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"accidentally" poems
You're a one night stand But we spent too many nights I lost count of it. You're that unexpected kiss On a drunken wasted night Of vomits and ***** You're that awkward hi Exchanged by strangers who Thought they both knew each other But were clearly mistaken for another. You're the bruise that turns blue When I accidentally bump my leg On the corner of the bed. You're the scar that I never Knew I had. You're the bittersweet taste in My mouth every morning. You're the last thought lingering In my head before slumber takes me And you're the vagueness that Haunts me in my dreams. You're the scalding hot shower In a cold freezing morning. You're the boiling tea that numbs My tongue for the rest of the day. You're the obsession I will never learn to let go of. You're that person I will Never get to call mine. You're the one that got away.
0
Mar 12, 2015
Mar 12, 2015 at 7:34 PM UTC
You're a Metaphor
ground zero i become aware of boundaries i am a dog chasing cars i sing your voicemail to sleep there are no surgeon general warnings to tell me that *the objects in the mirror are more depressed than they appear* so how do i tell you that there are parts of my life that move slower without you in them? or that i look for you every day in emails & unanswered calls in the sunrises i didn't choose to be awake to watch that i sometimes still stare at doorways hoping you would walk through them    stage 1 you tell your new lover you've got a splinter and they pull the sound of your body falling asleep on mine out of your fingertip    stage 2 your new lover says something at dinner that makes you choke so they call 911 & the paramedics do the hymleich not knowing you would ***** our promises all over the the restaurant    stage 3 your new lover surprises you by cleaning the house & washes the shirt you kept next to the bed, not knowing it was the last thing you had that smelled like me after people always ask what was loving her like? after a really long silence i just say "it must be nice" but i never say it's watching paint dry i never say it's a window seat in hell i don't tell anyone about the dreams where i am reading you bedtime stories each one is a different way you die & every time i can never save you dreams where what i think are angels in my bedroom are just homeless versions of myself you never loved i have dreams where i pay someone to shoot me just to see if you would cry just to see if you would cradle my body i don't tell people that loving you is like playing piano for someone who can't hear that it's hitting repeat on my favorite song & forgetting the words every time it starts over that it's finding out there's no milk after you already poured yourself a bowl of cereal it's getting locked in the dark & being told to look on the bright side that loving you is like being reminded of what it felt like the first time you accidentally let go of a balloon as a child it's drowning without the water it's the feeling you get when you start to dance & the song ends
0
Mar 21, 2015
Mar 21, 2015 at 3:30 PM UTC
stages of detachment
ground zero i become aware of boundaries i am a dog chasing cars i sing your voicemail to sleep there are no surgeon general warnings to tell me that *the objects in the mirror are more depressed than they appear* so how do i tell you that there are parts of my life that move slower without you in them? or that i look for you every day in emails & unanswered calls in the sunrises i didn't choose to be awake to watch that i sometimes still stare at doorways hoping you would walk through them    stage 1 you tell your new lover you've got a splinter and they pull the sound of your body falling asleep on mine out of your fingertip    stage 2 your new lover says something at dinner that makes you choke so they call 911 & the paramedics do the hymleich not knowing you would ***** our promises all over the the restaurant    stage 3 your new lover surprises you by cleaning the house & washes the shirt you kept next to the bed, not knowing it was the last thing you had that smelled like me after people always ask what was loving her like? after a really long silence i just say "it must be nice" but i never say it's watching paint dry i never say it's a window seat in hell i don't tell anyone about the dreams where i am reading you bedtime stories each one is a different way you die & every time i can never save you dreams where what i think are angels in my bedroom are just homeless versions of myself you never loved i have dreams where i pay someone to shoot me just to see if you would cry just to see if you would cradle my body i don't tell people that loving you is like playing piano for someone who can't hear that it's hitting repeat on my favorite song & forgetting the words every time it starts over that it's finding out there's no milk after you already poured yourself a bowl of cereal it's getting locked in the dark & being told to look on the bright side that loving you is like being reminded of what it felt like the first time you accidentally let go of a balloon as a child it's drowning without the water it's the feeling you get when you start to dance & the song ends
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68
