Am I really over you,
When I constantly wish to taste your lips once more
To cling onto you for a bit more,
To laugh at your jokes once more
And to gaze in your eyes for 3 more seconds, because that's the longest i could manage ?

Am I really over you,
When every poem since then has a bit of you,
When everything someone says & every little thing I come across reminds me of you ?

I think at 11:11 tonight, I'll wish for you.

11:11 (2)

Wish I could take back that "*******"
Wish I could take it crush it,
Use my tears as kerosene & burn it.
That "*******" ruined everything,
That "*******" changed me since.

& if I could apologise a million times I  would.
I would've written at your doorsteps,
I would've written on your sheets
I would've written it in your notebooks
& in every single place we'd meet.
I would've written it in your palms
I would've written it over your walls
I would've written it upon the ground on which you trod.

And when we meet instead of saying "hi" I'd say "I'm sorry".

Wish I could rewind to the day you said "Marry me?"
I swear that was the funniest, but best day of my life
& you made me laugh like no other
Smile like no other
And it's still the same five months later.

Wish I could rewind to the day we first kissed,
And if I knew it was the last,
I would've made the best of it.
I would've held on so tight
That you eventually start begging me to let go.

Wish you didn't want *** so much
Wish we could've thrived on just love.
Wish nudes weren't your requirements
Wish you never gave up.

Wish my heart would stop calling your name !
If only you knew, it's in constant quarrels with my brain
My heart wants you,
But my mind's saying "just let him fade away"

Wish you could make you me smile one more time.
And I wish you'd give us one more try.

I know it's only wishful thinking, because you'd never want back a mess like me.

Tears filled my eyes as I reminisced on my dream,
I dreamt about you being with someone, other than me.
That was when I realized ..
I was afraid of losing you.
You said you were willing to make us last,
You said you were willing, to forget my past.
But what if ?
What if you look upon someone prettier than I
What if she too, has a “Million dollar smile” ?
What if her hands and legs aren’t scarred?
What if she doesn’t have a broken heart ?
What if she has beautiful legs and ******* ?
What if she’s not a big mess ?
What if she doesn’t look to a blade,
To wipe all her pains away ?
What if her mood doesn’t change ?
What if she has the most beautiful face ?
Flowing hair, a lovely shape ,a  big bottom
And a lovely embrace ?
What if she can give you all that you want
And not necessarily need ?
Just what if ?
Baby boy, I’m afraid of losing you.

Only thing I’ve ever been really scared of is this cage
Been feelin this way since a tender age
Cooped up in this house and now I’m at this stage
Filled with “attitude” and unnecessary rage.

“No you can’t go there”
“Don’t cut your hair”
“Stay right there and don’t you dare give me that stare”
"Can't you see that we care?"

 
I’m 18 and I’ve never celebrated a birthday,
Yes, I get you, Jesus wasn’t grown that way
But are you gonna die if you say
“Yay, happy birthday,
Glad you’re a live to see this day
Keep on being strong, and never go astray,
Oh and here’s a small little cake” ?

 
And no I’m not upset, neither am I mad
But it makes my soul a bit sad
When friends boast and brag
Saying :”hey look at my new bag”
Showing it off as if they’re in some silly ad.

 
Never have I been to the movies or a play
I don’t even have to ask, it’s always nay, never yea
And it taunts me everyday
Then you have the audacity to ask why I am this way.

 
And no, I’m not asking to be like those kids that spend days partyin
Getting high and drunk to make their hearts feel  
In fact I doubt it’s even my scene
Doubt it ever will be
I just want to at least peep and see
If what I imagined is what I'll see,
Please, I want to get rid of this sense of curiosity.

I don’t beg but right now I’m going down on my knees,
For heaven’s sake, I just turned  eighteen,
This is my cry, this is my plea
Prison guards, can I be free?

there are many things i can stop.

i can stop myself from jumping into the road with cars coming to and fro.

i can stop myself from dancing to my favourite song,
out of fear of being ridiculed.

i can stop the clock,
and turn back the hands of time,
hoping to actually go back into time.

i can stop myself from eating for days,
out of fear of getting fat.

i can force myself to study a four page speech in two days
and read off a Shakespeare novel
for an exam the following day.

i can fight through menstrual pain,
but one thing i cannot do,
is stop myself from
falling in love
with
you.

h.s.

