Why don't I get a chance?
The lonely lost lover looking for a bit of romance.
The poet, the writer, for love I am a fighter,
I keep up my hopes,
But the fire isn't brighter.
It dwindles,
Now I'm sinking so low,
Been alone for so long,
I don't even know where I'm supposed to go.
And how am i supposed to know,
If all I've seen is tv shows,
And none of it has lead me down the right way.
" You're a great guy," they say,
Then why am I alone as these ******* walk away
With a girl that they don't deserve,
While I'm out here proving my worth.

It's been 20 years.
Never had a girlfriend.
Never found love.
Just fell in love.
Had my heart broken.
So many times I lost count.
My friends cheer me on.
I don't need false hope.

I see all my friends with a smile on their faces,
They found someone but I still don't know where my place is.

If I choose to be happy,
Will I be?
Will the world morph from darkness to serenity?
Till tranquility becomes my reality?

If I choose to be a cynic,
Will the world still be able to bruise me?
If I lose faith in joy,
And leave it behind,
Will I find peace in the lack of pain?

I’m tired of being hurt.
I no longer know where my faith lies.
I no longer know if I should believe.

Unhappy with the choices that have been given to me,
Like I'm missing something essential to me.

Say I've got to work hard
To put in the hours,
Make money in a job that holds power.

Why is that the goal you have in mind for me?
If you could see me looking down in a class
that makes me feel trapped within a boundary,
Would you choose my future so blindly?

Understand I don't write as a hobby,
I don't create as a pastime,
I do it as a part of me.
I refuse to be robbed of that

I don't think I can do it anymore...
Falling in love is a pain and a pleasure,
So many moments I treasure,
And then that one...
That shakes me to my core.

I don't know any better than a "no"...
I've lived my whole life at the end of that word.
All it ever took was 2 letters to break me apart,
2 letters to break my heart.

I don't know if I believe anymore...
In myself, in fate...
In love.

All I have is fear.
And all it does  is tell me
That it's easier to be alone
Than it is to reach for love,
And find the same 2 letter word.

(Anthem -noun
A rousing or uplifting song identified with a particular group, body, or cause.)

Sing it loud, sing it proud,
Oh hearts that march lonely through the crowd.
Let speakers blare,
Blow love through the air
And show the world to love.

Us broken hearted fools,
Who've lost love or have not a clue.
We march on through pain with our song,
With the hope of love that keeps us strong.

Us romantics,
No matter how broken and bruised,
The thought of finding love will pull us through.
And we look to the future,
Knowing it'll be worth the wait,
If we find someone to hold,
Till the end of our days.

Fall to the depths,
Away with yourself!
You drown and try scream,
But not a soul hears your cry for help.

Sinking into the abyss,
There is much solitude in this.
As above, so below,
We remain alone.

From the void I pull myself,
As only I can do.
Yet as I surface,
So to do I begin to sink once more.

I want to tell you a story.
It doesn't have a happy ending,
No sweet beginning
Or teary ******.

I want to tell you a story,
But the end is not yet written.
For now the tale lies somewhere between,
With no clue to an ending.

I want to tell you a story,
But I'm not yet sure how this one goes.
I want to tell you a story,
I don't know much,
But I'll tell you what I know.

There's a demon in my head,
I tell it the truth,
And listen to the lies it's said.
It says, that I can just drown in smoke.
It tells me, it'll help pull the words from my throat.

Now I'm drowning,
I've been left in this place.
I'm choking,
Sorrows leave me in this state.

I'd rather not see you in mourning,
So I say I'll get help in the morning,
But I know i won't.

I listen to my demons,
They numb my throat when I scream.
I listen to my demons,
They make sure I don't dream.
When I fall asleep sober,
All I see are nightmares,
And I wish it could over.

I'm struggling, trying to catch my breath.
Fill my lungs with smoke, but the burdens aren't lifted yet.
I still see the world, but it's all in grey,
Won't someone take me away.

I think the biggest mistake I ever made
As I wrote these words upon a page,

Was the thinking that these lines were a limited stage
Thinking that my work was defined by a structure
Of quatrains or sestets or rhyming couplets.

Was thinking that there even needed to be structure
That there needed to be a rhyme.
My mistake was thinking that poetry has a look
That poetry has a flow, a correct way in which it has to be done
But poetry is not the amount of lines that you write
Or the amount of times you can rhyme the words at the end of a sentence

Because words that rhyme can still amount to no substance
Because poetry cannot be defined by AABB
Because my poetry is nothing but a depiction of me

So now I write from my heart
From my soul
From me as a whole
And if my emotion slips through the cracks
Filling this void with exuberant emotion
Then so be it
Because this is my showcase
And this is me
And on this page
Is my poetry

He can hear the voices so much clearer now.
They have him at the edge.
Starring down the barrel of a loaded gun,
At the tip of the blade,
With nowhere to run.

