She transferred her darkness and sadness
to create the most prepossessing pieces of literature
and this is where her demons rested//

For just a little while.

I will place my lips all over your skin

I will imprint your flesh with my teeth

I will make you forget your name

AND YOU WILL BREATHE THE SYLLABLES OF MINE ...

~ I am chaos and I will ****** your tranquility.
~ I am drugs and I will cause you to feel withdrawals.
~ I am love and I will teach you to admire yourself.

~~ I am the perfect balance of the bad and the good this temporal world has to offer.

           NOW LET ME LOVE YOU.

4am
Thoughts of you are dangling off the edge of my cerebrum creating anarchic drapes

I’m clawing my way through the moist ground
My nails fill with debris of our suffering
I’m calling out to you broken
Come save your princess
Come lift her up and caress your little girl

But you look at what a damaged possession you have cut into smaller pieces
You look back in disguist to see this nothing crawling on the floor
You realize she is so small and she holds so much baggage and you cannot be a home for so many possessions anymore

You walk away and she screams the type of screech
That makes the world smaller
What have you done ?
What has she done ?

You have taken the universes gift and you have buried it within yourselves so deep that you cannot remember how to love eachother

Stop
Breaking

You will heal
And she will always remember the taste of your sadness

Goodbye
Ocean find your next victim find your next fish
You were always bigger than everything else
You always contained all the magic
You were always the sustainer
Thank you for sharing your holy water

I put up a blockade to save myself from my childhood
... to forget all the late night screaming and the white residue on the kitchen counter
It guarded out the pretty Sunday mornings and the strong rays of uv light on my mums red hair

But then you came ,
I made a home out of you
And I was so comfortable
That my my subconscious unlocked
And we had access to my mind

I remembered then , I remembered everything

We are all rapists
Of the most beautiful women
We abuse her body
And make her feel less
We fill her with our destructive ***
To the brim

Drip , drip , drip
She's gonna explode with our morbid "love juice"
We as humans have altered the way we love
Instead we destroy and survive
We **** like animals
Bent over in the street
And we keep penetrating her soft curves and harsh waves , her valley like stretch marks

And yet
She still provides for us
She gifts us with the perfect combination of gas
To keep destroying and filling her as she closes her eyes and can't fight anymore

Until she can't exist anymore and our animalness won't have a place to prosper anymore.

~M.P

I will scream until my cells explode and drips from my lips
I will shout until my intestines explode
I will tell until my teeth crack
I will cry until my veins flow dry
I will howl until my voice disappears
But I will not stop until the pain fades

~ if I don’t ruin myself one of you entitled pieces of garbage will.
Maybe you already have.

I always had a connection to ciggarettes because they quite frankly reminded me of myself.

Like : how people desired them so desperately when they were miserable , how people valued them so intensly when they burned away all their troubles and treated them with such caution.

But, then I connected with them because as soon as I burned out ( became fragile and fell into a temperate pit of darkness ) my ashes fell to the ground. I was stepped upon and left all alone on the numbing winter soil alongside the damp mist and minute insects.

This is where I found my family. Other humankind just like me, mortals who have been stepped upon and wounded emotionally and demanded when needed and then suddenly despised and judged ; judged for solely declaring their beliefs. Beings that have been disregarded from communities for merely attempting to combat the injustices of our corrupt society.

My family and I thought we would resurrect and magically become unbroken and desirable again.

But darling not all stories have happy endings .

