hear the petals rustle softly and know you're with me,
i can exchange oxygen with it, in hopes that it won't lose the battle of life this time around.
almost 2 years since her passing. r.i.p. c.a.d. 11/27/19.
Jul 22 · 174
Two Years In
newpoetica Jul 22
I desperately want you.
Not in a ****** or constraining way,
But in a way that allows me to give all of myself onto you.
I want to please you and complete you as we go about this life day by day.
I want to wake up in your bed that you allowed me to call "ours".
I want to be the one you come home to after hard evenings and even harder decisions,  
Because you're doing the best for our family and future.
I want you desperately.
I want desperately to be yours and my life to be intertwined with yours.
hey hello poetry, it's been a minute :)
Nov 2020 · 294
chaotic world
newpoetica Nov 2020
there's so much to do,
so much to see.
so much to view,
but where do i see me?
in all of this chaos,
where is safe and free?
in so much change and loss,
my faith in a happy fate is weary.
haven't written in a while.
Jul 2020 · 67
inadequacy
newpoetica Jul 2020
every day i wait;
for the day i stop the hate,
the hating of myself.
Jun 2020 · 244
three inches away --
newpoetica Jun 2020
three inches --
that's how far away you are from a corset that cinches.

so close, yet so far...
you aren't up to standards, you aren't up to par.

beauty is in the eye of the beholder --
hell, you'll be even more grotesque as you get older.

words cut deeply from those you care for...
i'm sorry that i can't be your perfect little *****.
sorry my poetry has been so negative lately.
newpoetica Jun 2020
what would it be like to let go?
to let myself get that low...
what would it be like to jump?
to let my demons have triumph...
what would it be like to fall?
to never wake up from it all...
what would it be like to die?
to let my soul fly...
what would it be like to cease?
to let myself rest in peace...
a contemplation on mortality. i am okay.
May 2020 · 270
2 'o 8
newpoetica May 2020
it's 2 'o 8 and rather late,
may 9th is the date,
we said goodnight an hour ago,
but i can't seem to fall asleep so...
i lay in bed thinking of you
and all the amazing things you do.
the way your hand fits into mine
and the way our hearts align.
no one can compare
because you and i are a lovely pair.
dare i say something passionate and clever?
i want you now and i need you forever.