Daddy what ?
Did you just say you love me ?
Daddy, did you just touch me ?
But wait,
I’m not you size
I’m only three
Just treat me right.
Did you just tell me to be quiet ?
I’m smart daddy
And I know this is violence.
This is abuse
Because at times I’m refused
And what is it now daddy ?
Clean your shoes ?


Daddy stop,
I’m getting old,
I’m getting wiser,
Bigger and bold.
Sooner or later,
You’ll be exposed.
What ?
You’ll **** me, you’ll take my life ?
No daddy please,
I’m your only child.


What do you want daddy ?
I’m now fifteen
Don’t you think you’ve seen and had enough of me ?
Don’t you think it’s my time to be free ?
Haven’t you felt enough of my body ?
Aren’t you happy  you took my virginity ?
You took my innocence
I’m now left with insanity.
Don’t be mad just listen please!


Don’t beat me, I did nothing wrong,
From I was one
I’ve been singing this unhappy song.
Your scars are engraved over my skins
From your treacherous whip
You say you care,
But if this is care,
Please stop caring.

I don't know what it is,
But something's missing
Something's missing from me
And I think that's you.

I feel like a defective doll
One that won't operate without being tuned
One that won't laugh
Without unless you put in a battery
I'm like a mute that won't sing
Unless given a tune.

And that tune, and that battery,
They're you.
And I miss the day we spent basically the whole day together
I miss your presence
& I can't help but feeling
Defective without you.

Maybe one day I'll find him
And when i do,
I'm sure as hell, that I won't hide him.
I swear I'll treat you like a king
Cause I'll be your queen
And we'll reign supreme.
I ain't perfect but I'll try to be
I'll give out all my love-
Enough for you and me.
So much love that we'll be swimming in it
We'll be dancing sleeping and drinking in it.
And then we'll get married and have babies,
And we'll treat them like little princes and princesses
We'll love them and we'll care no matter what.
I know we'll argue cause that's what couples do
But i won't last long..
Maybe just a minute or two..
And everyone would see us,
They'll look on
And our parents.. **** they'd be so proud.
And I pray that we'll last forever
And I'll love you like no other.
And you'll care for me so much and you'll know when something's wrong.
You'll know how to hug me and wipe my eyes when i cry
You'll know say you're sorry and mean it
And you'll see my scars and understand
And you'll look in my eyes and see
the pain
And through thus you'll love me just the same.
Oh dream boy..
Where are you ?

There are many things that I’m afraid of
But I’m not afraid of you. .
There are many things I hide away from,
But I’ll never hide from you.
I’m afraid of war, fighting and killings,
And I believe all this should cease,
Because, I’m a child, and there’s nothing better than having peace.
I’m afraid of myself
Because truly,
I inadvertently wreck myself.
I’m afraid of taking pills,
Because they don’t make me better, they make me ill.
I’m afraid of staring at my reflection,
For over 5 seconds, because I’m afraid of what I see
I’m afraid that I’ll start crying,
I’m afraid I’ll lose myself.
I’m embrace dying just as how a child embraces her doll,
But I’m sure when it comes my way,
I’ll run far as I can-
Away to the sun.
I get scared sometimes, when I get too lonely,
And I’m afraid when a teacher roughly scolds me.
But, darling, I can tell you one thing,
The thing I’m scared of most
Is  
                                              

                ­                                                                 Losing you.

are all friendships like this?
does one person suddenly get tired and not make an effort anymore?
does every friendship get strung out after a few years, and lose its bliss
when do we decide, to walk out the door?

why do our mouths become desert dry?
& when kind of friendship is built upon lies?

when did our laughs become fake smiles?
& our hellos, turn to goodbyes?

where did we lose our way?
& why can't we find friends that stay?
or why can't we be a friend that stays,
no matter what comes our way?

what if we can't resurrect what we had, my friend?
what if this is the end?

