My head is growing thicker
My heart is growing sicker
My body is becoming frail
My voice is only a wail
My eyes no longer work
My attitude is that of a ****

There is no saving
Thoughts that are raving
Just turn and run
Here you'll find no fun
Place wide the danger cones
This is the explosion zone
When it's all over
Feed my pieces to Rover

With bullet like words I'll let it rain
So everyone can ******* pain
Let them crumble under my strain

Someone needs to ring the bell
I already fell
All my life I've tasted the flames of hell

Hit after hit, bout after bout
No ones there to help me out
With deafened ears they hear my shouts

I've ran out of options, ran out of luck
Now I'm being ****** in, I'm stuck
Will no one brave the quicksand and pull me up

Look at the mess they made
Not helping a friend that could've been saved
I hope they never come to my grave

He sat all alone at home
There was no where to roam
Even on this holiday
All his family had passed away
His ex-wife and kids where in a different state
There was nothing for him to celebrate
Life had left him with an empty plate
He was trying hard to stay away from deaths gate

He sat there trying to watch on tv some shows
Only commercials of happy families, that's just the way it goes
He set's there reliving happier memories
Then looked around at his empty house of misery

A call from his kids
Sent him into a skid
Made him relive their younger years
He was so glad they couldn't see his tears
He did have a small smile as they talked
But like anything the call to soon came to an end, it stopped

The heart piercing whimper that acrossed his lips seep
Would of made the coldest hearted person weep
He just sat there with eyes red with the pain
Knowing all he had lost, not seeing anything left to gain

The agony of his memories played in his mind
Desperately wishing he could go back in time
So he could fix it all, make it all rhyme
For this mountain of lonely misery, he just couldn't climb

As others enjoy their families, with good food and cheer
You will find him setting there with his cans of beer
Trying to drown his sorrow, amplified by this holiday of thanks giving
Wishing that instead of dying inside, he was living

I'm angry, I'm mad, I can only see red
This feeling is demanding, it needs to be feed

I'll rip and I'll tear flesh from the bone
I'll rip and I'll tear your feelings from thier home
I'll stomp on your head, till your eyes become lose
I'll even stomp on your heart if I chose
I will snap every bone in your puny little body
I will snap every emotion till you no longer  haughty
When done, I'll  have separated your muscle from skin
When done, I'll have separated your body from sin

I'm angry, I'm mad, I can only see red
But don't worry people, for we all end up dead.

©Pauline Russell

She was just sitting there cigarette between her fingers
The smoke curling up above her head, it lingered
She was just contemplating the universe, and her place in it
She felt like a round peg trying to be pushed into a square hole, she just didn't fit
She was far more beautiful than she knew and her spirit was a wonderful kind of wild
Her loving generosity was always reflected in her gorgeous smile
It was heart breaking that it was not flashed more often
But what else would you expect when all of her dreams had died and had all but been forgotten

Her Grandma had taught her as a small child of a loving, caring God
She inhaled deeply from her cigarette and thought if He was so loving why had He only punished her with the rod
She exhaled and let the smoke rise above her, maybe her Grandma had been wrong
Her faith was waning because of all she had lived through all she had seen, her faith was almost gone

She snuffed out her cigarette, stood up and took a long look around
She was completely alone, her broken heart beat was the only sound
Her eye's was filled with the tears of a lifetime of pain, anger and sorrow
She was terrified of the uncertain future and what was to follow

If only she had relized how many other's lifes she had touched and changed
She had so many times sacrificed of herself, let her life be rearranged
She had that rare type of heart that could always see past the surface, to see their lost beautiful soul
What an agonizing tragedy she was blinded to her own amazing, loving, unselfish beautiful soul; she just didn't know

I lost myself so very long ago
Tell me where can a soul go
When your still alive and breathing
While inside I am still grieving
Is there any hope of finding that part of me
I raise my voice to the heavens and plea
Is my soul hiding in the deepest darkest corner
It's been gone so long it feels like a foreigner
Without that piece of me I've just grown cold
How much agony can the human shell hold