"goodnight my handsome,
i promise i won't get lonesome."
based on slightly real events; i drank a ***** chai and now i can't seem to fall asleep.
May 2020 · 61
a dream scene
newpoetica May 2020
light shining through the slates.
a calendar with marked off dates.
a photo frame or two,
the smiles of me and you.
a sleepy kiss of the cheek,
laying down, but knees gone weak.
let's stay here forever more,
oh my lover whom i adore.
lying in bed so close to you,
time in your arms is overdue.
wake me up when it's dawn,
but let me dream if this is gone.
Apr 2020 · 325
a poem for my love
newpoetica Apr 2020
my love, things get rough
but together, we are enough.
sometimes we mess up,
but you still fill up my cup.
your words and voice,
i feel as if there is no other choice.
my love for you has changed,
but not into something misarranged.
but rather, despite the bad times,
and all of these dumb rhymes.
i want you and all your flaws,
the worst parts of you, even the claws.
i want your good and your bad,
and to hold you when you're sad.
i've loved you since way before,
and i love you now even more.
i love the good parts of you,
and the not so good ones too.
you make me indescribably happy,
and you mean so much to me.
i'm sorry for all the times i've messed up and i forgive you for yours. i love you so much, i'm not sure if you know how much or not. thank you for teaching me how to love and being patient with me as i grow.
Apr 2020 · 207
is my love reciprocated?
newpoetica Apr 2020
it's not fully heartbreak,
but because of this whole mess my heart now has an ache.
i want to feel like you love me still,
but what if what happened is like our relationship's seal.
i love you more than you know,
please tell me we aren't at the end, and at an all time low.
love is harder than i imagined it to be at times.
Apr 2020 · 55
words
newpoetica Apr 2020
words, you reap and sow them,
so with words i am writing a poem.
words are harsh at times,
just like ugly, janky rhymes.
sometimes we use them to plot,
and it turns out those feelings churn in our stomach as a knot.
to believe words is an inclination to trust,
but without trust a relationship can decay and rust.
how is it that i can't articulate,
the words that get mechanical and perpetuate.
honesty with words is something new,
but you don't see that my honesty is something you already have seen and knew.
if we are our words then who are our actions,
and why do we act with different reactions?
a lot to think about tonight...
newpoetica Feb 2020
i've been waiting for someone like you for my whole life.
and i hope that someday, a few years from now, if things keep going well, i get to be your wife.
because looking in your eyes, i feel like i'm safe and sound.
and when i'm feeling lost and alone, i know that with you, i would be found.
i sometimes feel crazy admitting that i'm absolutely in love.
but i know that every day i thank whoever is up in the sky above.
because they led me to you by some shallow-started state.
but maybe just maybe, i'm beginning to believe that you are my fate.
it isn't a guaranteed forever, but i wouldn't mind if someday it becomes that because i know i love you and you make me happier than i've ever felt with anyone else.
Jan 2020 · 39
possibilities
newpoetica Jan 2020
a few months ago i was without someone and lonely,
but now he's become my first and could someday be my only.
i feel scared because i'm used to him
and someday what we have, could dim.
in all honesty i hope it never will
or else i don't know how i'll deal,
because the happiness i've found
is truthfully, all that profound.
Jan 2020 · 149
some of the reasons
newpoetica Jan 2020
it's all the small stuff,
because when life gets tough,
i can feel your bracelet around my wrist
and i can think of all the moments in a list:
i can remember your arms wrapped around my torso,
as i cried about my mother's passing, at a time when life felt low.
it's you coming to my house with a stuffed elephant,