I watched a gardener,
As she plucked some weeds out of the ground.
Some already dead; withered
And some still living,
Enjoying the short span of life they had left.

We are just like these flowers,
Frolicking in the wind,
With God as our gardener,
Slowly plucking each of us out of this earth.

But others are still there,
Frolicking,
Making the most of life,
Blooming and blossoming like flowers.

But then there are others,
That grow and wither.
Wither because they are too weak,
So frail and small,
Unable to withstand the force of the wind,
For the wind’s too strong,
It’s too much.
So they break and fall and slowly w i t h e r.

It’s like life’s too much,
And not a soul stops by to prune them,
Or water them,
And watch them grow beautifully.
So they just wither a w a y ..

it's a pity that we
ended so suddenly
& what we had wasn't how you desired for us to be
but I hope sooner or later you'll see
that neither is she.

And if someone asked me how much I miss you, & even though words cannot formulate how much my being aches for you I'd say:

"I think I miss him the way how the football field misses the knees of men, as they kneel in victory.

Think I miss him in the way how a child misses her mother's breast, as she has gotten too old for that now.

Think I miss him the way a mother misses the bulge in her belly, after she has given birth.

Think I miss him the way how the playground misses the children, because they're on summer break.

Think I miss him the way how a druggie misses the smell of *******.

Think I miss him the way how a stripper misses the pole after work and the way how a ******* misses being penetrated.

Think I miss him the way how a mother miss her cold blooded, murdered son

Think I miss him the way how the sheet misses lovers after nights of *** only to find out they're lovers no more.

Think I miss him the way the trees miss leaves during fall
And the way how the ground misses the leaves during spring.

Think I miss him the way how the sky misses the moon during the day and the way how it misses the sun during the night.

Think I miss him the way how my lips misses his, and in the way how my finger misses his skin."

And if they ask when I miss you the most:

"I think realize I miss him when the most, when days get rough, and the days when forcing a smile just isn't enough."

If only you knew how much nights i spend awake

If only you knew how how much i gaze at your face

I cropped the only photo I have left of you

And i stare at it for hours

And i enlarge it just to feel your presence

It makes me feel as if you're right here, with me.

And oh that smile

Oh how it drives me wild.

It's been two weeks since you slammed the door to my life

It's been two weeks since you've left

It's been two weeks and I'm just not over you.

If only you know there are days when i need you

Days when I'm not okay

Days when i need you to make my day

And you're just not there

My heart screams and calls and rants and raves but you don't hear

In fact you don't even care.

It's been two weeks since you slammed the door to my life

It's been two weeks since you've left

It's been two weeks and I'm just not over you.

If only you knew that i reread the poems i wrote for you

From the days when my mind had wrapped its fingers around you

And would not even let go

And it really hurts to know you're not the same

It hurts to know those days are gone.

It's been two weeks since you slammed the door to my life

It's been two weeks since you've left

It's been two weeks and I'm just not over you.

If only you knew that I've been having sleepless nights

If only you knew that every night there's a fight between my eyes and I

If only you knew that the times i go to sleep

Are getting less

Last week it was minutes past five

This week the hours have decreased a lot,

The latest was 1:55.

It's been two weeks since you slammed the door to my life

It's been two weeks since you've left

It's been two weeks and I'm just not over you.

If you only knew how much I've written about you

You're special don't you think ?

During our days of bliss

I wrote 12 poems,

Some you didn't hear

And after, which is now

I've written the same or maybe more.

If you only knew that i not only write about you with pens and pencils

Or in word documents

But I've written about you with blades on my wrists

Even my eyes have stories to tell

And if you look closely you'll be able to decipher them.

My heart also has one to tell and if you listen carefully you will hear.

It's been two weeks since you slammed the door to my life

It's been two weeks since you've left

It's been two weeks and I'm just about getting over you.

I like how you overlook me like I’m a dwarf,
I like how you act as if we didn’t have a past.
I like your sly remarks
And how you’re ready to say you’re sorry rather fast.
I really like how you've dislodged me from your head
And how you ignore all the words we've said.
But you know,
I can bet you a thousand kisses,
That you wish I was dead
And a thousand more that you want me in your bed.
Oh how I wish that this could end
Oh how I wished that we were friends,
Oh how I wish that we could forget-
Forget it all and have no regrets.
But I’ve learnt that wishes-
they don’t always come true.