i don't watch home movies hate them reason being because when i was young i was looking for a movie my mother had recorded for me and accidentally put one in the vcr that i'm not sure i was supposed to see i know the obvious response *"uh oh, **** sorry to disappoint they were only marked with dates   1991 on live television montel williams asks my father *"how can you just throw your child away like a piece of trash?"*    1994 i spend so much time in the emergency room that my parents stop penciling in growth marks on the frame of my bedroom door i always thought it was because they believed i would never grow out of this sickness sometimes i believe the reason that they never bought me a dream catcher was because they never thought i'd live long enough to see them come true    1996 i am eliminated from a spelling bee because i didn't know the 'dad' is silent in 'family'    2013 before i got into poetry i used to do standup none of my jokes were funny one of the other comics tells me my skits are dry sometimes sad he says *"why don't you joke about something like your family?"* so i say *"i never wore any sunblock because i didn't want anything to keep me from my father"* i say *"what do you call christmas without lights or heat?"* before he has a chance to answer i say *"1997. better yet why don't you make like a dad and leave"*    2014 every time we drive past the hospital my mother reminds me how much it cost to save my life like she'd rather have her money back she doesn't have to say that sometimes she wishes it was me who had died instead of my brother i can hear it in the way she says "love you" sometimes i imagine that if i were to die that she would pick out a casket for a child because she never loved the person i became yesterday i told my father how close i'd been to suicide lately and he said *"that's my boy, livin on the edge.."* and i can't remember if i laughed or cried
0
Oct 15, 2015
Oct 15, 2015 at 2:59 PM UTC
there are only dates
i don't watch home movies hate them reason being because when i was young i was looking for a movie my mother had recorded for me and accidentally put one in the vcr that i'm not sure i was supposed to see i know the obvious response *"uh oh, **** sorry to disappoint they were only marked with dates   1991 on live television montel williams asks my father *"how can you just throw your child away like a piece of trash?"*    1994 i spend so much time in the emergency room that my parents stop penciling in growth marks on the frame of my bedroom door i always thought it was because they believed i would never grow out of this sickness sometimes i believe the reason that they never bought me a dream catcher was because they never thought i'd live long enough to see them come true    1996 i am eliminated from a spelling bee because i didn't know the 'dad' is silent in 'family'    2013 before i got into poetry i used to do standup none of my jokes were funny one of the other comics tells me my skits are dry sometimes sad he says *"why don't you joke about something like your family?"* so i say *"i never wore any sunblock because i didn't want anything to keep me from my father"* i say *"what do you call christmas without lights or heat?"* before he has a chance to answer i say *"1997. better yet why don't you make like a dad and leave"*    2014 every time we drive past the hospital my mother reminds me how much it cost to save my life like she'd rather have her money back she doesn't have to say that sometimes she wishes it was me who had died instead of my brother i can hear it in the way she says "love you" sometimes i imagine that if i were to die that she would pick out a casket for a child because she never loved the person i became yesterday i told my father how close i'd been to suicide lately and he said *"that's my boy, livin on the edge.."* and i can't remember if i laughed or cried
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91
wants to be my friend, for I am poet-woman nineteen. she is sweet but sad. super sad. a good poet who wants to guide me. but there/theirs is the odor, not faint, of wants wanting, the pus of corruption behind the curtains, the Wizard-ess of Oz's special blackout curtains. seen how easy, how her illusions, my medium rare rejections, morph into her delusions, and her delusions devolve into her conspiracy theories. "SHE will be my mentor, poetess lover, teacher for no charge!" my parents thinks it's great, she wants (to be) skin in my game. my parents will find this poem accidentally, exactly, how I do not want to be skinned alive. for I am poet-woman nineteen and still! now, long past the point of being fooled, the point of no return. and see no point, have no intention, of returning to either valley ***no more con the my mind into letting my body be-fused.^***   that ain't me babe.
0
Jul 17, 2018
Jul 17, 2018 at 2:54 PM UTC
an older woman wants to be my friend
a (the) woman’s body (pretty pleasing) is my reciprocal her waist is my happy place her neck is my doorway the rest is best when she is mirror accessorizing, preening, **** upon first rising, tallying the gains and the losses unaware of my watching, never satisfied she, tho she is 98% unadmitting contented, as she shifts her weight, from knee to knee extended alternating with slow delicacy for the pleasure is trebled for her imagine image reverberates throughout the house for ever(y) mirror is pre-positioned, accidentally angled just so, lol, her image transported from living room to dining alcove all the way to the kitchen’s bleacher seats she doesn’t know and asks why I’m grinning, answer is no confessionary, no telling I’m swelling and sinning eyes scheming-dreaming of her reciprocity she smiles and says   “good morning bad boy” maybe she does know but you won’t tell her, we, you and me, are pretty pleasing she is 1/me she is won over me
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Aug 19, 2018
Aug 19, 2018 at 8:39 AM UTC
a woman’s body/ 1 over me/pretty pleasing reciprocal
My voice is a wall of glass On the both side of the wall it's all the same The roof is consisted of umbrella-shaped beams The world is an embroidered web I'm a spider that don't spew silk cling on to intertwining iron bars Accidentally chocked my fly to death Buried it in the oblivion sky Fed on chitchat I'm now becoming a skinny, wind up bird.
