I'm angry because my wife turned out to be a shopaholic ****.
She thinks she owns me just because her name is tattooed on my ****.
Even though I'm a poor man, my wife believes in living large.
My credit cards are maxed out because of what she's charged.
I go hungry while she and her lovers go to five star restaurants and order caviar.
I got my *** kicked when I tried to stop two large men from repossessing my car.
She brings her lovers to my house, the ***** doesn't even try to be discreet.
I'm about to pass out because for the last four days, I've had nothing to eat.
I just knocked her out, put her in a crate and mailed her to Japan.
I'm doing a terrible thing to the Japanese but at least I'm a free man.
I don't have to worry about her returning and going berserk.
She'll be stuck in Japan because she's too **** lazy to work.
My hair has turned solid gray because of what she did to me.
I may look like an eighty year old but I'm so happy to be free.

How can you enjoy playing that PlayStation 4?
You stole it from Best Buy, it's not yours.
That PS4 doesn't rightfully belong to you.
Stealing it was lousy and a criminal thing to do.
You sit there and play it and you feel no shame.
How can you get pleasure from playing that game?
I hate to be a snitch, but I'm going to turn you in.
If you go to jail, maybe you won't steal again.

Your latest one night stand gave you a nasty STD.
Now you expect to receive sympathy from me.
People always have to reap what they sew.
You want compassion from me, but hell no.
Your wife is my sister and she's constantly being betrayed.
You're a slimy horn-dog who loves to get laid.
I beg her to leave you but she won't.
She loves you but I certainly don't.
You have an STD and I'm not surprised.
As far as I'm concerned, you're despised.

Disney may have bitten off more than they can chew.
They call certain fans nasty names, that's a bad thing to do.
Because they call certain fans nasty names, fans may not watch their movies anymore.
Disney has crossed the line and they're certainly not people who I adore.
It's the fans who make them and it's the fans who can break them.
When it comes to Disney, I have decided to forsake them.
Just because certain people disliked The Last Jedi, they have no right to call us racist and sexist.
I'm taking a stand by boycotting them and as far as I'm concerned, they will not be missed.
They have insulted me and they've insulted other fans too.
Disney may have bitten off more than they can chew.

Judgement Day is coming, God will eventually have all that he can take.
People will pay for their sins and the Commandments that they break.
People will hide under rocks because they'll be so scared.
But they need not hide, God will know that they are there.
When certain people face Judgement, they'll be in big trouble.
I suggest that these people change their ways on the double.
You may not believe that Judgement Day is coming but it will be here.
And with all of the wickedness in this world, that day may be near.

I won't watch anymore Disney movies because I don't like how Disney treats their fans.
They call us racist and sexist and I've had all that I can stand.
They call certain fans racist and sexist because we disliked The Last Jedi.
When it comes to losing fans, they have lost me, myself and I.
They call certain fans nasty names and I've had enough.
When I say that I'm through with Disney, it's no bluff.
Disney loves to blame their fans but they refuse to accept any blame.
Disney may lose a ton of fans if they keep calling us nasty names.

She starred in a Star Trek episode as the girlfriend of Khan.
She was talented but it's sad because now she is gone.
She had Multiple Sclerosis and by 1985, she was bound to a wheelchair.
When she died in December of 2003, it proved that life can be very unfair.

She guest starred in such shows as Hawaii Five-O, Bonanza and Daniel Boone.
When she died at the age of sixty-eight, she died too soon.
Because of her illness, she was unable to reprise her role in Star Trek II.
She was a beautiful and **** actress and her name was Madlyn Rhue.

I want to go to a time when things were great.
I wish that I could travel back in time to 1978.
I'd like to revisit the seventies because I loved that decade.
Back then, 8 Track tapes and records were still being played.
Songs were clean back then, now they're littered with the F word.
In 1978, music meant something and vulgarity wasn't what we heard.
40 years ago, we had no smart phones and no High Definition TV.
But landline phones and standard definition are just fine with me.
Video games ****** back then but I could live with an Atari.
If I could revisit 1978, I dojn't think that I would be sorry.

