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Nov 2018 · 529
i won't survive
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
please don't leave me
i know i'm a mess
i know i'm a wreck
but i love you more than anything
and i'm trying my hardest
i'm really trying

lovelywildflower Nov 2018
you talked to me just now
after weeks of pretending i didn't exist
you asked me if i am okay
i am
don't worry about me
"you look upset"
trust me
i'm not
stop acting like you care
i haven't looked into your eyes
since the day you broke up with me
you held out your arms
like you were waiting for a hug
but i just looked down instead
i told you i had to go
and you hesitated
then decided to walk with me
i thought we were strangers
but talking to you was still so easy
we went our different ways
and you said we'll talk later
no please don't say that
i know you better than anybody
every time you come back like this
it means you're trying to pull me in again
you won't succeed
you treated me like ****
but i still loved you
and there's always going to be
a small fraction of my heart
that still loves you
you were my first everything
my first real relationship
my first kiss
but it doesn't mean i want you back
i don't love you anymore

to an ex boyfriend
Nov 2018 · 214
i let you go
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
i hope you know
i have finally let all of you go
i'm not afraid anymore
i hope you know
i am loved
i don't need you anymore
i hope you know
i'm finally free
you can't control me anymore

to an ex boyfriend
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
nothing will ever be better than being with you.
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
we're just talking about our future, and i've never wanted to fight for something so much in my life.
Nov 2018 · 313
intriguing
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
i don't really like talking to people too much anymore
no one really has anything to say
it's all just small talk
no one likes deep conversations anymore
and that's what i'm here for
but i knew i was in love with you
when i just wanted to talk to you about anything
you could just say hello to me
and it would light up my whole day
and i could talk to you for hours about the weather
or other little things
and i would never get bored
you fascinate me

Nov 2018 · 182
together
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
i can see us together
looking into each other's eyes and seeing endless galaxies
holding hands and keeping the pain at bay
telling each other our problems
arguing over stupid ****
having inside jokes
falling asleep next to each other
kissing each other
loving each other
i could go on
but then this poem would be too long
So i will stop there because i'm sure you get the point
i see us being together
and i hope i'm not just dreaming

Nov 2018 · 145
you give me life
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
without you
i am nothing
without you
i am empty
like a pool with no water
like a forest with no trees
like a bed with no blankets or sheets
like a tree with no leaves
but with you
i am so full of life
it's hard to believe

lovelywildflower Nov 2018
i realized that i don't call someone "my love" until i know for sure deep in my heart that i love them and will love them for the rest of my life. and you, my love, you i will love for the rest of my life, and even after. in all my lifetimes, i will find you and love you.
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
you know how to make such a bad day into something so much better.
Nov 2018 · 233
stuck here alone
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
i was sitting outside in the freezing cold
hands numb and body shivering
the cold makes me feel better
my friend saw me crying
she came out and hugged me
and i realized how much i loved warmth too
i'm missing out on so much
and thinking back
it's because the cold is all i've ever known
and what's sad is
i also realized
no one has really hugged me in months
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
you make me want to stay alive. you make everything alright. and i love you.
Nov 2018 · 245
haiku: broken
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
crying in my class
i don't want to be alive
oh god please help me

Nov 2018 · 343
this may be it
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
i'm considering actually jumping in front of a car
just so i don't have to go home today
i don't want to go
i'm going to be in so much trouble
i could run away
i could jump in front of a car
i could just sit here and not leave
but if i do not continue to exist after today
just know i was in a lot of pain
and that i'm sorry
i wish i could have stayed

Nov 2018 · 295
just a little warning
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
perhaps i'm some ****** girlfriend
but i just like to protect what's mine
i'm not possessive
i'm territorial
and he's mine
you better be careful around me
try to talk to my man in some flirty way
then i promise you you'll never want to talk to anyone again
i seem so sweet and innocent
but you've probably never met someone as crazy as me

lovelywildflower Nov 2018
you said you love the part of me i hated the most. i hope you know you're healing every piece of me.
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
that little smile playing on my lips the bus ride back to my house. a sense of tranquility. being with you makes me feel at home. i've always looked for shelter in four walls, front doors, bedsheets, dining room tables, and every other little thing. but i didn't ever feel that connection. until i met you. and i realized a home doesn't have to be made of four walls. it can be made of a heartbeat.
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
i know we're meant to be. i know i'm supposed to look at you the rest of my life.
Nov 2018 · 213
haiku: leave
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
just ******* do it
you obviously want to
so just leave; just go

to someone i knew i long time ago
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
are you having doubts yet?
do you want to leave yet?
that's why i don't get attached
that's why you don't know too much about me
i'm afraid you'll run
when you find out who i am