One little stick at a time, you feed the fire
One little stick at a time, it grows higher
One little stick at a time, against yourself you conspire

Carrying a bundle of sticks you cry, "everyone else is to blame"
The relentless winds of time did fan the flame
Now in control the fire takes the reins

With scorching fury it devours all that's within
Till only molten ambers remain  under the skin
Can you remember how this story even begins

One little stick at a time, against yourself you conspire
One little stick at a time, it grows higher
One little stick at a time, you fed that fire

©Pauline Russell

It's hard living in a world where no one cares
While your smothered and shallowed by despair
Sitting here wondering why I was born into this place
Not wanting to be part of this sad human race
Where money is the great and powerful Oz
It doesn't matter what's the cause
I look and see their hearts have grown cold and calloused
Everything is so off balanced
There is no more unconditional love
No loving  help from up above
We have been abandoned
The trumpets have sounded
Humanity has been stripped of it's compassion
Empathy is in short ration
Gone are the ways of old
To these values we no longer hold
Now it's I'll do for you,  if you can do for me
That's not the way it's supposed to be
But everyone's eyes have been closed
Their souls have become thorny and cold
We are no longer judged on our thoughts and actions
But by how much money we have for the coming attractions
For if we don't have enough to pay
We become part of the play
We are condemned to be the *****
They feed to the machines of war

©Pauline Russell

I can feel the monsters skull trying to break out
I can feel the snout slowly growing stout
I can hear the growls deep and fearful start
A crack of all the bones, a moving of the parts
Writhing in pain falling to the ground
No longer can a human form be found

Why are you braced to run
Don't you want to have some fun
After all you called it out from me
When you made my emotions bleed
You was so very **** obstinate
Now turn and face the consequence

He licks his lips, he can taste your lies
He stares intently into your eyes
There is nothing he can't find
Nothing can you hide
Looking you over
He takes a big sniff of your odor
He takes your face in his claws
To him you must plea, he makes the call
Are you worthy of me at all
For my Monster won't rip, won't tear
He'll simply make you miss what use to be there.

©Pauline Russell

The American people have been Punked
His name is Donald Trump

©Pauline Russell

I'm standing here on the side of the road, rain falling on my shoes
Sorrow clouds my view
Lord knows I've paid my dues

Standing here in my misery knowing I'll never see the sunlight
Seeing my life as just a blight
Lord knows I'll never get it right

I'm standing here on the side of the road, rain falling on my shoes
I can't help but sing the blues
Lord knows I am confused

Standing here while demons play with my memories
Lying "it truly had to be"
Lord knows my life's in jeopardy

I'm standing here on the side of the road, rain falling on my shoes
This agony remains in my soul infused
I know the Lord's amused

You stayed with me four days and nights. Every thing felt so right. I took you home this morning.I hated that it was time you had to be going. It's only 8 o'clock at night. I'm laying here remembering your face in the moonlight. There is this aching inside, you're already missed. We where only supposed to be **** buddies, but these feelings can't be dismiss. Are you thinking of me. When you close your eyes what do you see. I know your not much for words but how do you feel. Am I enough to fill, am I enough of a meal. My heart is beginning to swell. So babe please tell. For I don't want to fall for you. End up with my heart blue. In need of resuscitation again. Please don't let my love be a sin

Emergency, emergency
Can't you see in my eyes the urgency
They pulled the thread
Then off they fled
My skin it spread
Out I bleed
Nothing more needs to be said

Cerberus was hot on our heels
It's hot foul breath I could feel
But the demon horse had hooves of steel

Every hoove beat shook the ground, and left a spark
Every steep left a mark
On every rock there is an arc

This wicked beast was fast
We soon left that demon hound in the past
Now it's time some questions to ask

He slowed the now sweat lathered stallion to a trot
He knew it was answers that I sought
It was not hard to read my thoughts

It was the first time he even dared to speak
At first he started off kind of meek
He was concerned of the answers that I seek

"I will answer you questions black witch
But then it will be my turn, we'll switch"