I have a story that needs to be told.
I knew a woman who was ice cold.
Many men liked her because she was beautiful and had big *****.
But you could've poured boiling water down her throat and she would've ****** ice cubes.

A family was killed by a drunk driver and she didn't even feel sad.
The witch even started laughing and said that she was glad.
She left her fiance standing at the altar and he committed suicide.
She said that he was a dirt poor S.O.B. and was happy that he died.

This was a woman who I certainly didn't admire.
She died last year when her house caught on fire.
When Karma catches up to a person, she's a *****.
I'm one of the people who hated that ice cold witch.

You broke my heart when you stole and used my bride.
She ran off with you and I'm going to take it out of your hide.
I'm going to knock out your teeth when I give you a beating.
You will have to gum your food to be able to continue eating.
You soon dumped my wife because to you, she was just a *******.
I just punched you in the face and it gives me pleasure to see you fall.
You just got up off the floor but I just knocked you down again.
My wife meant nothing to you, you give a bad name to men.
You told her that you loved her but you lied.
She was so upset that she committed suicide.
Convincing her to leave me was mean but using her was meaner.
I just pulled out my 44 Magnum pistol and blew off your wiener.
I can't let you continue to be a ****, I can't allow that at all.
I have made sure that my late wife will be your last *******.

People don't like me because I make terrible moonshine.
Nobody in their right mind wants this whiskey of mine.
I've received a lot of angry phone calls, and some pretty nasty letters.
People say that when it comes to my shine, horse **** tastes better.
A city slicker actually called my moonshine slop.
He felt he'd been ripped off so he called the cops.
The police arrested him too for buying the moonshine in the first place.
His stupidity got him jail time, you should've seen the look on his face.
My shine is so terrible that the Surgeon General has started putting a warning label on every bottle.
If you drink my 130 proof moonshine, you won't walk straight for days, when you walk, you will waddle.
My shine will knock your head off, it's sure not as mild as a malt.
I've warned you about my shine so if it makes you go blind, it will be your fault.

There is something that I hate, and it's something I won't deny.
I hate the new Doctor Who TV show, I'd rather watch paint dry.
I even complained to the BBC, and told them that I hate their show.
If you're wondering if I'll ever watch it again, the answer is hell no.
I've written several poems about Doctor Who, and you may wonder why.
It's because I hate it with all of my heart and soul, I'd rather watch paint dry.
I hate it because the BBC uses it to cram political correctness down people's throats.
I'd rather watch a show about a man who is married to a goat.
I loved the classic Doctor Who TV show, but I hate the new, and that's not a lie.
I wish they would cancel the new Doctor Who because I'd rather watch paint dry.

Because of a man's death, millions have been hurt.
He was a fantastic actor, and his name was Burt.
He starred as the Bandit twice, and as Stroker Ace.
His death is something that fans don't want to face.
Burt starred as Boss Hogg back in 2005.
Many will mourn because he didn't survive.
He was very lucky because for a while, he was married to Loni Anderson.
When people heard about his death, they were both saddened and stunned.
People are crying because of the ordeal they're going through.
Sadly, the world has lost Burt Reynolds at the age of eighty-two.

Oil was struck on my land and 100 million is what I was paid.
My nephew has a great education, he graduated the 6th grade.
Granny makes her own whiskey, and she makes lye soap.
But if you're wondering if the neighbors are happy, nope.
Mrs. Drysdale doesn't like us, she constantly complains.
She says living next to us is going to drive her insane.
Elly May is my daughter, and she's awful fond of critters.
But now she has rabies because her raccoon bit her.
My sister Pearl insisted that I move here from the South.
Elly May won't drink water, and she's foaming at the mouth.
Jethro does some cyphering, he can count up to ten.
If you've met somebody smarter, I'd like to know when.
I love my mansion, especially the billy yard room.
If you get too close to Granny's still, you'll be knocked out by the fumes.
The people of Beverly Hills wants us to move away.
But they'd better get used to us, we're here to stay.

