the sun waved to me
said something about a breathtaking smile.

the moon leaned in
whispered something about sorrowful eyes.

I saw you walking towards me,
green and blue and full of life.

Flowers bloomed, the wind sighed.
They were teaching me about
love and sacrifice.

I was told to write about how I feel.

But what I feel isn’t just a noun I can express in words and pages. Tremendous waves of emotions come crashing and I forget how to swim. Rarely are they a calm sea, where sooner or later, I find a boat and am safe.

There is no boat today. The sea is churning. The sky is enraged.

Sometimes the emotions are a fire, orange and warm, fueling me to keep moving on. But when they are blue and searing hot, it burns me from within. I’m afraid you will catch fire too.

But the fire is my light in the darkness, my lighthouse. Not attracting boats, but giving them a signal to stay away.

I am torn between right and wrong, and the only way I can talk about my ‘feelings’ is by referring to them as natural occurrences and disasters.

Disasters. That reminds me of a lot of things.

what is keeping me from reaching out and grabbing my dream?

your A minuses, your rejection letters, your mundane home-works,
your beauty and size standards, appropriate clothing manners
your gender roles and restrictions.

you.

and countless other things that end at me too,
but i am too angry to recall them.

There is so much out there,
but just as much in here, inside.

you carry the burden of our histories on your shoulders,
not to repeat them but to know where we went
wrong to end up this way.

You carry the pride of our histories in your heart,
not to repeat them but to know someone's always cared,
and that it's our turn to care now.

इस बोझ को अकेले मत उठाना, इस ख़ुशी को बिखेरके चलना।

The silence and darkness are like twins joined at the hip,
like lovers holding hands,
like tress rooted to the soil.

Why do you let fear fill up these crevices
that form because
anything dim yearns for the quiet,
and silence curls her fingers around the dark,

The bond remains, however twisted,
till the end of time,
a bond of love.

how do I love myself,
when I can see myself inflicting pain
on those who loved me first?

I only desire
To escape this insanity
Which I held dear
long ago.

Now I scream
For a sane mind
And a perfect soul.

it's just the empty thunderbolts, my darling
they wouldn't dare ruin our evening.

all the energy they would've held surrounds us now.
all their spark is between our fingertips, their fires in our heart,
the light in our eyes.

they're just the empty thunderbolts, my darling
and the thunder a proclamation of my love.

I'm in a beautiful place,
a place where the wind blows and the people smile,
the trees sway and time flies.

I am where I thought I wanted to be,
then what is this crushing feeling that won't let me breathe?

Some days I will pick up an itchy caterpillar
with two pieces of cardboard
and move it out of harms way.

Other days,
I will kick a harmless beetle
because it breathes too loud
too close to my home.

I never tried to be not nice,
but borders get dizzy sometimes
I am human on both sides of the coin
after all.