Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Jun 2018 · 379
A Fate Worse Than Death
Randy Johnson Jun 2018
A maniac has kidnapped me and he's holding a gun to my head.
He's forcing me to watch the new Doctor Who but I'd rather be dead.
I can't stand the new Doctor Who TV show, why is he doing this to me?
This is a fate worse than death, I want him to put me out of my misery.

I can't stand the political correctness of the new Doctor Who.
I'm begging him to pull the trigger, that would be the kinder thing to do.
I like the new Doctor Who as much as Jerry Seinfeld likes Newman.
Forcing me to watch these episodes is cruel, it's positively inhuman.

If I watch much more of the new Doctor Who, I swear I'll be driven insane.
I can't believe what this ****** is doing to me, how can he be so inhumane?
I loved the classic Doctor Who but forcing me to watch the new is sick behavior.
I want him to pull the trigger and end my life, he would be doing me a favor.
Jun 2018 · 552
Cigarette Thief
Randy Johnson Jun 2018
Whenever I buy cigarettes, my neighbor steals them.
I really hate thieves and a part of me wants to **** him.
He sneaks in my house when he catches my back turned.
I threatened to call the cops but he didn't seem concerned.
He doesn't just steal some of my cigarettes, he steals every pack.
He spits in my face when I go to his house to demand them back.
I've asked him time after time to stop but he won't
But the laugh is on him, he has lung cancer and I don't.
Jun 2018 · 201
Return or Burn
Randy Johnson Jun 2018
I've been good to you and I let you live in my house rent free.
You did something even though you knew it would anger me.
You've really ticked me off because of what you did today.
You came in my house with episodes of the new Doctor Who on Blu-Ray.

You knew that the new Doctor Who show is something I hate.
You don't even like science fiction, you did it just to aggravate.
You're going to take it back to FYE and return it.
And if you don't, I'll take it outside and burn it.

I let you live here for free and I even pay for your food.
I told you from the start that I despise the new Doctor Who.
You knew how much I loathe that television show, you're a trouble making louse.
Return it or I'll burn it and if you do it again, you can get the hell out of my house!
Jun 2018 · 379
Boy's Death
Randy Johnson Jun 2018
Today, my cat died that I had for nearly six years.
When I found her dead, it brought me to tears.
Animals always bring plenty of joy.
I adopted her in September of 2012 and I named her Boy.
I named her Boy even though she was a female.
It was heartbreaking when I had to say farewell.
It wasn't until she died that I truly appreciated what a special cat that I had.
Boy and I went to Sneedville and spent the last Christmas with Mom and Dad.
She was very pretty and solid white.
She was indeed a beautiful sight.
It's very sad to know that she no longer exists.
Goodbye Boy, you were my cat and you will be missed.
Jun 2018 · 457
Solo Is a Flop
Randy Johnson Jun 2018
Disney didn't expect it but Solo is a flop.
When it came to ticket sales, the second week saw a 61 percent drop.
In Solo, Lando Calrissian is a pansexual, even robots turn him on.
I'm sorry to have to say it but the magic of Star Wars may be gone.
Certain people are angry because of The Last Jedi.
Leia was ****** into space and she didn't die.
Disney obviously knows nothing about outer space.
Criticism is something Disney doesn't want to face.
Disney thought Solo would be a massive hit but it's not.
Fans are angry and that is what caused the Solo boycott.
If you like The Last Jedi and or Solo, that's okay.
But Disney is very upset, they've had better days.
May 2018 · 233
Three Lousy Bucks!
Randy Johnson May 2018
When I got a job, the boss didn't tell me what he would pay.
That low life piece of **** only gave me three dollars a day.
That **** ******* dirt bag actually thought that I would love it.
Just like the song says, I told him to take that job and shove it.
I couldn't even buy a meal for three bucks.
He got mad when I told him that he *****.
That S.O.B. black listed me so that I couldn't get another job.
When that **** looked in his safe, he saw that he'd been robbed.
What he did made me madder than hell and he soon got the picture.
I may be unemployed but at least I'm twenty-five thousand dollars richer.
May 2018 · 263
Dead Dog
Randy Johnson May 2018
As I walked down the highway, I saw a dog that had been killed by a car.
That poor animal had irresponsible owners, whoever they are.
If a person is irresponsible, they should not own any pets.
Even though it wasn't my dog, seeing it dead filled me with regret.
I felt sorry for that poor dog and angry because of the owner's irresponsibility.
The dog was allowed to walk down the highway, the owner is to blame entirely.
Because of the irresponsible owner, that unfortunate dog's fate was sealed.
If that dog would've had a better owner, the dog wouldn't have gotten killed.
If you own any pets, please take good care of them.
Because if you don't, they might die and it will be grim.
I WROTE THIS TRUE POEM FOR ANY IRRESPONSIBLE PET OWNERS WHO MAY BE READING.
May 2018 · 695
Pharmacy Shootings
Randy Johnson May 2018
Five minutes after I left, four people were shot in a pharmacy.
If I had been there for an extra five minutes, one of the victims would've been me.
A maniac shot four people over a tray of pain pills.
Two of his victims lived but the other two were killed.
He probably thought he'd get off scott free but he did not.
He wasn't even able to get out of town before being caught.
That punk shot those people five years ago today.
Now he's rotting in prison, he's being made to pay.
The cops arrested him and put him behind bars and that's where he belongs.
He valued pills more than four innocent people, what he did was so wrong.
DEDICATED TO THE FOUR PEOPLE WHO WERE SHOT AT THE DOWN HOME PHARMACY IN BEAN STATION, TENNESSEE.
May 2018 · 236
Hatred and Murder
Randy Johnson May 2018
You hate Mexicans so you killed one because you're consumed by hate.
When I think about your personality, it's too horrible to contemplate.
You hated that man because of the color of his skin.
Your life has been ruined because of the trouble that you're in.