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May 27, 2014
May 27, 2014 at 11:53 AM UTC
A Parrot in a cage
[I accidentally deleted this, so now I'm reposting it] This is not an attack, it is expression. *This apparently isn't a very popular subject, but then again, when has popularity changed anyone's mind..* -- **** the 'Selective Service System'; the SSS. It's neo-conscription. FDR made us a deal we couldn't refuse which included a stipulation that about half of us still cannot refuse: Selective Service also known as Peacetime Draft But only for males. Only the males. Not the females, though. Oh, no, not the females; We need the Females to bake the next batch of mindless soldiers/housewives/neoslaves. We need the women to uphold the status-quo. We need our women to remain passive, docile, and beautiful ******* doormats for our glorious and infallible western society. We need our women to be complaint, subservient, sex-starved, archaic-gender-role embodiments. I see it as overtly 'cherry-picking' as well as misogyny both ways; sexist, selfish, and prejudiced on both sides: 'Feminists' (read: Feminazis) claim to plea for true gender equality, but here is my plea: If such is true, where then are their demands for mandatory selective service? Why do they feel above reproach when it comes to the unsavory sides of society? Why do they turn a blind eye to the ******* Draft if they ***** up such a storm about equality? Why is it not a federal offense punishable by a $250,000 fine as well as up to 5 years in prison for a female to not sign their life away to the military from when they turn 18 until at least 25? How is that 'gender equality'? Huh? They, too, are cherry-picking. -
0
Dec 1, 2014
Dec 1, 2014 at 5:22 PM UTC
Selective Service (Selcetive Reverse Sexism)
[I accidentally deleted this, so now I'm reposting it] This is not an attack, it is expression. *This apparently isn't a very popular subject, but then again, when has popularity changed anyone's mind..* -- **** the 'Selective Service System'; the SSS. It's neo-conscription. FDR made us a deal we couldn't refuse which included a stipulation that about half of us still cannot refuse: Selective Service also known as Peacetime Draft But only for males. Only the males. Not the females, though. Oh, no, not the females; We need the Females to bake the next batch of mindless soldiers/housewives/neoslaves. We need the women to uphold the status-quo. We need our women to remain passive, docile, and beautiful ******* doormats for our glorious and infallible western society. We need our women to be complaint, subservient, sex-starved, archaic-gender-role embodiments. I see it as overtly 'cherry-picking' as well as misogyny both ways; sexist, selfish, and prejudiced on both sides: 'Feminists' (read: Feminazis) claim to plea for true gender equality, but here is my plea: If such is true, where then are their demands for mandatory selective service? Why do they feel above reproach when it comes to the unsavory sides of society? Why do they turn a blind eye to the ******* Draft if they ***** up such a storm about equality? Why is it not a federal offense punishable by a $250,000 fine as well as up to 5 years in prison for a female to not sign their life away to the military from when they turn 18 until at least 25? How is that 'gender equality'? Huh? They, too, are cherry-picking. -
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35
1995 saw the start of Generation Z, the ‘iKids’ with a knack for this new-fangled technology, Millennial 2.0, caught in the limbo of the World Wide Web development and Rose Gold iPhones. They say we’re adaptable, but apparently we can’t make our own decisions about anything. They say that we don’t care about anything except for our tiny little screens, but they forget who put them in our hands, and they forget who they run to for help when they forget how to troubleshoot. They forget what kind of technology we need to keep sustaining life in the Information Age, Caught in a crossfire because Yeah, we’re 90s kids—but the 90s never really actually ended until 2006, the only difference between two decades being how much neon versus how much chrome, and just how expensive accidentally opening the internet app on your mom’s blackberry phone was. We’re nostalgic for all the things we can’t quite remember, and half these high schoolers weren’t actually born until 2000 or 2001. Most of us aren’t old enough to even remember 9/11, nothing outside of the news clips that our teachers show us in history class every single September. I was born in the same year as the Columbine shootings. The United States has not been at peace for a year of my life. We are always fighting— fighting for everything. Human equality, posing arguments about micro aggressions and refugees, seeing the inhumanity in the past that we’re living. None of us are older than 21, under such hard scrutiny while Baby Boomers Wave 2 still run our country. We inherited the Millenial’s exhaustion, the generation before us spending our childhood fighting for all the things that we have never really believed in. Fairytales. Generation Z. The ‘iKids’ who are going to one day be making leaps and bounds with technology, the generation to nurse this dying planet back to health, Millennials 2.0 who know how to learn from our forerunners’ mistakes, who know how to adapt from Sidekicks to iPhone 6S Plus in less than a decade. We’re the kids who have realized that fun is found in safe spaces rather than invading each other’s personal spaces. They say we’re too sensitive, but at the same time they claim that we’re desensitized. And I thought we were the generation that couldn't make decisions.
0
Apr 11, 2016
Apr 11, 2016 at 9:21 PM UTC
generation Z
1995 saw the start of Generation Z, the ‘iKids’ with a knack for this new-fangled technology, Millennial 2.0, caught in the limbo of the World Wide Web development and Rose Gold iPhones. They say we’re adaptable, but apparently we can’t make our own decisions about anything. They say that we don’t care about anything except for our tiny little screens, but they forget who put them in our hands, and they forget who they run to for help when they forget how to troubleshoot. They forget what kind of technology we need to keep sustaining life in the Information Age, Caught in a crossfire because Yeah, we’re 90s kids—but the 90s never really actually ended until 2006, the only difference between two decades being how much neon versus how much chrome, and just how expensive accidentally opening the internet app on your mom’s blackberry phone was. We’re nostalgic for all the things we can’t quite remember, and half these high schoolers weren’t actually born until 2000 or 2001. Most of us aren’t old enough to even remember 9/11, nothing outside of the news clips that our teachers show us in history class every single September. I was born in the same year as the Columbine shootings. The United States has not been at peace for a year of my life. We are always fighting— fighting for everything. Human equality, posing arguments about micro aggressions and refugees, seeing the inhumanity in the past that we’re living. None of us are older than 21, under such hard scrutiny while Baby Boomers Wave 2 still run our country. We inherited the Millenial’s exhaustion, the generation before us spending our childhood fighting for all the things that we have never really believed in. Fairytales. Generation Z. The ‘iKids’ who are going to one day be making leaps and bounds with technology, the generation to nurse this dying planet back to health, Millennials 2.0 who know how to learn from our forerunners’ mistakes, who know how to adapt from Sidekicks to iPhone 6S Plus in less than a decade. We’re the kids who have realized that fun is found in safe spaces rather than invading each other’s personal spaces. They say we’re too sensitive, but at the same time they claim that we’re desensitized. And I thought we were the generation that couldn't make decisions.
