If you want my ex girlfriend, she's up for grabs.
But if you sleep with her, you will get the *****.
It's possible that you may get ****** too.
Sleeping with her is a stupid thing to do.
I caught her in bed with my cousin and I thumped her.
She sleeps with a lot of men, that's why I dumped her.
I'm giving you valuable advice so you'd better listen to me.
If you ****** my ex girlfriend, you are sure to get an STD.

We had some visitors that came from outer space.
Those aliens came here to enslave the Human race.
I met the leader and he demanded that I bow down before him.
He said that if I didn't, our galaxy would meet a fate that was grim.
I told that alien **** that I only bow down before the almighty Jehovah.
The alien leader got so mad that he said they would destroy our galaxy by causing a Supernova.
But God wiped out the aliens with bolts of lightning.
Jehovah God was victorious because he is a king.
Jehovah stopped those aliens from causing chaos.
He showed those alien fiends that he is the boss.

Children should obey their parents because that was what Jesus did.
Christ our Lord obeyed his parents every command when he was a kid.
Even though Jesus was perfect, he obeyed his imperfect parents because it was the right thing to do.
Children should strive to be like Jesus, they should obey their parents too.
When parents give their children chores and rules, it is for their own good.
If children are wondering if they should obey their parents, yes, they should.

I should've known something was wrong when my dad started getting sick.
My Stepmother is evil and for many weeks, she poisoned him with arsenic.
It was five years ago today when she finished him off with the final dose.
I hated my Stepmother even though Dad wanted the two of us to be close.
It took me a while to get it done but I was finally able to have Dad's body exhumed.
When high levels of arsenic were found in his body, my Stepmother was doomed.
I was determined to bring her to justice and I knew that I wouldn't fail.
She was found guilty by a jury and I was happy because justice prevailed.
The judge sentenced her to life in prison with no chance of parole.
I loathe that woman, I can never get back Dad's life that she stole.

You think you're not good enough for a girl because she's popular and you're not.
She thinks she's too good for you so she belittles you and it sure hurts you a lot.
She thinks she's too good for you because she considers you to be a nerd.
But you are good enough and when you say you're not, it's absolutely absurd.
You're a great person, you volunteer at a homeless shelter and donate to charities.
She knows about this but she still thinks she's too good when she should be pleased.
Please listen to what I have to say because it's true.
You should find another girl who will appreciate you.

The almighty Jehovah is my Master, he is the one who I serve.
He has my love and obedience and that is what he deserves.
If loving God is wrong, I don't want to be right.
He is my best friend, I praise him day and night.

Having faith in Jehovah can move mountains, that is true.
I hope that you love him because he certainly loves you.
Jehovah can also be your best friend, turning to him makes plenty of sense.
He will always be with you if he has your love and obedience.

Because the amount of sin has increased, so has God's tolerance.
People no longer even regret their sins, they have no conscience.
When there was far less sin in the world, God killed a man and his wife for telling a lie.
If God killed liars today, millions of people would die.

Jehovah's tolerance has increased because the amount of sin has increased as well.
If people worship and obey God, they will live in paradise but many people will fail.
God's tolerance will eventually come to an end.
When Jesus returns, people will pay for their sins.

I'm the Emperor and my face looks like a prune.
I have dark circles around my eyes which also makes me look like a raccoon.
My name is Palpatine but I'm also known as Darth Sidious.
Everybody pukes when they see me because I look hideous.
I was able to trick Anakin Skywalker into turning to the Dark Side.
I actually convinced him that I had the power to save his bride.
I can't believe that I was able to turn him into a Sith Lord as easily as I did.
He actually believed that he could save Padme by killing Separatists and kids.
I thought that my new Death Star was safe from the rebels, I thought that I had won.
But Darth Vader dropped me into the main reactor of the Death Star to save his son.
Luke Skywalker removed Lord Vader's mask and he became Anakin Skywalker again.
I still can't believe that those **** Ewoks were the reason why my Empire didn't win.

Even though I've been helping you and working hard,
you won't give me a beer after I've mowed your yard.
I'm hot, sweaty and dying of thirst.
You've done some bad things but this is the worst.
When you asked for my help, I shouldn't have come here.
You offered me a glass of water but what I want is a beer.
You love your **** beer so much that you won't even give me one.
I would kick your *** up and down the street if you weren't my son.
I have something to say and you'd better listen to me.
Don't ever expect me to mow your yard again for free.

