i never realize how much i miss my bestfrand
until he messages me

...the *******.

i was in love with him for awhile
blue Skys are tempting
any time of the year
i have a thing for
boys with smashed hearts
but i
got over it
can't chase blue Skys
my whole life
high as **** Brian S.'s come along
cocky Dougs
slick Adams
****-naked Gregs
smooth-talking Wayne Gilberts
and smiling Elliots
and they take up the time
inbetween
they give me reasons to smile
or cringe
at least they
******* entertain me
keep me
busy
that's all i look for
i guess

...i'm shallow as ****
and i don't even care
i'm just glad
my blue Sky is back
i don't love him like i used to
but he still loves me
and that makes it
ok...
time to raise hell...
blue Sky
and summer time
go together
perfectly

Come queen of months in company
Wi all thy merry minstrelsy
The restless cuckoo absent long
And twittering swallows chimney song
And hedge row crickets notes that run
From every bank that fronts the sun
And swathy bees about the grass
That stops wi every bloom they pass
And every minute every hour
Keep teazing weeds that wear a flower
And toil and childhoods humming joys
For there is music in the noise
The village childern mad for sport
In school times leisure ever short
That crick and catch the bouncing ball
And run along the church yard wall
Capt wi rude figured slabs whose claims
In times bad memory hath no names
Oft racing round the nookey church
Or calling ecchos in the porch
And jilting oer the weather ****
Viewing wi jealous eyes the clock
Oft leaping grave stones leaning hights
Uncheckt wi mellancholy sights
The green grass swelld in many a heap
Where kin and friends and parents sleep
Unthinking in their jovial cry
That time shall come when they shall lye
As lowly and as still as they
While other boys above them play
Heedless as they do now to know
The unconcious dust that lies below
The shepherd goes wi happy stride
Wi moms long shadow by his side
Down the dryd lanes neath blooming may
That once was over shoes in clay
While martins twitter neath his eves
Which he at early morning leaves
The driving boy beside his team
Will oer the may month beauty dream
And **** his hat and turn his eye
On flower and tree and deepning skye
And oft bursts loud in fits of song
And whistles as he reels along
Cracking his whip in starts of joy
A happy ***** driving boy
The youth who leaves his corner stool
Betimes for neighbouring village school
While as a mark to urge him right
The church spires all the way in sight
Wi cheerings from his parents given
Starts neath the joyous smiles of heaven
And sawns wi many an idle stand
Wi bookbag swinging in his hand
And gazes as he passes bye
On every thing that meets his eye
Young lambs seem tempting him to play
Dancing and bleating in his way
Wi trembling tails and pointed ears
They follow him and loose their fears
He smiles upon their sunny faces
And feign woud join their happy races
The birds that sing on bush and tree
Seem chirping for his company
And all in fancys idle whim
Seem keeping holiday but him
He lolls upon each resting stile
To see the fields so sweetly smile
To see the wheat grow green and long
And list the weeders toiling song
Or short note of the changing thrush
Above him in the white thorn bush
That oer the leaning stile bends low
Loaded wi mockery of snow
Mozzld wi many a lushing thread
Of crab tree blossoms delicate red
He often bends wi many a wish
Oer the brig rail to view the fish
Go sturting by in sunny gleams
And chucks in the eye dazzld streams
Crumbs from his pocket oft to watch
The swarming struttle come to catch
Them where they to the bottom sile
Sighing in fancys joy the while
Hes cautiond not to stand so nigh
By rosey milkmaid tripping bye
Where he admires wi fond delight
And longs to be there mute till night
He often ventures thro the day
At truant now and then to play
Rambling about the field and plain
Seeking larks nests in the grain
And picking flowers and boughs of may
To hurd awhile and throw away
Lurking neath bushes from the sight
Of tell tale eyes till schools noon night
Listing each hour for church clocks hum
To know the hour to wander home
That parents may not think him long
Nor dream of his rude doing wrong
Dreading thro the night wi dreaming pain
To meet his masters wand again
Each hedge is loaded thick wi green
And where the hedger late hath been
Tender shoots begin to grow
From the mossy stumps below
While sheep and cow that teaze the grain
will nip them to the root again
They lay their bill and mittens bye
And on to other labours hie
While wood men still on spring intrudes
And thins the shadow solitudes
Wi sharpend axes felling down
The oak trees budding into brown
Where as they crash upon the ground
A crowd of labourers gather round
And mix among the shadows dark
To rip the crackling staining bark
From off the tree and lay when done
The rolls in lares to meet the sun
Depriving yearly where they come
The green wood pecker of its home
That early in the spring began
Far from the sight of troubling man
And bord their round holes in each tree
In fancys sweet security
Till startld wi the woodmans noise
It wakes from all its dreaming joys
The blue bells too that thickly bloom
Where man was never feared to come
And smell smocks that from view retires
**** rustling leaves and bowing briars
And stooping lilys of the valley
That comes wi shades and dews to dally
White beady drops on slender threads
Wi broad hood leaves above their heads
Like white robd maids in summer hours
Neath umberellas shunning showers
These neath the barkmens crushing treads
Oft perish in their blooming beds
Thus stript of boughs and bark in white
Their trunks shine in the mellow light
