I didn’t want to fall apart mid-sentence,
So I said less and asked more questions.
Tuned out love songs, skipped our street —
I made avoiding you look complete.

I smile and nod when your name is mentioned,
As if it doesn't pull me out of the conversation
They throw it around casually, like it's not cutting right through —
I guess I never got to cry out about you.

No reaction to action
Left baffled by the way you were acting
From lovers to strangers, now barely reacting
Love you forever to cold replies — no reenactment
Yelling instead of talking, now silence is our last interaction

When you’ve done enough
The sorrow will fade in the lack of clear thoughts and the beats of a broken heart will eventually stop

I misheard your emotions, I misheard your needs,
I misheard my own heart, now regret counts the beats.
I misheard your plans and acted like I didn’t care,
Now that I’m without you, your absence is all I hear.

Love wrote the highs, loss read the byes.
Now silence pens the chapters where your voice once replied.

You stood beneath the station light,
the kind that softens into blue.
Your hair was damp from rising rain,
your hands unsure of what to do.

I watched you move but not let go,
a breath away, yet far from home.
There’s something cruel in parting slow—
we lost the words, we left alone.

The train exhaled, the silence stayed,
You turned your face, but you never waved.

There’s an outfit for each kind of day,
one for work, and one to play.
One for silence, one for charm —
I dress to keep their peace from harm.

I match their tone, their pace, their cue,
become the me they’re walking through.
A shifting shape, a face that fits —
but never quite the one that sits.

I dress in layers not for style,
but just to wear a safer smile.
A thousand looks, a thousand designs —
but none align with what’s in mine.

And every mirror looked back at me
But none of them knew who to be
I learned to read the room so well,
I lost the voice I used to tell.

But fabric wears, and so did I,
the cost of always living shy.
I’ve worn their sizes, played their part —
let fashion hide a restless heart.
But now I pull the stitching tight —
and walk in clothes that finally fit right.

I tried meeting you where you stood,
made silence feel like something good.
I kept on folding just to cope,
called it patience, called it hope.

I bent so far I lost my shape,
Adjusting to the mood you made.
Held space for you, but not for me —
kept calling strain a kind of peace.

You brushed off things I said were deep,
then blamed me when I couldn’t sleep.
I swallowed truth to keep you still —
but I’m not choking on your will.

I won’t turn off my own desires,
or play it cool to keep things calm.
I’m done setting myself on fire,
just to keep on keeping you warm.

We all wish to die of old age in our sleep,
But what if my slow death began at 22 and ends at 83?
What if the love I was offered in life was deadly?
I know love might show up with a different face, but that just ain’t it for me.
If it’s not yours, it’ll always pretend to be.

You ran to the door like you always did,
no idea what I’d walked out from.
Maybe you waited the nights I was gone —
still hopeful, still sure I’d come.

We played like nothing else mattered at all,
you stayed by the door when I’d leave.
You knew I’d return like I always had —
one of the things I silently grieve.

I don’t know if you’d still know my face,
or if time’s erased what we knew.
Would you still light up if I walked in,
or just stare at me like I’m someone new?

They took you like I never mattered,
like love could just be split in two.
I didn’t leave because I stopped loving —
if it wasn’t for them, I’d still be with you.

I bought my peace in silver flakes,
from shadow hands in quiet breaks.
They said it shimmered, said it flew —
but gravity still pulled me through.

I lined the stars on bathroom tile,
called it freedom for a while.
It sparkled like a borrowed sky —
but burned like comets passing by.

I chased the night, I chased the glow,
until the stars fell down below.
And when the morning asked for me —
I left in dreams I’d paid to see.

I brewed the coffee more for you than for me,
A ritual dressed in honesty.
The mug you left — I held it near,
Like touching it might make you appear.
I wrote you notes you never read,
Then tucked them back beneath my bed.

I set your place, then stared at mine,
As if routine could rewind time.
I’d hum your songs to fill the space,
Mistaking ache for your embrace.
But holding on can blur the view —
I feared what leaving meant was true.

And so today, I break that thread,
Not out of hate, but love instead.
I’ll drink for one, I’ll clear your cup —
It’s not moving on, it’s waking up.

I woke up wired, heart beat fast,
told myself this time’s the last.
Lines on the sink, shame in my head,
texted some lies, stayed in bed.

The crash is gone but not the mess,
some days I still can’t catch my breath.
I stay away from what the old me craves,
and that part is still digging its own grave.

There were nights I almost called it quits —
and if the ceiling of my old apartment was strong enough,
I wouldn’t be writing this.

First thing I did was run from the scene,
left the old streets and all they’d seen.
She said goodbye — I froze in place,
then turned before tears showed on my face.