People in the Bible worshipped idols time and time again.
They did it even though doing so was a terrible sin.
People once worshipped Baal, it was one of the idols.
People refused to worship God even though it was vital.

When God saw people worshipping idols, it really angered him.
They had to suffer the Lord's wrath when he punished them.
Some of those people's cities were destroyed and some became slaves.
Worshipping idols was a stupid and shameful way for them to behave.

Some people still have idols, one of which is movie stars.
Jehovah God is watching, he knows who these people are.
The Lord is the only one who people should idolize.
If you worship him, it is a decision that is very wise.

You won't believe what I went through when I went to a black man's barbershop.
He was a racist **** and when I left, I called the cops.
He forcibly strapped me in his barber chair.
Then that punk shaved off all of my hair.
As I looked at my bald head in the mirror, he laughed at me.
He laughed and said that I deserved it because I'm a ******.
But he stopped laughing when the cops slapped on the cuffs.
He said that he didn't want to go to jail and I said "Tough!"

Even though false idols like Baal no longer exist, many people still idolize things today.
These people idolize money and *** when they should only idolize Jehovah God always.
God is offended when people idolize things other than him, it's something that he hates.
If you're such a person, you'd better change because it's something God won't tolerate.
God is the only one who should be idolized, not other wicked things.
People who idolize anything other than God had better watch out because disaster is what it will bring.

What happened to me was unjust and unfair.
I was framed for ****** and I got the chair.
But I was able to return from the grave.
I had my revenge and it was depraved.

I've never been a forgiving person, I always hold a grudge.
First I killed the District Attorney and then I killed the judge.
Then I killed the people who found me guilty.
I slaughtered all twelve members of the jury.

Next, I went after the guilty party.
He became sorry that he framed me.
And finally, I killed the two Police Officers who brought me in.
Those seventeen people won't condemn an innocent man again.

You were a great person and a great pharmacist.
You were killed in cold blood and you will be missed.
You were murdered because of some Oxycontin.
You're dead but you won't be forgotten.
It's sad to know that you won't be coming back.
Your life was taken away by a sick maniac.
Being killed because of some pills was evil and low.
Many people loved you and we all hated to see you go.
Now your family and friends are forced to say goodbye.
I really liked your pharmacy and you were a nice guy.

Because of the allegations that have come out against Hillary Clinton, she's a person who I don't trust.
Hillary supporters don't want me to tell you this but I must.
Because of these allegations, I can't and won't trust her to run this country.
If I was a politician who was facing such allegations, people wouldn't vote for me.
I don't trust Hillary to be in The Oval Office.
She shouldn't be elected, I firmly believe this.
If you're going to vote for her, you have that right but what I've said had to be mentioned.
I don't think that Hillary Clinton is trustworthy and I have to bring that to people's attention.

She was 79 years old when she passed away.
She was my aunt and her name was Ina Mae.
When a relative passes away, it's always sad.
Ina Mae was the only blood aunt that I had.

She was special and she was Mom's only sister.
Many people loved her and many will miss her.
She was a wonderful lady and a loving mother.
She had a bond with her five kids who loved her.

She was a human being who can never be replaced.
She and mom are in Heaven which is a better place.
When she died in 2017, it was bleak.
Ina Mae was both special and unique.

It was the most horrible thing I've ever seen.
I was murdered 100 years ago on Halloween.
A man accused me of vandalizing his house but I didn't do it.
I told him that I was innocent but sadly, I could not prove it.
He grabbed his double-barreled shotgun and I was shot.
He threw my corpse down his well and there it would rot.
When I was killed, I became a ghost.
Revenge was what I wanted the most.
And I got exactly what I wanted.
That man committed suicide after being haunted.
I haunted him for months and he couldn't take it anymore.
He shot himself in the head and his corpse fell to the floor.
I haunt that man's house on Halloween, I haunt it once a year.
If you come to this house on Halloween, you will experience fear.
That man murdered me and when he died, he went straight to Hell.
Stay away from this house on Halloween or I will haunt you as well.

