the voices keep getting louder
the wall comes up too slow
there is no divison between us
her words are now my own

happiness is
a heartbeat away
don't let simple minds
lead you astray
live in your moments
smile through the day
you are something special
God's gift to this place

20 16 is finally here,
Spread only love and cheer,
And have a Happy New Year!!

your smile,  your sin.
your laugh, a game.
your eyes, lies.
your body, your shame.

inside, you're troubled.
yet your facade has no flaws.
you've played so long at knife point,
that they've forgotten your claws.

have I told you how it hurts
how the pain never fades
how every remark from your lips
keeps adding to my shame
have I told you how I hate
every word from your tongue
that whipsers her name
and every her to come
have I told you I'm broken
every day a new repair
how I'm trying to fix me
how its impossible with her there

I'm done /writing/
    about you
Instead I'll listen to the songs
That make me /believe/
     they must've met you, too

inside I fight a battle
every day with my own heart
it screams at me to listen
begs me to fall apart
my heart has become a plague
feasting on my soul
darkened with sin
it thirsts for control

I would post more poems,
but whenever I come online
all I see is people advertising drama
and calling down one another
some people are just being idiots..
its not a positive space anymore
at least, not how I see it

I've come to really like you now,
So you should probably know
That the reason I'm still living now,
Is all because you said "Hello."

why do I want to pack a bowl,
light it up and send my soul
into a marijuana induced haze?

could it be that I'm addicted,
or the dopamine too restricted,
and it just needs a push into my brain?

shes a runaway girl finally returned home
little does she know
it's him who she should be running from

he is his own homestead
his heart on a string
he leaves it at home when
he goes out wandering
so he can follow it back
at the end of the day
he says his heart belongs
to me, yet it leads him astray

so he leaves traces behind
and collects as he goes
all the while waiting
is me and he knows
i wont wait forever
at the theshold of his abode
right now hes with me
for how long? unknown

What can I ever say? Nothing.
There's never going to be a right time.
Instead, I'll just wait to forget you.
Hour by hour, until you never existed at all.

You know something isn't right with the world when she can't even find comfort in herself any more
When she lets the words and whispers of her peers reach her ears, tearing her down until she is no more
I hate these people, with their stereotype bullets and words as sharp as knifes
No concern for her as they talk behind her back, not caring if what they say hurts her or not
Ignorant people with no inclination to see the truth, that just because someone isn't like you, doesn't mean they're freaks
But because she doesn't dress like you, because she isn't faking who she truly is
You leave snide remarks where she can hear them, backhanded comments trailing behind her wherever she goes...

You don't see it, because you don't know her
But I do and it hurts me to see her letting these idiots get to her
I don't know the words to make it better
And I blame all of you

You never fail to fall for the bait--
An idiot fish I long to hate.
I told you before,
Stay away from their shores;
Your stupidity is too great.

I never fail to forgive the fish--
An idiot fish I always miss.
While you're away,
I dream that someday;
Stupidity will be cured with a kiss.

I have to be honest somewhere,
might as well be here
I get the feeling sometimes
the end is drawing near,
I hear it in your hesitation
and the way you're quick to go,
don't try and tell me one thing
when inside, you know I know
I hate to materialize this in the world
but I can't hold on to it anymore,
I'm scared you'll never really change
and by tomorrow, it'll have replayed
that same little mistake,
the one we all make
you know the one I'm talking about,
don't you?
I do

I don't know..
                      
                      I don't know..

                                               I don't know!

But you do, don't you?

                                            Because this is your choice,

                     *Not mine..

THIS ISN'T A POEM BUT*

I haven't written in a poem in WEEKS
Because I haven't had access to my account in MONTHS
Because hellopoetry.com asked me to confirm something with my old email address that I haven't known the password to in YEARS

But I FINALLY realized that I could CHANGE the email address I used for the site and OMFG!!!!!
And I'm so ******* HAPPY I'M CRYING

Because I put so much time and effort into my poetry on here, and when I couldn't access it anymore I lost all my will to write and it was so ******* hard to deal with life without the release I was use to...

I feel like such an IDIOT for not realizing sooner because it was literally so easy to do, but now I'm back and I feel SO GOOD

I doubt any of you noticed I was gone, but I'd like to say that I missed all of you, missed reading you poetry and seeing glimpses into your lives, and I'm so happy I get to be back with you all :) :) :)

I don't know if I ever want to have my poems
immortalized in a book, to sit on some shelf untouched
a reminder printed on blank pages; my love, and my pain
organized into pretty poetic arrangements for other's viewing pleasure
for strangers to know me that intimately on a level I barely understand
I can't comprehend--

my love, and my pain, indeed
the love I have is beautiful, and worth sharing with the world
but I dont know if I could immortalize the pain it has caused me to love so throughly
so completely have I given myself over to everything
followed the winding paths through heartache and back;
I would much rather forget them here, forget the past

I'm not an idiot
I know what this is
I know how it looks
Don't give me that ****
I know what I'm doing
I'm not like the rest
I've had my fill of
Heartbreak and regret
Just give me some time
Let me say my two cents
Get his **** in order and
Leave it at friends

cross my heart and hope to die
without a trace and no goodbye
I'll leave you gaping with a hole in your chest
I stole the one thing you gave freely and yet
woefully in denial you scrape up whats left
which wont be much as I took all you had
you search and search but
you're always two steps back
you stop and remember how I use to laugh
how I use to kiss you and stare into your eyes
if only, you say, you had known they were lies
cross your heart and hope to die
you vow to find me or perish trying

-

I am impure
I tell myself
silently, as
you hold me
down and
violently
**** the
living ****
out of me
.
.
I must admit,
I really needed it