"Well" I said "first off why do you ride this demons steed
What kind of unbelievable greed
Do you so feel the great need to feed"

As we swayed with the horses steeps
His silence for a moment he kept
I could feel his emotions, he almost wept

"Well I stole this wicked beast from the evil one
He had stolen it from Kimaris the demon burnt from the sun"
Oh what a tale he spun
It sadly ended with the death of his son

He had started off heeding the call of his king
Thinking there would be no danger, his son he would bring
So he could see the angels sing

They where attacked in the wooded part of the trail
Most of the demons he did curtail
But one did flee, on that he failed

The demon that escaped
Told the evil one what had taken shape
The evil one hunted down the knight
What a great battle, what a fight
It lasted until the morning light

That chased him back to his hell hole
But not before that fatal blow
He left the knight kneeling beside his son in the blood covered snow

You said you'd love me forever
With passion we would take on every endeavor
You seduced me with your words
You made my vision blurred
I was blind to all your wicked ways
I didn't know forever ended today

I see your heart, it's frozen ground
This is where others turn around
I guess, I like the punishment
After all I'm more than bent
So I transversed your deep icy caverns
Searching for a piece of coal that still burns
I thought my wicked flame would transform your heart
Well that's what I thought, at the start
Only to find my love was blind
You my dear were so unkind
Make my heart spin, to watch it unwind
In my face, I refuse to see the signs
My once warm glowing heart of red
Was being starved, it was never feed
You grinned at me and said
"Now we can play the game"
"Now we are one in the same"
"Now our love can start"
He had given me an icicle heart

Standing in a harvested field, the sky touching the ground
Not a raise, a tree, or a hill to be found
A coal black cloud is coming down
Standing there head back, hoping in it's rain I drown
My heart is bleeding black
Everything from a young age went so off track
I am just the black sheep
I am just the freak
Watch me as my eyes leak
This lonely watch I keep
On my knees now I just weep
It's only sorrow that I reap
For a life lived amongst the ruins
Living under a storm constantly brewing
Daylight seeped through once or twice
Made the formless bleakness more than thrice
So I beg for no more light
It just makes it harder to fight
If blackness is where I'm ment to stay
Just keep the sun far away

I'm rarely myself, I try to stay alone
My true feelings can't be shown
Because if they don't know me
I often offend, they can't see
Past the heartache and the pain
That drives me insane

So I stay out of sight the best I can
For wearing a mask I simply can't stand
So those that enter my personal bubble
Usually find it a bit troubled

When I get to lonely, the only ones I chose
Those I let close
Those that can take the blows
Of all that I decided to disclose

I've slowly came to the realization
Of what makes me so craven
I now know what is killing me
It's not what I thought it would be
It's not the pain, agony, or strife
That is so ******* rife
That's been there all my life
It's not the monsters, demons, or tragedy
No it's not any of the things I thought it would be
I thought I was killing time, but now I see
Time is killing me

Nights solid blackness is closing in fast
I keep thinking of a great spell to cast
Maybe if the white dragon was simply asked

Off we ride on what is now unfortunately my journey too
I can feel the dark horse muscles flow so smoothly under me as we flew
Out loudly I pray to Goddess Athene, that this nightmare we will both live through

We emerge from the security of my forest, at the foot of the mountain
The knight tells me we must find Pirene the inspirational fountain
On the speed of this steed I was counting

Because I can feel the darkness creeping
And my branded skin is calling out to the evil, it's weeping
I whisper to my knight so our darkened ride can't hear, "this speed we must be keeping"

The thought of my quest crosses my mind
My mother was what I wanted so much to find
But I'm afraid that dream I'll have to leave behind

The demons horse starts the steep rocky climb up the path
We are heading toward the white dragons wrath

It is starting to break dawn
The feeling of evil chasing is gone
So now I start chanting the Dragons sweet song

" LEANA sister of the dragon moon
Please fly down from your heights, we need your help soon
Please heed my chanted tune
And meet me by the fountain Pirene by noon
Or the earth may soon lay in ruin"