Jehovah God isn't responsible for bad things that happen, Satan is.
Satan is responsible for the cruelty and suffering, the cause of it all is entirely his.
When wicked things happen, some people say that it's God's will.
But Satan is the one responsible when people lie, steal and ****.
Satan is the one to blame for the bad things that have occurred.
Songs were once clean but now some are littered with the F word.
When people hurt other people and commit other crimes, Satan is to blame.
When people say that these things are God's will, it's not true and it's a shame.
Cruelty and suffering are things that Jehovah God abhors.
The world needs God more now than it ever has before.
Obama says not to fear the future but I guarantee things will continue to get worse.
Satan will cause people to do even more evil, because of him, the world is cursed.
But when Jesus returns, suffering and cruelty will cease.
If you turn to God, you will gain eternal life and peace.

I won't watch anymore Disney movies because I don't like how Disney treats their fans.
They call us racist and sexist and I've had all that I can stand.
They call certain fans racist and sexist because we disliked The Last Jedi.
When it comes to losing fans, they have lost me, myself and I.
They call certain fans nasty names and I've had enough.
When I say that I'm through with Disney, it's no bluff.
Disney loves to blame their fans but they refuse to accept any blame.
Disney may lose a ton of fans if they keep calling us nasty names.

Many people believe that Satan is a myth, they think that he doesn't exist.
Sadly, he is real and the evil things that he causes are too many to list.
The world keeps getting worse and worse, people lie, cheat and commit crimes.
The reason why things are getting worse is because Satan is working overtime.
Satan and his demons are unleashing more evil because their remaining time is getting shorter as each day goes by.
Satan will be destroyed and he wants to take as many with him as he can before he is defeated by God and condemned to die.
Fifty years ago children could take walks by themselves and return safe and sound.
If children do that now, they are either abducted or end up being buried in the ground.
If you don't believe me, you'll find a wall of missing children at a Walmart that's close to where I live.
People who are stealing, killing and doing other evil things had better stop it and ask The Lord to forgive.
Satan and his demons work hard at corrupting people and they'll try to corrupt both me and you.
When this happens, we must ask God to give us strength and support, that is what we must do.

Princess Diana was born in England and died in France.
When she was in a car crash, she didn't have a chance.
She divorced Prince Charles of Wales just one year before she died.
Diana was only 36 years old and her death was mourned worldwide.
When somebody dies that young, it's always hard to understand.
She did charity work and was trying to have landmines banned.
Harry and William are Diana's sons.
If she hadn't died, she would be 61.
For many, Diana's death was a devastating blow.
She was a princess who died a quarter of a century ago.

I was bitten by a Werewolf and now I'm undead.
I was a mortal man but now I'm immortal instead.
I'm responsible for many deaths because I'm a Wolfman.
Many people have tried to **** me but they never can.
They never use silver bullets when they fire their guns.
People can never escape even though they try to run.
When I change back to human, I'm covered in blood and gore.
I want somebody to use a silver bullet, I can't take it anymore.
I can see that the moon is full tonight as I look up at the sky.
I'm about to become the Wolfman and more people will die.
Unless somebody does what is needed, things will get worse.
Somebody must use a silver bullet and end this horrible curse.

When I ordered Welsh Rabbit, a rabbit wasn't included.
The restaurant ripped me off, that was what I concluded.
All that I was served was some cheese on toast.
I soon learned that the chef wasn't a nice host.
I wanted a rabbit and that was what I demanded.
He threw me out the door because he said I needed to be reprimanded.
i was upset at that chef so I decided to enter his restaurant again.
When he was through I thought they'd have to call my next of kin.
He burned my **** with his stove and hit my head with a frying pan.
I soon learned that when that chef gets riled, he's a dangerous man.
If you order Welsh Rabbit at his restaurant and ask for a rabbit, he will say no.
And for your own safety you should leave his restaurant peacefully, just let it go.

When I saw you in your casket, it brought tears to my eyes.
You died two years ago today on the thirteenth day of July.
When the doctors said that your illness was terminal, I didn't want to believe that it was true.
But sadly, they were correct and two years ago today, we lost you.

From 1975 to 2010 you worked at Woodcraft, you worked with lumber.
People may think that I'm crazy because I believe that 13 is an unlucky number.
You died on the thirteenth year of the century and also on the thirteenth day of July.
You took Chemotherapy treatments for months and two years ago today, you died.

