its a point of forming
drops of water
carving
a channel
to this place i am
where i can see
beauty
in this broken shell
in the cracked
reflections
absent of color
and following
that water-cut channel
to the light above
well it may be past
my strength
but
maybe not

You never knew, Love;
You never knew did you?
The heart that waited and wanted
Fastened to you, hoping for his chance
That chance you never gave me, Love.
Why?

Your fragile heart collects the dust
After years of misuse and abuse
From all the ones who squandered you
While all the while I was there
Clawing at the door to your heart.
Why?

Do you know tonight, this night, Love?
Tonight, this night is the night love dies;
Oh the night that love finally died!
Because you were too scared to see
That my heart has always been yours.
Why?

**Because you
               Were always
                                  The One

You are the one I'm talking about,
   When my words aren't there anymore.
Where the memories are bound to my heart,
   You gave my heart reasons to live.

My dear friend, I am only a skeleton,
   Stripped to bones by life's winds.
If you could feel my emptiness, death,
   So long ago, I was alive with you.

The raindrops fall in this desert,
   How I fell for you.
Reminders, remains, tell me all your secrets,
   Where is your heart, love?

The force behind my words, the reasons I write,
   Every letter a drop of our blood.
Sand falls out my mouth, you move on,
   *But did you know you were the one?

Amid a maelstrom of emotions,
  My heart is doomed and languid.
A broken love, tattered devotions,
  Falling hopes and rising anguish.

Carelessly wounded, my heart crawls,
  Foolishly forsaken my glorious Lord.
Surrounded by my collapsed sand walls,
  The loss was a cost I can't ever afford.

No, there's no anger
No, there's no happiness
No, there's no smiles
No, there's no frowns
No, there's no turbulence
No, there's no gentleness
No, there's no hope
No, there's no despair
No, there's no numbness
Yes, there is pain

why do i identify with addiction and addicts when my only addiction is to sadness
an unwritten paper attracted to matches like iron to a magnet there is comfort in madness but comfort i cant manage
so i rip a page from the good book and ingest it hoping to live out gods commandments like doing good for the sake of good while i burn the world behind me
the straight and narrow is an uphill climb so i check my elevation only to find rock bottom has a basement
god is with the lowly and contrite so i guess self abuse is my form of abasement
but i can never hurt myself enough so i hurt the ones i love so i can gain pain by the process of osmosis
'cept god works his law in measure for measure so this living hell is just a double portion
wisdom chased me so i broke her legs because im scared love truly is the answer

You could never fathom my heart,
You could never accept my love,
You could never trust me,
You could never love,

So you broke my heart,
Just a splinter at a time,
Everyday another crack,
Because you can't love,

Now I am a bitter man,
Cuz I can't forgive you,
I can never forget you,
& when you left, I died.

The curtain closes after the bow
Creaking leather shoes start their step
Exit stage left
Applause
Silence

tap tap tap tap

Time stands as still as his heart
and a question ****** his mind
if his words were empty
or just the audience?

He got into this business to hurt
to feel something
It was his drug, after all
But he finally healed
Years later
A smile touches his scars

tap tap tap tap

Exit stage left
'Til death, does he art

Rejection is a wound nobody is immune to
Its taste is sour and bitter
It makes your gums bleed

Rejection is always by your side
But never is a friend
But never is a lover

Rejection chases away sobriety
Looking to stop the pain
Looking to fill the void

Rejection pushes trust out of your life
Whispers that she's all you'll need
& makes you go deaf to the world

Sixty words per minute// no errors
Five hundred plus poems// written
Thousand firm handshakes// given
Countless prayers cried out// frantic
And if you ever saw me work// well
You'd be surprised

Everything is wrong and nothing is right.
Yes,
Everything is wrong.
No way to understand this madness,
Light has become dark and right is left.
Bemoaning, desolate, fractured is my soul;
My spirit.
Understanding and faith have fallen asleep on me,
For my heart is but flesh, crippled by broken glass,
Broken life. Who knows where I dwell?
Whispered hauntings tickle and tease my ears,
Phantoms, shades, spectres, dance before my collapsed eyes... nobody sees, nobody hears, everyone understands but they aren't there.

It cannot be described
only imbibed
through many sorrows
and sorries
until the pain
recedes to numbness
your compass
points to death
& you see the peace it brings
the silence
the darkness
you make your mind up
maybe not today
or tomorrow
but you know
you're going to die by your own hand
& you feel
just a brief
fleeting
happiness

...

that's the sound of suicide

and how are the flowers
that fail to blossom
still hanging in the
eaves of dawn
and still holding
sunlight in their petals
clutching tightly
and still leaking through
the ground is damp
but i can't feel a thing

The worst of the night
Is that creeping fatal doubt
That leeches onto my spirit
Reminding me I'm not good

The worst of the night
Is that familiar aching
Deep in my heart, no
The aching that is my heart

The worst of the night
Is recalling the whole day
And remembering what I
Should have done differently

The worst of the night
Is knowing tomorrow is coming
No matter what happens, it comes
And my demons wait for me

The zeal of God's Love for our hearts and souls
    cannot be matched or conquered by human willpower;
It can only be rejected by our cursed nature.