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39
1. We are critical. We find flaws in everything we see because nobody wants to write about perfection, even though sometimes we wish we could just stay staring into that unblemished surface. 2. We are never satisfied. We live our lives upon mountains of scrunched up bits of refill and ideas we gave up trying to express. 3. We never forget. We write words about eye contact made three months ago that we replay over and over in our minds even though it stopped being relevant. 4. We are fickle. Our emotions flash from one to the other like strobe lighting that disorientates us until we feel as if the world will never be still. 5. We are exposed. We don't know how to keep our feelings to ourselves so we'll write them down for you to find 'accidentally'. 6. We are vulnerable. We wear our hearts on our sleeves and won't lift a muscle to fight back if somebody tries to break it because we thrive from the pain. 7. We will never stop. We will never stop feeling and we will never stop hurting, we will never stop breaking and bleeding and loving even though the cycle is endless and we know what's coming next. We are addicted to agony, but we agonise for the art.
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Dec 16, 2014
Dec 16, 2014 at 11:20 PM UTC
7 Reasons Why It's Hard Being a Poet
do you ever wonder about the difference between looking at something and the hallucination created when looking past it? if you look at your hand it's all you can see but if you look past your hand there are now two of them sometimes it's hard for me to remember which is real it gets me thinking about how my father used to wake me up in the morning by rubbing his stubble across my face i spent my 11th birthday under the assumption that he might come back if i drank his aftershave like maybe if i could turn blue if i could be his favorite color on our bathroom floor he would forget why he left the paramedics were all sobing as they pumped memories out of my stomach i coughed up the day the post-it note with your new address on it burned a hole in our refrigerator coughed up the day the divorce papers came and my mother took a baseball bat to the mailbox i've been choking on the splinters for 17 years it's been 17 years since the last dinner plate exploded on our dining room wall 17 years since my mother started accidentally setting your place at the dinner table 17 years since italian night at the restaurant on the corner where the juke box spat tired music and like so many other things it stopped working when you left i guess it's no coincidence since the juke box went quiet that the cds in my car only skip on "i miss you" i've been hemorrhaging memories for so long and now that i'm looking back i can no longer tell the mirage from the truth sometimes i swear you showed up to my graduation and last time i was at your apartment i can't remember if the imprints of my hands are in clay hanging on your wall or if they were left in the mud the day god had the audacity to let it rain or maybe it's like the time i saw someone crying on a bridge now that i think about it i can't remember if it was me
0
Jun 20, 2014
Jun 20, 2014 at 12:53 AM UTC
məˈräZH
do you ever wonder about the difference between looking at something and the hallucination created when looking past it? if you look at your hand it's all you can see but if you look past your hand there are now two of them sometimes it's hard for me to remember which is real it gets me thinking about how my father used to wake me up in the morning by rubbing his stubble across my face i spent my 11th birthday under the assumption that he might come back if i drank his aftershave like maybe if i could turn blue if i could be his favorite color on our bathroom floor he would forget why he left the paramedics were all sobing as they pumped memories out of my stomach i coughed up the day the post-it note with your new address on it burned a hole in our refrigerator coughed up the day the divorce papers came and my mother took a baseball bat to the mailbox i've been choking on the splinters for 17 years it's been 17 years since the last dinner plate exploded on our dining room wall 17 years since my mother started accidentally setting your place at the dinner table 17 years since italian night at the restaurant on the corner where the juke box spat tired music and like so many other things it stopped working when you left i guess it's no coincidence since the juke box went quiet that the cds in my car only skip on "i miss you" i've been hemorrhaging memories for so long and now that i'm looking back i can no longer tell the mirage from the truth sometimes i swear you showed up to my graduation and last time i was at your apartment i can't remember if the imprints of my hands are in clay hanging on your wall or if they were left in the mud the day god had the audacity to let it rain or maybe it's like the time i saw someone crying on a bridge now that i think about it i can't remember if it was me
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69
*you got a fast car i want a ticket to anywhere maybe we can make a deal maybe together we can get somewhere anyplace is better starting from zero got nothing to lose maybe we'll make somethin me myself i got nothin to prove* i've been wondering when it stops people say it stops when you want it to but how do i tell that to my dreams when all i can think about is running up to kiss you in the parking lot of anywhere it makes me wanna drink and say everything like sometimes i think about what it would've been like if i had let you go when i was still strong enough to do it like i never knew hell had such a pretty voice like i tried to make it all day without saying "wish you were here" like lately i've been going back to all the places we've been to see what it's like without you it is the worst game of hide & seek every time i close my eyes to count you just go home i seem to only wear my seat belt on days you call on days you're all never been better and i just wanna tell you how much I hate window shopping and daylight goodbyes you just sit there when you could say anything you could tell me you noticed i started drinking again you could even make it up you could say you miss me, too you could say you missed me so much that the other day you accidentally bought two coffees instead of one you could tell me how you've been without me that you sleep so much better these days without having to worry you can say what you have to just don't say leaving was like shooting fish in a barrel cause i swear i'm nostalgic for things i pretended were real and i swear i don't want a seance until there's something worth bringing back take me back to all the places i tried to love you back to a time where i knew my name   without you having to say it *you got a fast car is it fast enough so we can fly away you gotta make a decision leave tonight or live & this way*
