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Some agree with what my brother did but others don't understand.
Something bad happened and he decided to cut off his right hand.
It all started when a boy played truth or dare with our stupid nephew.
When my brother walked outside on his porch, he found Blu-rays of the new Doctor Who.
He picked up the Blu-rays to throw it in the trash but it had been covered with Gorilla Glue.
When he saw that it was stuck to his hand, he started screaming and he knew what he had to do.
His doctor examined him and said the Blu-rays were stuck to his hand permanently.
It could never be unglued and my poor brother knew what he had to do immediately.
He knew if he carried around those Blu-rays, people would think that he likes the new Doctor Who TV Show.
He couldn't let people think such a terrible thing and he decided then and there that his hand had to go.
He couldn't afford surgery to have it amputated so he used an axe.
He closed his eyes and it was severed after he gave it two whacks.
Our nephew owned up to being the one who pulled the prank.
It wasn't a nice thing to do and the brat sure wasn't thanked.
Our sister is mad because our brother and I got revenge against her son.
When we were through with our nephew, people would point and make fun.
We posted a picture on Instagram of our nephew putting rolled up socks in his underwear.
He had a nervous breakdown because the humiliation was too much for him to bear.
When my brother chopped off his hand, some people said it was a stupid thing to do.
But it was worth it to prevent people from thinking that he likes the new Doctor Who.
When I say Zombies ate my neighbors, I'm not talking about a video game.
Zombies ate my neighbors and I'm one of the Zombies who is to blame.
Because my family and I are undead, it put us in very bad moods.
My family and I croaked because our neighbors poisoned our food.
A big corporation was going to pay top dollar for every house on the block.
But when my family and I refused to sell, the neighbors were angry and shocked.
I wouldn't sell the house that I've lived in since I was five.
And that is why my wife and kids and I did not survive.
Our neighbors had a barbecue and my family and I ate the food that they grilled.
But we wouldn't have touched the food if we had known that we would be killed.
My family and I have risen from the grave, we have green skin and are zombies.
When our neighbors saw us, they ****** their pants and cried for their mommies.
Our neighbors killed us because money was something they thought they'd gain.
When we had our homicidal neighbors for supper, we started with their brains.
Our greedy neighbors killed us and we returned the favor.
Stay away from my family and I because human flesh is what we savor.
72
When it came to my existence, you and Mom were my creators.
But Mom died in March of 2013 and you died four months later.
When you died, you joined Mom in Heaven.
You were brought into this world 72 years ago today in 1947.
But I'm sorry to have to say that you and Mom aren't with us anymore.
I didn't want to believe it when the doctor said that you were done for.
I remember thinking that now I have no parents on the night when you died.
You were born 72 years ago today but your life ended in 2013 on the 13th of July.
DEDICATED TO CHARLES F. JOHNSON (1947-2013) WHO DIED ON JULY 13, 2013.
Randy Johnson Sep 29
I remember what happened 24 years ago.
I went to Walmart and bought a 3DO.
The 3DO was a video game console and it was 32 Bit.
Contrary to what some believe, it wasn't a *******.
It was almost as good as Sony's original Playstation.
I decided to buy a 3DO after some consideration.
I eventually bought the original Playstation but I bought the 3DO first.
It wasn't the greatest video game console but it certainly wasn't the worst.
It had some great games: Killing Time, Road Rash and the original Need For Speed.
But Plumbers Don't Wear Ties was so terrible that it will make your eyes bleed.
I was only twenty-four years old at the time, that was half a lifetime ago.
Panasonic, Sanyo and GoldStar were the three companies who manufactured the 3DO.
Randy Johnson Sep 27
If video games were like crack, I would've been dead long ago.
If video games were like crack, I would be buried six feet below.
If video games were like crack, I would've overdosed and wouldn't be alive.
If video games were like crack, I wouldn't have been able to survive.
If video games were like crack, somebody would've had to call my next of kin.
If video games were like crack, I wouldn't have played video games ever again.
If video games were like crack, I would've been like a man who can't swim, I would've drowned.
If video games were like crack, my ex-wife would be happy because I'd no longer be around.
Randy Johnson Sep 26
When it comes to my neighbor, I usually have a fit.
He irritates the hell out of me and he's a chicken ****.
He has wild parties that last until 3 A.M.
I'm sick of having to put up with him.
When I went to his house one night,
I made the mistake of challenging him to a fight.
When he showed up for the fight, the wimp brought along four other guys.
He talks tough but when it comes to being a chicken ****, he takes the prize.
Showing up with four other men made him feel empowered.
I got my *** handed to me but unlike him, I'm not a coward.
All five of them beat the crap out of me and they made me eat their fists.
Now I have to gum my food because my teeth are gone and sorely missed.
But at least I was able to land one very hard punch.
I hit my neighbor in the belly and he lost his lunch.
It didn't take long to realize something that I'm not ashamed to admit.
I got the living hell beat out of me but at least I'm not a chicken ****.
Randy Johnson Sep 25
A man's birthday only comes around once a year.
You wanted revenge because I drank your last beer.
You decided to get even by ruining my birthday.
You got even by giving me the new Doctor Who on Blu-ray.

You know that I hate the new Doctor Who, I think it's a piece of crap.
Now you've started crying like a two year old because I gave you a slap.
I loathe the new Doctor Who TV Show and I let everybody know about it.
You bought me a piece of crap for my birthday and it's making me throw a fit.

Even though I apologized for drinking your last beer, you decided to make me pay.
You had an evil grin on your face as you handed me the new Doctor Who on Blu-ray.
Everybody had to cover their ears because I said a lot of cuss words.
I burned your present because I would've rather been given a ****.
THE ONLY TRUE THING ABOUT THIS POEM IS THE FACT THAT I HATE THE NEW DOCTOR WHO TV SHOW.
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