Another reason why you killed him was because he got promoted instead of you.
He had more experience than you and murdering him was a stupid thing to do.
You committed ****** because of the hatred you've been consumed by.
You're pathetic, you have no right to choose who lives and who dies.

As it turned out, that man had a heart of gold.
That poor man had a wife and a two year old.
You allowed hate to consume you and it took its toll.
Now you're doing life without the possibility of parole.
This is a fictional poem but sadly, hate is a real thing.
Randy Johnson May 2018
You're not truly dead just as long as people remember you.
And if I have my way, that is exactly what people will do.
Your role as a mother began in 1967 and ended in 2013.
Your death was devastating, it was the worst thing I've ever seen.

When the doctor said you would probably die, my brother and I were afraid.
You were a fantastic and caring mother for four and a half decades.
My brother and I were the only two children that you had.
When you passed away, I was miserable and it was so sad.

I feel better now but your death has left a scar.
It's great to know that Heaven is where you are.
Back in 2013, we were miserable because you passed away.
If you were still alive, I would wish you a happy Mother's Day.
DEDICATED TO AGNES JOHNSON (1948-2013) WHO PASSED AWAY ON MARCH 6, 2013.
May 2018 · 286
Hollow Victory
Randy Johnson May 2018
I got revenge but it was a hollow victory.
Instead of getting pleasure, it horrified me.
Last year, a man ***** and murdered my little sister.
The pain is unbearable and I sure have missed her.
That punk got off because he was related to the Kennedys.
His underhanded lawyer convinced a jury to set him free.
When he came home last week, I used a knife to disembowel him.
I leapt out from behind some bushes and his death was grim.
I thought his death would make me feel really good.
But killing him didn't please me like I thought it would.
It shocked and horrified me, I feel even worse than I did before.
What I'm feeling on the inside is just too much for me to ignore.
I'm going to turn myself in no matter what punishment it brings.
I've learned the hard way that revenge isn't a good thing.
This is a fictional poem.
May 2018 · 256
Politically Correct Freak
Randy Johnson May 2018
You come into my house and try to cram political correctness down my throat.
I'm sick and tired of hearing you run your big mouth, you're on a sinking boat.
You try to tell me how to talk and how to believe.
You're not welcome in my house, you'd better leave.
You won't force your views on me.
You say that my lifestyle is wrong but I don't agree.
You continue to run your mouth and you refuse to stop.
You're refusing to leave so now I'm going to call the cops.
When I put you in jail, you certainly won't be missed.
You call yourself politically correct but I call you a fascist.
Apr 2018 · 919
The Lone Ranger and Tonto
Randy Johnson Apr 2018
I fight injustice in the West and help people who are in danger.
When my brother was murdered, I became the Lone Ranger.
I bring outlaws to justice wherever I go.
I couldn't do it without the help of my Indian sidekick Tonto.