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Jun 14, 2015
Jun 14, 2015 at 11:15 AM UTC
noyade
*you got a fast car i want a ticket to anywhere maybe we can make a deal maybe together we can get somewhere anyplace is better starting from zero got nothing to lose maybe we'll make somethin me myself i got nothin to prove* i've been wondering when it stops people say it stops when you want it to but how do i tell that to my dreams when all i can think about is running up to kiss you in the parking lot of anywhere it makes me wanna drink and say everything like sometimes i think about what it would've been like if i had let you go when i was still strong enough to do it like i never knew hell had such a pretty voice like i tried to make it all day without saying "wish you were here" like lately i've been going back to all the places we've been to see what it's like without you it is the worst game of hide & seek every time i close my eyes to count you just go home i seem to only wear my seat belt on days you call on days you're all never been better and i just wanna tell you how much I hate window shopping and daylight goodbyes you just sit there when you could say anything you could tell me you noticed i started drinking again you could even make it up you could say you miss me, too you could say you missed me so much that the other day you accidentally bought two coffees instead of one you could tell me how you've been without me that you sleep so much better these days without having to worry you can say what you have to just don't say leaving was like shooting fish in a barrel cause i swear i'm nostalgic for things i pretended were real and i swear i don't want a seance until there's something worth bringing back take me back to all the places i tried to love you back to a time where i knew my name   without you having to say it *you got a fast car is it fast enough so we can fly away you gotta make a decision leave tonight or live & this way*
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82
There used to be a bottle on the wall. It was very green. I'm sure it was the loneliest green bottle that I had ever seen It used to sit on the wall all day and all night And every day, when I looked out of the window, it was always in my line of sight Then one day, a cat came along. Something was going to happen; I could tell The cat then accidentally nudged it and off the wall, it fell When it had fallen off the wall it had dropped with a very loud sound. There were all these little pieces of the green bottle all over the ground Then the cat yelped and I knew it had gotten hurt I could quite obviously see its paws were caked in blood and dirt The bottle wasn't harmful in the beginning it did not look the slightest bit treacherous but after a nudge in the wrong direction it became very dangerous Now I look back at you smiling next to me on the big armchair Your fingers running through your soft locks of hair. You remind me a lot of that green bottle. In the beginning, you were harmless you were all sorts of fun. Now you hurt me. Could you tell me why as I don't quite know what I've done
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Jun 5, 2019
Jun 5, 2019 at 4:34 PM UTC
Green bottle
I cut my hair, the tips that you liked curlying around your fingers while you sang are now gone. I painted it with sunshine rays, To surround me with all the light I've been needing since the last time I got blinded by yours. And that flock of hair that was shorter from that time I accidentally burned it trying to light you a cigarrette, the one that made me smile with its stubborness to stay still, the one that reminded me of our first night, it has growned.
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Feb 18, 2014
Feb 18, 2014 at 9:28 PM UTC
Hair
Being a girl in my day and age, you get used to all the horn honks, the wolf whistles, and the "hey baby's", and the guys saying "you're too pretty not to smile", as though not having a smile on my face at all times is a sin. But why should I smile when harassment becomes normal, when a girl can't report it because even the police thinks she should be flattered, but why should I be flattered that a guy wants to see up my dress so much that he 'accidentally' pushes it up, why should I be flattered when a guy can't even use words so he whistles at me like I'm a dog. But I am not a ***** I cannot be won over by a whistle and sweet words, no scratch behind my ears in the form of some misogynistic pick up line, will give you a chance. And if I laugh at your poor attempt, it is not consent, just because my lips curl into a smile, does not mean you can come curl up with me. My self worth does not exist on how fuckable I am in your perverted eyes, it is not existent on if you want to 'hit that', if you were to hit anything it should be your mindset that that is okay, right out of your head. Because I am not an object for your pleasure, and I object to you treating me like I am. I AM! I AM! I AM! A WOMAN! Built from all the things a man could never be. And don't you ever ******* forget it.
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Jun 7, 2015
Jun 7, 2015 at 3:16 AM UTC
My Thoughts on Harassment
You looked me in the eye With the same smile you gave me A long time ago. You let me order your coffee for you I knew which one It's still the same From a long time ago. I laughed about the jokes you told me You laughed at how unfunny Mine were And you playfully hit me I frowned, you laughed, I laughed, you laughed again And said sorry Just like you did A long time ago. The worst of it all Was that when your hand Accidentally brushed mine I shivered Just like I did A long long time ago. -- Eleanor
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Feb 11, 2015
Feb 11, 2015 at 5:46 PM UTC
A Long Time Ago
Sometimes, looking at you in the light of the kitchen  I want to run a finger Down the length of your nose but I know you'd wrinkle it, and shake your head citing a tickle, but kiss behind my shoulder as soon As I turn away When my feet make ice pools in the bed Toes accidentally brushing your ankle and you **** abruptly, but upon hearing My sigh, trap them back with your ankles til, martyr that you are, I'm engulfed in Warmth at your Expense. Sometimes the last trickle of milk is mine, for the coffee, Silent with your eyes smiling fondly, you look on as I sip, resolutely stirring powdered Dead baby souls into mug as substitute. Even damp smelly socks Greasy hair Neurotic tears and Intellectual rambling epiphanies Even childish blunders, fudging the Budget or burning the toast You still call me fond Things. And love Me. The most.