God wants us to turn our enemies into friends.
Let the hatred for your enemies come to an end.
We should try to turn foes into friends even if we fail to succeed.
God will bless us if we try and that is exactly what people need.
When you talk to your enemies, please make an effort to be kind.
Even if they loathe you, it's possible for them to change their minds.
It may be hard to do, especially if you avoid your foes like they're diseased.
Turning an enemy into a friend will warm God's heart and he will be pleased.

While I wasn't looking, somebody stole my soda.
I quickly learned that it was Jedi Master Yoda.
I walked over to his table and we exchanged words.
I really got mad when that dwarf flipped me a bird.
I beat the hell out of him, whooping him wasn't hard at all.
He tried to use the force but he was no match for me because he's only two feet tall.
Because of our altercation, that Jedi wound up in a lot of pain.
I kicked his green *** and that's why he has to use his cane.
He lost bladder control, the floor was covered with ***.
Yoda learned that it's a very bad idea to steal from me.

God is his title but Jehovah is his name.
When his son returns, people will no longer be sick and the animals will be tame.
Jehovah doesn't demand our respect but he does deserve it.
People praise him because they know that he's worth it.
By worshipping him, eternal life is what it will bring.
I love Jehovah because without him, I'd be nothing.

A bunch of allegations have come out against Hillary Clinton but people still want her to be President anyway.
I've never heard anything so crazy in all of my born days.
I do not like Hillary or her spouse.
I do not want her in The White House.
If you want to vote for her, that's fine, that's your choice.
But I do not like the woman and that's what I plan to voice.
There is one thing that you can count on from me.
This November I will not vote for Hillary.

Count Dracula lives in my attic and he has a casket for a bed.
He has bitten all of my family members and they're undead.
I've told many people but they don't believe my texts.
All of my family members are vampires and I'm next.

Dracula prowls during the night and returns before sunrise.
My family prowls with him but people think I'm telling lies.
I've kept the vampires away so far by locking my door and wearing garlic.
They haven't bitten me yet because they fear that I will make them sick.

I fear that sooner or later, I will be turned into a vampire.
I've looked online but I can't find a monster killer to hire.
I'm sick of hiding like a coward, I've had all that I can take.
I found a knife and I just got done carving a wooden stake.

Dracula is pounding very hard, he's trying to break down my door.
He has succeeded but I stabbed him through the heart and he just hit the floor.
Because Dracula was the original vampire, my family has died as well.
I feel so calm and relaxed because my life will no longer be a living hell.

You were born on August 2, 1948, you were a Leo just like me.
If you hadn't died, today you would've turned seventy-three.
You were unique and I truly hate that you're dead.
I wanted you to get better but sadly, you died instead.
You were a special person and that's something I'm grateful for.
But I'm not grateful for the fact that you're not alive anymore.
Many people were better off simply because they knew you.
You were a terrific and caring lady and that is certainly true.
One great thing about you was that you loved to help others.
Happy Birthday, Mom, you were truly a wonderful mother.

You hired me to be a cook at your restaurant.
I'll cook but I won't do everything you want.
When you said what you wanted, I said no.
I'll cook the food but I won't peel the potatoes.
I won't peel potatoes or anything else either.
Your daughter is accusing me of ****** harassment and you believe her.
The truth is that she desperately wants me to be her *** slave.
When I refuse, she becomes vindictive and she misbehaves.
She tore her dress and said that I attacked her.
I'd had all I could take so I finally smacked her.
I won't give in to her demands, if I have to, I'll take her to court.
She's the ugliest girl I've ever seen, her face is covered with warts.
Because I won't be her piece of ***, she tries to get me in hot water.
I won't peel your vegetables and I won't sleep with your ugly daughter.
When I got this job, I thought that I would love it.
But I've decided to quit, take this job and shove it.

I bought a dog last September and I've loved him ever since.
He is a Great Dane and his name is Prince.
When I bought him, he was only six weeks old.
He's a sweet dog who is also sassy and bold.

He cost 400 bucks but to me he's worth 400 Grand.
When I pet my big baby, I know that I'm a lucky man.
Every time I see his fawn coat, it makes me feel glad.
He's a beautiful animal and the best dog I've ever had.