It was dark and really late and the world was ours alone

I’m not doing this for you I’m doing this for me
Today I am enraged with hate and anger and sadness im a dangerous storm sent to tear homes from their roots I’m a giant monster created to stomp on little imbelice toddlers
I am a monster you created you filled me with pain and hate and you twisted something heavenly into a tumultuous fire and now I want you to burn
I’m tired of you having the power of sharing you with the world
You created this monster and now you must suffer in isolation because I created you I searched for you from the depths of hell and elevated your holiness I have discovered your light and you have no right to share it with anyone
Come drown in me come suffer in my waves come suffocate in my embrace
I will knaw you with my sharp talons I will scratch your thighs open and you will return to your people dripping with evidence of my might
You are mine and you will not be happy without me unless I permit it
You are my possession and I do not approve of your sharing
I am your master and you will bow at my feet only
You will sit and wither away until you feel the pain
Until your bones shatter and your brain melts of lonliness
I do not permit you being happy
You are not allowed to feed off the vibrations of eachother
You will vibrate off me only
I am your master and you will obey my instructions you do not get to be happy after you have caused me to shatter like a sculpture that fell off its pedestal
You will feel my fire you will roast from your insides your lungs will full with my air when I permit it
Your heart will bleed and burst at my command because I said so.
I do not permit your happiness not your independence you will suffer at my feet until I feel fit to release you from my wrath.

Goodnight
I hope you fall into a thick dreamland where the colours of reality begin to mistify and the hues of your temporal paradise begin to solidify.
May you weep with excitement due to the aura it brings, may you find contentment in the air as you wake and may my love reach you ~ half across the world

Their general conversations were natural, flowing poetry

Bleed my name
Every single blood cell should crave my loving
Need me
[I need you to need me ]

Sometimes poverty unites not nations
but merely two people//
Intoxicants when overused break families as waves break on the shore//
Their drug now becomes their love//
And you are equivalent to nothing in their perceived reality//
It either makes the users surrounding guests mature profound strong souls
As strong as the Pedi army stood against the British and Boer to protect their land//
Or it causes them to transfer to their own twisted but illusionistic universe where all they see is darkness and despondency//

And then one day//
The money begins to run out
and so do the people//
But rarely, oh so rarely some humans make the decision to stay and continue the journey//
Where the road may potentially split into two//
recovery or relapse//

Sometimes poverty unites not nations
but merely two people//

The money has begun to exhale into the earths atmosphere
just as a stoner exhales his poisonous vapour into our airspace//
Some stay behind to help the corrupt mortal//

No money equals no substances//
No ******* or cat or cannabis or crack or codeine//
No drugs//

Then//

Two beings begin to ignite each other's fires
they learn the things they didn't know for the what felt like a million and seventy years//
They begin to discover how the one mispronounces words
and how certain songs cause ones soul to sway as the bass drops
or how ones hair whirls as the wind rushes through it
or how he can see the depths of the her soul through the eyes
and when she stares at the moon
her beauty is illuminated by the magical glow//

And then one day//
The money starts returning//
Creepily and discretely
the evil money
the tragedious money//
Like an evil monster emerging from hell
Where its dark and *****//

The money blows out the fire they have ignited
and slowly lures the user back//
The bond is now broken//

Sometimes poverty unites not nations
but merely two people//

I can't shake you from my bones
I can feel you within me
Within my veins
Flowing steadily

I can hear you in my head
As loud as a babies cry in the earliest morning

I can't shake you from my bones
I can feel you within me
Within my veins
Flowing steadily

I see you in my thoughts
Like a musician creating composures that cause ones ears to bleed of euphoria

I can't shake you from my bones
I can feel you within me
Within my veins
Flowing steadily

I can't shake you from my bones
You are now ingraved in me

I can feel you within me
Feeding off my sadness

Within my veins
******* me dry

Leaving me with nothing to flow

I can't feel...
.
.
.
.
I am numb

A pain that is not bearable is feeling someone fall out of love with you.

You can feel them slipping between your fingertips.

They begin to realize your flaws.
And your destruction is no longer appealing it just scares them.

I WANT TO BE THE REASON YOUR BONES THAT ARE ATTACHED TO YOUR GUMS APPEAR ,TO BLESS HUMANITY AS A LIVING, BREATHING STAR BLESSES OUR DULL EARTH

                                                          ­  AND WHEN SPEAK OF ME I WANT YOUR SOUL TO POUR OUT OF YOUR TENDER LIPS GRACEFULLY BUT VIVID LIKE A WATERFALL

I watched you fall into unconsciousness -

I watched chaos sink into oceans of tranquility.

