her smile
isn't
bright as
the sun

her smile
is small
with
nearly
invisible
dimples

but it is
the most
genuine smile
you'll ever
see

the moon
slowly retreats
while
the sun
goes into
the offensive

the quiet
screeches
of an owl
become
the lively chirping
of blackbirds

and the
darkness is
driven away
by the
warm morning light

just once
i want to be
the one

just once
i want
someone's eyes
to light up
when they
talk about me

just once
i want
my feelings
to be
mutual

“what
do you feel
when you think
of him?”

“I honestly
don’t know.
there are
so many things
I feel
when
I think
of him.

Among others...
confusion.
just
a little bit.”

i hid
my true
emotions
behind
jokes
and laughter

but your
playful comment
******* hurt

oh papa
please
forgive me

for the
cigarettes
i secretly
smoked
with friends
under bridges

oh mama
please
forgive me

for the
alcohol
i drank
when you
told me
not to


oh please
forgive me
for being
a teenager

making
poor decisions
but
good memories

without
her noticing
her favorite songs
always
remind her
of the person
she once
loved

she acted
like everything
was fine
when she
clearly wasn’t

she hid
her tears
behind
closed doors
and
a mask of attitude

but wanted
nothing more
than someone
to understand
and
a hug

love
is a
scary thing

it gives you
way too much
power
over someone else

and it
makes you
lose control
far too
easily

day by day
losing routine

day after day
losing more
motivation

day after day
missing
my friends

day after day
feeling more
numb

her heart
and
her mind
were fighting
a merciless war
once again

whilst she
sat somehow numb
on her bed
listening
absently
to her
favorite songs

one click,
not even
on purpose
and then –

nothing

my thoughts
my pain
my love –
gone

and some may
see this
at a fresh start
but I

I hold onto
the past
too much

I clung to
“what if”
and
“maybe”
as if

I was
drowning
and
they were
life-rings

But I
did not know
that
they were
riddled
with holes

today
the moon
kept me company
even whilst
the sun
was there

but maybe
she wanted
to catch more
than
just a glance
of him

i was
staring
at my ceiling
once again

the song
that reminds
me of you
played
as so often
quietly in
the background

and the thought
of you
laying under
the same stars
as me
was weirdly
calming

she was
acting strong
hiding
behind a mask
of indifference
and sarcasm

and she indeed
is strong
even behind
the mask

but not
in the way
you may think

she is strong
because
she keeps going,
crying behind
closed doors.
she keeps fighting,
no matter
how many times
she lost hope.
and she is strong
because she
dares to love
although
her heart
already broke
too often

what if
we fall
in love
because

we'll never be
able to
love ourselves
one hundred percent?

what if
we fall
in love
because

we unconsciously
need constant
reminders
how worthy
we are
of love?

it does not matter
how much
happens

something
well hidden
and
deep
inside of me

is still not repelled
by the imagination
of an
"us"

i want to know
who you are

are you really
this badass
with a
softie hidden inside?

or are you
a softie
with a
badass hidden inside?

maybe
i am more
in love
with
the thought
of being
in love

than actually
being in love
with
someone

there are people
who have
something
intoxicating
about them

something
mysterious
and
dangerous

and sadly
most of them
are
the most broken

they'll be
hurting others
just as much as
they are hurting

be lenient
with them

because pain
is what
they know best

flowers
exist
in all
different sizes
and colors

and they
never feel
bothered
by a different
flower

so why
can't we be
like flowers?

It’s the 21st century
but still –
some people
get judged
about whom
they love

It’s the 21st century
but still –
some people
get criticised
about who
they are

It’s the 21st century
but still –
women are
less worth
than men

It’s the 21st century
but still –
dark-skinned people
get discriminated
and killed

One would think
that we live
in the 21st century
and not
in the middle ages
but still –
we must change
a lot
until
everyone is equal

i thought
i can read
people
easily

but
after all
this time

i still
haven't
figured you out

honestly
i always took
it for granted
that
our friendship
is that
amazing & strong

but with
this pandemic
i realized
how lucky
i really am

now we aren't
'just two drunken
looking for closeness
secureness and
a friend in the night
when
everyone else
was already asleep'
anymore

now
we are
more like
acquaintances

on the best way
to become
friends

maybe you're just
really good
at hiding
your emotions

so maybe
you care
about me
more
than you
show

one brushstroke
after
another

there a little bit
of white
there a little bit
of blue

a song
fades
softly into
the background

and
my thoughts
once
don't revolve
around you

i don't meditate
but i paint

3am
is a weird
time

you may
get angry
at the world
for every
little
injustice

you may
feel lonely
even though
you talk
with friends

you may
get nostalgic
remembering
all the times
you were careless

you may
fall in love
over and
over again

3am
is a weird
time

and yet
it is mostly
the time
you're your
purest self

i always
miss
the right
moment
for
a split second

i heard
you asked
about me

you asked when
we will see
each other
again

and i said
'soon'
as if
it was
completely
normal

that you
asked
about me

the words
of honesty,
of truth

burned
like hell
on my tongue

but i've
always loved
the smell
of fire

so i
didn't care

i was
playing
with fire

i let
tiny flames
dance

and they grew
with time

burning me
just a little bit

but i
managed
to juggle
them

sometimes
my heart
wants to tell
my friends
about me

but my head
is still
stronger

and my anxiety
may be irrelevant
but
it's still there

i fell
asleep
with
my tiring
thoughts
and
soft raindrops
pounding
against
glass

last night
I turned
my music
up loud
trying to
silence
my thoughts

spoiler:
it did not
work

maybe
in a few
years

we will be
right
for each other


but till then
I'll have
to move on

it's 3am
rain
is ponding
against
the window

darkness
swallows
even
the moon
and stars

and my soul
feels weirdly
vulnerable

so many
words
and
thoughts
are flying
around
in my mind

i am not able
to make sense
of them

i am not
a vampire
my immortality
does not lie
within
blood

i am
a writer
my immortality
lies
within
ink

i fell
in love
with
imaginations
instead
of falling
in love
with you

when
my tongue
fails
to speak
my mind
writes
the unspoken words
down

but what
do i do
when my mind
fails to speak
too?

they always say
'go out
meet new people
you'll fall
in love again
when you
forget them'

but they
never tell you
how to forget them

sometimes
you won't
understand me

i am a writer
sometimes
i'd rather be
in the world
i imagine
than in the
real world

i am a poet
sometimes
i'd rather be
alone
with my feelings


sometimes
you won't
understand me

please
respect that

why
do i keep
thinking
about you?

why
do i keep
imagining
the impossible?

why
do i keep
wanting
you?

why
do i keep
hurting myself
with
false hope?

my eyes
burn

my face
is a hurting
grimace

my chest
trembles from
sobbing

but the tears
won't fall

hope
is a
terrible thing

it keeps you alive
and
nourishes you

until
it strikes
you down
with
one single blow

closing
my eyes

feeling
the soft screeches
of baby birds
and
the rustling
of the trees
in the winnd

finding
inner peace
and
calm