Your touch,
Your kiss
So much
I miss.

My fuel,
Such bliss
Your rule
I miss.

You’re like the exhibitions,
At a show
“Look but don’t touch”..
Even if I reached out my hands..
I would not be able to feel,
To grasp
To hold
To keep
And why ?
I miss you
But I won’t say a thing.
But why ?

And I'm sorry that I left your heart at the peak of that cliff
The cliff that we had climbed to,
Yeah that cliff we reached
That cliff where you liked me
That cliff where I liked me.

And I'm sorry that I walked away,
You just weren't giving off light anymore
No spark, no flame. Nothing
You were dull, things got dull.

And I'm sorry I told you to that we should go separate ways.
I thought that was best.
You were falling,
And I wasn't about to catch you
Because at the bottom of that cliff, I was frolicking with another.
Too bad he turned me down days later, for another.

AND I AM SORRY THAT I CANNOT LIKE YOU IN THE WAY THAT YOU LIKE ME ANYMORE
AND I'M SORRY THAT YOUR HEART ACHED THE DAY I LEFT
And your mind .. ?
I'm sorry that it's stuck on me.
I'm sorry that you still think about me,
I'm sorry I'm still in your dreams
And I'm sorry that your shirt still smells like me from the last time we hugged.

And I'm sorry that until now, I've never been able to write a proper poem about you,
I'm sorry that I cannot finish this one, because I'm in tears and my fingers are getting weak and I just can't .. I'm sorry

And I'm sorry that I left your heart at the peak of that cliff
The cliff that we had climbed to,
Yeah that cliff we reached
That cliff where you liked me
That cliff where I liked me.

And I'm sorry that I walked away,
You just weren't giving off light anymore
No spark, no flame. Nothing
You were dull, things got dull.

And I'm sorry I told you to that we should go separate ways.
I thought that was best.
You were falling,
And I wasn't about to catch you
Because at the bottom of that cliff, I was frolicking with another.
Too bad he turned me down days later, for another.

AND I AM SORRY THAT I CANNOT LIKE YOU IN THE WAY THAT YOU LIKE ME ANYMORE
AND I'M SORRY THAT YOUR HEART ACHED THE DAY I LEFT
And your mind .. ?
I'm sorry that it's stuck on me.
I'm sorry that you still think about me,
I'm sorry I'm still in your dreams
And I'm sorry that your shirt still smells like me from the last time we hugged.

And I'm sorry that until now, I've never been able to write a proper poem about you,
I'm sorry that I cannot finish this one, because I'm in tears and my fingers are getting weak and I just can't .. I'm sorry

For the first few minutes i had considered this little 'argument' a big joke
And i laughed and laughed
Oh how it sweet it was.
But when you said "******* Hasina"
It pierced my heart
I think pierce is a bit too slight
I think it's a bit too little to depict how wrecked i felt
Instead it was like a storm
A blow to the face
A hurricane
Oh how you filled my heart with pain
Oh how i felt ashamed and disgraced
I don't think I'd be wrong if i said it left a hole in my soul
And it took the whole of my heart.

And i will take the blame
I shouldn't have said "*******" in the first place.
But what you said was different
You used my name.
My heart cried !
And my soul died !
And i could feel it leave me
I felt it walk away
It left me numb
Almost dead.
Is this good bye ?
Or is this give him another try ?

It doesn’t matter how hard I try,
I still see you.

No matter how hard I try
To scrub my thoughts free of you,
I still see you.

I still see you in the smiles of little kids,
Still see you in the anger of men
Still see you in the little things I do,
How I laugh at the mishaps of other and myself
And heartbreak,
To make the situation not that bad.
All I see is you.

But no matter what I do,
I can never see you coming back,
Maybe that’s why I keep looking behind my back
Looking around corners
And looking in between cracks
Maybe that’s why I still cling onto you
Maybe that’s why I still write about you,
Because I secretly hope you’ll come back.

No matter what I do, I still see you.

