When we're together
the world
Is spinning through jello
the leaves on trees
are hazy bits
of confetti in the wind.
The silence between us is thick.. and soothing
as we
glide along the summer pavement.
His scent fills my lungs like a sedative...
His scent..it makes me feel like
I'm in love again...
Like I could love again.

Do you believe in soulmates?
I do.
I just don't believe that I have one
My soul is too jagged at the edges
I have a chameleon soul that drips water colors onto white canvas.
What soul can get close enough without
wounds or stains?
Sorry to the ones who tried.
I really am.

Money was so sweet
in the haze of his youth
and now that his face has creased
relatives have moved
These glass windows are the only way out
He shut his mouth
and watched
as he got closer to the ground.

Little boy your head is too big for your body
Your eyes too big for your stomach
you bite off more than you can chew
Little boy your head is In the clouds
....but one day you're bound to come down.
And when you wake up, your feet will be firmly on the ground.
And let me tell you, it really does hurt.

I send you this apology because
I see no point.
We both think we're in the right..
And I just
see no point.
So I'll be the first to say I'm sorry.
Winning this fight isn't worth losing you.

How is it that you're legally blind..
Yet you see the most?
Is that why you can never sleep?
Words that claw at you like ghosts?
Cold metal against your lips
Muted against sleep paralysis
And rusted chains telling you to listen
how is it that your heart is banged and bruised
yet  bitterness never seeps through?

I want to write about the needle pins you poke on my spine
When I try, however.
I'm distracted by the parrot on my shoulder
bickering the sadness away.
He's a ******* parrot who's words mean nothing.
With a time bomb of a friendship.
He listens to the words that escape my mouth like smoke under a door and questions everything I do (as if he actually cares.)
I'll miss the parrot on my shoulder....
I forgot how life was without him.

"Baby the moon is huge tonight
it reminds me of your eyes."*

But I was looking for shooting stars.

You live to tell stories;
so that you can tell somebody important
so that they'll put you on a pedestal
to listen closely for words of amazement and admiration.
You live for the satisfaction of other people
base your value on their comments.
they determine your price tag
Tell me
what will you do when they no longer care?
Where will you go to be admired?
When the world is done with you
and on to the next and
all you have is the past
memories that only played fillers...
that meant nothing but
a trophy to you
they lose their worth,
wrinkles and scars mark your skin and your heartbeat slows
Did you live for you?
or the judgment of someone else?

I stole the moon from the sky
And I hid it in my room
Hoped that you'd stop by ...
said you'd be here soon.
So I waited all morning
Paced all afternoon.
Cried all night,
And talked to the moon.
He told me that you loved me,
That you'd be here soon.
You showed up in the morning.
And put the stars around my finger.
No longer did I wonder
No longer did I cry.
I know now,
You're forever mine.

In the isolation of your car gliding on the freeway
and a dark sky,
I sat shotgun wearing the least clothing possible
and got goose bumps from
cool leather against my skin.
But nothing scraped my bones as much as your kiss on my lips.
Exhilaration pumped through our veins.
We drove to Mexico
to be caught in a Rain storm
We spent stacks of cash  
And kept each other warm.

You are all so fragile
In more ways than one
Made of glass and glued pieces.
I'm unable speak certain words or
in certain tones...
And I am a stone
Watching my every move
Careful not to break you guys
I am a stone in a glass world
So heavy the burden
of staying strong

In a storm of rage
In the middle of who's right and who's wrong
The white on my dress was tainted by red..
My favorite pink flowers now dying in my fist
Thrown in the air in your direction
But instead of releasing the anger, the bubblegum petals only
brought me back
We met at a birthday party as kids
I remember now.
You would smile at me from across the room..
while a plethora of balloons surrounded us.
The candle flames on the cake reflected in your empty eyes
as you handed me a vase of bubblegum colored flowers
That was the beginning of the end wasn't it?
Now look at us.

The stars are always too bright
The sun too hot
Moon too dull
It's never good enough is it?
                                                What's your problem?

I find it a bit intrusive how you talk to me in my sleep
simply to hear the secrets I keep.

Was this what you meant when you said
that you wanted me to feel something?
Because now i’m sitting on the bathroom floor and my
hands are shaking while hot water pours from my eyes.

What did you mean when you said
that you had nobody?
   Because as you said that, I was standing next to you
in the same hole,
the only difference was
that I was covered in cuts and bruises
while you were suffering from
your very first cut.
A nick from your own razor.

While i watched you bawl on the ground,
i felt grateful in some kind of way.
Grateful for the fact that life never
gave me a chance to be so
naive and unguarded,
the blades become a sort of release to remind you that you can still feel.

Who did you want then?
When I stayed.. and you refused my help?
And why did you hate me when I left?

He used to live in the corners and creases of my life
The corners of my smile
when I fell asleep at night
He lived in the dusty sign that said, “Stop Shop”
Down the hill on the corner of second and Knox
He stayed alive in the phone that I dropped
when we found an empty fountain
and sat on top.
But we died on cold pavement
the next fall.
So now he lives in the songs that I deleted
and demons I’ve defeated
In the holes of worn out shoes
that are of no good use
The letters are no longer written to his name
and for once
I have nothing more to say.