Beneath the green surviving trees
That wave above them in the breeze
And waking whispers slowly bends
As if they mournd their fallen friends
Each morning now the weeders meet
To cut the thistle from the wheat
And ruin in the sunny hours
Full many wild weeds of their flowers
Corn poppys that in crimson dwell
Calld ‘head achs’ from their sickly smell
And carlock yellow as the sun
That oer the may fields thickly run
And ‘iron ****’ content to share
The meanest spot that spring can spare
Een roads where danger hourly comes
Is not wi out its purple blooms
And leaves wi points like thistles round
Thickset that have no strength to wound
That shrink to childhoods eager hold
Like hair—and with its eye of gold
And scarlet starry points of flowers
Pimpernel dreading nights and showers
Oft calld ‘the shepherds weather glass’
That sleep till suns have dyd the grass
Then wakes and spreads its creeping bloom
Till clouds or threatning shadows come
Then close it shuts to sleep again
Which weeders see and talk of rain
And boys that mark them shut so soon
will call them ‘John go bed at noon
And fumitory too a name
That superstition holds to fame
Whose red and purple mottled flowers
Are cropt by maids in weeding hours
To boil in water milk and way1
For washes on an holiday
To make their beauty fair and sleak
And scour the tan from summers cheek
And simple small forget me not
Eyd wi a pinshead yellow spot
I’th’ middle of its tender blue
That gains from poets notice due
These flowers the toil by crowds destroys
And robs them of their lowly joys
That met the may wi hopes as sweet
As those her suns in gardens meet
And oft the dame will feel inclind
As childhoods memory comes to mind
To turn her hook away and spare
The blooms it lovd to gather there
My wild field catalogue of flowers
Grows in my ryhmes as thick as showers
Tedious and long as they may be
To some, they never weary me
The wood and mead and field of grain
I coud hunt oer and oer again
And talk to every blossom wild
Fond as a parent to a child
And cull them in my childish joy
By swarms and swarms and never cloy
When their lank shades oer morning pearls
Shrink from their lengths to little girls
And like the clock hand pointing one
Is turnd and tells the morning gone
They leave their toils for dinners hour
Beneath some hedges bramble bower
And season sweet their savory meals
Wi joke and tale and merry peals
Of ancient tunes from happy tongues
While linnets join their fitful songs
Perchd oer their heads in frolic play
Among the tufts of motling may
The young girls whisper things of love
And from the old dames hearing move
Oft making ‘love knotts’ in the shade
Of blue green oat or wheaten blade
And trying simple charms and spells
That rural superstition tells
They pull the little blossom threads
From out the knapweeds button heads
And put the husk wi many a smile
In their white bosoms for awhile
Who if they guess aright the swain
That loves sweet fancys trys to gain
Tis said that ere its lain an hour
Twill blossom wi a second flower
And from her white ******* hankerchief
Bloom as they ne’er had lost a leaf
When signs appear that token wet
As they are neath the bushes met
The girls are glad wi hopes of play
And harping of the holiday
A hugh blue bird will often swim
Along the wheat when skys grow dim
Wi clouds—slow as the gales of spring
In motion wi dark shadowd wing
Beneath the coming storm it sails
And lonly chirps the wheat hid quails
That came to live wi spring again
And start when summer browns the grain
They start the young girls joys afloat
Wi ‘wet my foot’ its yearly note
So fancy doth the sound explain
And proves it oft a sign of rain
About the moor ‘**** sheep and cow
The boy or old man wanders now
Hunting all day wi hopful pace
Each thick sown rushy thistly place
For plover eggs while oer them flye
The fearful birds wi teazing cry
Trying to lead their steps astray
And coying him another way
And be the weather chill or warm
Wi brown hats truckd beneath his arm
Holding each prize their search has won
They plod bare headed to the sun
Now dames oft bustle from their wheels
Wi childern scampering at their heels
To watch the bees that hang and swive
In clumps about each thronging hive
And flit and thicken in the light
While the old dame enjoys the sight
And raps the while their warming pans
A spell that superstition plans
To coax them in the garden bounds
As if they lovd the tinkling sounds
And oft one hears the dinning noise
Which dames believe each swarm decoys
Around each village day by day
Mingling in the warmth of may
Sweet scented herbs her skill contrives
To rub the bramble platted hives
Fennels thread leaves and crimpld balm
To scent the new house of the swarm
The thresher dull as winter days
And lost to all that spring displays
Still mid his barn dust forcd to stand
Swings his frail round wi weary hand
While oer his head shades thickly creep
And hides the blinking owl asleep
And bats in cobweb corners bred
Sharing till night their murky bed
The sunshine trickles on the floor
Thro every crevice of the door
And makes his barn where shadows dwell
As irksome as a prisoners cell
And as he seeks his daily meal
As schoolboys from their tasks will steal
ile often stands in fond delay
To see the daisy in his way
And wild weeds flowering on the wall
That will his childish sports recall
Of all the joys that came wi spring
The twirling top the marble ring
The gingling halfpence hussld up
At pitch and toss the eager stoop
To pick up heads, the smuggeld plays
Neath hovels upon sabbath days
When parson he is safe from view
And clerk sings amen in his pew
The sitting down when school was oer
Upon the threshold by his door
Picking from mallows sport to please
