At the time it seemed easier to run away
Than to fix our differences and just stay.
It has shaped me into the person that I am today,
But I know my damage cannot be fixed with everything that I say.
I understand the damage I made cuts further than what meets the eye,
Believe me I’ve experienced this first-hand so by now I realize
That nothing good can come from these brittle lies.
I am sorry.
Just as I have had toxic people in my life, I’ll be the first to admit that I was once toxic in someone else’s.
And even though I’ve let you go,
You’re like this anchor weighing me down below.
I still feel you merging with my flow:
Whether it’s the breeze,
That fills up sparse areas in the trees.
Or the relationship that takes place between the flowers and bees.
The way the sun beams down on me
Or the way waves move in the enormous sea.
One look is all it takes to think about what could be.
Would have done it all
For some company
there was no guarantee.
I could never paint the perfect picture.
Our colors were breathtakingly beautiful
but they just weren’t the perfect mixture.
Our names didn’t roll off the tongue
They didn’t sound quite right in scripture.
But then there’s you
And our exotic hues were versatile
Let’s get lost in each other
Let’s stay here a while.
If there is no guarantee,
I hope you choose to make memories with me.
We were on the verge of something great
And just as I thought we were absolutely untouchable,
It all came crumbling down.
My heart had just experienced a volcanic eruption.
My uncontrollable rage was tearing down buildings by the minute.
My sad brown eyes cried for days,
Resulting in frightening tsunamis that wiped out cities without hesitation.
Suddenly, everything became perfectly still.
And through it all, you remained untouched by the raging storm.
A disaster waiting to happen
It seems crazy how much I love and hate the night,
I cannot fall asleep so instead I choose to write.
If I fall asleep I have these dreams where we’re together and we never fight.
If these dreams were our reality then maybe we could have gotten it right.
We laugh, we dance
I wish I could bring myself to give you another chance.
But I know that we need to keep our distance
Because we both know how soul damaging it can be to live in coexistence.
It’s best if we keep our distance.
He believes that everything transcribed for a purpose
That every moment that came to be,
Has taken him through impactful checkpoints
Has guided him to me.
We walk around lost a while,
With no physical map.
Just two kids adulting
Cautious not to fall into some kind of trap.
We are on a trapeze now
sensing no fear, we twirl and dance
Not haven’t had much luck in the world of romance
We are not afraid to fall now,
But more so afraid of not taking up on this chance.
I do not know if you are the one for me,
but what I do know is that I want you to be.
I took the time to focus
I worked overtime to heal
And I’m hoping that you’ll notice
That what I have to say to you is real.
Not everything is rainbows and clear skies
To say that it’ll be easy, is to say a lie.
There will be bumpy roads
But I’d rather take them head on than to have to say goodbye.
There’s just no other way to say
if I once thought that being alone was okay
I was in absence of your presence
Your love is the sweetest essence.
I’m in love with you..
I gave you all of my trust,
and what I got in return was a slap to the face.
You convinced me that you were fine taking things at my pace.
You convinced me to go back to your place.
Where my soft skin with your soft fingers you would trace.
You happily took me in your embrace.
And now I can’t seem to erase...
Written: September 20, 2018
You keep me on my feet
You’re like me, I think that’s pretty neat.
You make my head spin round
In a way that makes me want to keep you around.
The way you speak, your voice is an unfamiliar sound.
I’ve got a lot on my mind
With so many answers I’m still trying to find.
I panic at the thought that I’m running out of time
You hold my hand and tell me that you are already mine.
You brought me light when I was lost in the dark
I take one look at you and know you’ve already left a mark.
I remind myself:
Not everyone is out to get you.
At night I can’t help but to twist & turn in my bed.
Nights I feel so distant and cold
Nights the wind chimes all the fairytales you’ve ever told.
I don’t know if it’s due
To the negligence I took to forget you,
But now I wish I knew how to.
You still appear in my dreams from out of the blue
We make happy memories here that feel so new.
But I know better than that this time
I know that nothing I did differently would ever make you fully mine.
I have someone in my life now and it makes me feel so guilty
I plan to get as far away as I can from this city.
Where memories fade and they can’t reside
I long to not feel this way inside.
You had no right to talk to me the way you did. No right to take ownership over me.