The bitter taste of losing you
   I'd rather lose everyone else
I miss you every day
   Think of you every day
Please come back to me
   Please come home

If you would just talk to me
I have words
but
I don't think they're worth speaking
Poetically muted, I'm on pause
Take a breath
Take a second
It's fine
I'm fine
Just a normal response
to my love
Is to become
Discarded

One should try to glide through life as gently as a canoe;
If one needs to make a splash,
be sure to know where the ripples,
will go.

Once upon a time...

Seconds turn to minutes,
As we meet for the first time,
A gift from above, so divine.

Minutes turn to hours,
And it feels like an eternity,
An eternity I've known you.

Hours turn to days,
The zeal, the vitality,
Starts fading like snow.

Days turn to weeks,
I wonder if I should say hi,
Wonder if I should give up.

Weeks turn to months,
And the grave is being dug,
The bridge starts to burn.

Months turn to years,
And it's become too late,
All is lost, all is a stale grey.

Years turn to today,
Today I thought of you,
And I regret that we lost touch.

The End...

I'm broken
beaten down
worn out
hollow
tired

all those other
synonyms for what
I have become

****

everything is just so wrong
all of my plans burnt down
along with too many bridges

I mean
I've lost everyone I can count on
in one way or another
So I wrap myself up in the hurt
because it's the only blanket I have
against the cruel world I live in

****

Why do I even bother writing anymore
there's only so many ways I can say
I'm a broken human being
Not broken in a good way
But broken in a way that makes me
non-functional

how many friends I lost
know I'm going to lose more
just because that's how life works
I stopped counting
after I lost my lover
then my best friend
stopped counting
after the fourth suicide
the missing

****

it's time to put the pen down
I can't write away all of my problems
there's no value in "I miss you"
no matter how eloquently I pen it
you're not here anymore

and I'm so ****** up
this poem don't even have a single
Person in mind when I'm writing it
I literally can't keep track of
how many different pains
I'm trying to address...

oh well...

*****

You're beautiful.*

I know you don't see or feel that a lot of the time
You feel like
Starving
Pill popping
***
Blades
Are the only way out of the pain
I can assure you it isn't
Because you're a beautiful person
For being able to endure what you've been through
Still finding friends to love and care for
Expressing yourself in the midst of the pain

Though memories may cause you to fall
You be sure to get up and keep going on
And if you ever need a helping hand
Or just a hug
Remember: *You're still beautiful

Nowadays, to play a fool is to be cool
A fool indeed, being only society's tool
Narcissists are the ones that rule
They sit on their thrones and just drool

They wave their royal sceptre
And call for their favorite jester
A laugh to relieve all the pester
But they only become your molester

Dance for them, like a puppet on a string
While they eat puppies like it's Beijing
Now you must sing, just to please the king
All the while, you never feel their sting

Then when you're no longer entertaining
You are discarded, like a card from your magic deck
And you're left outside charred, scarred and marred.

Darkness and light may battle in me every night
But this war torn mind is held together better
And this stitched together heart has many healed scars
Because Someone is holding me together with amazing people.

Yes, you amazing poets are a cause for great hope
And I look forward to you everyday
You great people I love so much
Some I've never seen your face
All I've never heard your voice

But I have seen, heard, and felt something better
Your poetry
Your stories
Your broken hearts
Your broken minds
They make you whole
And I love you all for it
So so much.

Too long; didn't read,
Not enough time,
Too much to do,
Hope it wasn't important,
But I'm all about me,
You didn't draw me in,
With the first five seconds.

My attention span is short,
If I'm not entertained,
I won't give you my time,
So keep it short and snappy,
And make it all about me.

I remember the giddiness I had as a small child;
All the world was a grand adventure!
Pirates sailed the seas,
Monsters hid in your closet,
The moon was just a cardboard box away!

Life was so much simpler,
The whole morning revolved around,
Spongebob and Tom & Jerry,
The afternoon was time to play,
Evening was all about what dessert we would have,
Nighttime we would get stories of dragons and knights and princesses.

Each color through a child's eyes is vivid and awesome.
They see the world through a kaleidoscope,
And laugh in the most beautiful ways.

I would love to be a child once again,
And fly with the dinosaurs,
To the moon.

Where is all the grandeur of the stars?
   Beauty between the notes of a violin?

Lost, inconsequential, insignificant...
   To the sample of your bare flesh.

Tell me to listen to your heart,
   Ear pressed to the thumps.

How I would feel that heart against mine!
   How would I ever feel the same again?

You don't have to...
Cut
Drink
Drug
Have ***
Lie
Work
Or be popular to fill that hole in you.
It's not about being perfect, but being vulnerable.
Maybe if you open yourself up, let go of your control
You could find a piece of that peace you're looking for.
I'm always here if anyone needs me.

-JJ

Blocks settle inside my mind//
Bookends to the pages of us//
Pressed together but fallen apart//
Every poem a story, a seance to your ghost//
You're not dead but I am to you//
I'm on the other side tapping the glass//
Hopeful that someday a whisper of me//
Might graze across the valleys of your brain//
The memories would be kind, not of pain//
But that's just a fantasy//
And our love was just fiction//
It became stillborn in reality//