Each crumpld seed he calld a cheese
And hunting from the stackyard sod
The stinking hen banes belted pod
By youths vain fancys sweetly fed
Christning them his loaves of bread
He sees while rocking down the street
Wi weary hands and crimpling feet
Young childern at the self same games
And hears the self same simple names
Still floating on each happy tongue
Touchd wi the simple scene so strong
Tears almost start and many a sigh
Regrets the happiness gone bye
And in sweet natures holiday
His heart is sad while all is gay
How lovly now are lanes and balks
For toils and lovers sunday walks
The daisey and the buttercup
For which the laughing childern stoop
A hundred times throughout the day
In their rude ramping summer play
So thickly now the pasture crowds
In gold and silver sheeted clouds
As if the drops in april showers
Had woo’d the sun and swoond to flowers
The brook resumes its summer dresses
Purling neath grass and water cresses
And mint and flag leaf swording high
Their blooms to the unheeding eye
And taper bowbent hanging rushes
And horse tail childerns bottle brushes
And summer tracks about its brink
Is fresh again where cattle drink
And on its sunny bank the swain
Stretches his idle length again
Soon as the sun forgets the day
The moon looks down on the lovly may
And the little star his friend and guide
Travelling together side by side
And the seven stars and charleses wain
Hangs smiling oer green woods agen
The heaven rekindles all alive
Wi light the may bees round the hive
Swarm not so thick in mornings eye
As stars do in the evening skye
All all are nestling in their joys
The flowers and birds and pasture boys
The firetail, long a stranger, comes
To his last summer haunts and homes
To hollow tree and crevisd wall
And in the grass the rails odd call
That featherd spirit stops the swain
To listen to his note again
And school boy still in vain retraces
The secrets of his hiding places
In the black thorns crowded copse
Thro its varied turns and stops
The nightingale its ditty weaves
Hid in a multitude of leaves
The boy stops short to hear the strain
And ’sweet jug jug’ he mocks again
The yellow hammer builds its nest
By banks where sun beams earliest rest
That drys the dews from off the grass
Shading it from all that pass
Save the rude boy wi ferret gaze
That hunts thro evry secret maze
He finds its pencild eggs agen
All streakd wi lines as if a pen
By natures freakish hand was took
To scrawl them over like a book
And from these many mozzling marks
The school boy names them ‘writing larks’
*** barrels twit on bush and tree
Scarse bigger then a bumble bee
And in a white thorns leafy rest
It builds its curious pudding-nest
Wi hole beside as if a mouse
Had built the little barrel house
Toiling full many a lining feather
And bits of grey tree moss together
Amid the noisey rooky park
Beneath the firdales branches dark
The little golden crested wren
Hangs up his glowing nest agen
And sticks it to the furry leaves
As martins theirs beneath the eaves
The old hens leave the roost betimes
And oer the garden pailing climbs
To scrat the gardens fresh turnd soil
And if unwatchd his crops to spoil
Oft cackling from the prison yard
To peck about the houseclose sward
Catching at butterflys and things
Ere they have time to try their wings
The cattle feels the breath of may
And kick and toss their heads in play
The *** beneath his bags of sand
Oft jerks the string from leaders hand
And on the road will eager stoop
To pick the sprouting thistle up
Oft answering on his weary way
Some distant neighbours sobbing bray
Dining the ears of driving boy
As if he felt a fit of joy
Wi in its pinfold circle left
Of all its company bereft
Starvd stock no longer noising round
Lone in the nooks of foddering ground
Each skeleton of lingering stack
By winters tempests beaten black
Nodds upon props or bolt upright
Stands swarthy in the summer light
And oer the green grass seems to lower
Like stump of old time wasted tower
All that in winter lookd for hay
Spread from their batterd haunts away
To pick the grass or lye at lare
Beneath the mild hedge shadows there
Sweet month that gives a welcome call
To toil and nature and to all
Yet one day mid thy many joys
Is dead to all its sport and noise
Old may day where’s thy glorys gone
All fled and left thee every one
Thou comst to thy old haunts and homes
Unnoticd as a stranger comes
No flowers are pluckt to hail the now
Nor cotter seeks a single bough
The maids no more on thy sweet morn
Awake their thresholds to adorn
Wi dewey flowers—May locks new come
And princifeathers cluttering bloom
And blue bells from the woodland moss
And cowslip cucking ***** to toss
Above the garlands swinging hight
Hang in the soft eves sober light
These maid and child did yearly pull
By many a folded apron full
But all is past the merry song
Of maidens hurrying along
To crown at eve the earliest cow
Is gone and dead and silent now
The laugh raisd at the mocking thorn
Tyd to the cows tail last that morn
The kerchief at arms length displayd
Held up by pairs of swain and maid
While others bolted underneath
Bawling loud wi panting breath
‘Duck under water’ as they ran
Alls ended as they ne’er began
While the new thing that took thy place
Wears faded smiles upon its face
And where enclosure has its birth
It spreads a mildew oer her mirth
The herd no longer one by one
Goes plodding on her morning way
And garlands lost and sports nigh gone
Leaves her like thee a common day
Yet summer smiles upon thee still
Wi natures sweet unalterd will
And at thy births unworshipd hours
Fills her green lap wi swarms of flowers
To crown thee still as thou hast been
Of spring and summer months the queen