0
Dec 21, 2015
Dec 21, 2015 at 9:19 PM UTC
Ways
Last week I was taught that no matter how complex an expression may seem if you multiply it by its conjugate pair you will always end up with a non-negative real solution. That is a metaphor for how we have learned to love. I used to like mathematics, as strange as it may sound, because memorising the value of pi was somehow easier than forgetting the notion of you and I thought maybe comprehending the mechanics of the universe would lead me one step closer to cracking the combination. In a world that spins at the rate of 27,900m per minute, a constant can prove tricky to find. Hence, there is solace to be felt in knowing that even when it is all said and done – when the final bullet has slipped from our tongues and we are left trembling upon nothing but the rubble of our own destruction, two plus three will still be equal to five. In an attempt to clarify a theory to the class, my teacher analogised that mathematics is like one big giant jigsaw puzzle: everything always fits together perfectly in the end Since then I have learned it is the method without the madness, the passion for the predictable; it is everything - that love is not. Not even the greatest mathematician in the world has been able to measure how much a heart can hold. There is no algorithm for how to make you come back; I cannot draw a line graph on the speed at which love left and even if I could, our gradients would never be the same. I may have both halves of the bed, but there is never enough space to fill it with. If a task takes four hours for ten people to complete and the same job takes five people twice that time, how long will it take for a human to feel whole again? Sometimes I think we are nothing more than two parallel lines that accidentally crossed paths.
0
Jan 14, 2015
Jan 14, 2015 at 5:47 PM UTC
a mathematical love poem
Last week I was taught that no matter how complex an expression may seem if you multiply it by its conjugate pair you will always end up with a non-negative real solution. That is a metaphor for how we have learned to love. I used to like mathematics, as strange as it may sound, because memorising the value of pi was somehow easier than forgetting the notion of you and I thought maybe comprehending the mechanics of the universe would lead me one step closer to cracking the combination. In a world that spins at the rate of 27,900m per minute, a constant can prove tricky to find. Hence, there is solace to be felt in knowing that even when it is all said and done – when the final bullet has slipped from our tongues and we are left trembling upon nothing but the rubble of our own destruction, two plus three will still be equal to five. In an attempt to clarify a theory to the class, my teacher analogised that mathematics is like one big giant jigsaw puzzle: everything always fits together perfectly in the end Since then I have learned it is the method without the madness, the passion for the predictable; it is everything - that love is not. Not even the greatest mathematician in the world has been able to measure how much a heart can hold. There is no algorithm for how to make you come back; I cannot draw a line graph on the speed at which love left and even if I could, our gradients would never be the same. I may have both halves of the bed, but there is never enough space to fill it with. If a task takes four hours for ten people to complete and the same job takes five people twice that time, how long will it take for a human to feel whole again? Sometimes I think we are nothing more than two parallel lines that accidentally crossed paths.
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32
Last night I had a dream that you died. Everyone we knew came, said their I’m-so-sorry’s, and left, filtering out the front door slowly like sand through a sideways sifter, leaving behind pieces, words and memories and casseroles I could not taste. And the whole time everyone was here, you were here, too. I could hear you, smell you, feel you. I could feel you surrounding me like the ghost of the baby blanket I once had and could never leave at home. I loved you here and here you would stay, with me, and now you would never leave. I could keep you. You were bound to me. But the ties that bind are tight and you did not like me leaving. You could not go with me and you accidentally and without words by holding, enveloping, suffocating you told me that you did not want me to ever leave again. So I stopped. I stopped leaving. And the calls stopped, too. The invites. The lunches. The impromptu trips to town. All unnecessary noise. The people left. And then it was just you and me. Until one day I saw what you had done. Tripping I glanced in the mirror and saw. You had etched yourself into my face. Dug with your nails terrifying ravines escaping the corners of my eyes. Pulled down my mouth and every shallow natural valley turned to deep empty bowl, hungry and wanting. My eyes no longer held light. I saw this, all evidence against you, and I still loved you. You had hurt me in ways you never had while you were here – here – and I knew. And I still loved you. Slinking up the stairs I called you to me. I felt you surround faster than before and closer, tighter, colder. Suffocating, stifling and so destructive in how you loved me. Slowly but faster I grew to know I would not become you and you would not become me. We were stuck on other sides of the mirror. I was so angry at what you had allowed me made me begged me to become. Realizing I gasped and put hand to heart it hurt so. I stood upright how long have I been bent took in one long deep breath of stuffy air how long since I opened the windows and called you to me when have I last heard a voice not my own called you to listen. I felt the loss of everything else friends family adventure excitement. Nothing was left of that here and I was so angry and I am so sorry and I yelled       I screamed       I roared why are you still here why are you making me like you why did you come here and hold me and keep me here with you I am not the one who is dead and I said and I regret and I am so sorry I can’t have you here go away and leave me alone and you did. You left me all alone. Why would you leave me?