Being loved is a weight that bends my bones.
And it's only a matter of time until I'm broken.
To be loved means worry
And I can't have you worrying about me.
Until my bones heal, I cannot reciprocate your love.

Have you ever felt them?
As you close your eyes and their lips meet yours?
And you're weightless.
Or have you gone looking in the wrong places
and the wrong times...
Only to feel a staleness and nausea
Like drinking old soda

Yeah, it was your smell that did it.
You smell like my childhood, not the scary smells though
More like the mountain air and swing sets.
And then I think your voice got stuck in my ear and echoed its way into my dreams.
Your glare terrifies me, almost as much as it reels me in.
You've gone and carried me onto your back, so I don't even know anymore..
You're all I have now.
You're all I need.
It's a bit unnerving....
Where do I begin and where do you end??

It's all fun until you can't
sleep.
And you have to watch your back before you
speak.
The lying gets old...
And adrenaline cold.
Like ice in your veins.
It's all fun and games
Until you've gone insane.

I thought about you as I took a hit,
and eyed the spot where you’d always sit.  
I caught myself hating life
once, or twice, a few times
and I probably would have cried
if I wasn't so high.
I woke up this morning with dust in my eyes
and the lamp still on from last night.
The days are merged lately and I’m just floating.
I’ve been so lazy and I think it’s showing.
With you gone and all,
there’s this empty space
sorta like last fall
and the Halloween you couldn’t make.  
But it kicks in and my eyes are dry
and the taste reminds me of summertime
when I caught myself in love
once or twice, a few times
but shrugged and blamed it on our lazy eyes.

I think sometimes you're watching
Laughing at the jokes that I think to myself
And sighing as I make
questionable decisions
I think you find this amusing.
I think you know I'll be alright....
And if not, I'll see you someday soon

Spoil her until her she's rotten and grey
Until her eyes only see roses and honey and milk and love
Tell her ugly face that she's ravishing, alluring even.
Blow her mind out the windows of her car.
**And then complain about everything she is.

Your body...it's beautiful.
You don't believe me.
Stop hurting yourself like this
You won't stop.
Eat something.
You won't.
Snap out of it...
I can't.

I saw life through his eyes,
people through his eyes.
Red.Grey.And.All.******.Up.
This sent flashes of fear though my pulse but
not without curiosity.
And as the years passed, these visions no longer rattled my bones,
Blood soaked dreams rather enticed me.
The fear in my veins turned to adrenaline
seeping onto the surface, much like sea water soaks the coast
during a storm leading a Tsunami.
It became apparent to me only when
it was far too late;
That the only monster I had to fear
Was **myself.

Why is it...
That all my nightmares are about you?
Age means nothing when I have to be the adult.
Why is it..
That I can't ask for help? ..Because it might worry you?
Mom, can't you ever have enough?
Is money the only thing that gets through to you?
I've said it in a drunken slur, I say it when I'm sober;
"I pity you."

From the way his eyes collected her details
and his feet followed her footprints
it was easy to see that he loved her.
And he waltzed through her dreams and into
her bloodstream like some sick medicine
curing what she didn't even know was sick.

I get it, You can't get close to me
You're only trying to protect me
But I don't mind it
I won't hide it though
I'll just love you more..
Oh God I love you.
And when you need me
I'm never far

A bit too late I suppose
These cold feet are always slipping
And I simply observe the way you look at me
while I fall apart.
Obvious as it seems
I cannot get a grip
I'm beginning to think that
there is some joy in
Simply observing the way you look at me
While I Fall Apart

Your eyes are summertime
I hate summer.
Summer leaves me lonely
And so will you.

After junior high,
I met this guy
Who only seen stars and dollar signs
He kept his clothes clean, his shoes white
and everyday invited me to get high
Some days I envied his independence
Though I came to find he was friendless
And his smokey afternoons were spent alone in
his room at home
exhaled out of windows.
Some days he told me things that others would often doubt
But when I agreed, he'd shut me out
I didn't mind it much.
He didn't know how to love.
That subject foreign to speak of
a silent agreement between us.
The dollar signs and stars crowd his heart
I don't blame him at all.
We are the same with our roaming souls and cloudy brains
not from the smoke but from becoming insane.
Insane in the most unique way

Pretty lights reflected
in your dark eyes
and at the center was me.
I could've been your world
I know.
But we were worlds apart
You know.
You were missing me
I know
I've been a mess
You know.
So stay where you are and don't look back
**Promise You Won't Look Back

I don't think my neurotic heart was meant for love
only for the function of pumping blood through veins
Maybe if it could just hold still....
I would be okay.

I want to ask you why you hate me
When I loved you so.
I want you to remember the day we
decided to let go
Maybe you'll remember the way we
Cried all the way home.

Why do you say your sweet little words?
Do you do it to make me smile?
Of course not.
You think it's the right thing to do.
And when I roll my eyes, I look like the *******.
Don't paint me these pretty pictures just to make yourself look
better.
Don't say these things because they're the right thing to say.
Show me who you really are.