He's drowned it all in smoke,
But the same words still can't leave his throat.
So now he stands beneath the rope.

"Help me."
His demon's have reasoned for far too long,
Now before you stands a man
With his heart long gone.

Sometimes i wish for a moment of bliss.
The world echoes so violently behind me,
That i craved it.
Yearned for it.

To me it became a rare commodity,
One that kept bay the insanity.
Ideas scattered like loose pages across the floor,
Were now bound by thought.

But this world...
It does not give you what you wish,
But rather what it wishes to give you.
So i cherish what solace i find,
Always in search of another moment to unwind.

This palace is grand.

Roses lined the roads that entered,
And a crisp green carpeted the plains that lay beside.

The marble columns rose to the sky,
Their sharp white sending glimmers into the distance.

Warmth filled the rooms,
As too did the scent of Maplewood crackling within the fireplace.

Mould grew spotilly on the ceiling above,
It complimented the flaking metal of the bedframe.
A hole in the ceiling dribbled water onto the damp pillow.
Drip.Drip.Drip.

This palace is grand.

Love was what you said,
Yet the ***** on my finger bleeds just as red
As the roses you'd give as an apology,
With words drained of heart.

Thorns pierce my skin
As you do my heart.
Petals shed as life fades,
And from red to black they fall away.

A rose,
By any other name,
Still bares thorns all the same.
Hold careful
When held to heart,
Even the smallest blades can tear your apart.

The feeling of hopelessness lingers on my heart,
I watch lovers come close,
And feel myself fall further apart.

I hate this day as of late
When two hearts collide,
And as if per fate,
Mingle in a flurry of majesty.

It pulls on my heart,
And I cannot pull myself away.
Oh the beauty of love given a day,
Only reminds me that my heart is on its way.

Through the glade you'll find a place,
Where the first of a trail is laid.
Run it over mountains to summits atop,
And back down to the canyons below.

Through the forest ammased with the skrawny remains of the trees that once reigned, yet journey on a path of gold.
Over bridges, where blood and bones run below,
And monsters sit in darkness and smoke, waiting till the time their presence may be known.

Follow the trail,
Sets sights not on the bread, but the path ahead.
A Gingerbread house with icing upon it's walls, only a facade, it'll be too late to see before it falls.

I'm just too tired to do this anymore.
It hurts too much,
Seeming to me as if this painful journey isn't worth the destination,
No matter how beautiful.

Why risk a broken heart,
When i know that I'll never be given the chance.
Why step closer,
When i know I'll never get one dance.

It pains me,
That I should say love would not be worth it.
But it pains me more,
To have never had a mended heart.

Dive in deep with me,
Let the waves wash over
And take us to eternity.

Hold me in your arms
And I'll hold you in mine,
Let the blue of the water,
Replace that of the sky,
But none of it matters like the blue in your eyes.

We'll sink fathoms below,
Where none dare go.
We'll go further down than the world knows,
And find paradise in a world unknown.

We'll drown in our love,
As bubbles pop at the surface.

You were as simple a man as you needed to be.
You'd sit us by the bedside,
And read us a story.

I remember the way you joked,
Even about your darkening heart.
You never wasted a day,
Not till the day of your depart.

I knew how you wanted to go,
Peacefully with the breeze
That carried along your soul.
I knew that you never wanted us to cry,
The jolly old man,
That would never want to bring a tear to an eye.

You were a king in your own right,
The humble man on a throne.
True kings aren't buried in coffins of gold,
Their buried in our hearts,minds... and souls.

There it is, can you feel it?
Again and again it beats,
Over and over,
It reminds you that you are alive.

It tells you that you should be burning.
The spark that lit the fire,
And set no less than the world ablaze.

Again it beats,
Over and over,
Only another reminder of how far we've gone.
It reminds you that you've gone nowhere.

It tells you that you should be burning,
But you were barely a flicker,
Put out by the rain.

What if the only burning you ever faced,
Was what brought you the most pain.

You leave me in a flutter,
Butterflies run rampant in my stomach.
This state of ascension,
Just by the mere presence of your attention.

These conversations leave me afloat.
Adrift on an ocean of thought,
Where nothing real feels of note,
And reality means naught.

This moment of mesmerism,
Holding my heart, my mind, my soul.
And I'll replay my actions
Like the motions of a mechanism.
Falling into the same state,
Feeling as is if it's butterflies I've ate.

Today I walked onto campus,
Worrying of the end results of the day.
Things would change if it went my way,
And if not...

