I don't miss you
I repeat over and over to myself as my hands are trembling behind my wet blurry eyes
He was boring
I tell them as I iron my face to show indifference
I pop these pills hoping I can at least dream you here
I don't rely on you
I don't know when you're coming back
I don't think you're ever coming back.
I ask myself why I stay wrapped around you suffocating you blue untl you see stars and my eyes become the moon
I don't.........
       I don't know.

The inside of my mouth is definitely scarred
Why are my teeth so **** sharp?
The ties between us have been stretched too far,
they're beginning to tear.
I don't know where you are,
and frankly I don't care.
Why is my tongue so **** sharp?

I had to..I didn't want to
I had to.
They convulsed in unison.
They pleaded
..I had to stare back into
those forlorn eyes
And see the images that
choke them at night
You left me winded .
Shaking and empty
as my lungs kept trying to grip thin air.
And my knees went weak.
**I'm Sorry.

For a while, life was like having a fever in the summer.
And as much as I tried to understand, I couldn't.
As much as I tried to get past the haze around my heart
I could not feel a **** thing except the guilt of not feeling a **** thing.
There you were with your past all crumbled into a space where nobody could see.
There you were with eyes that have seen more than they should.
There you were smiling like nothing was wrong
Looking at you was like looking at the sky and realizing that it's not that bad.
And every time I look at you, I feel something.
I feel
Here you are and I can't even begin to explain how much you mean to me.

I'm so used to the taste, so used to the smell.
The regret and washing it down.
I ask of you please, don't blame yourself....
I'm sick and too weak to ask for help.

Your eyes were an abyss,
a black hole that I could never understand.
But at that last minute, the last time you told me  "goodbye"
I had fallen and lost myself in that abyss.
Inside comatose and insomnia I wish for you.
In a sweet fever I call your name.. to get silence in return.
I wander through life with a numbness only awakened with hints of you.
In strangers I see parts of you,
a voice
a walk
certain features.
I find comfort in those strangers.
But they're never you.
And I remain in this abyss.

Well the walls sometimes wake me up
                                     And write my fears in red
Well the mirrors sometimes put me to sleep
                                     And tell me, "stay home today"
Well other people make my stomach turn
                                      And so does isolation.
Well I'm only ever grounded with certain people
                                        But people leave.
                           And where will I go then?

Glad to know love?
Or
Sad that I knew love?

Before you go,
i want to cry on your shoulder again
I want your smell to soak onto my skin
and flow through my veins.
Your voice to echo
so that it can echo behind my closed eyes.

If you knew me then,
do you know me now?
Can't you tell that I need help?
I did then,
I do now.

Catching you was one thing ...
Keeping you was a whole different story.
Time after time again, you left me..
You left me with numb and swollen lips..
Bruised thighs and hips...
You came back every time though, so I smiled
But you left trembling hands and trailed hickeys
You left traces of you on my body
Every time you left, you left proof that it wasn't a dream.
You left traces until they faded..
And one day you faded...
You left.

**** that whole "nobody is perfect"
We're all perfect to somebody.
We just might never know to whom........