I will strike
I will make it work
This is my stage
And I run this show
There's no two ways bout it
That I will touch the endless galaxies
Feel infinte, be embellished
Break the glass, and steal the crystals,
Mount the skys, and imprint eternity

it was raining on the sun.
it was raining on the sun
this sun had 13 moons

it was raining on the sun
at 3 am.
the sun had lost it's way
only to find it's Madness
13 moons. 13 oceans
13 oceans of god knows what ?
13 dead gods on 13 dead lawns
the sky had gone where skys get very, very lost
where dead worlds sing
in the sick pink *******
of a host of slaughtered angels
typhoons of awful
like clots of mindless rage
fed only violence and dominion
only sacred cows and baby teeth
and darkling blasphemy
come from the ruptured lungs
of Agony and Thorns

Only you.

only you would.

Only You

could.

**** a Unicorn.

To see the moon and the stars
Travel all of time and space
See the world
What a wonderful adventure
Never knowing what will take place

Something new around every turn
Always something to discover
A world made of diamonds
A world of brand new grass

Different color skys, clouds
Deep blue oceans, rivers
Each world with its own beauties
Always full of new adventures

Run, Run, Run
Run as fast as you can
You never know when this will all end

Another place, another face
It's all changing again
Try to keep up
Win the race
Don't want to end up a disgrace

Constantly fighting
No never give in
You better fight until the bitter end
Because another mystery begins

Look at me pretty eyes,
you do not notice im in dicise,
you quietly stare at skys,
in a dream like hase with love on rise

Every time I look in your eyes
I see a thousand fireflies
Like a burning ember before it dies

Every time I look at you
I look through time at how you grew
And know that now you are renewed

Every time I look in your eyes
I see in you a hatred for lies
I see the colour of crystal skys

And i loved you more than the  stars in the skys, the moon on rise and the sun on the sit, you were the greatest to ever take a step, i lovedd more than romeo loved juliett  i love you

Shifting skys took over my vision as I died in my sisters arms,
Whispers of people I once knew lingered around me.
My past and future no longer existed,
I was no longer here or there, just lost in a black abyss.
I couldn't escape my prison of eternity of screaming lost souls,
We were all lost together but didn't know we weren't alone.
The feeling of never ending agony is something I will never forget,
The feeling of immense anger is something I wouldn't wish on anyone.
But I am here not there anymore, but I know my prison of eternity will come back to take me away,
I feel it hovering over me as I go through these long days of waiting.
I will never be able to escape my prison,
it will never let go of me.

rosa
beautiful like a rose bud
fields of petals, my medals, yet to bloom
pretty eyes, dark skys, that nurture like a womb
silk soft skin
i can only imagine is velvet to the touch
poised with perseverance
this i admire very much
to know you is a dream
i never want to end
to have you by my side
a broken heart will mend

avoid accusations of desperation
im not trying to propose
its just my sense of admiration
rosa, your as beautiful as a rose

morning skys

here i sit
cigarette in hand
best friend across from me
and my brain going a million miles an hour

she’s great, my friend
she always listens, and not the kind of listen that most people would lend you
but the kind that lets you know she’s really in it
she retains and recalls details

see this is so important to me because I ALSO do that
not to mention the very hint of someone not fully engaging with me sends razor blades down my spine
it causes some secret trap door in my stomach to swing open full force and empty the tiny bit of courage i had to speak in the first place

but she’s so good at making me feel heard
she truly cares about the opinions i have to offer, however many billions of them there may be
and she gets interested in my ideas so much that we began to create them together
and did i mention that this chick realllllly digs with whatever i have to say, regardless of how fast my words may be spilling, or the frequent pauses to hit the blunt

i once told her that our friendship may not last due to my borderline personality disorder, but she was always going to be a soulmate of mine due to our spiritual connection
and she spent the next two weeks researching the illness
no one has ever shown so much care for me
so much interest
such understanding

i’m laying down now
my cigarette is done
my best friend is still here
and that’s all i could ever ask for