When our lips met ,
I could not breathe
-
-
-
It was like being suffocated by bliss

He said he was poison to her

She said
" maybe you are , but I would be honored to be destroyed by you "

Someone once spoke to me about my honesty and how they loved watching it drop from my lips and implant in the thoughts of others
I realized tonight in the crisp coldness that I am often not honest with myself

So I released my thoughts from their cage and allowed them to wander . . .
not too far and in a minutes time they discovered disgust

They discovered hypocrisy that I grew by myself that I bred like a new species

I mean I preached loyalty to crowds of souls that had the honor of stroking my heart
Yet I betrayed them by sneaking around and luring boys in
To touch my core
But not the real core
The superficial one which fed their egos and absorbed attention
( this monsteral core fed on attention )


~beastly

Why do I not feel bound to your love? Why does it not weigh me down and cage me in ? Why does it allow me to play with others?
Why does it let me engrave a rough impressionistic font onto the lips of others?
Why am I not suffocating in your embrace ?

Why am I wondering from your purity
Like a pilgrim on a journey into a domino effect
Making boys fall
At my feet , girls too
Like a goddess
  It excites me to be craved
To be worshipped and praised like a deity not to be ****** with ?
Can only toxicity keep me excited
Is your holiness too safe? Is their rebellion running through me?
Why do you love me so much ?
You can’t save me
You don’t know how to play with such a force
I want to devour you
I see you bowing down to me
   I’m running not to the ocean but to a herd of sheep
I hear the waves crashing behind me
I feel the pacific liquid in my ears
The flock is waiting to worship me

You are standing on the sun burning...  
suffering like a servant , begging for me to stay

I choose you because your purity makes me feel holy
A little sane

Selfish?
You say that I’m not
You say that I’m kind and pure
I feel *****
Like I need to wash myself off of me
Bathe me . Stay around I want to be cleansed
I will sober up for you
From his high and from myself ...
I am softness I am rose water and I will continue implanting my beauty in the minds of creation and making them fall like soldiers in war
subtly like a fairy with dust.
And I’ll come back to you , all ready for equilibrium

... I know you’ll be waiting , you always are

And in darkness she was most comfortable, it was where her demon friends came out to play/
it was where her notions and reality combined to create this prepossessing paradise

I sat in the back seat of that car
That very afternoon where the sky decided to show it’s vulnerability
It’s emotion churned drastically occasionally letting out a loud scream
It looked like a rotting ice cream
( I enjoyed staring at the painting the divine artist created , I believed it was just for me , to “blow up” and share to the world what was winding within me)

But in this car I watched your eyes in the teeny weeny mirror
I saw your pain , I saw how you were hit as a child and how your father never knew how to hold you
And I swore my heart almost jumped out of my me , luckily my rib caged it in to allow me to feel eternity a little longer
I made sure that you never saw me watching
That was too intimate for us

- you never knew how to embrace your little girl, maybe that’s why she found pleasure in being embraced by all the boys ( it’s okay now I will heal through my writing and I will not blame you for not knowing how to show me you love me , it’s because your father never knew either.

Two individuals obsessed with the idea of dominance , sexually.
They then began to enjoy punishing eachother emotionally.

Today I am here to rage
And to scream and scratch and to pull your hair from your roots
I’m
Here to burry my finger nails deep beneath your skin and rip it out until I’m exposed to running blood and ***** bones
Baby I’m hurting my heart hurts my soul hurts my cuticles hurt so does my every ******* blood cell
My tears hurt
And I miss you oh so terribly
I miss being held and shhhh’d I miss being understood and caressed I miss being loved the way you did
And I miss you having a burning desire to please my every need
I’m sore today and I’m even lonelier I’m lonely and alone and lone
And I want to cry I want to pain and o want to feel
Just for a little until it’s too much
And then I want to run

The smell of the droplets from the unknown

The trees and leaves combine by the wetness , they appear to be cuddling

There is so much beauty in the darkness

When the water falls it's like the
ENTIRE WORLD IS RELEASING ALL ITS HEARTBREAK .