People constantly think that I'm an outlaw because I wear this mask.
They want to take it off but they learn that removing it isn't an easy task.
Tonto and I always beat the bad guys by using our wits and our fists.
When we're done, the outlaws have handcuffs slapped on their wrists.

I ride Silver who is my trusty steed.
We always help those who are in need.
I only use silver bullets and so far Tonto and I haven't failed.
We will always protect the innocent and send outlaws to jail.
Mar 2018 · 2.8k
A Rabbit Wasn't Included
Randy Johnson Mar 2018
When I ordered Welsh Rabbit, a rabbit wasn't included.
The restaurant ripped me off, that was what I concluded.
All that I was served was some cheese on toast.
I soon learned that the chef wasn't a nice host.
I wanted a rabbit and that was what I demanded.
He threw me out the door because he said I needed to be reprimanded.
i was upset at that chef so I decided to enter his restaurant again.
When he was through I thought they'd have to call my next of kin.
He burned my **** with his stove and hit my head with a frying pan.
I soon learned that when that chef gets riled, he's a dangerous man.
If you order Welsh Rabbit at his restaurant and ask for a rabbit, he will say no.
And for your own safety you should leave his restaurant peacefully, just let it go.
Mar 2018 · 3.3k
Ina Mae
Randy Johnson Mar 2018
She was 79 years old when she passed away.
She was my aunt and her name was Ina Mae.
When a relative passes away, it's always sad.
Ina Mae was the only blood aunt that I had.

She was special and she was Mom's only sister.
Many people loved her and many will miss her.
She was a wonderful lady and a loving mother.
She had a bond with her five kids who loved her.

She was a human being who can never be replaced.
She and mom are in Heaven which is a better place.
When she died in 2017, it was bleak.
Ina Mae was both special and unique.
Dedicated to Ina Mae Dooley (1937-2017) who died on February 24, 2017.
Mar 2018 · 674
Pink Rabbit
Randy Johnson Mar 2018
I'm the human version of the Energizer Bunny.
People laugh at me but I don't think it's funny.
I put on this rabbit costume and the zipper broke.
I'm stuck in this rabbit costume and that is no joke.
I'm trapped in this costume that is pink.
I've been trapped for three years and I sure do stink.
When I ask people for food, they give me carrots.
I hate being a vegetarian, I can no longer bear it.
I must get out of this costume and I have a **** good reason.
Hunters have rifles and tomorrow is the start of rabbit season.
I'm sick and tired of being a laughing stock to humanity.
Please get me out of this costume before I lose my sanity.
Randy Johnson Mar 2018
You were my mother and I have something very important to say.
I love you and I lost an important person when you passed away.
You had an aneurysm which was what caused your untimely death.
I was in the hospital room with you when you took your final breath.

I was devastated when the doctor told us you were going to die.
Life would never be the same again after I had to say goodbye.
On the day of your death, I cried and I felt mighty low.
But I'm feeling better now than I did half a decade ago.

