i just read
old poems

and although
some may
still feel
accurate

i feel like
a complete
different person

i am
a night child

feeling safe
in the
dim darkness
illuminated
by the moon

finding calm
in the whispers
of the trees
an the wind

finding peace
within
the soft screeches
of an owl
and the
chirping of crickets

i close
my eyes
and they
burn hot
with tears
i don't cry

i keep
falling
alone

a part
of me
is sick of
comparing
myself
with all the girls
in  my environment
and on
social media

and the
other part
of me
just can't stop
pulling myself
down

do you
tell
the stars
and moon
about me
too?

when
i feel lonely
i look up
at the moon
knowing
that she looks
at me too

her body
was stuck
in a room

while
her mind
was free
imagining
all the places
she wants
to see

true villains
don't exist
and
neither do
true heroes

in someone's book
you are
a villain
in another's book
you are
a hero

you see,
it just
depends
on who
the storyteller is

my eyes
stare into
the void

my mind
is no longer
present

my body
hurts a bit
with every move

i am just
so exhausted

imagine
we all would have
a playlist
with all
the songs
we used to love
but
forgot about

a lot of them
would bring back
memories
bonded to
joy

some
would bring back
memories
bonded to persons
we almost forgot
too

and some
may bring back
all the memories
we associate with
pain and
agony

but we would
still listen
to 'our' songs

i'd like
to think
that
i am
on your mind
too

but i'd
just be
fooling
myself

jealousy
is an
ugly thing

it consumes
you
until
it destroys
you

i am
losing sleep
because
i rather
dream of you

even if
they were
meant with
good intentions

the choice
of words
could not
have been
more painful


as the words
burned into
my brain

in the
last weeks
you didn't
cross my mind
even once

but today
i can't
get you out
of my head

when
no song
seems to
feel right

the song
that makes me
think of you

,your song,
always feels
like home

a stormy wind
howls
in the night

but it doesn't
bother me

because now
it kinda feels
like the world
shares
the storm
that weathers
inside of me

here i am
talking with
my friends
about love
as if
i know it all

but what
do i know?


i barely
understand
my own feelings

yet
i act like
i do

lately
girls are
more attractive
to me

because
no boy
can come close
to him

and whilst
she was
just a crush

he is
the first
i was really
in love with


and maybe
i still am

you told me
that you
hate to be
left on 'read'

and yet
you do
the exact
same thing

when
will my heart
understand
that i am not
living in a book?

that when
i fall
for someone
in a relationship
or
for someone
i can't have

that there isn't
the slightest chance
i end up
with them


when
will my heart learn?

is it just me
or does
everything at night
seem more intensive?

the music
hits your feelings
way harder

the thoughts
scream louder
in your head

the world
is almost
completely silent


the world
seems just so
much purer

no clouds
cover
the sky

and
warm sunrays
hit my skin

makig it
tingle
with warmth

you just
                   show interest
in me
        when
you are
        lonely

   don't you?

i want to
tell
my friends
about
my poems

i truly want
to show them
my purest me

but i am
not ready
to answer
the questions
i know
they would ask

i should
move on
i kinda
already have

but there
seems to be
a tiny part
hidden
in my heart
that belongs
to him

lately
familiar love
is not enough
anymore

lately
i want to
experience
a love
where i can
feel even more alive

laying in bed
listening
to this song

i had to
admit to
myself
that

no matter
how cliché
it may sound

i would wait
for him

i would
give him
the world

if he would
just show me
that

there is
just the
slightest chance
that
in the future
he would want
to be with me

i wrote
most of
my poems
when
i was
madly
in love

so when
i don't write
that much
anymore

does it mean
i have
moved on?

i am not
desperately
searching a lover

but i can't deny
that i am
craving for love

i hate
to see
someone dear
to me
hurting

because i know
that i can't
do anything
to make it
better

the only thing
i can try
is to be
there to listen

i hope
to have
moved on

because
what is
the point
is
holding onto
one-sided
feelings?

if anyone who
knows my identity
would read my poems
i would be ******

because
i am not ready
to show the world
my darkest secrets
and
deepest desires
when it would
also know
my face

why
do you start
a conversation
when
you don't
finish it?

my fingers
are dancing
over the keys
playing songs
on their own

while
my thoughts
are
with you

amnesia
is an overthinkers
biggest enemy

and it strikes
when everyone else
is asleep

so that
the overthinkers
are left alone
with their thoughts
their favorite songs
with a pen and paper
and 26 letters

why do i
always start
to care
for people
i barely know

when they
probably don't
care about me

the way
my arm rested
on your shoulders

the way
you looked
at me

and the way
we talked
about everything

could have made
one believe
we are close friends
maybe even more


but we were
just two drunken
looking for closeness
secureness and
a friend in the night
when
everyone else
was already
asleep

i don't know
if i am lonely
and
craving for
romantical love
or
if i am
just a hopeless
romantic
stuck in
her dreams

so much happened
in that night
i don't know
where to start
or what to feel

as much as i
loved dancing
with you

i also loved
the talk
on the bench
by the lake
and
the talk
in this little bar
when everyone else
was already
asleep

remember when
you nearly fell
off the bench
because someone
pushed you?

remember how
i slang an arm
around your waist
so you wouldn't fall?

remember how
you stared into my eyes
smiled and thanked me?


well,
in that moment
i'd have loved
to kiss you
but instead
i just
smiled back
and continued
to dance
with you

oh honey
we are
just young
a bit dumb
and definitely broke

so write
that person
you like

dance
and sing
without shame

and wear
whatever
you want

because now
is the time
to feel
the most alive

what are
two drunken
laughing and
making nonsense
whilst
wearing sneakers
and walking
in the snow
around a lake
without
the lamps shining
and cold wind howling?

well,
definitely not
a good idea

but did
this night
make great memories?

definitely

you just pulled
me onto this bench
and
made me dance
with you

and with time
and lack of space
we got closer


we got so close
that i had to
hold you
by the waist
so you wouldn't
fall off

i barely knew
your name

but the way
you moved
and
sang along
with me

on this bench
in the rhythm
of the music

immediately
made me
like you

my feelings
are not
that strong
anymore

but, well...

let's see
what changes
when
i see you
again

why
do i
always
fall for
the taken ones?