0
May 8, 2014
May 8, 2014 at 1:06 AM UTC
Leaving
Last night I had a dream that you died. Everyone we knew came, said their I’m-so-sorry’s, and left, filtering out the front door slowly like sand through a sideways sifter, leaving behind pieces, words and memories and casseroles I could not taste. And the whole time everyone was here, you were here, too. I could hear you, smell you, feel you. I could feel you surrounding me like the ghost of the baby blanket I once had and could never leave at home. I loved you here and here you would stay, with me, and now you would never leave. I could keep you. You were bound to me. But the ties that bind are tight and you did not like me leaving. You could not go with me and you accidentally and without words by holding, enveloping, suffocating you told me that you did not want me to ever leave again. So I stopped. I stopped leaving. And the calls stopped, too. The invites. The lunches. The impromptu trips to town. All unnecessary noise. The people left. And then it was just you and me. Until one day I saw what you had done. Tripping I glanced in the mirror and saw. You had etched yourself into my face. Dug with your nails terrifying ravines escaping the corners of my eyes. Pulled down my mouth and every shallow natural valley turned to deep empty bowl, hungry and wanting. My eyes no longer held light. I saw this, all evidence against you, and I still loved you. You had hurt me in ways you never had while you were here – here – and I knew. And I still loved you. Slinking up the stairs I called you to me. I felt you surround faster than before and closer, tighter, colder. Suffocating, stifling and so destructive in how you loved me. Slowly but faster I grew to know I would not become you and you would not become me. We were stuck on other sides of the mirror. I was so angry at what you had allowed me made me begged me to become. Realizing I gasped and put hand to heart it hurt so. I stood upright how long have I been bent took in one long deep breath of stuffy air how long since I opened the windows and called you to me when have I last heard a voice not my own called you to listen. I felt the loss of everything else friends family adventure excitement. Nothing was left of that here and I was so angry and I am so sorry and I yelled       I screamed       I roared why are you still here why are you making me like you why did you come here and hold me and keep me here with you I am not the one who is dead and I said and I regret and I am so sorry I can’t have you here go away and leave me alone and you did. You left me all alone. Why would you leave me?
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113
You know what I realized? How fantastic a thing realization is. Like, nothing particular or anything. Just, that moment when you kinda stop in your tracks for a second and go, "Huh. You know what?" Even the simple things are revelatory and what a great way to accidentally give yourself an unexpected better day. Wow, you know what? Today, I was keen enough and let my busy mind relax just enough to touch the universe again, and in that moment touch myself from the outside so that I remembered something I'd forgotten or before had never known. What is that, like the human singularity? Feels like it. QUICK, GRAB ON COMMANDER AND ALL YOU SPACE CASES. **** IT, GRAB ONTO THE WORLD BY THE ANT HAIRS! DIG YOUR FINGERS INTO THE GRASS! Let go and fall because you know it's better for your eventual grip on the state of matters in the laundry list you ordered with tasks representing your life. Am I better if I have one, I usually ask at the grocery store, to myself as I bag and then I get distracted by the sign for $3.99 pizza.
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May 10, 2014
May 10, 2014 at 2:50 PM UTC
Summer Shudder: "Sushi Cake, No Bedsheets"
I wake up and eat some eggs, a yogurt, and a few slices of melon in an attempt to change my life after all it is that or death I won't hold my breath It's a beautiful day to head to the mall with a friend I really know where this is going Hmm I like that shirt Oops, this store doesn't offer plus size On to the next.. I really like these jeans.. Forty five dollars for sizes sixteen and up What a mess! Since I refuse to let Lane Bryant **** my wallet in the *** I decide to head to Barnes and Noble instead I accidentally bumped into a lady and her baby stroller as I walked past and she mumbled "Fat ***** under her breath Yes that's what she said I didn't even turn my head Because that's what the lady said and that's what society says and instead of trying to explain it's just easier to walk away it's the self hatred after I dread So I buy a whole pizza and eat the entire ******* thing and it is beyond delicious though the guilt I feel afterwards wasn't worth it and vomitting that **** up was viscous Even when I was a little girl I dreamed of being thin I dreamed of being a model I dreamed of having a flat tummy Just to fit in I didn't like the belly I had or the fat in my cheeks I was the only kid in gym that could never climb the rope and that began a string of anxiety attacks that would last for weeks The doctor calls it insulin resistance which leaves me with the inability to lose weight but I shouldn't have to explain to anyone my condition I just shouldn't have to explain not to mention the ovarian disease that cripples me to my knees which so happens to be genetic and mimics the blood of a diabetic leaving me incurable a medical mystery not to mention infertility so for me children are just a dream Although I tell myself that I am beautiful and that I am intelligent and that I am funny and that I am a hard worker and that I am successful and that I am caring and that I am loving and that I am daring and that I am the best **** friend a person could ever have To a stranger I'm just a "fat ***** and you know what? That makes me really ******* sad
0
Apr 23, 2014
Apr 23, 2014 at 9:10 PM UTC
The Diary of a Mad Fat Woman
I wake up and eat some eggs, a yogurt, and a few slices of melon in an attempt to change my life after all it is that or death I won't hold my breath It's a beautiful day to head to the mall with a friend I really know where this is going Hmm I like that shirt Oops, this store doesn't offer plus size On to the next.. I really like these jeans.. Forty five dollars for sizes sixteen and up What a mess! Since I refuse to let Lane Bryant **** my wallet in the *** I decide to head to Barnes and Noble instead I accidentally bumped into a lady and her baby stroller as I walked past and she mumbled "Fat ***** under her breath Yes that's what she said I didn't even turn my head Because that's what the lady said and that's what society says and instead of trying to explain it's just easier to walk away it's the self hatred after I dread So I buy a whole pizza and eat the entire ******* thing and it is beyond delicious though the guilt I feel afterwards wasn't worth it and vomitting that **** up was viscous Even when I was a little girl I dreamed of being thin I dreamed of being a model I dreamed of having a flat tummy Just to fit in I didn't like the belly I had or the fat in my cheeks I was the only kid in gym that could never climb the rope and that began a string of anxiety attacks that would last for weeks The doctor calls it insulin resistance which leaves me with the inability to lose weight but I shouldn't have to explain to anyone my condition I just shouldn't have to explain not to mention the ovarian disease that cripples me to my knees which so happens to be genetic and mimics the blood of a diabetic leaving me incurable a medical mystery not to mention infertility so for me children are just a dream Although I tell myself that I am beautiful and that I am intelligent and that I am funny and that I am a hard worker and that I am successful and that I am caring and that I am loving and that I am daring and that I am the best **** friend a person could ever have To a stranger I'm just a "fat ***** and you know what? That makes me really ******* sad
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63
If you accidentally              fall out of love, Do you just dive                 back in head first?            Feet first??                      Eyes closed???         Cannon ball????              Or Do you walk away        Cause you can't swim And you're scared to death                    of drowning?????