Even though time has healed my wounds, I still miss you.
Dying is terrible but sadly, it's what we all eventually must do.
It makes me happy to know how much we loved each other.
Rest in Peace Mom, you were always one hell of a mother.
Dedicated to Agnes Johnson who died five years ago today on March 6, 2013.
Feb 2018 · 440
Father Ted
Randy Johnson Feb 2018
You starred in a British sitcom called Father Ted.
It is extremely sad because now you are dead.
You were successful and things were going great.
But then a tragedy occurred when you died in 1998.
You were taken far too soon, you were only forty-five.
The world would be a better place if you had survived.
You excelled at acting and you were a teacher too.
You were an awesome Irishman and people loved you.
DEDICATED TO DERMOT MORGAN WHO DIED TWENTY YEARS AGO TODAY ON FEBRUARY 28, 1998.
Randy Johnson Feb 2018
Gordon Ramsay decided to pay a visit to Mel's Diner.
When he criticized Mel's food, Mel gave him a shiner.
Now Mel wears an eyepatch because Ramsay jabbed him in the eye with a fork.
He hated Mel's beef and had to have his stomach pumped when he ate Mel's pork.
Ramsay didn't like the waitresses so he told Mel that they had to go.
After years of faithful service, Mel fired Alice, Vera and Flo.
Flo was so angry that she was chomping at the bit.
She told Mel and Gordon Ramsay to kiss her grits.
Ramsay finally had to give up on Mel because his food is so terrible.
Ramsay's job is to help restaurants but he can't perform miracles.
This poem was inspired by the 'Alice' TV show
Feb 2018 · 479
Jacqueline Hill
Randy Johnson Feb 2018
It was a sad day in 1993 when you went to be with your maker.
You starred with William Hartnell and years later, you starred with Tom Baker.
You starred in seventeen episodes of Doctor Who.
The show became a success partly because of you.
Doctor Who was a fascinating show that was scary.
Millions of people were devastated when you died on the 18th of February.
Dedicated to Jacqueline Hill (1929-1993) who died 25 years ago today on February 18, 1993.
Feb 2018 · 270
Rated R
Randy Johnson Feb 2018
My eleven year old son decided to steal my car.
He drove to the theater and sneaked in to watch a movie that is rated R.
The film is about zombies who rise from the dead in a cemetery.
Now he has to sleep with a night light because it was so scary.
He has nightmares that make him scream every night.
He wets his bed and ***** his thumb because of fright.
His screams wake me up every night, I'm tired of having to get out of bed.
If the brat watches another R rated movie, I'll slap him upside his head.
My eyes are red and puffy because I haven't slept in three weeks.
I'm tired of changing his sheets four times a night when he leaks.
My wife blames me and she hits me so hard that I see stars.
My life is in turmoil because of a **** movie that is rated R.
Feb 2018 · 435
Papaw's Demise
Randy Johnson Feb 2018
You died twenty years ago today.
On February 7, 1998, you passed away.
You were born in 1910 and died at the age of eighty-seven.
Twenty years ago, you left this Earth and went to Heaven.