Sitting solid on a thinking throne
Drinking bottles that sing melancholy tones
Singing lone, resonating to your bones
Your fragile little frame cannot save the show
Not when you're casting skys clouding with crows

Your mind is pale, sick to it's stomach
Everything up there can't reconcile, but luck
It's begun to resonate quietly like a comets tail
When your playing on mental jungle gyms of shale

I'm sure there's things that keep you up
Drugs, and alcohol, and fasting all day
A cyclical belt of asteroid tales
You think so much you've burnt an image
Of cotton dreams, so soft and harsh, but somehow sail
You may never grasp them, but you've reached so far you've become so frail

It's hard to try, it's even harder to pry
Open your heart, and let yourself cry
The castles you build are built of tears, and the cemetery near is calling your fears
The foundation is weak, and your pastor you seek, but everything you've found thus far, oblique
Cast your shadows as you will, but they're just funny puppets you've conjured in the night still

a poetic rain,
in small print,
fills the white sky page
...and leaves it pregnant with a frontier glowing brighter
than the prime moved space attuned to matter's birth
--all the freedom still, and more... continues growing heedless of the dark surround

and as a bright lotus conjures flight from murky soils--
heavy, sinking, rooted into nether darks--
you digest even drivel as you read, and leap beyond,
celebrating its inherent scope, tendril values spanning all potentiality;
i squint to see you silhouetted there: silent poet flying in between the signs,
to re-sign brilliance on that plane,
and voice the silence intertwining muse and verbal ruse

producing in an everpresent rain the giving-rise to words,
the meaning prior and pretend, and signaled apprehension past intent:
deluge inspiration in the rents of earth, carry dust into the rainbow clouds, and see the shaking world alight in lovingkindness without end

speaking now in arts reversed,
in playing poems and writing at a pitch to sweeten tongues with memories relived...
speaking in the ripple-visage looking back at skys beneath a surface weight we bear,
and shed in holding breath in waves, and squinting tight
the urge to love a universes' birth, conceive
the poem that generates progenesis of stellar forms
each...day
words to twist the vital helix of all oneness beings into being fair
chiasmi of the night alive to sing expanse, to sing alive galactic seas alight
into the pan-flute of the gods re-tuned to shakuhachi tones,
tabla moans and pops of ancient memories reborn
make verbal love within raags beloved rivers smooth at sitar drone
... within the theater your poetic home enfolds

Blinded by love,* can a lotus grow?
through this, beyond chance, to realize...kinship with a chameleon?
with an ant in unexplored territory?
mysteries hiding
revealing deeper mysteries, the hues of Kerala regrown
unknown cloud of "known"-unknown rising...
unknown cloud of possible-knowns to be...
being past, unknown cloud to wash the earth...
allowing all other clouds, dharma-megha cloud returning to that ocean..
--what limits of versatility attain here in my underwater tears?

we can be A dog and a cat transfixed by a sun set
lizards versus spiders crawling for our meals
the dance and dancer one
and we can tend the gardens all our lovers left
or tend the Goddess Night in daring shadow walks with her to inner, spiraled light
that inner vined garden of her truth forever singing you are me
tat twam asi in hues dark maidenhood restrokes
euphoric agony contains a clue
where negatives dream each other through and through
in a subtle exchange self with self before a mirror that eats all reflections









*)O(

though skys manipulate woman
white winter wind drives ships beneath the gorgeous sun
lazy and smooth spring floods shine partly in luscious gardens
worshiping the Goddess is a dream
black forests spray weak frantic pictures on the moon
less delicate symphony's of whispers scream you and i together
delirious we smear your chocolate hair and honey skin
mad & drunk with love they beat time in a still summer
their music like rainstorms chain life & death in a shadowy eternity
what I want is to swim your void of sweet milk
leave you running atop mist and water sleeping by me
we sing chants by tongue painting a vision of true love
moan this essential language
in our bed sweat away all aching and sadness
cool light soars from blue petal to pink rose
these raw elaborate moments crush & shake most
up boy
go girl
under bare feet power beauty

Pyschedlics in the sky
Just love on my mind
Lust in the sun
And empty bottles of ***
Bitterness on my tounge
Psychedelic paterns trip in my eyes
Laughter is so hard to find
Skinny dippin just to have a lil fun
Cigarettes hanging on my lip
Smoke Filling up my lungs
I can't see no more
Dancing around
In psychedelic skys