Nov 2018 · 217
jealousy
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
many teardrops fall
am i the only one you love?
you don't talk to me that way
my chest burns with pain
Nov 2018 · 317
i can't help it
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
reading your old poems from so long ago
the ones about love rip me apart
the way you describe other girls you've loved
and the way they made you feel
can i help that i'm jealous?
no
no i can't
it's just who i am
my cheeks burn red
from embarrassment
the only thing i can think now is
"am i the only one on your mind?"
Nov 2018 · 139
just say it's better
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
hello
how are you?

i'm a little tired
and it doesn't hurt
too much anymore

that's good
that's really good

yeah
the pain has subsided
but only a little

that's good
that's really good

is that all
you're going to say?

yeah
yeah it is
only because
it is good

but i'm still in pain
yeah but it's better
right?

not too much
but still better?
yeah
it's better

that's good
that's really good

yeah
it is

(if only it were the truth)

idk what this is exactly
it just kinda happened
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
everytime you text me something to make me laugh, i imagine you laughing with me and it fills my heart with so much peace and happiness.
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
you're my other half. my soulmate. my one and only. the love of my life. my everything. i hope you know i'm going to love you for the rest of my life.
Nov 2018 · 1.2k
a good moment
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
dancing to alternative music
my favorite
eyes closed
spinning around the room
a pint of ice cream in my hand
feeling myself
what a good moment

Nov 2018 · 161
healing
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
i know one day when we're together
you will start to put all my pieces back together one by one
gluing each piece back together with love
traumas and heartbreak and all kinds of pain
turned into something greater
and mended with your love
you'll pull all those doubts and insecurities
right out of me a little at a time
you'll put all my puzzle pieces back
where they belong
i lost them a long time ago
but you'll find them
and i will finally be complete
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
the way you looked at me last night made my heart race. my heart smiled, then wanted to run into your arms. but for now, i'll just let your eyes full of love hold me. god, the way you looked at me and smiled. i could see all the love you have for me in those eyes and it lit up my entire existence. i want you to look at me like that for the rest of our lives.
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
it's like i don't know how to breathe without you. i don't know how to live. every moment is now dragging on until i can talk to you again.
Nov 2018 · 404
please remind me
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
please remind me how much you love me
how much you want me
how much you care about me
remind me of all the things that make your heart race
and the things that make you smile
remind me of the future we want
and how happy we'll be once we're together
please remind me
because i can't feel anything
please remind me
so i don't forget you're real
please remind me
so i don't drift away from you
please remind me
so i don't push you away
please remind me
please

Nov 2018 · 323
haiku: not fine
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
how many times have
i said i'm alright but lied?
i'm really not fine.

Nov 2018 · 173
i've been there
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
you can't lie to me
i saw you crying
the smeared mascara under your eyes
your eyes red and full of tears
don't think i didn't see
i asked you if you were okay
and you said yes
but you're really not that fine
i know how it feels
crying in school
then pretending you're alright
when people ask if you're okay
it happens to me
every so often
you just have to lie
and say you're alright
i know you're not fine
Nov 2018 · 302
haiku: never
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
am i happy? no.
will i soon be happy? no.
just the way it is

Nov 2018 · 348
haiku: a moment
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
the gray space behind
crow flys over autumn trees
one rose still alive

Nov 2018 · 295
i need to slow down
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
i run when things get too much
and everything feels this way now
so please
if you love me
don't let me run
i just need to walk
i need to move slower
don't move too fast

lovelywildflower Nov 2018
i was born to love you. you have always been my purpose in life.
Nov 2018 · 169
one of those moments
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
this is one of those moments
where i want to drink until i pass out
but before i do
i throw the bottles against the wall
and slit my wrists with the shards left behind

this is just how i am
when there's sadness mixed with anger
lingering inside of me
wanting to get the **** out

Nov 2018 · 386
please leave me alone
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
mind is screaming
tears are falling
hands are shaking
wrists are bleeding
heart is aching
lungs aren't working
everything hurting
leave me alone!

Nov 2018 · 442
still scared
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
i feel like i'm still holding so much back
i'm sorry, i'm still too scared to get attached