A life change,
Judged by a portfolio of poems, stories and drawings.
It's scary,
Sitting in a room with new people,
Passing by time with silly things,
Just waiting for the call of your name.

They said I was good,
They said I'd been accepted.
I smiled,
So wide.
I smiled,
With pride.

I think back on my childhood.
Times that we're still good,
Before they switched it up,
Like, "Now it's time for adulthood."

Spent 18 years behind a desk,
Told to play at break,
Now life feels unrelated, and it feels like a **** waste.

It isn't useless, it just isn't right.
Train me to throw fists,
Then toss me into a knife fight.

What'd you prepare me for?
I still struggle with my taxes,
I got a degree, but it feels like I'm still stuck with all the masses.

After all these years,
It feels like I was taught wrong,
Guided down a path that my heart and soul didn't sit right on.

And every now and then
I start to fight back,
But no one likes it when you start to vary off the track.
They pushback
Like, "No, not that".
But I am not you.
So, **** that!
And I struggle but you can't see it though.
Always talk about me like I'm a lazy bloke,
Say I'm part of the lazy folk,
But your path to happiness,
Is my ******* hell road.

I think back on my childhood.
Times that we're still good...

At least, that's how it felt back then...

These 2 sides feud on the inside.
Neither wrong, yet neither right.
Only different perspectives that collide.

Both logical.
Both in conflict.
There is no compromise,
No middle ground to be found.

Both war at the heart,
Neither yields or relinquishes their part.
They rage on through the night,
Through the day,
Unrelenting in their passion.

Every so often a foothold is lost,
And onward pushes the enemy/heroes...
Retaliation is a certainty,
And so it goes perpetually.
A tug of war wherein there is no real victor.

They tell me to choose,
Yet neither is right to me...
And neither wrong.
They say it is simple,
Yet lack the context and perspective to struggle as I do.

We became friends like just like that.
Clicked at first meeting
Now I wait outside classes for your sweet morning greetings.

I wanted more from that first day,
So opened my heart,
But I always give too much away.

I tell you stories I should be embarrassed about,
You giggle so playfully.
I do stupid things
To make you smile.
There's noone whose company I'd enjoy more than yours.

I'd rather talk to you all night than see a movie,
I'd like to see you smile, laugh, giggle.
I'd like to tell you everything,
Even the things I shouldn't.

I try to become a choice
But am never chosen.
I try to get close...
But maybe that's the problem.

I feel like I'm sinking beneath it all.
And the more I sink
the more I reach for things that float.
But they don't pull me up,
The just delay the fall.

I struggle, trying to swim to the surface,
But ultimately succumbing to the haul of the cold waters.
I burst forward with fervour,
But I can't escape the pull of current.

Deeper
And
Deeper
I go.
I can't see the light anymore.

Oh tell me god,
Why does this confession feel like sin?
My smiled pulled to the edge of my cheeks,
You can see the grin on my face when she speaks.
But it's more than that, I feel a warmth in my soul, like a piece of me, once lost , is calling out to home.

And I'm excited but I'm filled with fear,
Always retreated when a heart came near,
Pushing away, always thought I was riding it out on the down stream,
But never realising I was on the upstream to my dreams,
Too afraid of what I see not being what it seems,
Falling apart I grab a pillow and scream,
Panic induced and breaking at the seams...
And I'm sorry but that's just me,
Carry my scars not physically but mentally and some times it makes me act detrimentally when clutched by anxiety, I'm sitting back, thinking, " what if everybody lied to me?", but honestly I'm trying to be that somebody better than me...for you.

So now...
I'm here with a confession.
It feels like sin,
But is only good intentions.

Right now I'm feeling dead inside,
But sometimes it really  feels like worlds collide.
Try as I might
I can't make all these emotions subside.

They say "You know it's real when it hurts",
But I can't stand to do this over and over
And not question the worth.

There's only so many blows you can take,
Before blow for blow it takes all your are,
And leaves you in a state
Of heartlessness
Broken apart and it's
Just easier to not feel
Than to feel part of this.

But you can't understand the struggle that I'm going through.
Everything everyone says and my overthinking just puts me
Over the edge.
I'll sit on top the ledge
Drinking from a bottle of gin,
And let fate decide where I fall.

Out I stepped,
The grass filling the spaces beneath my toes
As the fresh scents of nature mingled beneath my nose.

The wind blew steady and the flowers swayed in the breeze,
And as I stood beneath the shade of the trees, a lone flower did blow to my feet.

A Daffodil.
It was a little odd though,
As the garden did not show its kind.
Yet here it was, at my feet, and now on my mind.

I glanced around and off to the side, stood a plant on a table,
Embraced beneath the sunlight.