You became a widower in 1957 and had your kids to finish raising.
You finished raising your kids by yourself and that was amazing.
When you died, it was something that I hated.
You were my Papaw and you were appreciated.
Dedicated to Burkette Greene who died on February 7, 1998.
Randy Johnson Jan 2018
We should thank God for each day we have to live.
We should thank him for every day that he gives.
He could take us twenty years from now or today.
Nobody knows when the good Lord will take us away.
But we should thank him for each day he gives to us.
We should thank him every day until we die when our bodies will return to dust.
Jan 2018 · 394
Goodbye Charles Strange
Randy Johnson Jan 2018
Let me tell you about a neighbor of mine.
He had been my neighbor since 1979.
He had a loving wife and two children.
He has died but we will see him again.
His death is hard for his friends and family to face.
He's in Heaven now which is a far better place.
It's tragic because his life came to an end.
He was a great neighbor and a friend.
When I learned that he died, it was very sad.
But now he's in Heaven with my mom and dad.
Dedicated to Charles Strange who died of cancer at the age of 62 on January 9, 2018.
Dec 2017 · 240
2017 Comes To an End
Randy Johnson Dec 2017
It hasn't been the worst or best year that I've seen.
Tonight at 12 A.M., It will be the end of 2017.
The year 2018 will soon be here.
It will be the beginning of a new year.
I hope people will do better, I hope there will be less sin.
I hope that humanity will improve as the year 2018 begins.
The end of 2017 and the beginning of 2018.
Dec 2017 · 500
Trilafon
Randy Johnson Dec 2017
This medication is called Trilafon or Perphenazine.
When I took it, I had the worst nightmare I've ever seen.
Life is something to be cherished.
But in December of 1996, I almost perished.
After my doctor wrote the prescription, I took the Trilafon.
If I hadn't been taken to the emergency room, I'd be gone.
Trilafon helps some people but it makes other people sick.
After taking this medication, I learned that I'm allergic.
I'd like to say it was all just a dream but it was real.
The doctors in the ICU saved me with Benadryl.
I foamed at the mouth and it felt like the Trilafon was burning out my brain.
I hope nobody else experiences this pain.
My doctor ticked me off when he wanted me to continue taking Trilafon with a side effect pill.
There was no way in Hell I'd keep taking it after being so ill.
Now I take a different medication and all is well.
It's much better to take Risperadol or Seroquel.
I was only twenty-five in 1996 and that would've been far too young to go.
If a doctor wants to prescribe you Trilafon, please say no.
This is a true story about what happened to me twenty-one years ago on December 7, 1996.
Dec 2017 · 352
Breeding Like Rabbits
Randy Johnson Dec 2017
Even though you complain because you have thirteen kids to feed,
You don't agree that a vasectomy is what you need.
You won't let a doctor get anywhere near your testicles to give you a snip.
You can't stop breeding like rabbits because you can't keep your pants zipped.
You could use condoms but you won't do that either.
You can't keep your hands off your wife long enough to take a breather.
Now you've learned that your wife is pregnant again.
And what makes it worse is that she's going to have twins.
Dec 2017 · 607
SHAZAM!
Randy Johnson Dec 2017
Jim Nabors always said "Shazam", that was his catchphrase.
Because of his contribution to television, he deserves praise.
It was hard for him to watch the opening credits of Gomer Pyle because many of those Marines died in Vietnam.
We always know that he's on Gomer Pyle or the Andy Griffith Show when we hear him say "Shazam".
We also remember him yelling "Citizen's Arrest".
All of his fans are sad and they're also depressed.
He also starred in some movies, two of which were Cannonball Run 2 and Stroker Ace.
His friends, fans and family have to say goodbye, his death is hard for them to face.
Dedicated to Jim Nabors who died at the age of 87 on November 30, 2017.
Randy Johnson Dec 2017
Six Christmases ago, you were still alive.
The Christmas of 2012 was your last Christmas because you didn't survive.
That was the last Christmas that I was able to spend with you and Dad.
You died nearly three months later because the situation was so bad.

In 2012, you said it might be your last Christmas and sadly, you were right.
You shined like a star but that star faded, a star that shined so bright.
I thought you'd see more Christmases but I didn't know what the future had in store.
If I had known that it would be your last Christmas, I would've appreciated it more.

This will be the fifth Christmas that I'll be spending without you.
You always made Christmas better and that is certainly true.
The Christmas of 2012 was the last Christmas when you were still alive.
Merry Christmas Mom, I still carry you in my heart as Christmas of 2017 arrives.
Dedicated to Agnes Johnson (1948-2013) who passed away on March 6, 2013.
Nov 2017 · 400
Black Friday
Randy Johnson Nov 2017
It's Black Friday and I grabbed the last iPad.
When I grabbed it, it sure made people mad.
One man kicked me in the crotch and another got his foot stuck in my ***.
Black Friday turns people into beasts, they sure don't have any class.
A man said if I didn't hand over the iPad, he would kidnap my wife's mother.
I told him to take the old crow, they deserve each other.
Black Friday brings out the worst in people and that's sad.
I'll break my foot off in your *** if you try to grab my iPad.
This is a fictional poem.
Nov 2017 · 389
Things To Be Thankful For
Randy Johnson Nov 2017
We should be thankful to have our friends and relatives.
We should be thankful to God for every day we have to live.
When our turkeys are cooked and we start carving,
We should be thankful not to be in a part of the world where people are starving.
As we sink our teeth into the delicious pumpkin pie and tasty stuffing,
Please remember that some aren't so fortunate, they have nothing.
Before we eat our Thanksgiving meals, it would be nice for people to say Grace.
Without God, people wouldn't even exist, he is the creator of the Human Race.
Oct 2017 · 2.5k
Count Dracula
Randy Johnson Oct 2017
Count Dracula lives in my attic and he has a casket for a bed.
He has bitten all of my family members and they're undead.
I've told many people but they don't believe my texts.
All of my family members are vampires and I'm next.