That's the good thing about possum innards, just as good the second day.
But whjen our dinner guests see what Granny is cooking, they run away.
These city fols have the weirdest reactions that I've ever seen.
When we serve buzzard eggs, they puke after their faces turn green.
Jethro is my nephew, and I need to have a long talk with that boy.
Mister rysdale loves our money but his wife is always annoyed.
Whenever we hear music, somebody is always at the door.
Even though Jethro is bigger, Elly May pins him to the floor.
People tend to catch on fire if they smoke after drinking from Granny's still.
As long as we have 100 million, MR. Drysdale won't let us leave Beverly Hills.

I once drove a brand new car ,and lived in a nice apartment.
But now I'm dirt poor, and I live down by the lake in a tent.
I get angry because of people's attitudes.
People laugh at me because I eat dog food.
I eat it every day because it's cheap.
People laugh because they're creeps.
I started eating dog food because I saw David Letterman do it.
It looked mighty tasty when I saw him chew it.
I eat it at the beach, while riding on buses and subways, and at the park.
I'm getting worried because all of that dog food has started making me bark.
I've also started licking my ****, and fetching sticks.
When women see me eat dog food, it makes them sick.
If you're wondering if I'll quit, the answer is no.
I'll never stop eating dog food, I need my Alpo.
Please don't point and laugh at me, please don't be rude.
Everybody thinks that I'm a freak because I eat dog food.

Arthenia was my aunt and she was as kind as she could be.
She was a loving mother and wife who lived in Sneedville, Tennessee.
She was appreciated by her husband and the three children that she had.
Now she's in Heaven which is a better place, she's with my mom and dad.
When we lose somebody special, we always ask why.
Her daughter and sons names are Hope, Dennis and Levi.
She was married to my uncle for 43 years.
It's really sad because she's no longer here.
When such a special person dies, it's a shame.
She was unique and Arthenia was her name.

Many people know how important you were to me.
If you hadn't died, today you would've turned seventy.
You were a kind woman who loved to give.
I would've done anything if you could've lived.

You could no longer be my BFF, you weren't able to be my best friend forever.
Sadly, on the day of your death, our bond of friendship and love was severed.
On your last birthday, we celebrated when I bought you a cake.
Your memory is something that I won't forget or forsake.

I turned out to be a good person and it's because of you.
You raised me and taught me to have morals and values.
The doctors couldn't save you but they certainly did try.
Happy Birthday Mom, I'll love you until the day that I die.

I charged a town full of hicks ten thousand bucks to make it rain.
They said if there was no precipitation, I would be in a lot of pain.
They were desperate for rain because of a three month drought.
They actually paid in full, I can't believe they paid that amount.
What they didn't know was that when it comes to making rain, I don't know what to do.
Those hicks knocked all of my teeth out and now I can't even chew.
Those hillbillies also lit a match after dunking me in a barrel of kerosene.
I knew they would be angry but I had no idea they would be quite so mean.
Now I'm in the hospital and I have 3rd degree burns.
Don't ever con hicks, that's a lesson I have learned.

My dream came true when I became a referee.
But my heart is broken because they fired me.
I was told that I couldn't be a referee again.
They said it's because I can't count to ten.
1-2-3-4, that's as high as I can count.
I can't get to ten, I can't reach that amount.
I dropped out of school too early, that's why I'm so stupid.
I dropped out of Kindergarten when I was a five year old kid.
Kids shouldn't drop out because knowledge is a tool.
They will have a better future if they stay in school.

I filed for divorce because my wife did something strange.
She went behind my back and had a *** change.
When I came home one afternoon, a man answered the door.
I thought it was a burglar so I knocked my wife to the floor.
When I learned that she became a man, I got mad.
I lost the beautiful and **** wife that I once had.
She said even though she became a man, I should still love her.
I told her that I already have a ***** and I don't need another.
When I packed my bags and left her for good, she said it was a lousy thing to do.
If you're a man, keep an eye on your wife because she may have a *** change too.