Feeling fine
I am a paper cup full of ice
An inter-dimensional (being)
Laughing
And
Agreeing
Take off your disguise,
Beautiful
Let me see those pearly-eyes
Ruby lips
Diamond cheek bones
May I kiss?
May I sit?
Good to see you
Great to be here
Can I pour you some tea?
Two cubes of sugar
A tad of cream
A little rat poison
To help you dream
Half-closed eyes
And leaning
Gossamer dreaming
As you play piano
For no reason at all
You play with the treble
Line to line
Perfect pretty rhytm
Dancing in time
The melody of your thin dress
And the shape it reveals
Limbs and weeds
The music swells
A dash of lust
Your summer smell
A fragrant perfume
The jump of eyes
Northward
Eastward
Westward
Skys
The spark of  fingers
A flash electric blue
The kitchen light
Is dripping on you
The teeth of your smile
The color of white
*No my love
I cannot stay
With summer here
It's time to play
If your mother says you can't come out
I'll stand outside
I'll scream
I'll shout
Over radios
And t.v screens
Shooting cap pistols
At everything
Because last night I had a dream
You called on the phone
I heard your  whisper
Infinite dial tone
On the reciever
Lie dreamer

My teeth
Strolling along the beach of your lower lip
Tongues
Swimming in saliva waves,
I swim to you
Like Baywatch
Watching you
Is like announcing a severe weather alert
Urgently advising to take shelter
There's a storm on the horizon.
Clouds accumulating in your eyes
And
Precipitation down pouring between my thighs

those eyes

When clouds collide
The thunder transforms me.
Boom
Boom
Boom
My rib cage shatters.
Claws secured around your head
Fingers knotted in your dreads
Dragging you down, down
I want you to drown
Drown
I want you to struggle
To scream out in vain-
Your lips caress each syllable of my name
Like lightening.
Like lightening
The sunshine in your smile reminds me that
Naturally, the skys are blue
Meteorology eyes
Do you wonder too,
If the forecast will always be sunny?

At least nature doesn't need make-up or photoshop to be beautiful

She fooled the world with red painted smiles,
Carefully applying her makeup like the seasoned performer she was.
Draping herself in lace and perfume;
She played at being pretty.
A few cleverly memorized quotes to make her sound wise
Carefully spoken with lyrical timing.
She watched them all closely, finding the patterns and formulas even they didn't know were there.
Sweetly, with her mockingbird charm, she made them believe she loved them.
Made them love her, made them need her, made them long for her.
But it was never enough; all their love would not fill the emptiness in her heart
Nor calm the tempests in her mind.
Still frantically she ****** them dry,
Careful that her ruse go undiscovered.
Forever living as the unattainable muse, the fantasy, the dream.
They would never touch her reality, and she could never belong to theirs.
For hers was too despairing and desperate, too confused and violent,
It would destroy them.
Theirs seemed to her too idealistic
And so she could never embrace it.
A hopeless daydreamer with a sad soul, she plucked their hearts like wildflowers.
Desperately trying to find a satisfaction that would never come.

pulling dead grass from its roots
alone in the silence
if thats what you call it when the voices scream louder than anything real
utterly chilly but ignoring that the best i can
as im waiting for someone im set on seeing tonight
the skys a great mess of clouds
wow
my hands are shaking rapidly
breathing has slowed
even the moths dont dare touch me; dont dare interact
a pile of glass sits in front of me
but dont be fooled, not all glass is sharp
even when you want it to be
so i'll be okay i'll be alright i'll be alone
i just cant get over the ******* sky and the breeze and the things that are so simple and taken for granted each crisp night
do you even notice real beauty anymore
or are you that drown in pain
i find comfort in the night
as its as eerie and lonely as i always am

August;
Afraid, and lurking in corners at 2:00 a.m.
In search of ***, in search of someone to make love to me,
but nothing compares to that one time it had happened before.
Yelling out at 3:00 a.m. how much I had wanted it,
at 3:30 how much I regretted it as I abused my skin in the powder room.
Oh regret, still showing up for my duties but some switch had
made itself know to myself before my consciousness..
I had begun to seek fulfillment,
the likes of which I had never known before.
My birthday comes and passes with a woopdy doo,
and a firm lack of caring.
Still I try,
and still the she-demon inside lurks...dragging me into alleys
into selling my heart for a thrill of being wanted.
October;
I am still with this man....but something is wrong with me...
I have begun to play and it hurts me however
the seperation and the dissonance begin to build
this wall comes up around me and the emotions that still
reside for my loved ones in my home valleys of Texas.
I meet the realization of my demon,
smelling sweet with a hint of Chlorox and Coke,
cleansing me of my pain, here I
come home to my hills and blue skys high,
and I feel so tainted...but so full and lacking at the same time the more time I spend without her sweet enthusiasm pumping into me.
Killing time and hearts on a ranch in West Texas,
******* in the fields giving my heart a wrenching once I realize
that I am resembling the one who gave me this poison...
the one who nudged me off the deep end.
Punishing an innocent man,
and torturing a criminal with ****** games, and false loyalty.
I had become the grotesque...the bitter woman....
my love and impassioned glances growing dry
day by day.
No one cares.