Me and the knight reach the fountain's wondrous water just after mornings light
The sky was a beautiful redish orange sight
I know by the sky's tinge today is going to be a fierce fight
That is going to lead well into tonight

We dismount and I use one of my strongest talismans to secure the beast so it can not flee
I stoop by the old crumbling fountain to drink in the cool liquid nectar, so like the poets I can be

All the greatest poets come to this magical spot
To gain unimaginable inspirational thoughts
And this kind I so desperately sought

I took I deep cool long drink and looked to the sky
And in that moment I seen the the silver streak of the dragon's body fly
And to my horror a crystal clear vision flashed before my eyes
In it the noble dragon's pure white body was coverd in thick blood it looked like she would die

Depression so deep
Only escape is sleep
Sleep conceals
All I feel
It steals away
Every day
Everythings gone wrong
Depression marches on

The dead keep dying
The birds quit flying
Sun no longer shining
Darkness keeps defying
Anguish always raining
Voices quietly crying
Mentally declining
Madness is smiling

Depression so deep
It's determined to keep
It all locked up tight
I'm shackled, can't fight
I'll never know, the why
So I close my eyes
Whisper a cry
Then wait to die

©Pauline Russell

She left on that deserted highway
Running at top speed
She didn't stop for days
She wanted to stop the bled
Took a few left turns
She found herself lost
She had watched it all burn
Her soul paid the cost
She never wanted to be found
No human contract, none at all
Voices in her mind, the only sound
The wildness in her called
Don't try to follow
She won't let you find her
She'd taken all she could shallow
She's disappeared into herself, she's no amateur

The framed sign where I work says "smile it's time to be happy"
I see it every single day, it's so freaking sappy
I look at it in disgust
A simple sign that means so much

It reminds me of all I want, but can't obtain
Everyday it leaves me feeling a bit more drained
A bit more inhumane, a bit more broken
It's sad how it makes me feel, this simple token

Somedays I want to rip it off the wall
I'll just tell them it got broke in the fall
Other days I pray it will come true
Then I would be happy just like you

But still there it hangs
And every day it says the same
Made to endure it's mocking words
I know to others my rant seems so absurd

But in the belly of the beast it's impossible to smile
When drowning in all this bile

The ground beneath her is shaking
Her world again is rearranging
The stars and moon are falling, crashing to the earth
The sun to light had given birth
But the sun imploded
Leaving no motive
So there she stands in the inky black nothing
Eye's wide open, but seeing not a thing
No voices, not even in her brain
It all happened so fast it was insane
One minute a beautiful blue sky day
The next it all lay in decay
Blackness so heavy it's hard to move
But slowly she makes her way, she finds a groove.
In her pocket she finds the pills
To cure the oppressive ills
She finds a place beside a dark shattered star
Lies down beside it, they both are marred
She thows her arm around it felling only coldness
But at lest to something it is closeness
For love brought on this destruction
So from the dark star she will get her fluxion
Because it will never leave her side
As long as she has money to buy

The pain was there to stay
So she took the drugs to make it go away
The shadows danced and played
As on her bed she laid
There will always be a price to be paid
When numbness was what she carved

There she sets with her head down in her hands
Life sure didn't turn out like she planned
The autumn leaves have got her thinking
This life of hers doesn't have much meaning

She never thought she would be alone this far down the line
This life of hers feels more like a crime
All her friends have come and gone
It all just felt so wrong
I know the thought that is running through her mind
She's afraid it's all been wasted time

All of this torment
I did not consent
In all this suffering
There is no comforting
In all this despair
No one cares
In this grief
I get no relief
I am so spent
More than bent
In all this pain
I am not sane
In all this anguish
I just languish
It's pure desolation
If I failed to mention
With no more hope
I only cope

Treat me like a rabid hound
Take that gun and shoot me down
Better yet just hand me a knife
And I'll cut myself right out of this life
I'm tired and I've been ground down
There's hardly any of me to be found
What's the use to fight this fight
It's only dark there is no light
If only Someone would take my hand
That feeling would be oh so grand
But any one that's tried
Can't stand the tears I cried
I just want Someone that can understand
**** it I want a real man
That can see past the agony and scars
That makes me look so marred
Even tho my heart is broken
The pieces of it still are golden