A judge ordered me to pay my ex-wife alimony.
I told him that his ruling was a bunch of baloney.
I refused to pay her anything because while we were married, she cheated.
She broke her wedding vows, it was a shameful way for me to be treated.
When I refused to pay alimony, the judge sent me to jail.
I've been ***** ten times by the man who shares  my cell.
It was the principle of the thing, that's why I refused to pay.
My cellmate is about to violate me again, I've had better days.
I hope a cop or prison guard can hear me as I begin to shout.
I'll pay my ex-wife whatever she wants if they'll let me out.

My ex-girlfriend dumped me even though I have cancer.
My sister knocked her out in a mall and then she pantsed her.
She had to walk around the mall in her underwear.
People pointed and laughed, I wish I had been there.
You may want to dump somebody who has cancer but you mustn't and you can't.
If you're a woman who dumps me, my sister will knock you out and you will be pantsed.

It is illegal to refuse to hire disabled people in the state of Tennessee.
Even though I graduated from medical school, a hospital wouldn't hire me.
They said they couldn't hire me because I'd do a lot of harm.
They said I couldn't be a doctor because I only have one arm.
I sued them and they were forced to hire me even though I'm disabled.
But when I performed an operation, the person died on the operating table.
I operated on a woman who had fifteen kids, she was going to have her tubes tied.
If I hadn't been the doctor who performed the surgery, she wouldn't have died.
Swift action was taken, I was fired immediately.
They had no other choice but to terminate me.
There were two important reasons why I shouldn't have been part of the hospital's workforce.
I only have one arm and the medical school that I graduated from was a correspondence course.

When I tell people that my name is Justin Bred,
they think that I'm a hick with no brain in my head.
Everybody who I know thinks that I'm married to my sister.
When they see us together, they ask why they've never seen me kiss her.
When people hear my name, they falsely accuse me of ******.
Because of this misunderstanding, my life has become a mess.
Women slap my face and they call me sick.
Everybody believes that I'm an ****** hick.
I'm sick of having to tell everybody that I'm Justin Bred, not just ******.
If you ask me how long I've been married to my sister, I'll cut off your head.

There's something about my wife that astounds me.
She won't use any appliance unless it's made by GE.
I bought her a washing machine that was made by Whirlpool.
That was a dumb decision and I soon learned that I'm a fool.
My wife got so mad that she caved my head in with a claw hammer.
Now she's holding a grudge because she spent a year in the slammer.
General Electric appliances are the only appliances she will use.
I'll remember that in the future because I don't like to be abused.
She demands GE appliances because GE brings good things to life.
From now on, I'll buy nothing but GE because I'm scared of my wife.

Half a decade ago today, Dad ceased to be alive.
Five years ago, Dad died at the age of sixty-five.
He was a hard worker, he could have outworked two twenty-year-olds.
When he went to the doctor, bad news was what he was destined to be told.
He was diagnosed with Leukemia and it caused distress.
Twenty months later, he succumbed to his terrible illness.
Two days before he died, he couldn't even respond when people talked to him.
Forty-eight hours later, he met a terrifying fate that was very grim.
He underwent Chemotherapy to temporarily survive.
Half a decade ago today, Dad ceased to be alive.

My nephew is making me play a different version of hide and seek.
This version involves a gun, if he finds me, things will become bleak.
In this version, if a player is found, he is killed.
I'm scared out of my wits, I'm sure not thrilled.

He said if I didn't play the game, he'd **** me on the spot.
He's trying to find where I'm hid but I hope he can not.
He is a twisted and totally evil child.
His parents have never disciplined him and he's running wild.

My nephew just found and shot me, I have a bullet in my chest.
My life is flashing before my eyes and soon I'll be laid to rest.
My wife and kids will be devastated when they learn that I bought the farm.
This evil little child needs to be killed or locked up before he can do more harm.