It's sad when a boy hurts a girl so much
That she can't see herself living another,
And all she thinks about is him.
It's sad when she texts him, and there's no reply
Only to find out the next day,
He has moved on with his life.
It's sad when she clings onto her memories of them
And sits on the edges of what they had-
This so called "love".
It's sad when she sees his name or initials repeatedly repeatedly repeatedly..
It's truly sad when she waltzes with herself in the dark,
To the songs which were your favourite..

It is truly sad, because her life is centered around you now than ever.
It is truly sad.

You damaged my heart slightly that night,
little pokes here and there,
And my blood is calling out to me,
wanting to be released.
And my razors are sitting smiling at me,
because they know my demise and
they love towhat they're seeing.

but I won't give in, I'm not that weak.

You wrecked my emotions slightly that night,
and it's a emotion crash
in my heart body and mind
"Crime scene" tapes hanging all around
because my happiness was killed
and along with it my laughter died.
And my tears are crashing against the walls of my eyes
because they too know my demise.

but I won't give in, I will not cry.

You took my sleep slightly that night,
staring in the dark,
creating my own sky
It's beautiful and so was I.
And my insecurities are awake
they're by my side
trying to hold my hand
and mock me tonight.

but I won't give in, tonight I'll smile
even if it's fake, I will smile.

Her mind is somewhat corrupted,
Maybe in need of desperate care,
When you see her staring into thin air,
She does not want to be interrupted
Especially when she’s thinking about you
Images of you,
Resurfaces in her mind
It’s like a machine,
Going back into time
Immediately her face lights up with a smile,
It makes her happy, even if it’s just for awhile
In her mind she imagines things
So ******, her heart, it rings
It’s like being stroked by you in the right places
So sensual, her bad mood it erases
She’s now as radiant as the sun
And in a split second, she’s likely to ***
If this imagination,
What if it was real?
Gratification,
Her heart, you would feel,
Racing like horses,
Through thousands of fields
Deep long sighs, it would make you yearn
Her body is Dorado,
Which you have to earn
You guys are not together
But I know that in stormy weather,
She can look to you to make it better,
Even think about you too,
When she’s lonely, sad and blue
Yes, she knows she can always count on you
And at the end she’d satisfied,
Knowing that it was worth the while
Hand in hand
Smile on both faces
Knowing that, that moment was amazing,
Until she suddenly hears her name
“Stop day dreaming!”
Someone would say.

Today feels a little bit off,
a little bit off than yesterday,
and a little bit off than the day before
yesterday.

If only I could replay January,
as often as I replay Lukas Graham's "What happened to perfect".
If only I could skip to the parts where you were
always here
And erase the parts where you weren't.

If only I could scream "CUT" at the scenes where you start to make my skin itch,
And my temper bomb tick,
like this sheet I'm lying on.

But it feels like we're on different sides of the globe,
And I'm always here but you never want to stay,
you never want to come home.

I wish I could fast foward to the parts where things are okay again,
Where I'm sitting next to you, and you're smiling
and I'm looking at you
Telling you how beautiful you are.
And then I could say:
"This is perfect
Let's pause here."

But we're not starring in a movie,
this is not a song, and
we're not characters in a play
This is real life,
And sadly it is always on play.

I loved and i lost

I gave and i lost

I loved you and i lost

I gave you my heart and i lost.

I gave you my heart

So you could take care of it

I wanted you to hold it into our hands

I wanted you to treat it like a baby

But instead you played with it.

But it's partly my fault,

I should have realized when you used the word 'play'

To be honest you used it almost every day

Playing a game

Or playing football

Or playing dominoes

They were all the same .

It was a sign

You were always playing

Probably up until today you still think this is all a game.

WELL THIS IS NOT A GAME !!

IT'S NOT A GAME WHEN THE PATCH THAT'S LEFT AFTER YOU TORE MY HEART FROM MY CHEST,

BLEEDS EACH DAY

IT'S NOT A GAME WHEN I WRITE MYSELF TO SLEEP

IT'S NOT A GAME WHEN I'M NOW LOOKING AT THE WORLD WITH HATE

IT'S NOT A GAME CAUSE THINGS ARE NOT THE SAME !!