and when i know if i need to, you'll listen to me rant.
it's never about the bigger moments or gifts, though those are nice too;
but rather all those little significant gestures that make me keep falling deeper in love with you.
<3
Jan 2020 · 242
it's all the little things
newpoetica Jan 2020
and maybe it's all the little things...
all the words you've said,
all the times we've laid together in bed,
all the ways you show you care,
all the times you're with me when life is hard to bear,
not because i can't do it on my own like i have before,
but because i think you actually care and are a person that in turn, i care for.
in all these little things that i've grown to see,
i hope i can become a better woman, one that you might need me to be,
i want to comfort you if you need it most,
be the first girl there to be proud of your accomplishments and raise a toast,
i never want to hurt you,
but i want to always apologize if i ever do.
in all the little things one thing is clear to me,
you're the only man for however long we may be a 'we', that i want to see,
in all honesty i was afraid of trusting you with my heart,
but now i see that you've slowly just become a main part,
you're everything that i've ever hoped for,
and i hope you know that you mean all of these things above and more.
wrote most of this in december probably around christmas, and just finished in january
Jan 2020 · 193
he is love.
newpoetica Jan 2020
there's something nice about this,
it's bigger than just us.
it's in the small soft kisses we lay on the other.
it's the fact that someday i could see myself growing old with you.
it's in the way that i want to be the best version of me when i think of how incredible you are.
it's because i know that i can count on you when i feel any emotion.
it's that your laugh makes me smile and forget the worst parts of life.
it's in all the small moments that keep me from falling asleep because you're a dream that i never want to wake up from.
you my darling,
are love.
Dec 2019 · 62
it's not you, it's me
newpoetica Dec 2019
i write most of these poems when i'm hurt or upset.
but also when i feel like i went wrong or have something i said that i regret.
it's to clear my thoughts and imagination.
to give myself time to think with very little hesitation.
it's never that i don't want you as the person in my life.
but rather me handling any fear i've felt and my inner strife.
this is really my only outlet to think through stuff  so ask first before you guess that everything going through my head is bad, maybe some of the stuff i write is just poetry that has nothing to do with anyone.
newpoetica Dec 2019
i need to be held by you tonight,
to assure myself that we're going to be alright.
i try so hard not to let my insecurities win,
but when they do i start to cave in.
i trust you enough to know how much you love and care,
but i'm so scared that one day all the good that we have will thin and ware.
and that you and i will be left with nothing except heartbreak,
and for myself a routine of the normalcy of you that i'll have to break.
3 am thoughts that hurt to think about, but i can't fall asleep
Dec 2019 · 205
i miss my momma
newpoetica Dec 2019
people say that from up above you can hear,
but what if all i want and need is for you to be near.
so i can get angry and upset one last time,
so that i can hold onto you and write you one last rhyme.
if you're not around in my life anymore,
how can i heal from the pain that's in my heart at its core.
how can i talk to someone who isn't there,
if you won't answer and i only see those lifeless eyes stare.
you're in an abyss, a place unknown,
and god only knows if you're trying to find your way back home.
i know, i know, you won't be coming back,
but the feeling of having no mother is starting to make my heart crack.
i'm crying a lot tonight, ****.
newpoetica Dec 2019
when i look at you,
all i see is a work of art, pure perfection.

