"resetting" poems - Hello Poetry

we always want to re-invent ourselves when we feel rejected, unwanted, left to the side. we dye our hair or cut our hair or style our hair so differently, so drastically, so unrecognizable. we pack on make-up or strip our make-up or pierce our faces, belly buttons, get tattoos, choose a permanent mark to remind us of something solid; something that represents self-sufficiency or this too shall pass, because we know we are gonna feel rejected, unwanted, left to the side again (and again, and again). we buy new clothes, give away old ones to our friends, new shoes, new bags, new look. and we’re always picking up new vices, new habits, new addictions. cigarettes, alcohol, razors, all the late night reckless binges on wine, narcotics, food, cutting ourselves. sometimes we pick up healthy ones too, like running, swimming, dancing, yoga, meditating, resetting sleep patterns, taking vitamins, treating ourselves to the spa, eating regularly, getting out of the house to see friends. we either avoid intimacy at all costs because we can’t fathom the concept of trust anymore or we dive into it with practically anyone, just to feel something real because we are so ******* lonely, but we never really feel anything real at all. we make resolutions, goals, plans for our next relationships so that they won’t follow the same patterns as our last crumbling ones (they usually still do). some of us change what we like, what we want, what we need to impress people so that they fall in love with us and will never leave us. we begin disregarding ourselves for another person, or disregarding everyone else for ourselves, both because we don’t want to get hurt again. and then somewhere, somehow after weeks, months, maybe even years of the full fledged wavering of destruction meeting recovering meeting ignorance meeting shyness meeting loneliness meeting accepting meeting fear, we start to see the intricacies of the pattern much clearer - we make all of these sudden changes because we just want to feel better, we just want to be better; that’s all. it’s taking charge, which is healthy. it’s also making fact and point that we need to change to deserve love, which is unhealthy. all of it is like learning algebra for the first time, some of us take a bit longer to understand it all; the formulas, the variables, the balance. and once we understand the formula, the variables and the balance, then we can welcome back the beautiful, real version of ourselves we’ve been trying to cover up.

0

Sep 21, 2012

Sep 21, 2012 at 5:22 PM UTC

samasati

girls

we always want to re-invent ourselves when we feel rejected, unwanted, left to the side. we dye our hair or cut our hair or style our hair so differently, so drastically, so unrecognizable. we pack on make-up or strip our make-up or pierce our faces, belly buttons, get tattoos, choose a permanent mark to remind us of something solid; something that represents self-sufficiency or this too shall pass, because we know we are gonna feel rejected, unwanted, left to the side again (and again, and again). we buy new clothes, give away old ones to our friends, new shoes, new bags, new look. and we’re always picking up new vices, new habits, new addictions. cigarettes, alcohol, razors, all the late night reckless binges on wine, narcotics, food, cutting ourselves. sometimes we pick up healthy ones too, like running, swimming, dancing, yoga, meditating, resetting sleep patterns, taking vitamins, treating ourselves to the spa, eating regularly, getting out of the house to see friends. we either avoid intimacy at all costs because we can’t fathom the concept of trust anymore or we dive into it with practically anyone, just to feel something real because we are so ******* lonely, but we never really feel anything real at all. we make resolutions, goals, plans for our next relationships so that they won’t follow the same patterns as our last crumbling ones (they usually still do). some of us change what we like, what we want, what we need to impress people so that they fall in love with us and will never leave us. we begin disregarding ourselves for another person, or disregarding everyone else for ourselves, both because we don’t want to get hurt again. and then somewhere, somehow after weeks, months, maybe even years of the full fledged wavering of destruction meeting recovering meeting ignorance meeting shyness meeting loneliness meeting accepting meeting fear, we start to see the intricacies of the pattern much clearer - we make all of these sudden changes because we just want to feel better, we just want to be better; that’s all. it’s taking charge, which is healthy. it’s also making fact and point that we need to change to deserve love, which is unhealthy. all of it is like learning algebra for the first time, some of us take a bit longer to understand it all; the formulas, the variables, the balance. and once we understand the formula, the variables and the balance, then we can welcome back the beautiful, real version of ourselves we’ve been trying to cover up.