When I die
(if my parents don't know)
remember to weigh me judiciously with authorial intent.
Don't let my father go to the front
and tell everyone what a good daddy's girl I was
how I loved fishing with him
and wore my camo pants like a champ.
I was 2.
I didn't know better.
Don't let my mother's lip tremble
or let her say how much my writing made her cry
how I spent my evenings worshiping textbooks
and typing til 2 am for large red A's on my papers.
I was worshiping the body and mind of a guy
who never wanted me back.
Don't let my father see my body
the tattoo next to my left hip bone
the one I got my freshman year
because why the **** not.
Don't let my mother see my face
the rings in my lip and nose and ears
because they told me only ***** had those
and I wanted to see if they were right.
Don't let my father tell stories afterwards
all my achievements and awards
every 100% I ever gave.
He never told them to me.
He only has pride in the dead.
Don't let my mother tell stories afterwards
because she'll get them right
but tell them wrong.
She'll either laugh or cry halfway through
and I don't know which is worse.
Don't let my father sing the hymns
or even say how much he loved hearing my voice.
I could never hear myself over him.
Don't let my mother lament that I never sang for her
she knew why
she married him.
Don't let them tell you how I was a good Catholic girl
who always went to mass
and prayed the rosary on roadtrips
and never ate meat on Fridays during Lent (not even on accident).
I stopped going to mass after freshman year
and never prayed while driving
and made it a point to eat as much meat
as I possibly ******* could.
Don't let them tell you how I was a good sister
how excited I was when she was born
so helpful and caring.
She never fell off the bed when she was little.
I kicked her.
But especially don't let them trick you into thinking I was perfect.
I do not want to be canonized by my parents
who knew so little
and saw even less
because I hid myself away
so they wouldn't be
disappointed.
In fact,
don't let them come at all.
They'll be mourning the wrong girl.
intentional fallacy (n): in literary criticism, a fallacy involving assessment of a literary work based on the author's intended meaning rather than the actual response to the work