Something oval
Maby made of aluminum
No wait .....
"They say its just an illusion
"They say it was a spark in the sky
"They say its not possible"
"They try to trick you and throw away the thought
But only i know the truth
The truth is in the sky!
Why?
They ask
Why?
Ill tell you why !
Look up i say, look up
The truth is in the sky!
.....Thank you chris augustin

I can smell the rains
dark skys can tell too
to cease and ease the pain
and count on the coming gains

the swaying of the trees could be seen
cool tones of droplets settled on my skin
seated under my usual tree

I hear the chirping of birds next to their nest
I noticed the dancing of the calves and lambs
my mind on the coming treasure
to end these echos of doom

echos of doom

worst of a season
dry streams dusty field and clear skys
will be a thing of the past
should I judge a book by its cover?/

I countlessly count on the rewards of rain
the seasons will be as usual as my conscience tell me
sooner than later the echos of doom appear again
no rains,no gain but more pain
I shouldn't  have counted my chicks before being hatched

echos of doom are at it again

When do petals lose their gentle sway?
When do they detach
And begin to float away?
What sort of pressures
Cause it's smoothness to fray?
Dryed and roughened,
Weakened and flayed.

When do petals begin to fall?
Into a world of dirt and decay...
Soon after, when is it,
That they crumble and break?
Laying on a horizon strewn,
With vague silhouettes and
Unfamiliarity.

And if after, the petal gathers itself,
When is it, that it is raised into the sky,
Into a familiar unfamiliar atmosphere?
When is it that the petal loses itself,
And in its emptiness,
Tears at its own soul profusely?
Elevated high
Into the expansive, empty sky
Away and away
From any natural warmth
And cleaved apart from any stability.

Because...
The petal,
When it lays back against the wind,
The image of freedom it always imagined,
Was actually
A prison.

Have you seen the sky outside
It's turned an awesome shade of green
It's so beautiful I want to cry
It's the rearest sight I've ever seen
I wonder if we're gonna die
It's looking awful mean
I hope the rain starts soon
I love the pitter patter
And the thunder when it booms
I guess it really don't matter
I'm gonna lie here on the ground
And close my eyes real tight
And hope the lightening strikes me down
With the tornado I wont put up a fight
I hope it ***** my body up, so I'm never found
Maybe this time I'll get it right

your the one
with the missing smile
who mistakes my honest love
for guile
and i know it may
take a while
for your mind to change

you'll always be on a horizon

i'm the one
with empty eyes
who is always looking toward
the skys
all i can do is
apologise
for the things i don't want

you'll always be on a horizon

I.
There was once a tiny, fading lily
Her beauty was diming, merely,
Aiya Aiya…  Lucia Lucia

Where wonders trapped her in deep sorrow
Where the root called her to continue to grow

Standing alone, an existence of solitude
While the white lily shall love in delight , 
Nor weeping alone or shining in an illuminous light . 

II.
Lily desires to live, in a place without pain
But the lily’s life is full of strife and strain

Hey, Rain, did the miracle come?
Look, oyster silver clouds replace dark blue skys

Aiya Aiya…  Lucia Lucia
As the rain started to fade into the solo song
As the Lily stood while its immunity could run
Who could take one name and lead an ever gain?

Hey, Rain, the miracle came.
Listen, silent whispers shared across the air
and the rain and peacefully landed on Lily.

III.
Out of the deep trauma that every day grew
Out of the rain, the Lily was relieved that someone else knew 

Who makes her wonder,
if the rain didn’t know of the Lily’s
wayward roots
What does the rain want to know,
although the Lily hold them as emotional loot

Aiya Aiya…  Lucia Lucia
Who is Lily as she solely sings alone in the rain?
And her heart is bleeding from the excruciating pain

Tomorrow when you awake
Stretch your arms up
Higher than you ever did before
Towards the sky
Breathe the day in deeply
And know
Deep within yourself
That to day will be
Just a little better
A small fragmented moment better
You will smile at least once
Maybe at the song of the robin outside your window
He sings for you and usually you don't notice
Well make sure you do
And smile
At the blue skys
For how we frown when the skys are grey
Is the sunshine not reason to feel alive
Is your freedom not reason
To hold your hands above your head and
Sigh one of those knowing it's guna get better sighs
Like thank god Ive hit the bottem
Cos now theres only upwards to travel
Just a little better
and from there feel a little better again
and soon you will feel fine
and alive with all that is you

9th month

September2013:
blue skys
warm air
at night it would go cold
the autumn leaves slowly started to fall
still rained from the summer
and the cold wind
started to chill us to the bone