Dracula prowls during the night and returns before sunrise.
My family prowls with him but people think I'm telling lies.
I've kept the vampires away so far by locking my door and wearing garlic.
They haven't bitten me yet because they fear that I will make them sick.

I fear that sooner or later, I will be turned into a vampire.
I've looked online but I can't find a monster killer to hire.
I'm sick of hiding like a coward, I've had all that I can take.
I found a knife and I just got done carving a wooden stake.

Dracula is pounding very hard, he's trying to break down my door.
He has succeeded but I stabbed him through the heart and he just hit the floor.
Because Dracula was the original vampire, my family has died as well.
I feel so calm and relaxed because my life will no longer be a living hell.
Oct 2017 · 687
Precious Plum
Randy Johnson Oct 2017
Her name is Plum, she's six years old and she's a beauty queen.
But she and her mama are two of the dumbest people I've ever seen.
They are so dumb that they can't pronounce tornado.
Plum likes to eat her boogers and her mama is a ***.
Plum has a maybe daddy and his name is Boof.
He may not be her dad, they don't have any proof.
Plum's mama made her fight an alligator so she could get paid.
Plum won the fight by blowing up that alligator with a grenade.
This mother and daughter are a couple of hicks who are very silly.
Plum's mama is supposed to be a woman but I think she has a *****.
Plum's mama is an unfit mother and should be put under arrest.
Plum is the only six year old that I've ever seen who has *******.
BASED ON THE SHORT VIDEOS BY COLLEGEHUMOR.
Oct 2017 · 425
The Big 7-0
Randy Johnson Oct 2017
If my dad had lived, he would be the big 7-0.
On this day, Dad was born seventy years ago.
Seven decades is how long he would've been alive.
But leukemia killed him, Dad did not survive.
He lost his life in 2013 on the 13th of July.
Dad would be the big 7-0 if he hadn't died.
Dedicated to Charles F. Johnson (1947-2013) who died on July 13, 2013.
Sep 2017 · 361
Great Omnipotent Dude
Randy Johnson Sep 2017
G-O-D should stand for Great Omnipotent Dude.
When we are born again, we are renewed.
Great Omnipotent Dude is what God is and what he'll always be.
He is benevolent and noble and he means everything to me.
We should thank God for every day that we live.
It will please him if you're caring and love to give.
Our prayers are something that God doesn't ignore.
Great Omnipotent Duse is what G-O-D should stand for.
Sep 2017 · 488
Orville Redenbacher
Randy Johnson Sep 2017
People use your popcorn in popcorn poppers.
You were the one and only Orville Redenbacher.
Sadly, you died twenty-two years ago today.
Your popcorn is still being eaten and it's here to stay.
People were sad when you died in 1995.
You're deceased but your legacy survives.
Dedicated to Orville Redenbacher (1907-1995) who died on September 19, 1995.
Sep 2017 · 239
I Hate The New Doctor Who
Randy Johnson Sep 2017
Even though I'm a fan of the classic Doctor Who,
I must say that I'm not a fan of the new.
I wanted and tried to like the new Doctor Who show.
But if people ask me if I love it, the answer will be no.
I grew up watching the Doctor Who classics.
Unlike the new, I thought those episodes were fantastic.
If other people love the new Doctor Who, that is fine and dandy.
But if it comes on my screen, I'll lose my TV because I keep my shotgun handy.
Please don't ask me to like the new Doctor Who or I'll puke.
When it comes to the new Doctor Who, it's something I rebuke.
Sep 2017 · 374
Stacy III
Randy Johnson Sep 2017
We went to school together and were in the same grade.
You were such a good person that you deserve a parade.
Sadly, you died twenty years ago tonight.
You died in a car wreck and that wasn't right.