when you spin around my head,
i'm intoxicated by you, my addiction.

when you hold my hand,
i'm no longer afraid to face any tough situation.

when i'm with you,
it's only us in this world, and we're my favorite combination.
i think i sometimes don't show it, but i hope he knows i love him quite a bit. and am hella scared of the future and love, but want him and us more than i've ever wanted to with anyone else.
Dec 2019 · 221
roses are romantic
newpoetica Dec 2019
as these roots grow deeper,
the seeds of love grow eager,
they want to strive
for a deeper thirst in which they dive.

boom, a sprout begins to bloom.

someday very soon,
under the sun, not the moon,
our petals blossom and display,
our feelings at which we kept at bay.
Dec 2019 · 176
a quarter of a year
newpoetica Dec 2019
it's been three months that together, we've been through
and by some chance, somehow, i still want to keep waking up everyday and choose you.
maybe it's because you make me a little more brave
or maybe because when i'm with you i don't feel like a damsel in distress you have to save.
yes, i still struggle with my irrational and pointless insecurity
but being with, and loving you has become my priority.
i'm no longer afraid of falling, as i was before
because being in love with you and who i'm getting to know, has never been a bore.
Dec 2019 · 146
why is it that poetry...?
newpoetica Dec 2019
why is it that poetry?
is the one thing that lets me work through my anxiety...
why is it that poetry?
gives me one of the only chances i get to feel alright and free...
why is it that poetry?
sometimes no longer makes my mind feel more calm put together to a t...
newpoetica Dec 2019
you'll never know him...
and maybe the way i think is out on a limb,
but i wish you could have met the man i love,
he's kind, patient, and doesn't judge... but pushes me to be better when i need that shove.
not in the ways my father did to you,
but rather he cares about me and his actions have proved it in the time due.
i wish you could have met that man more than you did,
i'm not guaranteeing he's my forever, but i got him like the winner of a bid.
somehow this man loves me mama,
and despite all of your life's drama,
he is trustworthy and lovely...
and i wish you could have liked him as much as he loves me.
Dec 2019 · 169
missing mom: chapter 1
newpoetica Dec 2019
i want to live, right?
it's something i question at night...
not actually,
but i do question that thought itself fully.
do i enjoy breathing?
mom left me the past three years with this thought conceiving...
i feel torn,
and to my very core, worn.
i want to keep moving forward?
but without a part of me around, i don't know where i'm going toward...
i hope she's with the stars,
instead of being depressed and sneaking away to local bars.
do i miss it all and would i live it again?
she made me and without her i wouldn't know where to even begin...
i don't know what i need, i was able to go to her for everything and now i don't know
Dec 2019 · 249
grief
newpoetica Dec 2019
the tears rush out along with heavy heaving
i hate that you didn't tell me you were leaving
i'm getting tired of this entire process of grieving
my mom passed away
Nov 2019 · 508
loving him.
newpoetica Nov 2019
there are only a few love songs,
that encapsulate how my heart longs,
to be in the comforting arms
of the man i love and all his charms.
the way he makes my heart pound
and that same beating, reciprocated sound.
to love someone and feel at peace,
and to know that the feelings don't feel like they will ever cease.
it is a pleasure to interpret and understand,
to feel these emotions when we're hand in hand.
this is my love poem for you,
everything within it, stands true.
um-hem... if this is a bad poem, whoops. i love you, you make me incredibly happy.
Nov 2019 · 383
dear mom
newpoetica Nov 2019
mom, what can i do?
i desperately want to be there for you.
but you bring your lips to the bottle,
and it makes your head spin in full throttle,
you don't want the help from your family,
so someday you'll change your mind for yourself, hopefully.
i haven't written a poem for my mom in a while. addiction *****, and if you're going through it i hope at the very least you try for yourself. because if you don't care about those around you, you should at least care for yourself, well-being, and health.
Nov 2019 · 58
untitled poem two
newpoetica Nov 2019
do you miss me like i miss you?
it's more than just wanting to kiss too
it's your presence
it's your presence that's the greatest of presents
to see the person you miss
takes away all the bad feelings you felt and replaces them with bliss
so, do you miss me like i miss you?
Nov 2019 · 137
picture this
newpoetica Nov 2019
picture this
growing old with someone you love
that you look across the table every morning and thank the heavens above
picture this
someone who is willing to give up their time
because they like interpreting all your riddles and rhymes
picture this
someone who holds your hand as they drive
someone isn't afraid of being vulnerable and ready to take the dive
picture this
all the hopeless-romantic love songs suddenly mean something
because you've finally found the one who has everything
Nov 2019 · 54
phone calls
newpoetica Nov 2019
everytime you hang up the phone
i am left very very alone
it's alright to be alone, i was before
but i can't help but feel a deep, aching sore
conversation has never been my strong suit
but i know i have to improve if i want to continue this pursuit
you'll be tired some days and not be able to add
but when neither of us can, i end up being alone and sad
Nov 2019 · 50
the her before him
newpoetica Nov 2019
she was freezing cold
life without him though, would be so much colder
she was afraid of growing old
but with him, she wouldn't mind getting older
for he was always quite bold
and that passion is making her become someone bolder
I don't know how to feel about this one, I'm not the biggest fan.
newpoetica Nov 2019
after all the overthinking,
and my heart slowly sinking.
i hope he'll know that i'm trusting him to catch me when i fall,
and that my heart jumps everytime i see his name pop up for a call.
i'm dumb and stupid and still figuring love and relationships out,
but i know he's given me no real reason to doubt.
despite my deep and troubling insecurity,
he never ceases to make me extremely happy.
i want to feel better about myself,
so that i can share the books i've read and keep on my shelf.
at the moment, i'm scared if him not liking the real me
but i hope that soon, I'll be brave enough to let him see.
It only took like an hour of overthinking, but I fixed my insecurity that shouldn't have existed in the first place tonight.
newpoetica Nov 2019
i get excited to talk to you
when i don't i feel blue