In blood I was born, in blood I will die
It will be as quick as a blink of an eye
Flesh slashed open, so the spirit can fly
Most will never understand the why

Don't you realize what you let go
What you let out your door stroll
Don't you know, another one you won't find
It was something amazingly strang, a one of a kind
You didn't object, you didn't give chase
From your mind will it be that easy to erase

When you gaze into the fire's dying embers
Will all those moments not be remembered
But I guess it didn't mean that much
Or tighter you would of clutched
With your actions you made it clear
You just watched it disappear

Was your vision so impaired
That you seen it like smoke in the air
Past love gone bad, it left you stolid
She left your heart frozen solid

Sadly my love you couldn't return
A strongly guarded  heart, only I got burned
But one harsh day you might see
You lost something uniquely special......me

©Pauline Russell

In my search for happiness, I turned toward God
I thought he would leave me awed
But being so flawed
All I felt was his lighting rod
He told me those demons where mine
Deal with them myself, He hadn't the time

In my search for happiness I put my heart on the line
But I did it online so I thought it would be fine.
I thought with miles between us I couldn't get hurt
I couldn't get burnt
But I forgot the heart has no eyes
That in matters of love the brain is not wise
I gave my heart, he made me fall
For he was not real after all

In my search for happiness, I turned to drugs
In it's embrace I felt its hugs
They gave me warmth, they gave me peace
When I was down, for them I reached
But they are a great deceiver
Only mocking their receiver
Finally seeing they only betrayed
Making my world more decayed

In my search for happiness, I finally quit
It was not easy, I'll have to admit
I gave the universe full control
With life's punches I'll continue to roll
From my hole I'll still look up to the sky
Untill the day I die and I'm free to fly

In my search for happiness, I turned toward God
I thought he would leave me awed
But being so flawed
All I felt was his lighting rod
He told me those demons where mine
Deal with them myself, He hadn't the time

In my search for happiness I put my heart on the line
But I did it online so I thought it would be fine.
I thought with miles between us I couldn't get hurt
I couldn't get burnt
But I forgot the heart has no eyes
That in matters of love the brain is not wise
I gave my heart, he made me fall
For he was not real after all

In my search for happiness, I turned to drugs
In it's embrace I felt its hugs
They gave me warmth, they gave me peace
When I was down, for them I reached
But they are a great deceiver
Only mocking their receiver
Finally seeing they only betrayed Making my world more decayed

In my search for happiness, I finally quit
It was not easy, I'll have to admit
I gave the universe full control
With life's punches I'll continue to roll
From my hole I'll still look up to the sky
Untill the day I die and I'm free to fly

Here you are, my oldest friend
I knew we would meet again
I realy wish you would of stayed away
But again I just seemed to cave
The stress was all to much
And on me you decided to munch
You didn't just walk through my door
You ******* knocked me to the floor
You made sure I did get up
With grief and sorrow you filled up my cup
So I'll just lay here and slowly languish
In all of my gut wrenching anguish

Don't burn your bridge with me
The one that crosses the rift, let it be

For I won't send you a boat
That kind of **** won't float

Once you have decided we're done
Around you, I'll no longer come

No more favors, no more help
More matter how much you yelp

Once you've burned that bridge, turned it to ashes
I won't be there for your crashes

Make sure this is what you want
I'll no longer be there to be sought

I'll go on without you
Alone you'll have to pay your dues

So go on, blow that bridge up
You'll be left with just a stump

I never was warned
Now I'm stuck on the horns

I'm burning in the fire
Stuck in the mire

Each choice will pierce
This decision is fierce

This situation is dire
My brain is going haywire

It's about to expire
What an awful quagmire

The universe against me is conspiring
With all it guns locked and loaded, it's firing