0
Apr 2, 2015
Apr 2, 2015 at 12:45 AM UTC
#DownDownDown???
Faking Bad In anticipation of my Evaluation to be declared Non Compos Mentos I slept under a bridge For three days "Getting into character," But on the morning of My intake interview My hair fell perfectly, I mean I looked like A ******* rock star. College girls on the bus Were giving me their Numbers and my skin, Which I'd purposely sunburnt And caked in the finest filth, Glowed like an Australian Chippendale dancer named Weegie And even the female Assisstant D.A. Who had busted me for vagrancy Waved her ******* from The third story building Of the Courthouse. No matter how much I Tried to speak gibberish Poetry and philosophical Tracts spewed from my mouth. Shuffling past the park I beat eight Grand Masters At chess on move 1 Inadvertently I solved The Phi Epsilom Theorem By kicking stones Into an algorythym. When I arrived they didn't Make me wait at all. My caseworker giggled like A schoolgirl while I told her Each day was like an endless shift In a Chinese fish- gutting Sweatshop and every one of my fellow Employees was motivationalist Richard Simmons. She ungirdled her enormous **** and as they spilled Like fishguts onto the desk She began to howl **** me, **** me, oh **** Me right here in Front of the open window On State Street as everyone Watches me ******* the strongest, Healthiest, smartest, most popular, Well-adjusted man in the world. The rest of the examination was Also a success. But as I left the Mental HealthCenter feeling marvelous I accidentally bumped An old woman with the door: "Watch out you manic-depressive Schizoid with Socially Avoidant Features klutz." -Thomas L. Vaultonburg
0
Aug 11, 2015
Aug 11, 2015 at 5:05 PM UTC
Faking Bad (Outsider Poetry)
Faking Bad In anticipation of my Evaluation to be declared Non Compos Mentos I slept under a bridge For three days "Getting into character," But on the morning of My intake interview My hair fell perfectly, I mean I looked like A ******* rock star. College girls on the bus Were giving me their Numbers and my skin, Which I'd purposely sunburnt And caked in the finest filth, Glowed like an Australian Chippendale dancer named Weegie And even the female Assisstant D.A. Who had busted me for vagrancy Waved her ******* from The third story building Of the Courthouse. No matter how much I Tried to speak gibberish Poetry and philosophical Tracts spewed from my mouth. Shuffling past the park I beat eight Grand Masters At chess on move 1 Inadvertently I solved The Phi Epsilom Theorem By kicking stones Into an algorythym. When I arrived they didn't Make me wait at all. My caseworker giggled like A schoolgirl while I told her Each day was like an endless shift In a Chinese fish- gutting Sweatshop and every one of my fellow Employees was motivationalist Richard Simmons. She ungirdled her enormous **** and as they spilled Like fishguts onto the desk She began to howl **** me, **** me, oh **** Me right here in Front of the open window On State Street as everyone Watches me ******* the strongest, Healthiest, smartest, most popular, Well-adjusted man in the world. The rest of the examination was Also a success. But as I left the Mental HealthCenter feeling marvelous I accidentally bumped An old woman with the door: "Watch out you manic-depressive Schizoid with Socially Avoidant Features klutz." -Thomas L. Vaultonburg
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66
You're in love with her. She's the kind of soft that makes the sun fall to its knees every evening just to get a closer glimpse. She's everything that makes a boy believe in god. How else could he be alive at the same time as her if he didn't? The odds are too great for there to be any other reason that he gets to make her smile. That kind of smile that's designed to melt boys like him that i've turned cold. You thought I was her once. Speaking of thoughts, do I ever cross your mind sometimes like you cross mine? Even if unintentional? At night I accidentally love you like no time has passed. I know it's just my unconscious mind, but while I sleep there's a version of you that loves me still. You're a dream that I wish wasn't. So it's the worst kind of accident you could say. Maybe not accidental if gods real like you believe he is. My dreams might possibly just be his way of saying **** you".
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Jun 26, 2018
Jun 26, 2018 at 11:04 PM UTC
My Dreams
My thoughts have turned into white noise The kind that you find when you accidentally hit the channel button on the remote control Covered in a static that hurts when you touch them I don't really know what their purpose is But I do know that the simultaneous and indistinguishable sounds Of everything And nothing Are driving me insane
0
Feb 6, 2015
Feb 6, 2015 at 12:13 AM UTC
signal processing