There is always a reason to why we feel a certain way.
Sometimes we do not express it because we are afraid to meet it face to face, we are scared of confronting the mere thing that makes us weak.

Other times,
We do not because we get too comfortable in our sadness, we become too familiar playing the victim

But regardless of what we choose it eats us up like how a leech nibbles on flesh and without expression your heart can never recover .

Maybe I was so scared that he'd stop loving me
- I pushed him away instead

I slowly began to realize that he would rather invite the demons under his bed to laze in his sheets than come to me

A me that would lay my guts out flat
A me that would bleed for him until my veins were so dry they ached and I could hear them crack

I remembered he was always scared of being loved ~so he would rather have someone's skin against his raw flash than my eyes on him
He would rather taste her lips than let my arm feel his bones

He was scared of me~
Because I knew what he really was

Sometimes I want the oxygen to stop

~ dependence , a six word story

" Should of taken acid with you, glued our tongues and become undone "

Should of taken ecstasy with you, discover aspects of euphoria you were always afraid to touch//

Should of taken ******* with you, become one with the worldly elements, talk to the sun as if the same blood ran within//

Should of taken shrooms with you, allow your toxic thoughts to breath along side the explosive stars//

Should have ...
but didn't.
So now, I will suffer withdrawals of your destructing presence.

What do you like doing on weekends Mahdiya?

Well, I find nauseating pleasure spending time loving people who were created to never love back.

You are like a spell book

With hidden messages

In exotic languages

And faded font

But I will continue practicing this witchcraft for the enchantment of your love to flow through my fingertips

in times like this
I feel myself shying from paper like a little school girl in the prettiest dustpink mini skirt
I feel my cheeks rosing up , into this blush red
I feel my palms sweating like a little waterfall, dripping down to my shaky thighs
The paper scares me
- because being here makes me desperate.             It means that I can’t scream any louder. It means that no matter how many people try to warm me in their embrace I’m still here shy from the paper . Alone and trapped.
Now this little school girl must bleed from her thighs and palms here she must expose the ***** thoughts and the liquids from her vile body.
Isn’t she disguisting in her purity?
Does she make you mad
She is so alluring she dominates all that she touches , I’ll tell you a secret I once saw rain run towards her.
But she’s ugly, and kind and I love that little school girl because I’m tired of everyone giving her up . I don’t know if they’re mad at her for being to pure or maybe she’s not at all
Maybe she’s too many pieces to be loved by a whole
So she finds a few along the way and lets them love a piece of her
The little school told me
That she’s manic
She is a maniac I’ve seen how for the past few weeks she’s danced in her room and jumped in bed with her parents and pretended to be high on some sort of adrenaline
But I’m tired of being creepy and staring at her through the window
Because the real girl is starting to emerge .
It’s making my head sore
AM I A FUCKINF BIPOLAR
Maybe that’s the anxiety whispering
Or is it an alternative personality
I’m going crazy
This one wasn’t supposed to hurt like the rest it was supposed to heal
This one hurt the most
Because - after not believeing that we could love
You thought us that we are the purest form of uncontrollable affection
But we are done now
And we must sleep
Forever
- don’t be scared of me
- I’m confused too
- I’m the old man in the window
- The manic
- The school girl
- And maybe you too.
A multidimensional ******* organism

I like to write when my heart hurts
It just feels better like poking at a wound waiting for it to bleed

I often said that I don’t epitomize you I see you for what you really are
And I’ve always believed that people have the potential to hurt me
And yet I let you in
I let you unwind my insides and stain my being
and here you are

Reminding me of him
The him that manipulated me that forced me to lose myself the me that untangled my thoughts and used it as a noose to keep me on a short leash

You’re making me beg for love
You’re making me break
Stop breaking me
I want to touch your cheeks and feel your kindness
Are you possessed ? Should we call and exosist to remove this sadness to remove this ugly person that is withdrawn and lacks excitement
I want my rayhaan back
The one that holds me and tells me I’m enough
Not the one who pushes me to the ledge and makes me feel like I need to fight to be seen
I’m sad to write this today
Because I could never write about you before
Because you never hurt my heart

I’m scared now
But time will tell
Maybe all love turns ugly with time
Maybe I make people ugly
Maybe I deserve the harshness
Maybe I am just not enough.