I got tired of being called a hillbilly from the sticks.
So I built a time machine and traveled back to 1776.
I intended to see the signing of the Declaration of Independence.
This was a fantastic historical moment that needed my attendance.
But my time machine landed on Thomas Jefferson before the document was written.
The document wouldn't exist that gave America independence from Great Britain.
I accidentally squashed Thomas Jefferson so it was left up to me.
I wrote the Declaration of independence so the USA could be free.
You may have noticed a few changes that I made.
One of which is that it's mandatory for me to get laid.
I proved that I'm not a hick who is slow.
I wrote the Declaration of Independence nearly two and a half centuries ago.

I have two purrfect sweethearts and I'm smitten.
They are yellow and they're my two new kittens.
One of my babies is a girl and the other is a boy.
There's nothing like pets to bring a person joy.
They're beautiful, adorable and tame.
George and Peggy are their names.
I love to stroke their soft fur.
When I pet them, they purr.
They've taken a shine to me and owning them is something I'll never regret.
They're two purrfect sweethearts and they're wonderful pets.

A maniac has kidnapped me and he's holding a gun to my head.
He's forcing me to watch the new Doctor Who but I'd rather be dead.
I can't stand the new Doctor Who TV show, why is he doing this to me?
This is a fate worse than death, I want him to put me out of my misery.

I can't stand the political correctness of the new Doctor Who.
I'm begging him to pull the trigger, that would be the kinder thing to do.
I like the new Doctor Who as much as Jerry Seinfeld likes Newman.
Forcing me to watch these episodes is cruel, it's positively inhuman.

If I watch much more of the new Doctor Who, I swear I'll be driven insane.
I can't believe what this ****** is doing to me, how can he be so inhumane?
I loved the classic Doctor Who but forcing me to watch the new is sick behavior.
I want him to pull the trigger and end my life, he would be doing me a favor.

Whenever I buy cigarettes, my neighbor steals them.
I really hate thieves and a part of me wants to **** him.
He sneaks in my house when he catches my back turned.
I threatened to call the cops but he didn't seem concerned.
He doesn't just steal some of my cigarettes, he steals every pack.
He spits in my face when I go to his house to demand them back.
I've asked him time after time to stop but he won't
But the laugh is on him, he has lung cancer and I don't.

I've been good to you and I let you live in my house rent free.
You did something even though you knew it would anger me.
You've really ticked me off because of what you did today.
You came in my house with episodes of the new Doctor Who on Blu-Ray.

You knew that the new Doctor Who show is something I hate.
You don't even like science fiction, you did it just to aggravate.
You're going to take it back to FYE and return it.
And if you don't, I'll take it outside and burn it.

I let you live here for free and I even pay for your food.
I told you from the start that I despise the new Doctor Who.
You knew how much I loathe that television show, you're a trouble making louse.
Return it or I'll burn it and if you do it again, you can get the hell out of my house!

Today, my cat died that I had for nearly six years.
When I found her dead, it brought me to tears.
Animals always bring plenty of joy.
I adopted her in September of 2012 and I named her Boy.
I named her Boy even though she was a female.
It was heartbreaking when I had to say farewell.
It wasn't until she died that I truly appreciated what a special cat that I had.
Boy and I went to Sneedville and spent the last Christmas with Mom and Dad.
She was very pretty and solid white.
She was indeed a beautiful sight.
It's very sad to know that she no longer exists.
Goodbye Boy, you were my cat and you will be missed.

Disney didn't expect it but Solo is a flop.
When it came to ticket sales, the second week saw a 61 percent drop.
In Solo, Lando Calrissian is a pansexual, even robots turn him on.
I'm sorry to have to say it but the magic of Star Wars may be gone.
Certain people are angry because of The Last Jedi.
Leia was ****** into space and she didn't die.
Disney obviously knows nothing about outer space.
Criticism is something Disney doesn't want to face.
Disney thought Solo would be a massive hit but it's not.
Fans are angry and that is what caused the Solo boycott.
If you like The Last Jedi and or Solo, that's okay.
But Disney is very upset, they've had better days.

