don't say it's me
this problem
you are holding onto
it cannot be me
don't say it
don't let those words fall out of your mouth

(just so you know)

i am new
i am beautiful
i am irreplaceable

i'm missing someone
who was never really mine

slightly inspired
but not quite enough
to shake out of this dull routine
and grow into my own
but someday soon
i'll fly freely forward

the hunger i feel
the emptiness inside me
befriends my broken heart

she walks in
everyone turns
and gazes in silence
she has power
and wears it exquisitely

stuck here alone again
sleep deprived
heavy hearted
out of touch with life

her eyes are deep seas of wonder
always day dreaming
lost in clouds of thought
she's magical

again i say wait
trust the process
be patient

it's not easy
to love your broken parts
it is easier
to just hate them
and wish them away in your mind
but you can heal
and you will heal
love those broken parts
mend them with your heart

i am trying okay
i try everyday
things just aren't working out
i am sorry

i miss those times when i didn't have to care
i had no worries
walking around with my head held high
fearless and brave
i could look any in the eye
and smile with the strength i had inside
now i break at the slightest word
a delicate being
so scared
and hurt

passed memories
what good is a blurred compliment
"you were once good at this"
so i am now a failure
and have lost what made me worth something
i guess i will never be good enough in your eyes

wear what you want
it's your body
your style
own it

and what a horrible day
to think that the man who gave me life
has somehow taken all the life in me
and hurt me
again and again
what a sad sad day

to all those with loving fathers
never take them for granted

fight your way out
kick and scream and punch and yell
loud
ruthlessly
they want to see you fall
and bleed
they have no idea
of the immense strength you hold inside
shock them

i need more time
please wait for me
i promise i'll catch up
or maybe
you should move on
but no
that will hurt too much

i don't know the person
that i once was
i don't know the person
that i want to be
i have no idea
who i am
but one day
i will know

we’re all fragile underneath
this coat of armor isn’t thick or deep
when we break it’s hard to hide
the way we hurt inside

when i come undone at the seams
my heart is on the floor for all to see
do that thing that i need
wrap your arms around me

we do our best to smile
fight the tears trying to creep from our eyes
when a smile just won’t disguise
we just crumble inside

so when i come undone at the seams
my heart is on the floor for all to see
do that thing that i need
wrap your arms around me

freezing cold silence
teary eyes
no sleep

somebody please
grasp my failing heart
make it beat again
in a way that goes on and on forever
make me believe
that this is not the end
give me love
enough love to keep me alive

mid saturday morning
drowning in coffee
lost in thought
alone again

heart is heavy
mind is on you
i miss you boy
i feel so alone
and you always felt like home

there is so much beauty in letting go
severed from the past
simply moving forward
a weightless soul
utterly free

head aching
thinking about being skinny
being happy with my body
knowing i look good
and feeling fit
ugh
i wish i was thinner

leaving the house
isn't a common occurrence
once i would do anything
to escape the tense air
these rooms hold
now
i hide away
in my room
with my mind
in complete control
i guess i don't care anymore

she slowly escapes the pain she was trapped in
rises up like an eagle
soars above the rotting lies that once weighed her down  
and lets go of her past

head pounding
my mind is on you
that disguised smile
cruel fingertips
leave me alone

who's real and who's fake
people make my head ache

cry
floods of tears
bittersweet release
baby
let them pour

today is a new day
a fresh start
new feelings
starting again
be bold
make today your day

baby
take it easy
on my heart
i'm not like the other girls

you're fat you're fat you're fat
get skinny get skinny get skinny
i hate myself
i hate not looking the way i want to
i hate looking into mirrors
i hate my reflection
i try to get thinner
nothing ever works
i give into emotion
ugh
what is wrong with me

this life is not what it seems
we are nothing but flesh and blood
poets and writers and storytellers
liars and cheats and frauds
pick and choose your destiny
redefine your purpose
you are more than you know

is there a place for me
a place where i am free
a home that i belong in
somebody to love me

awkward silence
uneasiness in the dead quiet
tension fills the room
stale air
no escaping

you seem to know
exactly who you are
and i find that beautiful
but i cannot
find who i am
i don't know where to begin
to discover myself

tearing apart at the seams
she wanted to break free
instead
she had broken
fallen into a heap
and couldn't put herself back together

being without love
makes me sore
not holding onto life
not moving forward
not thinking clearly
i am a mess

crystal clear thinking
is not for me
i see life as a blur
full of happy and sad moments
wondering whether things lead to better things
having days of complete and utter sorrow
then days of hope and a sense of self again
my life is not a routine
it is not structured
i think
i will just keep moving forward
slowly
until the pieces of my life
are put together

i can't stand how you laugh
snigger at those less fortunate than you
you selfish cruel man
i wish you and your ***** ****** kind
would just change
no one should be mocked
for things they can't control

too many ways
to say you no longer love her
without making her understand
that this is the end
i always hope
you will fall back in love
with the first girl you fell for
but she's just fading away
in your mind
she can do nothing
to win back your heart
nothing

music stops
curtains are drawn
now
the show's over
no more performance
it's real
real life
who are you
when you're off the stage
back in your home
alone

i want someone to hold on to
someone to let me know things will get better
maybe if someone told me i'd one day get through
i actually would
because i cannot help myself
all alone

you survived today
and that is enough

she draws away from the crowd
wanders off to her kingdom
silent and free
in her own mind

open to you
it's hurting me
where to next
who to trust
vulnerability killed me

slowly he made his way into her life
he didn't come zooming through
at the speed of light
flying
oh no
he was careful
thoughtful
he didn't want to rush
and ruin
something so precious
and perfect

she closes her eyes
in her mind she wanders
through a garden of beautifully fragranced flowers
fresh air fills her lungs
birds sing their gentle song
skipping through her garden
oh the sweet escape

cook up some bacon and eggs
brew a big ole *** of coffee
sit out on the back veranda
feel the warm sun
beautiful winter mornings

the thought of you
makes me shiver
what we once had
is lost forever