I haven't written in a while and my pen hand is itching
to get to work and create something forbidden
but without unreserved and raw inspiration
nothing can occur, so it goes without saying
would you mind if I asked you to raise your shirt?

Am I ever sick
Of all this Fighting
When will it stop?
I just want to lie
By your side
Soaking up all the love
That runs through
Your veins,
And into my heart
But things keep
Distracting us
Keeping us far apart
I'm sick of all this fighting
I've never known
Someone one
So cruel as you
To lurk behind
A caring facade
But underneath
Be as viscous as
The sky is blue
It's unnerving, it is,
To find that
The man I've declared
My soul mate
Is the very one that
Was distinctly made
To rip my soul from myself
And tear it to pieces
Before my own eyes
It's unnerving, this fighting
I'm sick of it all
I just wish to lie on dry ground
Soak up the sun
Your hands intertwined,
Lost in the tangles of my hair
Your breath, a cool breeze
Your kisses, my only care
Your heart and mine,
Beating as one
Pumping blood
Through are veins
As though our bodies
Still lived on
Our souls long gone
We gave them up
So to be
Together in this forever,
Soulless but in love
*For all eternity

I felt it in my heart,
With every touch and every kiss.
I knew it in my gut -
A twisting sickness.
Now here we are,
The edge of forgiveness.
Trying to heal,
Despite the fear you'll repeat this.

-

In secret we laugh, touch, and dream
and I carry the shame through the day

With the cover of night and only the moon to guide us
We stroll into the dark, hands clasped and breathless
Strolling through the dark, hearing music in the distance
There is fine line between adventure and mischief
One I like to cross when I'm alone with my thoughts
Yet, I'm always accompanied by my hollowest wants
Alone in my room, the moonlight streaking through
I shouldn't be dreaming of him, I should be dreaming of you

You're mood swings,
Side to side,
Back and forth
Like the seas coming
Tide

And it's only a matter
Of time
Before another wave
Rolls in
I'm lying vulnerable
On the shore,
Cool water brushes
Skin

But where my body lies,
Exposed to the sky,
The sun chooses to hide
Rays do not shine,

It sends not warmth
To battle the cold,
There is no more fire  
Burning inside my soul  

I'm numb

Without you here
Its like a tidal wave of depression
Knowing your near
It keeps getting worse by the second

I'd much rather suffer on the days
you turn your cheek to me,
Then ever be apart from you on the days
Where I long to caress your cheek

Outside?
I'm hurting.
I curl into a ball
As you lash out at me,
Demanding why I don't respond?
Because I'm scared of you, that's why.
Because if I speak, I might give it away.
I cant have you knowing how much it hurts―
Outside and inside, too; My heart picks up its pace.
Too quickly it's beating now, pounding against my chest,
It feels a bit like how your voice feels, a dull ringing in my head..
" Hey *****, are you okay? Am I hurting you, my little *****? "
Did you even say that? Illusions and reality―
I can't remember which is which.
I don't remember..
He doesn't exist
But he does.. Oh, he does
And he loves to tell me he's sorry
I try and convince myself hes not you though,
Because if I accept this part of you,
When he does show himself to me,
I'll be forced to believe its not him hurting me,
It's you.

But you wouldn't hurt me..
So I curl into a ball,
And tell myself
To sleep..

*Sleep until he's gone..

What has any of it ever meant
If I'm left thinking of this now?

I preach pretty songs but don't sing a long;
This is who I really am, bathed in shame.

When I'm sad,
I put on the sweater you bought me
It's still so soft, almost like brand new

Lately though,
I find myself wearing it a lot more
These heavy turn of events, all leading back to you

I wish my looks were worthy of envy
And my voice could turn heads
I wish my thoughts weren't so scary
But that's just who I am

I'm only sort of pretty
When you glance the right way
When the lightings off and my mask is on
Which doesn't happen everyday

My singing, can't you hear it
You start to cry at the sound
Not because it's unbelievable
But because it's terrible and loud

My mind, I'm not sure I could fix it
It's been this way since I was nine
Lost on my own in a world of shadows and hate
Forced to lie and say I'm fine

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your looks are worthy of envy
Because I do it everyday
Your voice does turn heads
Because it's strong and knows what to say

So what if your thoughts are scary
That's okay with me
Because you're still the greatest person
Someone could ever meet

And you're not just only pretty
You're beautiful to me too
And you don't have to only look the right way
To see that it's true

When you sing I don't cry at the sound
It's not terrible, it's unbelievable
And just being honest here it is sort of loud
But you're my sister so don't even frown

And so what if your mind is different
It's been that way since you were nine
And no one has asked you to change it
So don't even try

Right now
At 2 o'clock in the morning
You're probably sleeping
Alone

Right now
At 2 o'clock in the morning
I'm missing you terribly
Alone

Every lock has a key

Because every secret can be set free

And there's a secret buried inside me

I think it's time to let you see

Who I really need to be..

Is it just me or
Is erotica ten times sexier

Than most regular internet ****?