On the first week
i walked to my friends house
with Zoe and her french exchange student Elise on my side,
we waked into Zoes house and sat in the kitchen
Elise had an apple with peanut butter
Me and Zoe  Had Soup
We walked after to a little River bank,
Elise sat on the rocks
i skipped flat rocks like Amelie Poulain
Zoe took picutres of the river.
We found a ripped dollar bill with a phone number written on it
Zoe texted it, no answer
it rained later that evening
i reasted on my bed and thought about the day
with a smile

i Biked to my favorite field
one evening...
recited a poem i made up in my head
the one line that i repeted was
" Will the love of Fall and Winter choose me this year?"
a week later a girl named Kirsten walked into my life
with a smile and wave, i wanted to meet her
we talked one day and planned to go to my favorite field
on a Friday..Friday the 13th..not so unlucky
though i cut myself shaving
i went to go meet her that friday
i walked down the stairs
there she was at the bottom of the stair case
"What will become of us?"i thought
She facing the other way,
i wondered if we would become friends
I tapped her on the shoulder
turned around with a surpised look
then she gave me a warm smile
We went to the field
sat in a childrens park
Then sat in the grass that melted in the sun
i showed her a leaf that looked like a heart
..i kept it under my hat...
i walked her home, she lived close by
i gave her a hug and left with a smile on my face
Got home and put the heart leaf on my wall

We became friends
Talked everyday
i would walk her home
and meet her in the field
as i came in riding my bike
She kissed me before i left...

I started to fancy  her
she to started fancy me
I asked if she would be mine
she told me wait
i said " i will!"

Nights came
when we walked around looking the stars and  looking at the city lights
laying the grass and runnning around
we were happy
The night was ours
She kissed me goodnight
i went home
fell upon my flower my bed
and dreamed of her...

When everything is gone true colors are shown,
bright blue skys are now covered with dark gray clouds
negativity surrounds me loved ones no longer believe in me
a heart filled with joy is now an empty abyss allowing no one in allowing no one near
forgiveness is no option sympathy is no longer welcome
I ******* hate this place I'm in my mind and my heart are at war with reality
the reality is how can I be good enough for you when I'm not good enough for me
how can I be good enough for anyone when I'm not good enough for them,
how could you not be good enough for the ones who conceived you
how the **** can they not believe in you

Henry, You lost the love I love the most....
                          You ginger hair is the suns warm rays shining upon a blue eyed angel who doesn't see the love coming from the one who needs that angel to save her but she realizes he needs to be saved, she is his angel who is there to shine light upon a broken wing who needs to fly up above those blue skys so hey can together become one In harmony, not to be broken not to be frayed not to be left in the rain but to bring back the Tenerife sea in his eyes, to make her glow like a bright sunrise in a cloudy sky, she needs him as much as he needs an angel to make him shine, nobody understands why their love is so strong and deep and why a beautiful angel is with a broken wing but nobody knows that he is her everything, hes not only a majestic thing he is her sunlight on a rainy evening, he sees the angels scars but doesn't think they make her unlovable, shes difficult, but angels need to love too, no love story can save this angels broken wings but this broken thing will try to make her see that if she believes she can be saved, he doesn't see the love that she is trying give but Is not receiving, she doesn't understand why she is pretty but she understands that she is unlovable, she is making a permanent scar on her arm unlike the one that she can only see, he doesn't understand why she doesn't see what he sees but cant tell her these amazing feelings.... they both say why as their love is starting to die, the cry, they fight, they love, they sceam, they hurt, and they bleed, if only that broken wing came to save the beautiful angel dieing, bleeding, screaming, and crying why as she died... He finaly started to wonder if she is going to be alrigt so he decided to go in the middle of the night to fix things to tell her these amazing feelings and when he  got there he fell to his knees, crying in front of this broken beautiful amazing angel that saved him but couldn't be saved, he held her and cryed out ”please don't leave me, I need you, I love you, im so so so sorry I never told yu that your beautifula nd perfect for me, PLEASE PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME!!” he never understood why god let this beautiful angel die for him? but one day as he was going through her journal he cried as he read the last sentence that she wrote and it was about him, it said “If my angel were to ever read this, I didn't leave because of you, I left because I am not fit to be a mother,” he stopped and thought “A MOTHER?” and continued to read the letter “I know what your thinking what is she talking about? but im carrying our daughter, I didn't know what to do who to tell, I couldn't let me ruin you future, your so smart, live your life and continue to succeed, I know that you will be anything that you want to be and I know you will find someone thatloves you more than we ever could, im sorry for all the pain I have cause, we love you -your broken wing” he cried and cried and cried and screamed “WHY GOD WHY?” he never understood why until 6 years passed, he was a journalist with 4 best author awards, he always new that he had an angel watching over him, the day that his first daughter was born was the day he realized that, that angel couldn't be saved but needed to save him, he wasn't a broken wing any more, he was an amazing thing who had these 4 beautiful daughters and a loving wife who would never hurt him, he understood that his angel was set free!