You were diagnosed with Leukemia and sadly, you didn't survive.
If you hadn't died 111 months ago, today you would've turned 75.
You were born on October the 18th of 1947.
But 111 months ago, you went to Heaven.
Your hair grew back after chemotherapy made it fall out.
When you were told you would die, there was no doubt.
It must have been terrifying when you learned that you were terminally ill.
You had to battle cancer and it was not easy to go through such an ordeal.
Today would've been your 75th birthday.
But 111 months ago, you were taken away.

I'm a Gungan from the planet Naboo and my name is Jar Jar Binks.
Senator Padme put me in charge once even though I don't even have the ability to think.
George Lucas brought me to life with a computer, I'm a product of CGI.
Because many Star Wars fans find me irritating, they want me to die.
Many people hate everything about me, they hate my voice, my six foot tongue and my orange skin.
Now that the prequels are over, those people are thankful that they'll never have to see me again.

Some people may not believe that Jehovah is God's name.
But just look in a Bible and I'll show proof of what I claim.
The Bible tells us that God's name is Jehovah, it's there for everybody to see.
If you want proof that Jehovah is his name, open a Bible and read Exodus 6:3.
Jehovah won't become angry or vengeful if you call him God or Lord, using his true name isn't vital.
But our creator prefers to be called Jehovah because God isn't his name, God is his title.
When we address a preacher as Reverend, that's only his title, his close friends would call him by his name.
Jehovah is the closest friend that I have so I address him as such and I hope others will do the same.

I know that you've been looking for love and romance.
But your boyfriend only wants to get into your pants.
He's going to dump you when he gets what he wants.
And then he's going to go home to his wife in Vermont.
But I know how that you can ruin his life.
Just pick up the phone and call his wife.

When Adam and Eve were created, Satan decided to ruin Jehovah God's plan and he did succeed.
And because he corrupted Adam and Eve, the world is now corrupted by violence, lust and greed.
When Jesus was on Earth, Satan decided to ruin God's plan again.
The Devil tried to corrupt the Son of God but he did not win.
Jesus never gave in to any of The Devil's temptations.
Because Jesus wouldn't sin, Satan felt great frustration.
Jesus was victorious, he prevailed.
Satan was angry because he failed.

I have two purrfect sweethearts and I'm smitten.
They are yellow and they're my two new kittens.
One of my babies is a girl and the other is a boy.
There's nothing like pets to bring a person joy.
They're beautiful, adorable and tame.
George and Peggy are their names.
I love to stroke their soft fur.
When I pet them, they purr.
They've taken a shine to me and owning them is something I'll never regret.
They're two purrfect sweethearts and they're wonderful pets.

Baal was a phony god that was worshipped by many, including King Ahab and Jezebel.
Jehovah put it upon Elijah to prove to the people that he was the true God of Israel.
Satan created Baal to turn people away from Jehovah God.
It took Elijah to prove to the people that Baal was a fraud.
Elijah knew that he could show the people the truth and make Baal falter.
He told them to slaughter a bull and use it for a sacrifice on an altar.
Elijah told them that Baal would be the true God if he could burn the bull but no fire came.
But then Jehovah God sent down fire and burned the sacrifice and that put Baal to shame.
Even though Elijah had the wood and bull covered with water, both still burned.
The people saw that Jehovah is the true God, that was the lesson that they learned.
King Ahab and Queen Jezebel promoted Baal worship and it was something they came to regret.
Both of them ended up dead and God was pleased with Elijah who was the boldest of his prophets.

I'll tell you about something that is rotten to the core.
When outside of church, some preachers cuss like sailors.
My friend saw some of these preachers who like to cuss.
They should be ashamed, preachers are supposed to set an example for the rest of us.
When they cuss, they anger God because it's like slapping him in the face.
Morality is not their strong point, what they're doing is truly a disgrace.
Out of all of the people in the world, preachers are the ones who should never swear.
Those preachers are not God fearing people and it is just too much for me to bear.
This makes me angry and Jehovah God and I are both filled with disgust.
It proves that the world is lost when we see preachers who we can't trust.

Queen Elizabeth II has died and she isn't the Queen anymore.
Her husband, "Philip Mountbatten" died just one year before.
Elizabeth II has died at the age of 96 and it will change things.
Her eldest son, Charles, former Prince of Wales is now the King.
She was the longest serving Queen, she served for 70 years.
She became Queen in 1952 and for decades, she was revered.
She celebrated her Silver, Golden, Diamond and Platinum Jubilees.
She asked people to "never give up, never despair" about Covid 19 which is a horrible disease.
She was Royalty and had wealth, power and fame.
Now that she's dead, England won't be the same.