IT'S NOT

I'M HURTING

MY MIND HURTS

MY BODY HURTS

I CAN'T MOVE

I'M NUMB

BABY IT'S NOT A GAME WHEN SINCE THE DAY YOU WALKED THROUGH MY LIFE'S DOOR

NOTHING'S GOING WELL

IT'S NOT A GAME WHEN I'M IN THE OCEAN OF DEPRESSION

AND I'M DROWNING

It's not a game when after 15 days

I still call you my boyfriend

'Where's my bf ?'

'My boyfriend' this and 'my boyfriend' that

It's not a game when i have to be correcting myself

By screaming "HE'S YOUR EX YOUR EX !!!!!!"

Maybe it's because i still hope that we have a chance of being together.

It's not a game when I'm left with nothing

It's not a game dear

It's not a game

I loved and i lost.

Been looking on my arms
And i realized for the first time in months that my scars had been to fade..
It's been 4 months since I've taken up this blade.
I've been on top of the world between then and now..
And now..
I feel like I'm at the bottom, intertwined with the earth's crevices and it's so dark and scary,
oh God but I'm okay.
My lover's got me high off him for months and
I've forgotten what the real world was.
I'd forgotten how cold and dark the world was.
And now I'm here sitting sitting and waiting.
And i can hear the blade calling calling and calling..
Taunting at my soul.
And I'm just crying, crying because it's been months and i was on the verge of giving up..
And i gave in..
Oh how peaceful it felt..
Oh how i felt at ease. Oh how beautiful the blood flowed.
So freely from the veins of my soul. And i could hear it screaming "freedom freedom at last".
And the tears never stopped flowing from my eyes..
For I've lost another battle..


I've lost.

There was a day,
When my fingers could not keep count,
Of the number of friends I had.
But those days are like a fairytale,
Never to return again.

They’ve all slipped through my fingers,
And I’m sorry for what I’ve done.
Even though to me,
It’s unknown,
Like a mystery.
Maybe I should summon Nancy Drew.

What went wrong ?
Maybe I wasn’t good enough for you.
Maybe I was just too much for you,
Too overwhelming.
Maybe I was too much of a luggage for you to carry around,
Too emotional.
Maybe I got too heavy
And you decided to place me into the middle of the road-
To take on the whole world in my hands,
That can barely hold a dime,
-or just to watch the world move on.

Maybe I was just too dark,
And relied on that blade too much.
Maybe I’m not pretty enough,
And my scars are too scary for you.
Or maybe it’s because I’m
D   i   f  f  e  r  e  n  t,
Just maybe,
It’ll always be maybe because you just disappeared.
Without leaving a message or note.
If it’s just to say:
“Talk to you soon”,
Even if it’s not soon.
You just stopped saying “Hi”,
And stopped showing that you ‘cared’

I’m sorry for being me,
But it’s okay,
‘cause if I was in your place,
I wouldn’t even stop to say “Hello” to me.

Soon you'll be memories,
You'll stain
Leave marks here and there,
Like dirt
On a kid's shirt after play.

Funny thing is,
It'll be good ones
good memories,
She'll press you
Between her pages of poetry,
and so it will be,
in her head.

Hi,

You must be wondering why i began with hi
It's because that was the first thing i said to you..
When i met you for the first time..
'Hi' with a silly 'boy I'm crazy over you smile'
It's funny how i kinda wanted this relationship to end,
Because i didn't feel ready
Or because i didn't think i could satisfy your aching soul,
Or even because i thought you were moving too fast,
Cause i was on a little bicycle
While you were in a Ferrari going at maxima velocidad- full speed.     

Now, I'm having sleepless nights And millions of fights with my twisted telephone cord mind
It's as if my mind is not capable of sleeping,
Since the day you left...
It's making a million enquires..
'Was i that bad?'
'Were my demands too much?'
I know i wasn't able to satisfy your needs,
Cause you wanted nudes
And all i wanted was love..
I guess our interpretations of love were different..