It's aiming straight at my heart, my head
I swear it wants me dead

Such an enigma
On the horns of a dilemma

I'm an awful person
To all this should be plain
No matter how hard I try
All I cause is pain
Nothing is ever your fault
It's always mine
You expect me to be normal
But the cracks are easy to find
I'm at a lost
Every move I make is wrong
Every thought I have is twisted
My existence has been to long
Why must it be this way
I try my best, I swear I do
But it always falls apart
I wish my spirt had already departed, I wish it had already flew

Be you a freak
Or a geek
Transgender, gay, or bi
Let your flag fly
We are all ****** anyway
So for the rest of our days
No matter how bizarre
Let's be ****** for who we truly are

Make the cut, make it deep make it wide
There's nothing left, nothing to hide
Let all that's in me come outside

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

Give me the gun, I'll plant the bullet
In the head or in the gullet
Triggers stiff, but I'll still pull it

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

Theres no mercy on the edge of the blade
Look at the mess this life has made
All my dreams have been mislaid

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

I'm so lonely, in this hell
The darkness has me under it's spell
Can't you hear the toll of the bell

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

For this darkness I don't need to spread
So I'll just lay here in my bed
Watching the sheets trun red

Crying tears of sorrow
Scared of what awaits me tomorrow

Crying tears of pain
Life will never ever be the same

Crying tears of sadness
Can't wrap my mind around this madness

Crying tears of anguish
You now speak the Angels language

Crying tears of the alone
Your death cut me to the bone

Crying tears of black
By my side I'll never have you back

Crying tears nonstop, Neverending
There is no way time can do it's mending
I'll meet you soon dear friend, even if it takes years
For I'll drown in the river of my own tears

I don't want a kiss from you
With begging I am through
I'll no longer softly touch your back
I'm done with all of that

I now believe what you say
Love,  you will Never show my way
You say you still care
But with that I can not bear

In my heart I've already let you go
So there is NOTHING you need to show
So keep on living your emotionless life
I'll take my razor sharp knife
Cutting out the emotions I had for you
I'll seal it all up with glue

It'll be like it was before
Just a heart bleeding and sore
I don't want to think of you any more
Of how you pushed me back in the ocean when I washed upon your shore

I'm sorry I fell in love
I understand your shove
So I will continue on my way
Maybe I'll find what I'm needing one day

Your signals at times where so confusing
You always left me a glimmer of hope,.... I guess it was amusing
But don't worry anymore when I'm around
There will be no emotions in my eyes to be found
I'll stay as distant as you have always been
I might even manage that elusive grin

It's really hard to care
In a life lived in despair
Keeping thoughts confined
To a world that's so unkind

I'll lose my mind

I can't let them see
I'm dying to be free
Shake the shackles lose
****** and bruised

I've paid my dues

I've tasted agony
Down on bended knee
Loved ones I have lost
It's such a cost

My heart gets tossed

They'll just stand and stare
As I escape life's little snare
As I fly off away elsewhere
To beauty beyond compare

I'll meet my loved ones there

It's really hard to care
In a life lived in despair
So I'll take this tragedy
Just to set myself free

Standing in the shower with my head against the wall
Letting the scalding water fall

Wishing it could wash away my skin
Wishing it could wash away his sins

Maybe when my bruises heal
My soul will once again, begain to feel

It looks so fragile with all it's holes
Where the monsters took and stole

But it's sewed with spiders threads
So it's as strong as a spider's webs

There's really nothing left to say
Except that maybe one of these days
I'm gonna be ok

I have a lot of pain
It weighs heavy on my brain
I think you know
I think it shows
You touch my thigh,"what is that"
"Oh it's nothing just a fight with the cat"
You sadly shake you head
You know I don't have one, you left it unsaid

We where casual friends that turned into casual lovers
I'm so happy with you under my covers
We leave those three words alone
Knowing they **** any relationship sown
We keep our feeling hidden
Those three words we both decided was forbidden

But we're together every weekend
We pretend we're only friends
But everyone sees what we are becoming
But from those feelings we are running
For without the heart involved
We won't get hurt, that is our resolve

That way my pain on you won't weigh
You can look the other way
My darkness can't touch you
You can over look the things I do
Without those words to bind us to each other
My sadness won't smother