No right to tell me how to dress or even how to smile,
no right babe you were so sinister and vile. You crossed the line when you told me who I could talk to or what I could say after we were done. You master manipulator and I your puppeteer.
Said you’d always be here but you were the first to run.
You pulled me by the strings of my own heart and you didn’t even care about the hurting that would cause.
You were never really interested in the real me,
Perhaps you were enamored with the idea of who I could be.
“Could she be a dancer, a painter, or a combination of both?
Perhaps I can still get to her through her season of growth.
To prove it to her, I’ll swear myself under oath.”
After months of not paying you any mind, I decided to give you a try.
A decision I would later regret.
But a memory I can never forget.
I told you about all of the times I believed that you didn’t matter,
You said “baby your heart I could never shatter”
I heard that time and time again in the mouth of another
But time nursed me like if I was her child and she my mother.
I apologize for being so cruel to you
I apologize for all that I put you through.
Just look at how beautiful you done grew
Baby look at all the amazing things that you do.
I am blessed to be... you.
In love with who I am.
Papá, I’m sorry for all the wrong turns I’ve made along the road,
When help and support was all you showed.
You tried to warn me that the world can be cold,
But I become weak and so I fold.
You teach me to be righteous and bold,
But I find a way to cope.. and you know the rest.. it’s the same old..
And I know it’s not fair,
I can’t let you see me this way even though you say you’re always there.
Please, be aware.
I’m smiling now, I don’t want to give you a scare..
Not everything is what it seems to be. I’m sorry, I’m trying..
“Hay mucha maldad en la vida, Hija. Tienes que ponerte lista.”
I watched as my depression took control of my body
It made me push away everybody
Until I was left with nobody
I thought to myself “how could this be?”
This wasn’t me.
I was never one to be unhappy.
I gave up
I let myself be
I fell back from the crowd until I was the only thing I could see.
I faked my bright charisma so that no one would see that depression found me.
I am a prisoner within my own mind
Consciousness is what I try to find.
I feel confined within my own dreams
I see you, but I don’t know what this means!
We said all that we had to in June
I remember being comforted that night by the moon.
Though now and then
I fall apart time and time again
I don’t know if this will ever end
Because I still wish I hadn’t lost a friend.
“So that’s it? You’re just letting me go?”
I’m not just “letting you go”,
You see... you chose to do so.
It started off subtle, slow.
I will not intercept with your flow.
Don’t get comfortable, you won’t stay.
It might hurt, be as it may,
I’ll get going and be out of your way.
Someone once told me that my biggest flaw is that I do not give second chances.
I know just how bad you are hurting
I can see past that gorgeously yet dangerous smiling facade
I've been there too
I relive the terrible tragic events in my life too
The moments that I let slip away
Thinking that I had an endless amount of time to figure everything I thought to be important out
That I had to keep everyone happy
But who would keep me happy?
Take my hand
And let me heal all of your still open wounds
I want to love all of the flaws that you hate
And if in the end we are not meant to be with one another
I can say I encountered a beautiful soul once
A soul that understood me and touched me in a way that no one else ever has before.
Time Heals All Wounds .
There is nothing left for you to fix
There is nothing left for you to say
I guess you really did all that
to have everything play out your way.
I was so careless
I was a mess
Somehow my mind you managed to undress
I cared about your happiness
that for a brief moment I left myself behind
In a puddle of distress
In a empty pattern of unstableness.
I was born with wings that you tried to cut through
There was a disguise that prevented me from seeing the real you.
Giving you time to convince me that you cared about me too..
I guess this is your cue...
I guess the last thing I want to say to you is:
I hope the next time
you look a female in the eye,
you select to be true.
A past experience that no longer hurts
But definitely a hard time that felt the worst.
All my poems were letters to you that I wish I could say,
Hoping that by chance you would stumble upon my page and read them all someday.
And then you would remember the girl who showed you how to love,
Remember the girl that went way above and beyond.
But that never happened and now you’re all gone,
The only memory you took with you is that I am strong.
You see Babe
My love is too valuable to keep at the bottom of your drawer
Too immense to keep in store.
You cannot throw it on the highest of shelves
And decide to keep it for yourself.
It is not yours to take.
You think you can come back for it when you’re bored
And keep it along with all the other loves that you hoard.
This one isn’t like your rest,
This one will not be another forgotten conquest.
Corazón indomable 💕
— The End —