It took me a while, but soon the plant was in the ground.
Daffodils bobbing in the wind,
The flower that only knows 'begin'.

Walking in the heat,
You can't see my heart as I walk down this street.

I look so average,
Headphones on
And it seems like I'm gone.

But in my head it's like a colourful dream,
Words come through the speakers
And in my head I scream.
Dancing in my head
Through a world shifting to the melody,
Feeling the rise and the fall
Of my mental remedy.

I'm in a music video,
Pouring my soul into a visual daydream.
Time slows as the song goes mellow,
Or hits maximum velocity through the buildup before the blow.

I'm in my own place,
This magical escape of a headspace.
The best part is that in reality,
None of it leaves a trace.

Demons walking through my head like it's a playground.
Carelessly they tear me apart as they mess around.

Tormenting me,
They slide down my tears.
Whisper in my ear
With a voice that I fear
Always reminding me they're here.
Knock knock.

I swing back and forth inside my mind,
I hold onto the ropes as I watch memories rewind.
And demons come and whisper
"you're alone"
And as I carry on swinging
I feel the urge to let go

My poetry is my diary.
The trail left by my soul,
The song sung by my heart,
And the places my mind dared to explore.

I learned that this is not the place where you find yourself,
But the place that makes you realize you are lost.

I can't begin to understand,
What it's like to walk at your side,
Hand in hand.

It's always been a dream,
Yet so far it seems.
And sometimes I tear
And fall apart at the seams.

It takes a moment,
To make or break a heart.
Just a word from your lips,
And love starts,
Or falls apart.

I wish you could hear my heart,
And wish yours would beat the same,
Because at night I stare at the ceiling,
And I just think of your name.

Dressed in red, you approached me.
I dare say you impressed,
Yet I expected nothing less.

You lifted your hand and I took to a knee,
Kissing it gently.

"I love you," I said.
And back you whispered words that need not be spoke,
The same words I had.

Excuse my drunken heart and the words I say,
Excuse the slips of my tongue as my mind slips away.

Sorry for the thoughts you won't understand me slur.
Sorry for the lines that don't make sense
because I speak without context.
Sorry for the truths I told
that were never meant to be heard.
Sorry I made you worry...

Late night texts and conversations,
These heart to hearts that break expectations.
Everybody thought that they knew me,
They take one look and think they see through me.
I know that I taught you different,
You finally saw what everyone else was missing.

But it'll go too far ,
I'll get too close.
I'll fall for you hard,
And hope you never know.
I'll break my heart to keep you.
I never really told anyone about my fears.
How scared I am of losing you,
Because it wouldn't be the same without you here.
Just hold back the tears,
Pretend I'm okay.
The boy searching for love,
But never having it come his way.

I guess I'll just wait,
Pray for a love story that doesn't come too late,
Or not at all.
I guess I'll just wait,
Because falling in love with friends like you
Is just a recipe for heartbreak.

Crack and crumble,
Shatter to shards,
One by one they tumble to darkness.

Falling apart at the seams,
I see the collapsing of envisioned dreams.
I watch memory turn to myth,
And desire to a wish.

We dare the world to challenge,
And the world responds in kind.
Plans made fade to rumour,
The world laughs with its dark sense of humour.

Try as I may,
Fate will go its way.
And among this road I’ll stumble,
Till fate is mine to play.

Lately I've been sleeping more,
Close the curtains and lock the door.
Frankly life just seems like a chore,
When I'm awake it's just such a bore.

I'm waiting on something to stir me.
Waiting for something to purge me,
Cleanse me from these dark thoughts
That rouse demons from my heart now.
I'm trapped in a cycle  of negativity,
And I need something to pull me out.

I'm waiting for good news,
But nothing ever goes my way.
So I put down my head like I do my hopes,
Because it's not as disappointing this way.

You can't be let down if you never raise your hopes too high,
So I'd rather stay on the ground than risk  falling from the sky.

Feel the rush of endorphins
As her body presses up against yours.
The warmth of another
Enveloping you as you embrace their embrace.

Smell the scent that lingers on her hair.
Breath in deep,
Not just the scent of her hair,
But her.

Tighten your grip,
Holding tighter,
Trying not to let this moment slip...
Right through your fingers.

It's only a hug,
But it's so much more intimate than the world sees.
The beauty of it lies in that only you...
Only you know how magical this moment feels.

Like a fool you make me a grin,
Engulfed in a warmth I cant imagine being free of sin.

Catch my heart aflame,
Then light your arrows in its fire.
Through my soul a barrage beats down,
My shelter now turned to pyre.

And I, too fearful to fight,
Succumb to it all,
Wishing I could not burn,
Or to feel its warmth alone...
Yet all I've known is the searing.