I miss you
I miss you

My heart cries your name each night
I think its voice is getting hoarse.
Cause i can hardly hear it anymore
My heart misses you
I ****** miss you..
I miss telling you what to do
I miss you falling asleep each night
And i miss cursing you for it the following day..

I miss telling you my poems
And I miss you telling me how much you adore them
I miss you being mean to me
I miss your silly jokes
I miss you talking about our make belief future
And how you wanted 16 boys..

I miss your stubbornness
And i miss you telling me 'k' when you didn't like what i said, like fifty times each day..

And i don't know why you left,
I don't know
You just said 'goodbye ms swan',
Like i was nothing
And you just just left me hanging there like the sigh in my breath
After you repeatedly do something that i told you not to do again..
I guess I'm just good at letting nice things go

I wanted you to fix me
But i guess no human can keep me  together cause I've been broken since i was born..

And to my surprise
I've never cried since the day you
left
Not over you and not over anyone
Cause i think my eyes are tired and they knew what was coming..
Instead of teared filled pillows and swollen eyes,
I experience a swollen heart mind body and soul
And millions of headaches..
I experience sleepless nights, ****** tissues and swollen wrists
I experience depressing songs and teary eyes
Cause yes, the tears do come, but they just fill my eyes
And then they disappear
Just dries up..
I wish my feelings for you were like that
I wish they'd just vanish.
I'm not always like this you know
No
Some days I'm like 'yes I'm over him' but then some days I'm like 'i miss him so much'

And to be honest,
I'm not usually like this
I'm not usually heartbroken, no
In the past, I'd make you sit and wait at the door to my heart
I'd make you wait,
And you'd bang and bang and I'd never let you in
But this time was different
You stole the key
You took it
I guess i should say you earned it ?
Or
You deserved it ? ..

But it really chopped me like
a sword when you gracefully danced out of my life
And since then I've written what 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
10 poems ?

I guess having someone is really a win win situation for a writer,
When they're here and when you're all in love and happy you have inspiration
And when they're gone..
You still have inspiration..

Why does it hurt so much to let you go ?
I know one day i will and that day I will be the happiest person alive.

You’re becoming like nicotine
Yes, you’re like a drug to me-
Morphine,
******,
Ketamine,
All of these.
You’ve become my only source of joy,
I’m addicted to you boy.
I want to see you,
Touch you
And play with you like my toy.
I’m getting crazy over you,
Soon I’ll be sadly in love with you
And I will stick to you like glue.
You’ve taught me how to laugh and smile,
Because I haven’t in a while.
You’re always at the forefront of my mind:
“Where is he?”, “What’s he doing ?”, “Is he alright?”
You’ve
     Opened up my
     Delicate
     Heart.
Boy, you’re my
   Only
   Daily source of
   Happiness.
You’ll be my Obritine
And I’ll be your Hasitine.
Let’s get high off each other.

If only happiness was a tattoo,
Engraved permanently into your skin,
Following you everywhere you go.
Your best friend.
Never leaving you to the monsters of the night,
Which preys at your soul,
Dreaming to leave nothing but,
bits and pieces.
No matter how you might want it to leave,
It will stay.
If only it was a disease .
Cancer.
With no cure.
Can you imagine,
How sweet life would taste ?
I guess you will never know what it feels like.
I don't .
At the moment,
Happiness is a lightening ,
So short,
Strikes only for a moment,
Unexpected .
It's the blink of an eye,
So quick,
It cannot be captured.
It's a ghost,
One minute it is here,
The next it vanishes,
Into thin air.
If only it could last for a while.
Just to say "Hi, how are you",
If it's even just for a minute.
Happiness,
Will you be my best friend ?
My life depends on you ...

i could delete your pictures,
i could block you.
i could sit and write a million "i hate you's",
but it doesn't change how i feel about you.

i could delete your number,
i could force my your name down my throat whenever i feel it coming up,
and if it does come up i could puke on it
and flush it like a bad memory.
will this change how i feel?
no.

i could find every song that speaks about the hatred of a love that has gone wrong,
and belt it out at the top of my lungs.
i could burn every poem i ever wrote about you,
and swear to never write another one.
but not even this would change the way i feel about you.