Then came the nights I caved to the haze,
lines on the table, weeks in a daze.
Each hit a way to not recall —
but nothing numbed the fall at all.

I crossed state lines, left all I knew,
wore smiles I borrowed and played them through.
But even then, she stayed inside —
a quiet weight I couldn’t hide.

So I left it all, the past, the place,
the life I built around her trace.
Not to explore the world or start anew,
but to survive a life that ended with you.

For years I fought something only I could see,
A battlefield etched in the silence of me.
The foe was mine, yet I could not yield,
A fight contained in an unmarked field.

I clashed with shadows that wore my face,
Each strike within left a deeper trace.
Fighting hard just to stand or breathe,
A battleground I couldn’t command or leave.

But time wore thin, the noise fell still,
The air grew thick, the ground unfilled.
No victor crowned, no flag was claimed,
Just ruined trenches and a captive unchained.

Not quite peace, but free from pain,
A quiet place where hope’s restrained.
No joy to chase but tears is no more,
Just steady breathing — after the war.

I never learned the rules they made —
the apps, the games, the masquerade.
I tried them once, they felt too loud,
like chasing something through a crowd.

I’ve had my nights, I’ve played my part,
but none of it could reach my heart.
I want something that doesn’t fade —
but not the way it’s now portrayed.

I’m not online, I stepped aside.
Not hiding — just not in the tide.
I don’t perform. I don’t compete.
But that’s how people seem to meet.

They match, they text, it moves so fast —
like every moment’s built to pass.
And while I watch it come and go,
I wonder where the slow hearts go.

Where do they cross, where does it start,
when swipes replaced the human part?
I never learned to play the cut —
Which leaves me here. Now what?

They argue in threads they barely read,
Just dopamine and capslocked tweets.
No questions asked, no space to try —
PEOPLE READ, NOT TO UNDERSTAND BUT TO REPLY.

I’ve seen how fast
A life can pass
Yet I’m too tired for life’s dance
Too worried about the egos
of the worlds cast
And too stressed to pick up the trash of my own little worlds past

Forgot I was driving, lost inside the flow,
Rain blurs the glass, lights painting below.
At the red, yellow, green — a pulse of panic,
Everyone’s moving straight, part of traffic.

But straight ahead I drift, a part of what I know,
Eyes on the road, following where others go.
Then in a blink — caught between fear and dare,
I slip the wheel left, cutting through the air.

Heart pounding loud, beating in new ways.
No signs to guide, no one to chase.
Just an unknown road, a new path to race.

I had a thought —
it slipped.
A line to speak —
just clipped.

I meant to say
what’s wrong,
but maybe I
came on too strong.

My chest said go,
my mouth said wait.
My throat just held
a heavy weight.

I wrote it down —
then backspaced all.
It felt too weak,
it felt too small.

I wish I could
explain this fear,
but words run dry
when you get near.

So if I stall
or start to shake —
it’s not a game,
it isn’t fake.

It’s just that when
my mind gets loud,
my voice gets lost
inside the crowd.

I tried forgetting what your smile did for years
Reminiscing about a past time has left me stained
More like a stomach ache, rather than tears
When I meet people now I feel emotionally restrained

I reach for something I can’t replace
Locked in a place my heart insists
Still chasing the shape of a vanished face,
I’m in love with someone who no longer exist

They say I smile a little more,
That I don’t drag my feet like I did before.
I sleep through nights I used to fight,
No weight of wrong to make things right.

I left before the final storm,
I knew you’d be waiting with a pistol drawn.
No slammed door, no screaming scene —
Just walked away from what we’d been.

You loved the me that stayed in line,
Not the man in me I tried to find.
You saw me cracking but stuck to your ways —
Just glad it wasn’t your pain to face.

Now I ain’t saying that there was no cost,
Some things you leave still feel like loss.
But peace ain’t loud — it just shows up slow,
And I’ve been feeling better since I let you go.

The sun comes out loud, like it owns the whole day,
It shines like it’s sure I’ll be okay.
It burns through the curtains, expects me to move —
Like light means life, and I’ve got something to prove.

But the moon doesn’t ask me to rise or perform,
It waits without judgment, calm and warm.
It shows up in the silence, when the world shuts up —
And reminds me that just being here is enough.

There’s peace in the dark when the day is done —
I feel more at home with the moon than the sun.

I’m ready to give up
Ten years passed
Time’s been rough
First on me
Then on us
Lost the lust
Lost the love
Broke the trust
Hated myself
For what I’d do
Long before
I hurt you too
Drowned in bottles
Swallowed blame
Cracked the mirror
Spoke my name
Looked in deep
Saw the cost
Traced the lines
Of what I’d lost
Emptied the glass
Faced the dust
Buried the pain
Because I must
I’m not done
I’ve bled enough
There’s no life
Without love