You were without doubt the best dog I've ever had.
Your death has broken my heart and I'm very sad.
When I named you Agnes, I named you after my late mother.
I was your owner and you and I had a lot of love for one another.
You were a Chihuahua and you were an Applehead.
It tore me up when I learned that you were dead.
You were pretty with dark brown fur and you were small.
You weren't just a dog, you were also  my baby doll.
I owned you for almost seven wonderful years.
I found you dead in my kitchen and it drove me to tears.
What I'm about to say is no lie, it's one hunded percent true.
You were my baby doll and your Daddy will always love you.

The Apostle Paul was a saint but he was a sinner in the beginning.
He killed Jesus's followers and Jesus struck him blind for sinning.
After Jesus sent Ananias to restore Paul's sight, Paul changed his evil ways.
He vowed to be Jesus's Apostle and preach the gospel for the rest of his days.
Paul began preaching that Jesus is our savior.
Some people became infuriated by his behavior.
They planned to have Paul put to death.
He was warned about this and he left.
After leaving, he continued to preach the gospel and made tents for a living.
Even though Paul was a former murderer, Jesus knew that he was worth forgiving.
Paul was worthy of forgiveness and so are today's sinners.
If people put an end to their sinful ways, they can be winners.

You're moving in with your girlfriend and many people have congratulated you.
You've asked me to do the same but that is something I can't and won't do.
I won't congratulate you because you and your girlfriend will be living in sin.
I won't condone premarital ***, don't ask for my congratulations ever again.
Yes, I have old-fashioned morals that you consider to be out of date.
I won't congratulate you because you're doing something that God hates.

To get on God's good side, we must pray again and again.
We must pray and ask Jehovah to wash away our sins.
We must treat everybody like a sister or a brother.
We must show Jehovah that we love one another.
Heaven is the reward for all of the good people who have died.
We must obey the ten commandments to get on the Lord's good side.

I adopted my Chihuahua Dog two years ago today.
I'll be Agnes's last owner, she's here to stay.
I adopted her in Morristown, Tennessee.
I am lucky because Agnes is with me.
Two years has been how long I've known her.
I'm very happy and proud to be her owner.

I didn't get much schooling so I can't read or write.
Many people don't understand my situation and plight.
I thought I was buying sugar but I bought salt.
My cake made people puke and it was my fault.
When I drive, I can't read stop signs so I always crash.
Over thirty people have sued because of whiplash.
When I was seven, Dad wouldn't let me go to school anymore.
When a person can't read or write, it closes so many doors.
I can count to ten but I have to use my fingers and thumbs.
And if you actually believe I can't read or write after reading this poem, you are dumb.

The world gets worse as each day passes and that's no exaggeration.
When you are tempted to commit a sin, please resist the temptation.
If you want to hit a person, please don't commit assault.
Resist the temptation even if the other person is at fault.
If you are tempted to do drugs, please resist the temptation.
It's dangerous as well as being a sin and can cause devastation.
Please resist the temptation if you're tempted to commit adultery.
Not only is it breaking one of God's commandments, you can also get an STD.
Please resist the temptation if you're tempted to steal or ****.
Turn to The Lord, he can help people cope with any ordeal.

In 1977, you starred in an episode of Doctor Who.
If you hadn't died, today you would've turned 82.
You starred in an episode of "Enemy At The Door".
You were a very talented actor but not anymore.
In 1989, you starred in "The Woman In Black".
Sadly, you died and you won't be coming back.
You starred in five episodes of "Coronation Street".
You starred in three hundred and fifty-five episodes of "Heartbeat".
In 1962, you starred in "Top Secret" and "Mystery Submarine".
Today would've been your birthday if you hadn't died in 2019.

God's son was Michael the Archangel before his birth.
But he was named Jesus Christ when he came to Earth.
Michael the Archangel was his name.
He resurrected the dead and healed the lame.
When God sent us Jesus, it was one of the greatest things he's ever done.
When I die, I will go to Heaven and I will be with God's magnificent son.