you can check me a thousand years later
and you'll see that my love for you will never run dry.
(h.s)

I got out of bed with a bit of uneasiness,
I decided that it's been too long since I've written.. I think the last time I did was last week
...or the week before ?
I looked at the date, and make me twitch,
Made a tear, or two fall
Made my heart break in a few more pieces.
DID YOU KNOW THAT IT'S BEEN A MONTH SINCE WE MET ? Figuratively that is ..
DID YOU KNOW, that you've broken me into minute pieces ??
Pieces unable to be detected by microscopes ??
Pieces that can't be felt or touched with your naked hand?
DID YOU KNOW ?
No you don't.
You've been too busy missing her every second, like you did with me.
Been too busy upset with her, like you were with me.
Been too busy telling her how much you like her like you did with me.
HECK, YOU'VE BEEN TOO BUSY WORSHIPPING HER ANGELIC FACE, LIKE YOU DID WITH ME !
YOU'VE BEEN TOO BUSY BEGGING HER, TO SEE HER FULL BODY, LIKE YOU DID WITH ME !
YOU'VE BEEN TOO BUSY telling her of your childhood, and how you missed your dad
..too busy telling her how suicidal you were, and how placed a gun to your head.
And you're probably too busy, telling her of me.
YOU'VE BEEN TOO BUSY, SITTING, FORMULATING THE LIES YOU'LL TELL ME NEXT, AS TO WHY YOU'VE HAD NO TIME FOR ME : "I was helping my mom with the Christmas tree" "Someone was using my phone" "Sorry I was sleeping" - (WAIT DIDN'T YOU SPEND NIGHTS UP WITH ME TELLING ME YOU HAVE INSOMNIA ? ) "Sorry I was out" "Sorry I was on a call" . AND I DON'T CARE IF THEY'RE TRUE, I DON'T CARE IF I'M EMOTIONAL BUT THAT'S TOO MUCH 'I'M SORRYS' . TOO MUCH EXCUSES, TOO MUCH LIES.
And I'm sorry that I made a mistake and liked you so much. I'm sorry for letting you taking up my phone space,
With pictures of you that an artist would find hard to formulate.
Sorry you were my screensaver.
Sorry I told my sister about you ..yeah I told her how adorable you were
And I told her you were my ''soon to be boyfriend" ...
And I'm sorry that I pushed another into the fire because of you
Yeah I'm sorry I pushed him aside.
But karma's a ***** and I knew it would get me, I told you it would AND I TOLD YOU IN THE END I'D BE HURT, and you told me no, and I would be.
Darling being replaced doesn't bother me, it doesn't make my bones crack,
It doesn't make my heart cry ..
It's the mixed signals.
Today you're all flirty with me, tomorrow you're calling me names.
WHY DON'T YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND ?!
I know you no longer need be, and to be honest you never did,
So be honest with me and let me leave you alone ??

I'm also sorry for listening to your lies.
I should've known though, by the signs you gave,
"Let's be friends with benefits?"
FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS WHEN I WAS HOPING WE'D GO SOMEWHERE ?? F.W.B, WHEN I WAS HOPING WE'D BE TOGETHER ONE DAY ? F.W.B, WHEN YOU SAID YOU LIKED ME MORE THAN YOU SHOULD'VE ??
Special to be used then thrown aside ?
What did you want ? A piece of me ?
I should've have know when you said I was special, after I said you were my "soon to be boyfriend "
And I'm sorry you'll never get to see this.
But I hope you suffer from your mistakes
And rot in the arms of any other you come across,
Because no one will EVER adore you like I DID.

It’s been approximately 4 weeks,
29 days ,
696 hours,
1002240 minutes
and 6013440 seconds
since you’ve left
And since then,
I’ve never met a boy like you.

Of all they boys I’ve met,
None of the speaks like you
None of them gives the jokes that you give
None of them says “You've got a million dollar smile”
And their eyes don’t say “It’s alright.”

It’s been It’s been approximately 4 weeks,
29 days ,
696 hours,
1002240 minutes
and 6013440 seconds
since you’ve left
And of the 4 boys I’ve met.
None of them,
None of them are like you.