I guess Im writing this
Because there's really no one else
To share my feelings with
And I like to think, dad
That you're up in heaven
And its not as bad
Without us, as it is down here without you
Because you're watching me, dad
I bet you can see my every move

But dad, if you saw my every move you'd dissaprove
I'm broken, dad
And I don't know how to cope without you
And maybe, dad
If you never left
I wouldn't do the things that I had
And maybe, dad
If I hadn't done the things that I had
I wouldn't be this **** sad

Brother is addicted to fairytales
In his head
Mother won't stop reading the words she claims can save us all
Father is addicted to never coming home again
Sister treats her skin like paper dolls

Maybe if brother kept in check with reality
And mother came to realize no words could save her
Father wouldn't have left in such brutality
And sister would never have the urge
To pick up the razor

Then maybe their future generations
Wouldn't have to experience
When parents claim they're "going on vacations"
To leave their children with but a glimpse
Of what this real world, real life
Taste is

You fake a smile
Just so they won't see
You forge a laugh
So they don't hear the cries
In the dark
All those sleepless nights
Or the scars
Much more than just lines

Dead
We're all dead here
You forge a laugh
Just so they don't see
Dead
Dead am I
Oh the scars
Much more than just
Life
Comes and goes
Much more than just lines

I thought that if
   I had enough spray paint
    And a place to put it
      Then maybe I could
        Make something out of these
          Drab pale walls

            But the landlords
               They got mad
                  And they said I would have to pay
                    For the damage done

                      But, I didn't see any damage
                        All I saw was galaxy
                           And colors that reflect
                             What I felt at night

                                 ... I wish that I could just
                                    Order the ones that painted over
                                       And damaged me
                                            To pay, and to fix what they did
                                               But maybe they don't understand
                                                  What they did, either
                                                      Because I look fine to them
                                                         And my expression
                                                              For all that they know
                                                                 Is not faked

                                                                    And maybe they like what
                                                                       They did
                                                                          And maybe it doesn't
                                                                              Look that bad
                                                                                 From where they stand watching

                                                                                    So I will fix the **** wall
                                                                                       And then right once it is back to
                                                                                          Its normal
                                                                                             Wretched colors
                                                                                                I'll paint over it again
                                                                                                  But this time with my own blood
                                                                                                      And the tears that they caused

                                                                                                         And you won't be able to
                                                                                                              Demand me to fix it
                                                                                                                 And they will still gaze at me
                                                                                                                    And smile
                                                                                                                       At what
                                                                                                                             They
                                                                                                                                  Did

This is for the young girl or boy
That treats that blade like a toy

This morning I bled for you
Then I realized I didn't have to
And I regret the scars on my arm
But I kind of deserve the harm

Memory still haunts her like a semi
Endless dreams of headlights
Gravestones all around
Buried in the ground
The sound of midnight howls

I've been up since 5:15
I met you at 6 AM
We took the car out in the dark
Just you and me and bleeding hearts

I've been crying since 7:15
We knew it'd come, but we could dream
I watched you walk away from me
And there was nothing we could do

But since 7:15
I've watched you walk away
All over again on replay

Here's a letter for you
That I wrote at six years old
I drew a pink heart and a blue ice cream cone
It read, "Daddy I love you, no matter how old."

I never gave it to you
Cause you were always on the road

Here's a letter for you
That I wrote in 5th grade
Written on a napkin with a blade
Daddy, I thought you were making progress

I never sent it to you
Cause I never knew your address

Here's a letter for you
That I wrote at 13
Scribbled on a picture frame
Holding you and me
Daddy, what's this torturous wave?

I never left it for you
Cause I never found your grave

Here's a letter for you
That I wrote at 18
Written on a dollar bill
I earned this evening
"Daddy, I'm doing it
I'm graduating"

I never kept it
I was crying before I could accept it

Here's a letter for you
That I'll write when the time comes
I'll stick it in between the bouquet
And let my makeup run
"Daddy, I wish you could walk with me
I think my nerves would ease"

But it'll never reach you
Unless God's feeling pleased

Madeline, Madeline
Shut your eyes really tight
Come with me, its about time
I'll take you to your paradise
Come on my dear
You can fly
Madeline

She took another step
Till she was right on the ledge
Her eyes could see so far
To the heavens and back
She spread her arms like wings
And falls as if she's really flying

Madeline, Madeline
You're a blessing in disguise
Madeline, Madeline
Trust me dear, just close your eyes

Falling like a devil's trap
Madeline no longer cried
Madeline, she's going down
But Madeline says she's finally free

Come with me, take my hand
Death isn't as bad as you thought it were
More of an escape than the afterworld

Madeline, Madeline
I'm calling you, Madeline
Come with me and you'll be safe
Your scars will heal
You'll see better days

Madeline, just let go
Madeline, don't give up hope
Madeline, you can fly
Madeline, but then you'll die
Madeline, you can be free
Madeline, come with me

Her eyes
Her senses
Her perspective

Her skin
Her emotions
Her feeling

Her face
Her body
Her beauty

...and her love

You try to live the life you should
But everything just seems too good
So you end up living just like dad
Never settling, always sad

When you are too drunk
to drink the drink
that drains the drunk
from your stomach,
what then?
Drink more,
drunk more,
drain more,
until you are empty
and full of drinks
in which make you drunk
in which make you drink more drinks
until you are drunk, drunk
too drunk to drink the drinks
that take away the drunk
I drank

This is for you
that deals with self harm.
This is for you
who has to watch their
best friend, daughter, son, or lover
deal
with self harm.

This is for the boy or girl
or man or woman,
the ****
or the quiet one,
the girl who wears too much eye makeup
or the girl who doesn't wear enough.

This is for
whoever you are
wherever you are
if the thought or the sickly desire
to harm your own
precious
delicate skin
has ever
for a second
crossed your mind.

This is for the ones like me
the ones that promise themselves
"it will help"
"I will be okay"
but deep down
they know
it wont
and I wont.

This is for the nights
and the days
and the empty smiles
and the swallowed laughs
and the times in which
you may have carved
****** letters
into your skin because
that is all you feel you amount to
or maybe it's just lines
or swollen bumps that last
much longer
because words can not describe
what you have seen
and heard
and felt
and what
you
have
become.

This is for you
for her
for him
this is for all the future children
or teenagers
or full grown adults
that will someday choose their weapon
to defeat
themselves.

I am not going to tell you it gets better.
I am not going to say that God is the answer.
I am not going to confess
my whole life story
and end it on a happy note.

But I do know that
through the tears
and cuts
and burns
and constant suicidal thoughts

there will be smiles
and laughs
and hugs
and even nights that feel as if they couldn't get any
better.

And sometimes,
even if only sometimes,
those smiles will be genuine
those laughs will be never-ending
the hugs full of love
and those nights, those nights
they will get better.

I do not know
if WE will get better
and if maybe someday
we might not want to
harm ourselves again
but I do know
that there will be better days
and moments
that are completely
worth
living for.

Fill the empty space where your heart is
Walk with such grace even when you're fallin'

Writing words instead of ****** lines
Words instead of tears
Words instead of suicide
Writing words she fears

Writing words above her ****** lines
Words that smear with tears
Words that spell out suicide
Writing words she fears no more

Don't waste your eyes chasing the moon
When the sun's got ahold of you

It's not nothing
if it's enough to end your life

I want to lie down
In a sea of my own blood
I want to conquer the world
Don't want the world to conquer us