When I got a job, the boss didn't tell me what he would pay.
That low life piece of **** only gave me three dollars a day.
That **** ******* dirt bag actually thought that I would love it.
Just like the song says, I told him to take that job and shove it.
I couldn't even buy a meal for three bucks.
He got mad when I told him that he *****.
That S.O.B. black listed me so that I couldn't get another job.
When that **** looked in his safe, he saw that he'd been robbed.
What he did made me madder than hell and he soon got the picture.
I may be unemployed but at least I'm twenty-five thousand dollars richer.

As I walked down the highway, I saw a dog that had been killed by a car.
That poor animal had irresponsible owners, whoever they are.
If a person is irresponsible, they should not own any pets.
Even though it wasn't my dog, seeing it dead filled me with regret.
I felt sorry for that poor dog and angry because of the owner's irresponsibility.
The dog was allowed to walk down the highway, the owner is to blame entirely.
Because of the irresponsible owner, that unfortunate dog's fate was sealed.
If that dog would've had a better owner, the dog wouldn't have gotten killed.
If you own any pets, please take good care of them.
Because if you don't, they might die and it will be grim.

Five minutes after I left, four people were shot in a pharmacy.
If I had been there for an extra five minutes, one of the victims would've been me.
A maniac shot four people over a tray of pain pills.
Two of his victims lived but the other two were killed.
He probably thought he'd get off scott free but he did not.
He wasn't even able to get out of town before being caught.
That punk shot those people five years ago today.
Now he's rotting in prison, he's being made to pay.
The cops arrested him and put him behind bars and that's where he belongs.
He valued pills more than four innocent people, what he did was so wrong.

You hate Mexicans so you killed one because you're consumed by hate.
When I think about your personality, it's too horrible to contemplate.
You hated that man because of the color of his skin.
Your life has been ruined because of the trouble that you're in.

Another reason why you killed him was because he got promoted instead of you.
He had more experience than you and murdering him was a stupid thing to do.
You committed ****** because of the hatred you've been consumed by.
You're pathetic, you have no right to choose who lives and who dies.

As it turned out, that man had a heart of gold.
That poor man had a wife and a two year old.
You allowed hate to consume you and it took its toll.
Now you're doing life without the possibility of parole.

You're not truly dead just as long as people remember you.
And if I have my way, that is exactly what people will do.
Your role as a mother began in 1967 and ended in 2013.
Your death was devastating, it was the worst thing I've ever seen.

When the doctor said you would probably die, my brother and I were afraid.
You were a fantastic and caring mother for four and a half decades.
My brother and I were the only two children that you had.
When you passed away, I was miserable and it was so sad.

I feel better now but your death has left a scar.
It's great to know that Heaven is where you are.
Back in 2013, we were miserable because you passed away.
If you were still alive, I would wish you a happy Mother's Day.

I got revenge but it was a hollow victory.
Instead of getting pleasure, it horrified me.
Last year, a man ***** and murdered my little sister.
The pain is unbearable and I sure have missed her.
That punk got off because he was related to the Kennedys.
His underhanded lawyer convinced a jury to set him free.
When he came home last week, I used a knife to disembowel him.
I leapt out from behind some bushes and his death was grim.
I thought his death would make me feel really good.
But killing him didn't please me like I thought it would.
It shocked and horrified me, I feel even worse than I did before.
What I'm feeling on the inside is just too much for me to ignore.
I'm going to turn myself in no matter what punishment it brings.
I've learned the hard way that revenge isn't a good thing.

You come into my house and try to cram political correctness down my throat.
I'm sick and tired of hearing you run your big mouth, you're on a sinking boat.
You try to tell me how to talk and how to believe.
You're not welcome in my house, you'd better leave.
You won't force your views on me.
You say that my lifestyle is wrong but I don't agree.
You continue to run your mouth and you refuse to stop.
You're refusing to leave so now I'm going to call the cops.
When I put you in jail, you certainly won't be missed.
You call yourself politically correct but I call you a fascist.

I fight injustice in the West and help people who are in danger.
When my brother was murdered, I became the Lone Ranger.
I bring outlaws to justice wherever I go.
I couldn't do it without the help of my Indian sidekick Tonto.