You haven't been forgotten and I hope you never will.
People suffered because your death was a terrible ordeal.
You had charm, class and you also had wit.
You were a good person and that is something that I'm proud to admit.

When I learned about your death, it was a devastating blow.
Your family and friends loved you and we hated to see you go.
You were only twenty-five, dying at that age wasn't fair.
We won't forget you because your friends and family care.
Dedicated to Stacy Brooks (1972-1997) who died on September 7, 1997.
Randy Johnson Sep 2017
Ask not what God can do for you, ask what you can do for God.
If you do something that will please The Lord, Angels will applaud.
Give somebody a Bible or take them to church with you.
If you introduce somebody to God, it's a good thing to do.

You can give God a gift by just obeying his Ten Commandments.
Pleasing The Lord is what we should be doing, it truly makes sense.
Offer to help clean your church or give them donations.
If you please God, he'll be happy, that's no exaggeration.
Aug 2017 · 1.0k
4th
Randy Johnson Aug 2017
4th
Today my Chihuahua and I celebrate our 4th anniversary.
But something happened two weeks ago that was scary.
I had to rush my dog to the vet because she was sick.
She almost died because she was paralyzed by a tick.
She couldn't move or eat and I was scared she would die.
I was afraid that I would end up having to say goodbye.
She got better after people prayed and there is one thing that I understand.
I'm celebrating my 4th anniversary with a wonderful dog and I'm a lucky man.
Dedicated to Agnes who I adopted on August 27, 2013.
Randy Johnson Aug 2017
You were a mother who was both special and divine.
If you hadn't died, today you would've turned sixty-nine.
I would give anything if you were still here.
Everybody loved you because you were a dear.

You died over four years ago and it was the worst thing I've ever been through.
When they said you'd die, I felt helpless because there was nothing I could do.
The day before you died, "I Love You" were the three words that I said.
When I saw you lying motionless, it was sad because I knew you were dead.