Nov 2018 · 164
hopefully that's all it is
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
a lack of sleep
can alter your brain
change your mood
leave you depressed
so i think that's why i've been sad lately
and i think that's why
that fear crept up in the back of my mind
not about anyone else
it's about me
and it's a fear
that is too scary to even say out loud
or write down on paper
i just hope the lack of sleep
is causing it
and it's not the truth
Nov 2018 · 357
a note on my sexuality
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
the first time i held hands with a girl
my heart raced faster
she was my best friend
she came over to my house
we sat outside
under a blanket
and our fingers were intertwined together
back then, i didn't know what sexuality was

the first time i knew i liked a girl
was in 8th grade
she had dark brown hair
then cut it really short
she was so beautiful
it was hard to breathe
it was only a silly little crush

the first time i kissed a girl
was on a dare
we were talking about kissing
and i said
"i've always wanted to kiss a girl"
and so we did
and every time we saw each other
we kissed
it was a fun silly joke

the first girlfriend i ever had lasted only a week
but we held hands at school
and we really liked each other
but i was too afraid

the first time i knew i was really into girls too
was in a grocery store
and a good-looking guy walked past
but i didn't really feel anything
this girl was walking behind him
and she smiled at me
and my heart raced faster than it ever has

the first time i asked a girl out was this year
it didn't end well
but it's not really that hard
to ask a girl
if she likes girls too
and i knew i could do it again

the first time i knew i wanted a girlfriend
wasn't too long ago
i just wish i had the nerve
to ask more girls out
and just have fun
before i started the rest of my life

the first time i knew what sexuality was
i knew there was always something different about me
and i figured it out later on

i'm pansexual. deal with it.
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
i don't have to say a word. you just look at me and you see who i am and how i feel and you accept it. you don't try to change it or want to change it. you, there are a billion people but i imagine there's only one of you.
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
i always thought that there was something wrong with me. and i always wanted to run, until i met you. you and me, we just fit.
Nov 2018 · 173
running
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
one time i wanted to run away
all the way to Vermont
that's where i was gonna go
i knew someone there
and i was gonna run to them
i looked up a map
even packed a bag
but then my parents found out
that i was talking to this guy
i couldn't sleep in my room for a while
they watched me
to make sure i wouldn't leave
in the middle of the night while they were asleep
i want to run again
run as far as i can
i'm always running anyway
always running
when am i going to stop?

Nov 2018 · 141
i'm a storm
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
beads of sadness drip down the side of my face
my lungs are drowning in that blue smoke
my body slows to match my heartbeat
i'm sorry my superpowers are back
if you don't know, i can control the weather
everything i feel matches the outside
and i'm sorry it's pouring down rain
raindrops like little wrecking *****
when they hit the ground with force
a wall of rain so dense
you can't see
and if you couldn't tell
that's the way i feel inside constantly
i'm sorry if it starts flooding
i'm sorry if the wind picks up
i'm sorry if a tornado destroys everything around me
i'm sorry.
i can't control the storm that's already inside of me
i may not be able to control this hurricane outside
so please take shelter
please don't let me hurt you
there is too much sadness inside of me to handle at one time

lovelywildflower Nov 2018
you break break break me
and then you pretend you did nothing
you hurt hurt hurt me
and then pretend that i did something wrong
okay i'm bleeding
can't you see
you've done your damage
now please let me be

Nov 2018 · 234
what did i do?
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
what the hell did i ever do?
what is so wrong with me?
i think all my pain started because of you
i'm so happy without you
i'm so happy when i'm not plagued with your words
you told me you thought i was doing drugs
oh, is that what it is now?
is that what you think of me?
that i'm a failure?
that i will amount to nothing?
that i will do anything to disappoint you?
mom, what did i do?
i didn't do anything wrong
all i did was exist
all i did was be myself
am i really that messed up?
you told me once
i remember
you told me you didn't like who i was
that you only loved me because i'm your daughter
what the hell, mom?
seriously?
i can't wait until i'm out of here
all i know is
as soon as i turn 18
i'm moving out
i don't care if i'm living out on the streets
that will be better
than to live there any longer than i have to
i guess i'll always just be nothing to you

Nov 2018 · 212
because of you
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
i know i'm not the most perfect daughter
i know all i am is a failure to you
thanks, mom
i really appreciate it
you know, i have no best friends
because of you
i barely talk to one person at school
because i know you won't approve
you know, i'm trying my ******* hardest
but still, you're not proud
i get one bad grade
and you tell me my whole life is ruined
"you better just go throw all your dreams away"
what kind of a parent are you?
you know, i tried to forgive you
a hundred times
but i can't stand it anymore
you're the reason i wanted to **** myself!
you're the reason i wanted to run away!
and you say i'll thank you when i'm older
but no, i won't thank you for these scars on my arms
i will not thank you for making my life hell
as soon as i get out of this place
you're not allowed in my life
i don't want you in it
because of you
my heart breaks every day

please don't tell me it's wrong of me to feel this way
no one knows what i've been through
Nov 2018 · 403
my safe place
lovelywildflower Nov 2018
at least i have you when my life is ****
at least i have your love
at least you exist
because if you didn't
if you weren't in my life
there would probably be
blooding spilling out of my wrists
or a rope around my neck
or pills down my throat
right this very moment

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