Yep, this relationship is perfect
There is nothing of each other we have to except
If it ends, it simply ends
There will be no heart to mend
Just memories of fun times
Spent under the covers, a taste of the sublime

The rain it pitter patters
Against my window splatters
And the only thing that really matters

Is your not here with me
It's like the sky could see
And started crying so soft and slowly

Every atom in my body aches for you
I fall more in love everyday, it's true
It's because you can see right through

All the scars and all the pain
And the darkness in me that reigns
Still your love for me you maintain

I seen your soul and heart
In your poems, your art
You are my missing part

For we are soul connected
I gave you my heart, you fiercely protected
Your all consuming love was so unexpected

As the sky cries for us slowly
All I want to do is hold you closely
I know forever you will be my one and only

Confronted by the agonizing notion
I am floundering in my own deep dark ocean
Being driven to the sandy bottom by waves of turbulent emotion

Someone please send me a boat
Please make sure it floats
But I already know they won't
Others just love to stand and gloat

Getting tired of treading water
Afraid I'm about to falter
Going down for the hundredth time
The bells for me they chime
Slowly sinking below the slime
Guess I'll never reach the sublime

I'll never reach the otherside
Right in the middle is here hope died
That was all that had been left
But slowly out of my life that too crept

Nothing left to do but ride the wave
Untill my head just caves
For the love I crave
Was a passing good time, like a rave
When it was over it left me blue
Then more problems did ensue
So the dark waves just grew
Lord knows this is nothing new

But this time will be the last
I'm gonna let this lonely sad life pass
Only sound will be my death rattle gasp

In my room locked up tight, so no one else could see
I got your shirt from it's hiding spot and held it close to me
I buried my face in it and inhaled, it still held your wonderful smell
I closed my eyes so very tight, it was almost like you were there
I could almost feel your arms the way you would  hold me tight
I  almost heard your voice, telling me it would be alright

But reality always has a way of creeping in
There is no stoping, tears flowing again
I will never again love, how could I
There's absolutely no reason why
Only left with halve a heart, and that part is shattered
Besides there'll never be another you, so it really doesn't matter

©Pauline Morris

I woke today
In the usual way
Alarms blaring
Clock uncaring
Sleep fleeting
Sun greeting
Eye's blinking
Minutes ticking

Yes everything was the same, the normal routine
But I could feel that cold clutch of something unseen
Today might be different plight
There's something not quite right
Apprehension over me rolled
Something in the wind had gone cold
It's making my soul shiver
Like being submerge in a cold river

Thoughts thickening
Clock ticking
Eyes darting
Fear starting
Breath catching
Life injecting
Uncertainty
I woke today
In the usual way
To find a day
In decay

What was it like before
Before we fell
Before we ended up here
In this darkened place
That feels like hell
Can you tell me please
I don't remember
Maybe I shouldn't
It would just add to it
Was we happy
Was skies blue
What was it like before
Before we fell

As the sullen figure of a woman sets alone in her room
You can feel in the atmosphere all the gloom
As memories rap on the doors in her mind
They well remain there for all time
For her they will never depart
For even if time erases them from the mind,they are written with scars in her heart
She sits there shoulders hunched over
A river of tears sliding down her checks, no longer able to hold her composure
She had slipped into her room, her sanctuary
The burden of being the strong one, for the moment she could no longer carry

My Demons are telling me it's ok to quit
For this putrid life my minds not fit
To their voice I'm going to submit
It will be fast, just one quick slit
Then my spirit will be free to emit
Out of this rotting soul it can split
To the next life I can then transmit
Maybe in the next one, my demons I can outwit

I wrote you this note
So you could cope
I ended my life
With a sharpened knife
It was selfish I admit
But I don't regret it

You tried to make me belive that lie
Things would get better....(sigh)
I've lived many years
And everyday i fear
More bad days than good
So I did what I should

I will love you all forever
Please never dobut that whatsoever
I leave you my love and our memories
And everywhere you go you'll find pennies