i feel giddy and happy
which is super sappy

i'm learning to love on a whim
but i've learned that love is him

leaving is a fear i carry
it's also a fear i hope to bury

lovers learn to love
the heavens watch from above

i need to say goodbye
to the river of tears that i cry

nighttime is terrifying
the demons are out and crying
*
if happy is you
then i want to have happiness too

pain is only relative
to the joy we get in this life we live

hazel eyes
in which my heart lies

my worthless name
is a badge of shame
**
pack up the van
and pop a xan
the van/xan combo was kinda fun to write after writing like 10 poems that i cried while writing tonight.... god imagine being such an emotional wreck like i am (no i don't condone drug abuse)
newpoetica Nov 2019
here's the thing about me
i take anything you say seriously
every word you say i take to heart
i hang onto every single part
the syllables, syntax, and tone
whether it's face to face or over the phone
i'm so **** fragile
my brain darts around quick and agile
if i feel disapproval from you i shut down
because i feel dumb and silly like a clown
it's so stupid to cry over
but i do so a lot despite me feeling lucky to have you, my four leaf clover
i don't want to say it because i'm afraid of letting my feelings show. most of everything i feel is insecurity. i know i'm loved and treasured, but sometimes... i know i don't always speak about interesting things, but they're interesting to me. and you aren't meaning to shut them down, but they're lame. what if they're part of me though? and who i want to be someday? are you going to be able to accept me, like i accept you?
Nov 2019 · 104
overthinking (four)
newpoetica Nov 2019
why do we all suffer and live crying
why do we all sometimes contemplate dying
why do we all go through life hiding how we truly feel by lying
why do we all feel lonely but continue complaining online and alone whilst sighing
why do we turn away when we see others crying
why do we have to experience loved ones dying
why do we continue hurting others by lying
why do we not hear our world collectively sighing
Nov 2019 · 56
overthinking (three)
newpoetica Nov 2019
who would want the girl
when she's just sand and not the pearl
she's not valuable
she's disposable
who would want her fool's gold
when the real thing is something sold
she's not valuable
she's disposable
who would want someone like her
when there's other girls who are better
she's not valuable
she's disposable
i might hate myself,
i don't really know,
my feelings fluctuate,
change overnight,
right now though,
i feel invaluable,
and disposable.
Nov 2019 · 57
overthinking (two)
newpoetica Nov 2019
the poem i wrote, i titled 'insecurity'
it's funny that it was dedicated to someone else, but now i'm writing about me
it's something consuming the person that i soon will be
it's not the same insecurity that i had originally written about, but it's highly ironic that i could title this poem insecurity if i felt like it.
Nov 2019 · 53
overthinking (one)
newpoetica Nov 2019
how do i tell him that i love him?
that he means the absolute world to me...
how do i put my feelings on a limb?
that he is the only man that i see...
newpoetica Nov 2019
what's there to gain
in a love full of pain?
why choose to stay
when there's nothing left to say?
why does you heart long for love
when there's no sign of it coming from above?
why do we keep up the chase
when it's only us against time in this race?
why do we choose to live this way
if it's not always a price we must pay?
pursuing pain isn't necessary
but we do it to earn a medal that we carry.
why do we choose to live this way
pondering life's questions,
we tend to do so through chapters and sections.
the subjects change as time goes on
but it's always the same, nothing is decided upon.
i don't fully understand why i wrote this, but it made me think about what people do and why we do what we do. this is about all types of love: romantic and platonic. i thought of the first line and kinda let it flow from there, enjoy.
Nov 2019 · 376
untitled poem one
newpoetica Nov 2019
all i ever want to do
is to kiss you
that's a little white lie
because i'm kind of shy
admitting that the real show
your soul is what i want to know
i'm afraid that the me that is real
is something you'll have to peel
and see that underneath
i'm sharp and foreign and bite like teeth
so to keep this sort of brief
i'll still turn over a new leaf
and hope you'll love all of me
and still be the only girl you see
how i feel
Oct 2019 · 335
i love you
newpoetica Oct 2019
give me a sign,
that you are mine,
so i can say the line,
despite the short time,
that love is not a crime.
i love you
Oct 2019 · 72
those moonlit road trips
newpoetica Oct 2019
those moonlit road trips
in which you'd take long sips
of the body that drips
put a hand to your lips
as old clothes get larger rips
from the motion awaiting your hips
as your body dips
during those moonlit road trips
(ips)
Sep 2019 · 584
(ush)
newpoetica Sep 2019
maybe i was in a rush,
but i had to know what it feels like when our lips brush.
the feeling is something that could be described as lush,
but if i tell you how everything feels, you'd blush.
so although this is still a growing crush,
just know you have my heart turning into mush.
i don't kiss and tell.
newpoetica Sep 2019
truth be told i'm scared to say,
my feelings that are kept at bay,
for fear of their own betray,
because i know that when they come into play,
the boy i feel things for will run away.
Sep 2019 · 680
the power of his hands
newpoetica Sep 2019
touch my thigh,
make me sigh,
as you ask why,
as i lie
and say "oh, nothing."
Sep 2019 · 43
the "talking" stage
newpoetica Sep 2019
we are moving so fast, and i can't seem to stop the spell that's been cast.
fear grips onto me, yet nonetheless he's the only one i want to see.
we have a fifty percent chance that we'll crash and burn, but i'm okay with that despite my concern.
he says he like me too, but what if he isn't truly wanting to pursue.
in the end though that's a relationship, we have to trust that we won't let the other slip.
my life has been cool, but kind of wild as of lately. the guy has a link to view my account on here, but ima just hope he never looks at it haha.
newpoetica Sep 2019
am i looking for love in the right place?

in the morning, I am left with an empty space.

i do everything according to societal code, careful with the tempo and pace.

yet, every morning there is only the scent of a body, the only trace.

i wake at four a.m. in my finest silk and lace.

but, they always choose to leave once they have achieved their goal, third base.
Sep 2019 · 68
her hope for herself
newpoetica Sep 2019
hold the girl, even if she doesn't tell you to.

if you love her enough, it's something you'll instictively do.

that hug will show that she has someone tried and true,

that even when she is feeling exhausted and blue,

she'll know that home is where the heart is, and her heart is with you.
Hard day, hard life, only 1 more year of it all.***
Sep 2019 · 57
one night, one shot (two)
newpoetica Sep 2019
will it get better?
because it'll only get worse or so it seems
will it get better?
because tearing is happening at the seams
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