People constantly think that I'm an outlaw because I wear this mask.
They want to take it off but they learn that removing it isn't an easy task.
Tonto and I always beat the bad guys by using our wits and our fists.
When we're done, the outlaws have handcuffs slapped on their wrists.

I ride Silver who is my trusty steed.
We always help those who are in need.
I only use silver bullets and so far Tonto and I haven't failed.
We will always protect the innocent and send outlaws to jail.

When I ordered Welsh Rabbit, a rabbit wasn't included.
The restaurant ripped me off, that was what I concluded.
All that I was served was some cheese on toast.
I soon learned that the chef wasn't a nice host.
I wanted a rabbit and that was what I demanded.
He threw me out the door because he said I needed to be reprimanded.
i was upset at that chef so I decided to enter his restaurant again.
When he was through I thought they'd have to call my next of kin.
He burned my **** with his stove and hit my head with a frying pan.
I soon learned that when that chef gets riled, he's a dangerous man.
If you order Welsh Rabbit at his restaurant and ask for a rabbit, he will say no.
And for your own safety you should leave his restaurant peacefully, just let it go.

She was 79 years old when she passed away.
She was my aunt and her name was Ina Mae.
When a relative passes away, it's always sad.
Ina Mae was the only blood aunt that I had.

She was special and she was Mom's only sister.
Many people loved her and many will miss her.
She was a wonderful lady and a loving mother.
She had a bond with her five kids who loved her.

She was a human being who can never be replaced.
She and mom are in Heaven which is a better place.
When she died in 2017, it was bleak.
Ina Mae was both special and unique.

I'm the human version of the Energizer Bunny.
People laugh at me but I don't think it's funny.
I put on this rabbit costume and the zipper broke.
I'm stuck in this rabbit costume and that is no joke.
I'm trapped in this costume that is pink.
I've been trapped for three years and I sure do stink.
When I ask people for food, they give me carrots.
I hate being a vegetarian, I can no longer bear it.
I must get out of this costume and I have a **** good reason.
Hunters have rifles and tomorrow is the start of rabbit season.
I'm sick and tired of being a laughing stock to humanity.
Please get me out of this costume before I lose my sanity.

You were my mother and I have something very important to say.
I love you and I lost an important person when you passed away.
You had an aneurysm which was what caused your untimely death.
I was in the hospital room with you when you took your final breath.

I was devastated when the doctor told us you were going to die.
Life would never be the same again after I had to say goodbye.
On the day of your death, I cried and I felt mighty low.
But I'm feeling better now than I did half a decade ago.

Even though time has healed my wounds, I still miss you.
Dying is terrible but sadly, it's what we all eventually must do.
It makes me happy to know how much we loved each other.
Rest in Peace Mom, you were always one hell of a mother.

You starred in a British sitcom called Father Ted.
It is extremely sad because now you are dead.
You were successful and things were going great.
But then a tragedy occurred when you died in 1998.
You were taken far too soon, you were only forty-five.
The world would be a better place if you had survived.
You excelled at acting and you were a teacher too.
You were an awesome Irishman and people loved you.

Gordon Ramsay decided to pay a visit to Mel's Diner.
When he criticized Mel's food, Mel gave him a shiner.
Now Mel wears an eyepatch because Ramsay jabbed him in the eye with a fork.
He hated Mel's beef and had to have his stomach pumped when he ate Mel's pork.
Ramsay didn't like the waitresses so he told Mel that they had to go.
After years of faithful service, Mel fired Alice, Vera and Flo.
Flo was so angry that she was chomping at the bit.
She told Mel and Gordon Ramsay to kiss her grits.
Ramsay finally had to give up on Mel because his food is so terrible.
Ramsay's job is to help restaurants but he can't perform miracles.

It was a sad day in 1993 when you went to be with your maker.
You starred with William Hartnell and years later, you starred with Tom Baker.
You starred in seventeen episodes of Doctor Who.
The show became a success partly because of you.
Doctor Who was a fascinating show that was scary.
Millions of people were devastated when you died on the 18th of February.