The doctors couldn't save you after you became ill.
It took two years for this heart of mine to start to heal.
I still miss you and I have something to say.
I'll always love you Mom, Happy Birthday.
Dedicated to Agnes Johnson (1948-2013) who passed away on March 6, 2013.
Randy Johnson Jun 2017
I dumped SuperGirl because her ***** are hard as rocks.
They are literally harder than concrete cinder blocks.
I should've known they were hard because bullets bounce off of them.
******* that aren't soft should be a crime because it is so grim.
When I broke it off, she made my life a living hell
She burned down my house and ****** in my well.
If you think that was bad, you won't believe the other things that she did.
She lied to Social Services, she said that I abused my son and I lost my kid.
She put an end to my *** life when she used her laser beams to castrate me.
My manhood has been taken and no jail will hold the ***** so she's going free.
My life has fallen to pieces, I would give anything for some Kryptonite.
I would also want Batman's armor suit so I could **** that ***** in a fight.
Don't even think about dating SuperGirl, believe me when I say that it is no fun.
If you date her and break it off, you'd better have a Kryptonite bullet in your gun.
Jun 2017 · 778
The Loss of Adam West
Randy Johnson Jun 2017
Batman has died and people are depressed.
The world has to say goodbye to Adam West.
He starred as the Caped Crusader for three years.
Before he went to Heaven, he had a great career.
He became the Dark Knight over fifty years ago.
He made a success of the Batman television show.
He was a reoccurring character on Family Guy.
His fans were both sorry and sad to see him die.
He was very talented but now he's being laid to rest.
Every Batman fan should be grateful to Adam West.
Dedicated to Adam West who died at the age of 88 on June 9, 2017.
Jun 2017 · 595
Goodbye Kmart
Randy Johnson Jun 2017
The Kmart has closed that was located in Morristown, Tennessee.
That's one less place where people can shop and that includes me.
This particular Kmart was built in 1974.
After being in business for 43 years, they closed their doors.
They were in business for over four decades, that's a long time to be around.
This makes five department stores in Morristown that have been shut down.
I had shopped at Kmart since I was a child but I can't shop there anymore.
It's a shame that they had to call it quits, it's sad that they closed their store.
May 2017 · 604
Roger Moore
Randy Johnson May 2017
The sadness that we are feeling is too painful to ignore.
People are very sad because of the death of Roger Moore.
He starred as James Bond seven times from 1973 to 1985.
All of his fans are mourning because he's no longer alive.
He became an actor who many people would admire.
In 1991, he starred in Bed & Breakfast with Talia Shire.
When he became an actor, he chose a career that would soar.
Sadly, millions are saying goodbye to the talented Roger Moore.
Dedicated to Sir Roger Moore (1927-2017) who died on May 23, 2017.
Randy Johnson May 2017
This is the fifth Mother's Day that has come around since you passed away.
I really miss being a part of your life on Mother's Day.
Billions of women are celebrating Mother's Day all over the Earth.
You became a mother about fifty years ago when you gave birth.
You gave birth to my brother in 1967 and four years later you gave birth to me.
You brought both of us into the world and you filled both of our hearts with glee.
You were a special mother and many people know this.
Happy Mother's Day Mom, you will always be missed
Dedicated to Agnes M. Johnson (1948-2013) who passed away on March 6, 2013.
Apr 2017 · 515
Goodbye Erin Moran
Randy Johnson Apr 2017
Erin Moran has died at the age of fifty-six.
She was special and a credit to all chicks.
She was adorable when she starred as Joanie Cunningham.
When a person dies that young, it's always hard to understand.
I learned about her death on Facebook and it made me feel bad.
When we learned of her passing, it was tragic and so very sad.
She had a wonderful figure and good looks.
When we watched her on Happy Days, we were hooked.
She died too young and her death has devastated her fans.
Sadly, we have to say goodbye to the talented Erin Moran.
Dedicated to Erin Moran (1960-2017) who died on April 22, 2017.
Mar 2017 · 744
Farewell Jane
Randy Johnson Mar 2017
Last month my neighbor lost his wife of thirty-three years.
Her friends and family are grieving and shedding tears.
She was sixty-three years old and Delilah Jane Webb was her name.
As her loved ones mourn, they realize that life will never be the same.
I feel sad and so do many others because she died.
I feel bad for my neighbor because he lost his bride.
When a person dies, it's always something that is hard to face.
It's giving her loved ones comfort because she's in a better place.
When she was diagnosed with cancer, it was certainly scary.
People had to say goodbye when she died on the 20th of February.
Dedicated to D. Jane Webb who died on February 20, 2017.
Mar 2017 · 815
Puppy Trump
Randy Johnson Mar 2017
I have a puppy who loves to run and jump.
I have a Chihuahua that is named Trump.
He was born on the 14th of January and he's special indeed.
I now have two Applehead Chihuahuas, that is their breed.
Trump is some feisty and he's as cute as he can be.
He is my new pet and he means a great deal to me.
It's nice to have two dogs that are purebred.
I love both of my Chihuahuas who are Appleheads.
Mar 2017 · 1.4k
What A Wonderful Mother
Randy Johnson Mar 2017
When I think about the past, I think about what a wonderful mother I had.
She died four years ago today and it broke my heart because it was so sad.
My mom has been dead for 1,461 days and 208 weeks.
Before she died, she didn't recognize people and she couldn't even speak.
Time flies, it doesn't seem like it's been four years.
My life would be better if my mother was still here
When a person loses a family member, it's rotten.
My mom is dead but she will never be forgotten.
Dedicated to Agnes Johnson (1948-2013) who passed away on March 6, 2013.
Next page