The above talks about my vulnerability
It’s strange how they’re starting to arise
Because I feel myself telling my brain I told you so
You’re so dumb
Everyone knew this would come
Why didn’t you listen
You should have just believed that’s no matter what rules you put and how hard you try
Everyone fails at marriage
Or maybe it’s hereditary
Maybe it’s woman in this family
Maybe we possess a switch that turns men off
From loving us
Or maybe we’re excited by the trauma of love
Maybe we can’t accept the kindness of it all

And maybe we’re all just destined to unhappiness
For all the ugly sins we commit

Some people don't love themselves so they don't want you to love them either.

You know I'm always thinking :
" I have never loved this much "

But I've never thought :
" I have never been loved this much "

" Tii you're a book that I have memorized and I am privileged
to have such literature embedded
in my brain "

I have sat and watched people do the same things , but I fell in love with how the air begged to enter your lungs.

Hi I’m writing this addressed to my followers but I’m addressing it to myself because my internal processing has had a bit of a jam recently and I’d like to live up the machinery and hope that the thoughts flow, the feelings flow, I flow .

Mental illness can be as extreme as cancer where it devours your entire body and makes you lay in bed all day not wanting to eat or speak to people or just be awake because the suffering feels too overwhelming.

Or it can be like a small little bump on your head it can hurt you’ll cry but you can go through the day until you are reminded of the pain of the little bump
Both are valid and both hurt

I have an emotional matrurity and understanding beyond many my age and this allows my brain to work at a faster pace ( this doesn’t mean I’m a smarty pants ) but I see things and I over analyze everything and I make issues where there aren’t none just to feed the cancer because it feeds me . I twist words and hurt people that are good to me because I don’t feel good enough for them .
Baby I’m talking about you sometimes I don’t feel enough for you. You do so much and I feel inadequate to anything you do .
And I feel like your mum knows it too .
And it’s not your fault or hers it’s mine. It’s mine for being weak and not believing that I’m worthy of such a pure strong love.
I miss you and I miss myself
I feel like I’m fading in my head . There’s a spaceship going somewhere away from here and I want to jump on.

Why can’t people choose me over the things that harm them
Yummy chooses him and it hurts my heart he always chooses drugs and that hurts her

I hurt you baby because you are good and I’m not used to good I’m used to being pushed to the side
You see me and that scares me
Thank you for looking after me
My cheeks are wet now , come play on my surface come dance on me
Feel exotic I’ll touch you back but just a tease because we both know I’m a little jacked up in the department of giving
I can’t give myself to you to touch maybe it’s too vulnerable
Let me dance for you
Naked.
Let me feel how you feel in the most divine way
Let’s become one body.
Stop it hurts
I’m selfish
I want to be alone
Leave me alone
Nothing
Go.
I don’t deserve you
I’m awful
I need to get better before I lose myself and you can’t find me
Run in the cancer
I’ll spread to you

Everything mystified, the colors of the atmosphere merged into one another and all I could focus on was how good you made me feel.

~ She was the type of girl that would fall in love with the sound of how you shattered her heart ~

I swear this boy does not deserve my poems
He deserves something bigger
His might deserves to be known
He deserves sections in library's

And to be acknowledged by children
They need to be taught about the wars he created by the power in his step
They need to be taught about the chemistry of connection
Of how his atoms captured mine
They need to believe in the magic , the merge of cells that become one
They need to study the science behind love
and then ...
They need to realise that it's not comprehensible it's just magical.

I love you
Even if I'm not supposed to

I need you
Even if I convince myself that I don't

I want you
I know you will never be mine [ again ]

And ... I crave you
Even though you're a breathing sin.