Some days I find myself reading through past messages, trying to remember how I felt back then.
A part of me thinks that maybe, just maybe, if I’d reached out for help instead of gently closing every door, I wouldn’t be like this;
Chewing on paper clips for the taste of blood on my tongue instead of my fingers so my parents would stop complaining about the bite marks on my hands.
I think I’m just glad they never look beyond the jackets I wear 24/7 or the number of cat scratches I got recently or the ghost that paces around our house on sleepless nights.

...

.  .  .

If I betray my freedom
I betray myself,
Becoming a stranger in my own skin
Quietly echoing the voice of the crowd.
But if I betray the rules,
Break free and stray from the paved path,
I betray my comrades
I betray the people I lead

Quiet nights alone
Pen scratching against paper
Finally, day's end

With twin oranges
Welcome blessings for new year
Relatives around

Blades clash, shattering
Unspoken words, a sword falls
Silence, then weeping

Today I am…
A wisp of hazy cloud, drifting aimlessly.
A sponge, wrung dry. Only ***** suds remain.
A drop of water, endlessly falling—drip… drip… drip…
The colour grey. A dull shade. Just… there.
A fallen cup, its drink long evaporated.
A rock, lying on the riverbed, unmoving, watching life swim by.

They stepped (I let them)
Through the curtains where I hid
Raw shards of my soul

The day I watched the fire die
Only once did my tears fall
But I knew that once the moon was neigh
I would answer sorrow’s call
Despite the embers that remain;
Pathetic wisps go hope
I know it’ll never be the same
As I clutch this rotting rope
I think the walls are closing in
But maybe it’s just me
The emptiness hurts from within
So suffocatingly
I guess this is the place where we
Have no choice but to part
In the future I hope I’ll see
Us in each other’s hearts
Till the next time we can meet, friend,
I’ll save a seat for you
Though many faces are fleeting
You’ll stay one of the few

Flip a coin
Was it heads or tails?
I bet it didn't land on its edge.

I try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
But still
I'm not
Enough

I sit on a hill
Grass poking into my palm
The night air woven in ice
The sky is filled with glittering stars
Nestled within the frozen void
Like little jewels in black velvet

Such beautiful corpses

I came
I saw
I laughed
I cried
I grew
I flew
I fell
I lied
I hurt
Was hurt
I healed
I sighed
I loved
I loathed
I smiled
I died

And suddenly I’m at your funeral                                              
                                                                ­   again. Your body is

          bloodied, laying in the little, black, box.        
  
                                                             ­  Your face is marred.

Or maybe it’s my tears                                                            ­              
                                                  ­     that make me                                    
                forget
   ­                                                                 ­                        how you look(ed)
              You shouldn’t be there.               I won’t be there.
                                              Unless you call for me.         But
                                                             ­                 dead people don’t speak.